Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

How to break up with him? Any advice?? Watch

    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    No thats fine, I really appreciate your time, thank you.

    Well, no, he's still just as nice and loving and helpful and understanding and a brilliant friend. The problem is, thats all I can see him as at the moment... I feel awful because he tells me he loves me, he does all of this sweet romantic stuff and im just really really confused.

    I misjudged when I entered the relationship. I thought I really liked him, whereas I just liked the feeling of being wanted so badly by someone (I know I am a horrid person, please don't judge me).

    I want to go back to best friends and just forget this relationship happened to be honest.



    Posted from TSR Mobile
    You thought you liked him, so I think you mean to say you thought you liked him in a boy friend manner. Fair enough. May I just ask, what do you understand by liking someone in a boy friend kind of manner?
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    Thats so comforting.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    welcome back the new passive agressive best friend
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    buy him ice-cream, guys love ice-cream.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Gray Wolf)
    You thought you liked him, so I think you mean to say you thought you liked him in a boy friend manner. Fair enough. May I just ask, what do you understand by liking someone in a boy friend kind of manner?
    Yes, I've always really trusted and respected him so I think that kinda made me think that a relationship with him could be potentially amazing.

    I think liking someone as a boyfriend, it definitely builds on from a friendship, you have to have that strong underlying foundation. But there is more on top of that... there has to be a "connection" in a way and physical attraction and you're in love.

    Like someone said before, I love him but I'm not in love with him...

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by consumed by stuff)
    welcome back the new passive agressive best friend
    Hahahahaaaa! Yourr making me laugh! - this is a serious issue dude :hand:

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    Kick him in the balls, that should do the trick.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Albino)
    buy him ice-cream, guys love ice-cream.
    Hmmm
    Not bad.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Emre944)
    Kick him in the balls, that should do the trick.
    Charming.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    Hahahahaaaa! Yourr making me laugh! - this is a serious issue

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    i know it is. your about to make someone die a little inside. your best friend.

    is that what best friends do.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by consumed by stuff)
    i know it is. your about to make someone die a little inside. your best friend.

    is that what best friends do.
    I might just cry then.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    Thank you so much. That was really useful. I will do my best to be really straight with him and everything. Shall I just tell him I don't see us together in the future as well? Make it really clear?

    Also, another problem is, we have A LOT of mutual friends. They're going to hate me for this, I know already (they'll take his side because he was really desperate to be with me before but I kinda brushed it off, and they'll think I just strung him along for a few months and then broke his heart). Any advice dealing with them anybody?
    I guess that's up to you. If you don't think there's any chance you will ever change your mind then that would be the best thing to do, to clearly say that you don't think that you will ever want to be in a romantic relationship with him. Just say that it is partly because you care about him so much that you wanted to tell him now rather than string him along, and that he needs to find someone who is as passionate about him as he is about them.

    As to the mutual friends, just tell them the truth too. Just say that you really wanted to want him like he wanted you and that you thought you did which is why you went out with him, but now you realise that that was the wrong decision. You could also ask them for their advice, and say that you feel really bad and that if there is anything they can suggest to make the situation better then they should tell you. That might make them a bit more sympathetic, if they realise you really didn't mean for it to end up this way. Also say the bit about wanting to do it as soon as possible so you weren't stringing him along.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by consumed by stuff)
    i know it is. your about to make someone die a little inside. your best friend.

    is that what best friends do.
    Seriously, how the **** is this helpful? Best friends certainly don't stick with someone they don't want to be with and just let them eventually lose all of their confidence as they slowly realise that it is a shell of a relationship.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    Its just that we've been friends for so long, and I don't even know what it is but I preferred him so much more as a friend than a boyfriend!

    I can't help it, trust me I feel awful about it, but I just don't feel that attraction I suppose.

    He's amazing, he knows me inside out! So sweet, loves me to bits. But I just want my best friend back (
    I've been the bloke in this situation and you should know if you decide to do this there's no going back.
    He won't magically be your best friend again and it will never be the same as it was. You'd be foolish to think otherwise.
    The thing is, he's always seen you in a romantic light and now he's with you, this is as good as it gets for him. Going from that back to best friend again just won't be possible. You'll lose not only your boyfriend but your best friend too. Ultimately, if your heart isn't in the relationship anyway, then why be with him?
    I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear but its the cold truth and it sucks. I know.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    To that person that told me i was going to make my best friend die inside... :'(((

    I realise that what im doing isn't the nicest thing in the world, he's my beat friend and it kills me having to hurt him like this. But it's better than stringing him along, while I feel confused, letting the relationship grow and then doing it

    I feel awful guys, thats why im on the Internet asking complete strangers for advice, im desperate to minimise the hurt for him as much as possible and I want to retain our friendship. It's too much to lose.

    Any more advice is appreciated. Thank you for your time.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    Yes, I've always really trusted and respected him so I think that kinda made me think that a relationship with him could be potentially amazing.

    I think liking someone as a boyfriend, it definitely builds on from a friendship, you have to have that strong underlying foundation. But there is more on top of that... there has to be a "connection" in a way and physical attraction and you're in love.

    Like someone said before, I love him but I'm not in love with him...

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I don't think you're going to get your best friend back if you break up with him like this. It happened to two of my friends in school, exact same way, he just didn't talk to her much again and he had been crazy about her before and a really good boyfriend. And no this wasn't me :P

    If you think about it from his POV, why would he want to keep being reminded about what he craves/loves, to limit the pain he will just distance himself from you. Obviously it will be in a subtle manner, to prevent things from being awkward, but it will certainly happen and be prolonged.

    On the back of this, I would say give it another while to make sure you don't like him as a BF. People change as a relationship progresses.

    If you are very devilish, you could even highlight in certain ways that the relationship is not really working out, as opposed to just coming out and saying it's over. Do this over a while and he may even be the one to start slowing things down!

    I don't think it's realistic for you to think that things will even be close to normal with him.

    Best of luck sorting it all out though, that stuff is never easy! Also, it's near exam season, might want to take that into consideration as well!
    • #1
    #1

    Holy crap that's a messed up situation.

    I've seen something similar happen in my friends circle. My bird's best friend and my best mate got introduced after we started dating and they got along really well. Eventually the 4 of us began hanging out a lot, and surprise surprise he started fancying her. They're both awesome people and I thought it would work, she seemed very fond of him and all. Started dating and a few months down the road, this girl (my mate's girlfriend ) at the time calls me at like 3 am one weekend and says she needs to talk and its urgent, so we spoke for quite a long time on the phone and she said it was really comfortable with him as friends and she enjoyed his company a lot and felt she could trust him. Also said she found him quite attractive but there was no spark, and since she hadn't dated before, she said yes when he wanted to go out with her...liked how the dates went so went along with it thinking she'd develop feelings. 5 months later - nothing, and she didn't want to string him along cause of the same reasons as you've said basically...she eventually had a really long chat with him, and went into detail about everything, explained it all to him, and told him she was really sorry, and she wished it could work etc. My mate had the wind knocked out of him cause he thought they were doing well, but she made it clear, she wanted to be friends, and would give him space if he needed, but no matter what she wanted to be a part of his life.
    My tip - have the talk, and soon, when you're alone and have a LOT of time to talk. Explain everything, be honest about everything 100%. He'll be angry for a bit (at least my mate was) but eventually (2-3 months after the breakup, he 'got it' and moved on. Went to her and said he was sorry for being distant and needed the time apart (crucial, spend some time apart, cause if not, he'll see you, feelings will be there and there will be bitterness - best to be away, let him think it out, gain some perspective, heal etc). It'll take time, but eventually if he's the awesome and understanding guy you say he is, he'll see your point of view.



    I think he used to /still posts on here. So anon .
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    This happened to my friend too. She dated her friend for a week before she admitted to him that she didn't feel that way about him.

    I'd say just tell him the truth, say that you thought that you might love him but you realise now that you only love him like a friend. He'll probably be a little hurt for a few weeks but he'll appreciate your honesty in the end.

    All the best.

    <3 x
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    ahh. I get it now... the dreaded friendzone eh? Harsh :sigh:

    Anyway, you have to sit down and tell him what you've just told us. If your friendship doesn't survive, so be it to be honest. Keeping this going should simply not be an option. In the long run, he'd definitely prefer you told him if there was no future. He flipping thinks you love him for goodness sake. You can't expect things to just go back to the way they were - you'll let him down, and everything'll be dandy, like nothing's changed. It might not be like that anymore. He's more likely to want to avoid you, to try and get over you. Not much you'd be able to do about that.

    In other words, you'd be lucky if you got to save your beloved friendship after this, but that's the price you've got to pay so that you can both be happy in the long run.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Louise1787)
    I guess that's up to you. If you don't think there's any chance you will ever change your mind then that would be the best thing to do, to clearly say that you don't think that you will ever want to be in a romantic relationship with him. Just say that it is partly because you care about him so much that you wanted to tell him now rather than string him along, and that he needs to find someone who is as passionate about him as he is about them.

    As to the mutual friends, just tell them the truth too. Just say that you really wanted to want him like he wanted you and that you thought you did which is why you went out with him, but now you realise that that was the wrong decision. You could also ask them for their advice, and say that you feel really bad and that if there is anything they can suggest to make the situation better then they should tell you. That might make them a bit more sympathetic, if they realise you really didn't mean for it to end up this way. Also say the bit about wanting to do it as soon as possible so you weren't stringing him along.
    Thank you so much. Yeah ill tell him everything basically, because there's no point in hiding anything, just gonna be totally straight with him.

    Yes that's true. I dont want to ask them for advice on the situation only because, on the face of it, it seems like the relationship is going really well. And I know they'd be shocked to find out I'm like this.

    Plus, I want him to be the first person I know personally (sorry people of tsr, you don't really count ) to know about how I'm feeling towards him. I dont want him to hear anything secondhand.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    To that person that told me i was going to make my best friend die inside... :'(((

    I realise that what im doing isn't the nicest thing in the world, he's my beat friend and it kills me having to hurt him like this. But it's better than stringing him along, while I feel confused, letting the relationship grow and then doing it

    I feel awful guys, thats why im on the Internet asking complete strangers for advice, im desperate to minimise the hurt for him as much as possible and I want to retain our friendship. It's too much to lose.

    Any more advice is appreciated. Thank you for your time.
    I sincerely doubt that that person was being serious. I am sure it was just a flippant, trolling comment. Don't worry about it. Anyone who listens to you explain your situation will understand, and so will your best friend, in time. It is probably likely that he will need some time apart from you to get over it, as the anonymous poster said above, but that doesn't mean it's the end and he will never forgive you. Given time, if he's as good a guy as you say he is, he will get over it I'm certain.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 14, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Have you ever participated in a Secret Santa?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.