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    (Original post by TallSlimCaroline)
    Well I have now spoken to my Dad. But he didn’t seem over interested in speaking to me so it wasn’t a long conversation – perhaps 15 minutes in all. The main thing from his side was that he didn’t want his children (16 and 14) to find out that they had an older half-sister. He mentioned that at least three times!
    I was 2 the last time he saw me and I don’t remember him at all although of course I have seen lots of photos of him. He knew that my mum, his first wife, had died but hadn’t felt he needed to get into contact with me. I thought that decision was rather strange but didn’t say anything because I didn’t want a row.
    We have, sort of, agreed to meet but when and where hasn’t been decided. He also wouldn’t say if his wife knew about me so I think she probably doesn’t. This might get nasty?
    You've been really brave doing this much, and you seem to be a really nice person. You've made contact and he seems to be unenthusiastic, which is ridiculous of him. He doesn't deserve you. You should still meet up with him if you can though, his attitude may change when he meets you so I think you should hope for the best but expect the worst in this situation.
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    (Original post by Faberry)
    I'm not going into any detail, but lets just say that the last time I met him, I saw him put my mother in intensive care.
    And yet you still managed to.
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    (Original post by ipathakji)
    You've been really brave doing this much, and you seem to be a really nice person. You've made contact and he seems to be unenthusiastic, which is ridiculous of him. He doesn't deserve you. You should still meet up with him if you can though, his attitude may change when he meets you so I think you should hope for the best but expect the worst in this situation.
    I'm feeling rather cross and upset about all this. I don't see why I'm expected to act like a doormat and why my very existence needs to be kept from my half-sisters. Why should they have a nice cosy family group when I've got nobody?
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    (Original post by TallSlimCaroline)
    I'm feeling rather cross and upset about all this. I don't see why I'm expected to act like a doormat and why my very existence needs to be kept from my half-sisters. Why should they have a nice cosy family group when I've got nobody?
    It's not fair to you, I agree completely. Let him know that if you meet up. He should know how you feel. He should care how you feel!
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    (Original post by TallSlimCaroline)
    I'm feeling rather cross and upset about all this. I don't see why I'm expected to act like a doormat and why my very existence needs to be kept from my half-sisters. Why should they have a nice cosy family group when I've got nobody?
    He is not a good guy... If I may advice, you should only communicate via phone.

    I get this idea that he is the sort a guy who will screw up in life and try to reconnect using the "I'm so sorry I was this that" lines.

    Take care!


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    I made some progress today. I phoned my Dad at his office and he has now promised to tell my half-sisters about me tonight. He would like meet with me and suggested a motorway service station half way between us. That seemed fairly safe (lots of people around) so that is going to happen this weekend. He seemed calmer and more relaxed than earlier in the week so perhaps he is starting to get used to the idea of having me as a daughter again? All the photos of me as a baby he has have been hidden away for years and he seemed surprised when I told him how terribly hurtful that was. It looks like we still have some way to go on that part of the daughter/father relationship.
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    I am so stressed about this meeting that I can hardly think straight but now I have said I will meet with him I don't feel that I can back out now. Fingers crossed!
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    Well I did meet up with my Dad for the first time in 18 years and it all feels unreal! I arrived at the service station about 30 mins early and waited in the café where we had agreed to meet. It was quite crowded but I kept looking around to see if there was anybody who seemed to be plucking up their courage to come over to speak to me. When he did arrive I recognised him at once as his face had hardly changed in all that time, just a bit of grey hair and the odd wrinkle. I didn’t know what to do, shake hands, hug him or what? But he hugged me anyway and told me just how like my (late) Mum I looked.
    I didn’t know what to talk about. He didn’t make any excuses about leaving Mum and I in the way he did and in a strange way I was pleased about that. He also admitted that he should have done far more to stay in touch with me especially after Mum died. He told me about his new family and my half-sisters but very carefully didn’t use the word step-mother to describe his wife. Good job too!
    I told him about university and what I was doing and then he suddenly asked if I would like to meet my half-sisters. I didn’t seem to have much choice so we waved them over from the other side of the café where they had been lurking. I think it was as strange for them as it was for me.
    I think this was really naughty of him to bring them along and NOT what had been agreed. I felt so pressurised and he was forcing things far faster than I was comfortable with. I couldn’t say anything with them there but I thought a lot! After about 45 minutes I had reached the end of my emotional reserves and I made an excuse to leave.
    I have, sort of, I think, agreed to meet again in a few weeks. Perhaps by then I will some idea in my scrambled brain what I would like to do next?
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    Well it looks like a happily ever after here...


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    I'm glad it worked. It sounds like a good sign that he brought your sisters, anyway, though I know it must be strange.

    I don't have much experience of this, but from what I do know, even if you don't manage with your Dad in the long term (though there's no reason you can't have some kind of relationship with him), I strongly advise that you stay in touch with your half sisters - they could visit you at university if applicable, or something? Obviously it can never be the same as having been brought up in the same house, but they are your blood relatives, and in the future it will be useful and nice to have as much of a family network as you can.

    Sorry if I'm stating the obvious. Just take care not to expect too much, but it sounds like a promising start
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    It has been a strange old week for me. I'm feel restless and unsettled but not unhappy so a right mixture. I had a lovely email from my (new) half sisters and they seem really excited at having me as a big sister. I took your advice Octohedral and suggested that the two of them might like to come down to see me at uni. It is an easy trip on the train and I could meet them at the station. My Dad wrote a short piece on the end of their longish piece and he seems OK with what has been going on. That just leaves the tricky issue of his wife. I've no idea what she is feeling or if I need to do anything to build bridges with her? I suppose she counts as my step-mother as my proper mother has died but I certainly do NOT want to call her that.
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    This is a nice story, better than half of the tripe I read on here.

    I hope everything works out for you and all this has a happy ending.

    Best of luck

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    I have not posted for a while but things are going OK. I have had my half-sisters to stay and I have been to see them at my Dad's house. There is some tension between me and Dad's wife but we are working though it. So I suppose the score is about 9.5/10 !!
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    OK I admit it. I'm disappointed that this post didn't get a single reply from anybody. Perhaps "good news stories" are just less interesting?
 
 
 
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