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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is the part that concerns me... that someone would see me differently with that knowledge.
    I dunno. The thought of a 16 year old sleeping with someone in their mid forties just doesn't appeal to me.. especially it being a secret relationship with one of your fathers friends.

    Seems to scream out 'Daddy issues'.

    Like I said before, it doesn't necessarily have to come out in conversation.
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    I would lose respect for someone who looked down on me because I've been with an older man. Mainly because I don't respect those who see people as collections of data - race, age, gender - rather than as varied individuals, and also because I don't appreciate it when people judge me on superficial things.
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    (Original post by wildbluesun)
    Okay...think about this...

    You were in a relationship. You were happy. It was positive for you not only sexually, but emotionally. That all sounds good so far. The only thing that's "wrong" with it is that society doesn't approve of it and sees it as abnormal.

    Don't think it's tainted you. Older men aren't somehow corrupted, at least, no more than younger men. People can be loving or compassionate or intelligent at any age; conversely, they can also be selfish or controlling or ignorant at any age. How old someone is is inconsequential with regards to how good a partner they are.

    I would try to not feel guilty for being in a relationship with someone who made you happy. Isn't that what we're all looking for?

    I've been in one brief relationship with an older man (the age gap was very similar actually). People sometimes gave us funny looks, but I just shrugged them off. I found that, with friends (and other partners), it's best to just not make it a thing. Don't, like, shove it in their faces, but if it comes up just talk about it the way you would any relationship. Humour can help defuse awkward situations; funny stories where the age gap led to misunderstandings, good "and my parents almost caught us tales, etc...dot hide it. Hiding information gives it a value and an import that it just doesn't have if everyone knows. People can't tell their friends if you've already told them.

    I'm not sure why you might regret it; do you feel guilty about hiding it from your family? Because, again, being in a relationship with someone who makes you happy no matter how old they are is not something to feel guilty about.
    This

    It gave you happiness and hasnt caused any sort of terrible damage. Why regret it?
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    (Original post by nivek11)
    I can't put my finger on it really?
    I just think it's not normal, Its just the age gap and how it seemed like he used you, However if i was madly in love with the girl it wouldn't change my mind, but you have to bring this up early on in the relationship, because i'd be so agitated and feel like i've lied to.
    I don't see how it would be any of your business?

    Do you expect your future girlfriend to explain about all her past relationships early on in your relationship? Chances are, you're going to feel like you've been lied to a lot.
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    (Original post by matt9210)
    I don't see how it would be any of your business?

    Do you expect your future girlfriend to explain about all her past relationships early on in your relationship? Chances are, you're going to feel like you've been lied to a lot.
    she asked me for my opinion, and i gave it to her?

    So you wouldn't be annoyed if your girlfriend had sex with plenty of men and had many one night stands, and she didn't tell you into you married her?
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    (Original post by wildbluesun)
    I would lose respect for someone who looked down on me because I've been with an older man. Mainly because I don't respect those who see people as collections of data - race, age, gender - rather than as varied individuals, and also because I don't appreciate it when people judge me on superficial things.
    he's 24+ years older, also he was a family friend. I'm pretty sure 75% of people would judge you, even your own family.
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    (Original post by nivek11)
    he's 24+ years older, also he was a family friend. I'm pretty sure 75% of people would judge you, even your own family.
    Still think they're all wrong. :P If I'm happy, my partner's happy, and everyone involved is staying healthy, it's all good as far as I'm concerned. And I wish everyone took that POV.

    I actually know a couple where the younger is 24 and the older...um...66 I think. HUGE age gap, obviously, one is at uni the other is a pensioner. When I first met them, I couldn't help but think "wow, this is ****ed up". But when I got to know them, I realised that they're actually one of the most stable, loving, healthy couples I know. And they've been together 6 years. (Do the maths.)

    That changed my view. Now I think that age is a rubbish way to judge a potential partner or someone's previous partner. In fact, I think anything other than "were you happy, safe, and not harming anyone?" is a terrible way to judge a relationship.
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    (Original post by nivek11)
    she asked me for my opinion, and i gave it to her?

    So you wouldn't be annoyed if your girlfriend had sex with plenty of men and had many one night stands, and she didn't tell you into you married her?
    I wouldn't have quoted you if it was just giving your opinion. I didn't agree with you telling her she 'has to bring this up early on in the relationship'.

    Slow down a little. Again, you said 'but you have to bring this up early on in the relationship'.

    I think that at some point in the relationship, then yes, it would be nice to know my boyfriend could trust and love me enough to tell me parts of his past I don't need to know. You explicitly stated she has to say something early on in the relationship.
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    (Original post by wildbluesun)
    Still think they're all wrong. :P If I'm happy, my partner's happy, and everyone involved is staying healthy, it's all good as far as I'm concerned. And I wish everyone took that POV.

    I actually know a couple where the younger is 24 and the older...um...66 I think. HUGE age gap, obviously, one is at uni the other is a pensioner. When I first met them, I couldn't help but think "wow, this is ****ed up". But when I got to know them, I realised that they're actually one of the most stable, loving, healthy couples I know. And they've been together 6 years. (Do the maths.)

    That changed my view. Now I think that age is a rubbish way to judge a potential partner or someone's previous partner. In fact, I think anything other than "were you happy, safe, and not harming anyone?" is a terrible way to judge a relationship.
    I would never tell someone how their relationship should be, nor would i say that i think it's wrong.
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    I like how this old guy basically used OP as a sex toy, and she's perfectly ok with it.

    What a legend.
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    (Original post by PrincePauper)
    no problem, lets leave it at that. I wouldnt fancy spending any longer than "a moment" on this issue.
    I didn't think it was an issue
 
 
 
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