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Shes got a kid, its not working out. Help. Watch

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    Unfortunately this is what happens when you hook up with a girl who has a kid already. You'll never be her #1, always her #2.
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    (Original post by gman2k8)
    Thats why i'm asking for advice....
    My advice is to leave her. You don't want to mess about with a woman with kids.
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    Baby will always come before you.
    If it didn't she'd be a **** mum.

    Either accept you are and always will be 2nd in the pecking order of priorities or move on.
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    If there's no way you can see as much of each other as you want while she does what she feels she has to for her baby, I honestly think it's an incompatibility thing & as much as you like each other there's nothing you can do about that. You're just both going to end up resenting each other. My advice would be to end it.
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    plan it well in advance.

    Set out things you'd be prepared to do if an emergency should happen - pay for taxi, talk to her parents, ask if they'd be willing to pick her up and collect her etc should the need arise.

    If the reason she says no is because she's worried about getting back, queue up a few possible ways for her to get back and it should make her less anxious about leaving.

    Maybe try spending a night closer to home in a hotel etc, and gradually get further away - as soon as the child doesn't self-destruct when she's away for the night it'll make it easier for her.

    and most importantly stop thinking with your pants.
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    (Original post by manderton)
    plan it well in advance.

    Set out things you'd be prepared to do if an emergency should happen - pay for taxi, talk to her parents, ask if they'd be willing to pick her up and collect her etc should the need arise.

    If the reason she says no is because she's worried about getting back, queue up a few possible ways for her to get back and it should make her less anxious about leaving.

    Maybe try spending a night closer to home in a hotel etc, and gradually get further away - as soon as the child doesn't self-destruct when she's away for the night it'll make it easier for her.

    and most importantly stop thinking with your pants.
    Great post. Thanks. I'll have a word with her later.
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    Stop wasting your years with a woman with huge baggage would be my first suggestion.
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    No i dont think your in the wrong for wantingf to end it, Ill be negged for it, but when your young you should do what you want. she got herself pregnant so shes responsble for her child and so she is right in saying she cant come stay, however you havent had a child young so you shouldnt have to be worrying about a baby and not being able to enjoy life.
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    Dating someone with a kid is like carrying on someones saved game.
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    I am afraid as most as the others said her kid will always have to come first, that is something you will have to live with if you are going to continue to be her boyfriend.
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    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    No i dont think your in the wrong for wantingfto end it, Ill be negged for it, but when your young you should do what you want. she got herself pregnant so shes responsble for her child and so she is right in saying she cant come stay, however you havent had a child young so you shouldnt have to be worrying about a baby and not being able to enjoy life.
    wow, I think you're the first female I've seen post something like this - kudos!

    I wont get on a high horse and say it takes two to tango and accidents happen blah blah - ultimately it was her choice to see it through (unless religion/beliefs intervened?) and she, and future partners, have to come to term with it.

    However, I don't see why a guy should want to end it because of the child - what kind of person starts a relationship knowing about it and then bails when the going gets tougher?

    At the end of the day the mother is just like every other female and deserves to be treated as much like the others, there shouldn't be any alienation due to being a parent. It sounds like she wants to be the best she can be for her child - and for that I think she deserves a heck of alot of respect, some of the younger mum's I know are absolutely terrible and do everything they can to avoid their responsibilities.

    The fact that the OP knew her for 5 years and still entered a relationship with her with a child speaks volumes about both of them, and it doesn't seem like a fling that should just be chucked away - that'd be a loss of a good friendship.
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    (Original post by manderton)
    wow, I think you're the first female I've seen post something like this - kudos!

    I wont get on a high horse and say it takes two to tango and accidents happen blah blah - ultimately it was her choice to see it through (unless religion/beliefs intervened?) and she, and future partners, have to come to term with it.

    However, I don't see why a guy should want to end it because of the child - what kind of person starts a relationship knowing about it and then bails when the going gets tougher?

    At the end of the day the mother is just like every other female and deserves to be treated as much like the others, there shouldn't be any alienation due to being a parent. It sounds like she wants to be the best she can be for her child - and for that I think she deserves a heck of alot of respect, some of the younger mum's I know are absolutely terrible and do everything they can to avoid their responsibilities.

    The fact that the OP knew her for 5 years and still entered a relationship with her with a child speaks volumes about both of them, and it doesn't seem like a fling that should just be chucked away - that'd be a loss of a good friendship.
    Yes but unfortunatly when you decide to become a young parent there are sacrifices that have to be made i.e you cant just pop round somebody else's house for the night etc etc, m not saying she doesnt deserve to be treated correctly but what im saying is that the op has not had a child he hasnt got a girl pregnant young and as a result if its to much for him to deal with then yes end it. I'm not slating her in the slightest im saying that part of becoming a mother young is that your child has to come first that you are tied down and its clear she is doing her responsibility and is a very good mum but the op doesnt have to be tied down he doesnt have to think of a child etc etc so if its causing an issue end it. He's young yes he may have gone out with her not realising how much hard work it is to have a partner with a baby while your young. I know I couldnt date a man who had a baby at the age of 20 because it wouldnt fit with what I wanted in a realtionship, I cant wait to be a mum its my dream but ive waited because its not something i want to think about at 20. If the OP was 25 it may be different but when your young and at uni I dont think its wrong that hes struggling to deal with divided time
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    You're not mature enough to handle her lifestyle choices and she's not free enough to handle yours. Break it off so you can find people more suited to each other.
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    I wouldn't have went for someone that already had a kid in the first place as I can't stand kids and it can get messy when one has a kid but any way, you can't help who you fall for I suppose.

    Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship but I do see why you want to do it and have more intimate time together and I do find it strange that she will spend a few days away from her kid a week but won't come to your house in case of emergencies, when her parents or the baby's dad would be close by. I understand she would want to be there of course but she is a person too, not just a mother. She needs some 'me' time and needs to let her hair down once and a while.

    I would talk it over with her again but in the end you will know if the relationship is worth continuing.
 
 
 
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