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My Friend is dating someone who took advantage of me - Do I tell her about him? watch

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    (Original post by Trigger)
    If only that was half true. This thread is proof most people will try and claim anything but.
    You honestly don't believe that a woman screaming sexual assault will get attention from society ?
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    You shouldn't tell her. It's been a while since then, and there may have been a reason behind why he did it in the first place, but even if he did have bad intentions, then he has most likely changed. In any case, there is no point ruining a possible nice relationship, over something that happened a while back, and the guy himself might not even remember.
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    (Original post by WaceMindu)
    You honestly don't believe that a woman screaming sexual assault will get attention from society ?
    What seems to happen more often is people victim blame, slut shame and spend a lot of time discrediting the victims story. "Oh well she was drunk" "what was she doing out on her own in that state?" "Well she was dressed like a hooker" "But she had sex with her husband loads of times, how was he supposed to know?" "I bet she secretly enjoyed it, you know she's a whore" etc.
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    (Original post by WaceMindu)
    People seem to be losing basic perspective here. All the people in this thread who are saying " he might have done this", "how do you know he wasn't being oppresive", "she didn't go into detail, he might have been beating her or have a hold over her for all you know" are jumping the gun.

    Yes he might have been and Yes this could be a very serious case... but you can't make a point based solely on the omission of facts.
    Her description really is not that in depth it's true, but the fact she's come on to a public forum for advice on the matter makes it a pretty sure thing that she's not going to forget a blindingly important fact.

    She simply states on one single occasion that she didn't want to carry on and he "made" her... that means nothing really... "made" her could really have been "oh please I'm almost there just keep going" or yeah it could have been hand on her head and force it down her throat... but seeing as she didn't say that AND there were no other problems with her being "made" to do stuff in the relationship from then on... it's perfectly logical to assume this guys innocence.


    I think everyone in this forum is going to take sides, females will side with her because of the impending worry of rape and oppressive relationships and males will side with him because of society's massive tendency to side with the woman screaming sexual assault.

    there's really no point entering into a discussion on this matter simple because of the lack of detail given in the OP's poorly constructed post.
    My post was simply my two cents on the situation based solely on the facts given... or more appropriately the lack of facts given.
    Massively hypocritical. People are so dishonest with themselves.
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    (Original post by WaceMindu)
    You honestly don't believe that a woman screaming sexual assault will get attention from society ?
    And a victim of a crime shouldnt get attention or help because?
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    (Original post by Trigger)
    What seems to happen more often is people victim blame, slut shame and spend a lot of time discrediting the victims story. "Oh well she was drunk" "what was she doing out on her own in that state?" "Well she was dressed like a hooker" "But she had sex with her husband loads of times, how was he supposed to know?" "I bet she secretly enjoyed it, you know she's a whore" etc.
    When I society's tendency I actually meant the police and the judiciary system... probably should have clarified that.
    As far as "victim blaming" goes, I think that's simply because of the amount of women that genuinely think having sex whilst drunk with someone they wouldn't normally have sex with counts as rape... and as as such.

    yes there are many examples where this isn't the case and victim blaming occurs wrongfully. But I think that's the reason, the few giving the bad name to the many so to speak. But there isn't really anything to be done about that.
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    (Original post by pandabird)
    Massively hypocritical. People are so dishonest with themselves.
    Care to highlight the hypocrisy ?
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    (Original post by kunoichi)
    And a victim of a crime shouldnt get attention or help because?
    I'm not saying they shouldn't...
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    (Original post by WaceMindu)
    When I society's tendency I actually meant the police and the judiciary system... probably should have clarified that.
    As far as "victim blaming" goes, I think that's simply because of the amount of women that genuinely think having sex whilst drunk with someone they wouldn't normally have sex with counts as rape... and as as such.

    yes there are many examples where this isn't the case and victim blaming occurs wrongfully. But I think that's the reason, the few giving the bad name to the many so to speak. But there isn't really anything to be done about that.
    You think the police don't have the same prejudices? Have you been to a rape trial? Women are accused over and over again of being drunk or leading men on.

    I think you have a warped view of women if you think we are all out to cry rape after drunken one night stand :lolwut:
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    (Original post by WaceMindu)
    When I society's tendency I actually meant the police and the judiciary system... probably should have clarified that.
    As far as "victim blaming" goes, I think that's simply because of the amount of women that genuinely think having sex whilst drunk with someone they wouldn't normally have sex with counts as rape... and as as such.

    yes there are many examples where this isn't the case and victim blaming occurs wrongfully. But I think that's the reason, the few giving the bad name to the many so to speak. But there isn't really anything to be done about that.
    And you think Victim blaming just occurs for the rapes and sexual assaults that were committed when alcohol was involved do you?

    Get a grip.

    Also - it is illegal to have sex with someone if they are too drunk to consent, so if a girl woke up and was absolutely blind drunk to the point of barely being able to walk or talk properly to find someone has stuck their penis in her, then she is within her rights to call it rape.
    If any guys dont like that, then i suggest you find someone sober to stick it into.
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    (Original post by WaceMindu)
    Care to highlight the hypocrisy ?
    With pleasure.

    (Original post by WaceMindu)
    Its far from rape... I can't stand it when girls do something they regret and so play the rape card.

    You could have stopped and if you really didn't want to that badly then you would have. Sounds like you just got tired and said can I give up.. he said a little longer and so you begrudgingly carried on... NOT RAPE.

    If he genuinely forced it down your throat or abused/ threatened/blackmailed you into continuing then yes you have grounds to be upset and he shouldn't have done that... but it really doesn't sound like he's done anything wrong this point made more so by the fact that you on numerous occasions went back to his and had more "sexual encounters.
    "NOT RAPE"...and then...

    (Original post by WaceMindu)
    People seem to be losing basic perspective here. All the people in this thread who are saying " he might have done this", "how do you know he wasn't being oppresive", "she didn't go into detail, he might have been beating her or have a hold over her for all you know" are jumping the gun.

    Yes he might have been and Yes this could be a very serious case... but you can't make a point based solely on the omission of facts.
    You're crazy.
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    (Original post by kunoichi)
    And you think Victim blaming just occurs for the rapes and sexual assaults that were committed when alcohol was involved do you?

    Get a grip.
    Victim blaming occurs everywhere... but so does convicting someone before giving them fair trial.

    It's apparent you ladies all have your minds made up and aren't going to even fathom listening to reason but instead resort to blaming the "evil man" and side with your other sisters... Because after all the victim can never be to blame... why ever would she lie or stretch the truth... In fact the very notion of victim blaming means we should believe the victims even more...

    GO VAGINAS!!!


    I'm out.
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    (Original post by pandabird)
    With pleasure.


    "NOT RAPE"...and then...



    You're crazy.
    Not really highlighting anything there... more just saying, words.

    Care to try again?
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    (Original post by WaceMindu)
    Victim blaming occurs everywhere... but so does convicting someone before giving them fair trial.

    It's apparent you ladies all have your minds made up and aren't going to even fathom listening to reason but instead resort to blaming the "evil man" and side with your other sisters... Because after all the victim can never be to blame... why ever would she lie or stretch the truth... In fact the very notion of victim blaming means we should believe the victims even more...

    GO VAGINAS!!!


    I'm out.
    Blaming the evil rapist yes, the evil man? Being a man doesnt automatically make you evil. Lets not get hysterical and pretend it does.

    If shes a true victim then she hasnt lied has she?

    However the amount of people who lie about being raped is not even anywhere near as large as the amount of people who have suffered rape (unreported and reported).
    So you tell me, whats the bigger problem?
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    (Original post by WaceMindu)
    Not really highlighting anything there... more just saying, words.

    Care to try again?

    Telling someone that what they experience is not rape and they are basically out of order for even mentioning that word, and then going on to saying how people shouldn't be making judgement based on a lack of description of the events?

    Idiot.
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    (Original post by WaceMindu)
    Victim blaming occurs everywhere... but so does convicting someone before giving them fair trial.

    It's apparent you ladies all have your minds made up and aren't going to even fathom listening to reason but instead resort to blaming the "evil man" and side with your other sisters... Because after all the victim can never be to blame... why ever would she lie or stretch the truth... In fact the very notion of victim blaming means we should believe the victims even more...

    GO VAGINAS!!!


    I'm out.
    Oh heaven forbid that women now have a large enough platform to start questioning how we are treated and perceived by men and society. How dare we stand against the notion that just because a man thinks something isn't rape it can't possibly be! How awful for you that women finally are starting to call out the sexist behaviour and ideas of society and talk about how they feel and how they are fed up of being seen as sex objects.

    Incredible that you think that being against instant victim blaming means that the whole idea doesn't work, of course we won't listen to reason though, *****es be crazy :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by pandabird)
    Telling someone that what they experience is not rape and they are basically out of order for even mentioning that word, and then going on to saying how people shouldn't be making judgement based on a lack of description of the events?

    Idiot.
    My point was that the lacking of information is not grounds to assume other things happened.

    I'm not assuming other things happened, I was turning her poorly constructed post into how I understood it.
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    Yeah, I think you should - the same thing that happened to you could happen to her, or worse.
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    Every male neg rep in this thread just gives me a bigger wide on, just so you all know
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay, this is complicated, but I will try and convey the main bits;

    Around three years ago I was in a secret relationship with a guy, M. On one occasion during that relationship I was made to continue perform oral sex after saying that I no longer wanted to. He apologised, and I forgave him, and our relationship continued for another month or so, after which I was encouraged by my friend, L, to break it off with him - M had dated a friend before, and if she found out, she'd be really upset.
    he raped you, phone the police and warn your friends, he sounds like a scumbag!
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Roughly a year later, we began having casual sexual encounters with one another - I would go to his house as a friend to play video games, but we both sort of knew what would happen. I got reattached, but I eventually found out he was chasing somebody else. Many years later I was told he was dating another friend secretly at the time, as opposed to chasing them.
    WTF? You still talked to him after what he did? He should be in prison!
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Fast forward to now, and my friend L has just begun a relationship with M. I have had a Boyfriend steadily now for the last year who I love very much, and when I told him about M and how we had been together, he told me that I had been used and raped. This seems strong but I agree what he did was wrong. I've never really told anyone apart from my Boyfriend the whole truth behind what happened - I told L at the time that we were only thinking of starting a relationship, and just liked each other. I'm now wondering should I have told L about what M was like, and his previous misdeeds? Should I trust her to make her own choices and let it go? I try not to speak to M now, and so I don't know if he's changed.
    He definitely sexually assaulted you! The law is clear on this! Warn your friend tell L to stay the hell away from him! Rapists don't change on their own!
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry for the very long post, but a reply would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading x
    Get some help, what he did was disgraceful!


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