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I am in a dangerously bad place Watch

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    Good idea. At least you're taking the initiative to help yourself. It will get better even if it feels awful at the moment. Keep us posted if you like, we're all here to help you through. x


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,

    I need advice on what to do.I apologise for any typos in this post. I hvae a long history of severe depression and anxiety. 2 years ago, I went to uni and I met a girl with whom I've been with up till now (I just graduated) It gave me a sense of purpose and security. I do not fall for people easily at all, but , once I do, I am so attached that a break up can be devastating. My gf (now ex) told me 2 days ago that she did not feel the same way and there was nothing I could to do change it.

    I know this sounds like a very common situation to be in, and it is for most. It's the way I am coping that is not quie right. I ahve severe depression and anxiet. Now I have no uni or girlfriend, I have no purpose. I am locked ina cycle of drinking and taking drugs in my room and I have not even eaten since wednesday at all. I cannot muster the wll power to even leave this place. I do not sleep anymore. I just keep drinkig and then knock myself out with as muchketamine as I can. I have no one else in the world to see. Everyting in my life revolved around how I felt for her and where it was going. I donot know what to do, but it is looking as though i am going to end up where i almost did 2 yearsago.

    sorry for the long post. but I feel my body shutting down. I canba rely move anymore.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's the fact I cannot be alone. If alone, my mind starts racing. I need to be with people all the time. But I know nobody.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    htnk you to everyone who has been so supportive and trying to help. unfortunate the situation has not got much better. after events of what happened yesterday and how it's going today, i think i should try and go to doctor or hispitsl if i can. i will try to if, as the evening progresses, it turns into like last night.
    Hey there Anonymous poster,

    :hugs: First things first. If I was there with you I would just give you the hugest hug 'cause it literally just sounds like you just need a hug right now. Someone to tell you everything is going to be ok. And it will be one day. It won't happen straight away, it will happen little by litte. But it will happen, because you know you're in a bad place, you know you're in danger, you know you're teetering on the brink of a bad place that you've been to before. And you're ready to stop yourself falling into a deep depression. You've got that seed in you, you've got that lone voice of dissent in your head, amongst all the other horrible voices, that's saying 'no, i'm not gonna go to a bad place, i'm going to fight it.' And it sounds cliched and over-repeated but really, acknowledging that is the first step to moving forward. So many people out there just don't realise the mess they are in, and that's what makes moving out of it harder. So give yourself a pat on the back.

    What you wrote was in so many ways touching and saddening to read, but in others such a beautiful and refreshing experience, if for no other reason than I feel I can totally relate to what you're saying and that I know other people who also entirely relate so don't feel like you're alone in this world, okay. You're really not, there are people like you, and those people will fall into your path, I promise you. As soon as you're ready to put yourself out there you'll find people that you truly relate to, and you'll find a girl - or guy - exactly for you, because that's what happens in life. You find the right people for you eventually. It's hard when you have your heart broken and your trust stamped on, but eventually you find those people close to your heart, those you can relate to. And hell, it's hard when you have that depressive anxious tendency built into you, and you feel like it's over-powered you and it is stronger than you, but eventually you realise, you are stronger than it. So just try to keep looking up and, find your inner strength because I'm telling you you can move out of this . You really just have to let the lone voice in your head that tells you 'you can' shout louder than all the others...

    From what I know of myself, from what I know of some of my closest friends, I think so many of us really want a soulmate, that one person that just fits... that one person we can just relate to - and when they don't feel the completion that we feel, it can literally kill. It can feel like you'll never find anyone to do for you what that one person did for you. But you will. You'll find love again. You literally just have to persist in order to find out just how strong you are. Just trust me on this one. You can either choose to self destruct right now, or you can say, no I’m not going to do that. And when you say no, you then one day turn around in retrospect and you say **** i was so powerful not to cave in. You see that’s where life’s real achievements come in... personal strength. It shocked me how strong I was when i came out of a dark place. I thought wow, how the hell did I do that? The strength you hold within, that no one else can recongise publicaly through a medal or a prize, but only you know about, is the most worthwhile and the most powerful.

    And though right now you might be sitting there going ‘Strong?? Me?? ’and you might not believe me now, in all your state of wallowing, you are stronger than your pain. If there can be something as wonderful as your ex girlfriend, there can be something as wonderful as her in other things. She may have been wonderful,beautiful, amazing, but wonder and beauty and awe exist in a million things in this world. You just need to pull yourself out of that mindset of looking only to her to see them, and look around you to find them. It’s a bit like the saying ‘not being able to see the forest for the trees’... you can’t see life for what it is because you’re concentrating too much on her, allowing her to consume you. Think about it, do you think it's possible/ concievable that there is something as great as her elsewhere? Course there is. You just don't believe it right now. But it is there. If it wasn't there, where would great artists be drawing all their inspiration from? From the wonder and the beauty and the complexity that is life, that's where!

    Now I wanna talk about your own strength. You might not know it but you have so much strength in you. What I am saying may not make that much sense at all because I imagine you're probably feeling so weak, so dependent on other people to make you happy, so dependent on your ex. That's the way I used to feel. But if you have that much strength to give yourself wholly to someone and still you haven't given up on her, you have a lot of feeling in you. You've been directing all that feeling of compassion and love toward her, but now, you have to direct it towards yourself this time. What I mean to say here is a lot of people are not able to love strongly and unconditionally but the fact that you were shows how much power you hold within, don't you thinkk? It shows that you can redirect that power and that passion towards a new cause, like yourself, like getting better.

    At this point I want to ask What was your degree in? Was it anything creative e.g. music or literature? Because for me I’m quite a creative person and I feel it’s a real opening for my depression. But it doesn’t have to be in anything particularly creative – just doing a degree in something you love can be enough. If you can find passions in life they can do much as wonderful people can, and they can often be more reliable. They can fulfil you and stimulate you, and can help you to recover from the heartache. If you didn't do anything you particularly enjoyed for your degree that's also fine. There are always new passions to be found in life. There's so much of interest. Have you tried travelling, running, dance, acting, art? Where do your strengths lie?

    As much as I think medical attention is key, what I found most importnat was living in a way that was more in line with my inner truth and that meant abandoning things that other people wanted me to do but weren't really true to myself. If you're interested or passionate about something, then go pursue it. If you want to meet new people, then throw yourself into new situations. Sure it's damn hard at first but the more situations you try the better you get at it. And the more you hide away the worse you get at it... Life really is about doing what you love and being with people you love. Maybe you just need to meet some like minded friends... have you thought about that? Maybe get a job/several jobs? Go out with people from work? Join a gym and get talking to people in classes? These really are the ways you push forward with your life - by taking risks and forcing yourself into situations that you innerly find daunting or intimidating and then realising that something great can come of them. The more you put yourself out there like this, and the more you do what you love, firstly the happier you'll be and secondly the more likely you will be to meet that next special girl in your life . She's not going to find you if you're tied up in your room drunk now is she? :P

    Now then, try to get yourself a long to a doctor today or tomorrow, even if it must be to the a and e department. You are clearly feeling very ill at the moment and are more than worthy of a doctor's time. Explain that you are feeling severely depressed and you need help. For goodness sake, stay off the drugs. They are not going to help you any. Do not worry about the people at the hospital judging you - they will have seen it all before. They want to help you, ok. So go along even if it pains you. You must leave your room. You must get help. Please.

    DEFINITELY DEFINITELY DEFINITELY see about counselling. Counselling above all other things. Anti depressants may have a positive effect but theyre nothing compared to tackling your problems head on and actually addressing issues. If your counsellor isnt great, find a new one.

    You don't need telling to stay off the drink and drugs. If anything go for a walk along the Thames, go to the park, get out the damn house.

    Hope this long ramble of bull**** has made some sense to you and that you will get through this. In fact, scrap that, I know you will get through this, because if I can do it so can you!!
    • #1
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    (Original post by SummitOfReason)
    Hey there Anonymous poster,

    :hugs: First things first. If I was there with you I would just give you the hugest hug 'cause it literally just sounds like you just need a hug right now. Someone to tell you everything is going to be ok. And it will be one day. It won't happen straight away, it will happen little by litte. But it will happen, because you know you're in a bad place, you know you're in danger, you know you're teetering on the brink of a bad place that you've been to before. And you're ready to stop yourself falling into a deep depression. You've got that seed in you, you've got that lone voice of dissent in your head, amongst all the other horrible voices, that's saying 'no, i'm not gonna go to a bad place, i'm going to fight it.' And it sounds cliched and over-repeated but really, acknowledging that is the first step to moving forward. So many people out there just don't realise the mess they are in, and that's what makes moving out of it harder. So give yourself a pat on the back.

    What you wrote was in so many ways touching and saddening to read, but in others such a beautiful and refreshing experience, if for no other reason than I feel I can totally relate to what you're saying and that I know other people who also entirely relate so don't feel like you're alone in this world, okay. You're really not, there are people like you, and those people will fall into your path, I promise you. As soon as you're ready to put yourself out there you'll find people that you truly relate to, and you'll find a girl - or guy - exactly for you, because that's what happens in life. You find the right people for you eventually. It's hard when you have your heart broken and your trust stamped on, but eventually you find those people close to your heart, those you can relate to. And hell, it's hard when you have that depressive anxious tendency built into you, and you feel like it's over-powered you and it is stronger than you, but eventually you realise, you are stronger than it. So just try to keep looking up and, find your inner strength because I'm telling you you can move out of this . You really just have to let the lone voice in your head that tells you 'you can' shout louder than all the others...

    From what I know of myself, from what I know of some of my closest friends, I think so many of us really want a soulmate, that one person that just fits... that one person we can just relate to - and when they don't feel the completion that we feel, it can literally kill. It can feel like you'll never find anyone to do for you what that one person did for you. But you will. You'll find love again. You literally just have to persist in order to find out just how strong you are. Just trust me on this one. You can either choose to self destruct right now, or you can say, no I’m not going to do that. And when you say no, you then one day turn around in retrospect and you say **** i was so powerful not to cave in. You see that’s where life’s real achievements come in... personal strength. It shocked me how strong I was when i came out of a dark place. I thought wow, how the hell did I do that? The strength you hold within, that no one else can recongise publicaly through a medal or a prize, but only you know about, is the most worthwhile and the most powerful.

    And though right now you might be sitting there going ‘Strong?? Me?? ’and you might not believe me now, in all your state of wallowing, you are stronger than your pain. If there can be something as wonderful as your ex girlfriend, there can be something as wonderful as her in other things. She may have been wonderful,beautiful, amazing, but wonder and beauty and awe exist in a million things in this world. You just need to pull yourself out of that mindset of looking only to her to see them, and look around you to find them. It’s a bit like the saying ‘not being able to see the forest for the trees’... you can’t see life for what it is because you’re concentrating too much on her, allowing her to consume you. Think about it, do you think it's possible/ concievable that there is something as great as her elsewhere? Course there is. You just don't believe it right now. But it is there. If it wasn't there, where would great artists be drawing all their inspiration from? From the wonder and the beauty and the complexity that is life, that's where!

    Now I wanna talk about your own strength. You might not know it but you have so much strength in you. What I am saying may not make that much sense at all because I imagine you're probably feeling so weak, so dependent on other people to make you happy, so dependent on your ex. That's the way I used to feel. But if you have that much strength to give yourself wholly to someone and still you haven't given up on her, you have a lot of feeling in you. You've been directing all that feeling of compassion and love toward her, but now, you have to direct it towards yourself this time. What I mean to say here is a lot of people are not able to love strongly and unconditionally but the fact that you were shows how much power you hold within, don't you thinkk? It shows that you can redirect that power and that passion towards a new cause, like yourself, like getting better.

    At this point I want to ask What was your degree in? Was it anything creative e.g. music or literature? Because for me I’m quite a creative person and I feel it’s a real opening for my depression. But it doesn’t have to be in anything particularly creative – just doing a degree in something you love can be enough. If you can find passions in life they can do much as wonderful people can, and they can often be more reliable. They can fulfil you and stimulate you, and can help you to recover from the heartache. If you didn't do anything you particularly enjoyed for your degree that's also fine. There are always new passions to be found in life. There's so much of interest. Have you tried travelling, running, dance, acting, art? Where do your strengths lie?

    As much as I think medical attention is key, what I found most importnat was living in a way that was more in line with my inner truth and that meant abandoning things that other people wanted me to do but weren't really true to myself. If you're interested or passionate about something, then go pursue it. If you want to meet new people, then throw yourself into new situations. Sure it's damn hard at first but the more situations you try the better you get at it. And the more you hide away the worse you get at it... Life really is about doing what you love and being with people you love. Maybe you just need to meet some like minded friends... have you thought about that? Maybe get a job/several jobs? Go out with people from work? Join a gym and get talking to people in classes? These really are the ways you push forward with your life - by taking risks and forcing yourself into situations that you innerly find daunting or intimidating and then realising that something great can come of them. The more you put yourself out there like this, and the more you do what you love, firstly the happier you'll be and secondly the more likely you will be to meet that next special girl in your life . She's not going to find you if you're tied up in your room drunk now is she? :P

    Now then, try to get yourself a long to a doctor today or tomorrow, even if it must be to the a and e department. You are clearly feeling very ill at the moment and are more than worthy of a doctor's time. Explain that you are feeling severely depressed and you need help. For goodness sake, stay off the drugs. They are not going to help you any. Do not worry about the people at the hospital judging you - they will have seen it all before. They want to help you, ok. So go along even if it pains you. You must leave your room. You must get help. Please.

    DEFINITELY DEFINITELY DEFINITELY see about counselling. Counselling above all other things. Anti depressants may have a positive effect but theyre nothing compared to tackling your problems head on and actually addressing issues. If your counsellor isnt great, find a new one.

    You don't need telling to stay off the drink and drugs. If anything go for a walk along the Thames, go to the park, get out the damn house.

    Hope this long ramble of bull**** has made some sense to you and that you will get through this. In fact, scrap that, I know you will get through this, because if I can do it so can you!!
    The extent to which you are trying to help has moved me to tears. Thank you. I have not been to sleep or eaten still, but I have not had any drink or drugs since this morning. I am worried mostly about the night, which is when I get bad. As for the degree - I hate it. I wish I had done something like zoology; wildlife and nature is my passion. I have also, as a result, not done well at it at all. Prior to meeting my ex, I had only just started uni and still maintained zeal and flare for academia. I was very much alone in the world but I had direction and ambition. I now have a poor degree (admittedly from a very good uni, though), no direction or means by which I can step onto a fitting path, and I have lost the only person in the world - no, the only thing in the world - that I cared about.

    I am so desperate for human comfort that I traversed the streets at 4am of a town 30 minutes' away from my house last night, paying what little money I have left to get into clubs and just stand next to people...while drinking in toilets etc. Every minute of every day, made longer and more painful by the lack of sleep, has been spent trying to find places away from my house to meet people. Is it possible to PM someone and remain anonymous?
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    #1

    [QUOTE=SummitOfReason;42599587]Hey there Anonymous poster,

    And you're right. Things like hugs are what I need. Someone to cry with, but, having no close friends makes this impossible. I have also learnt that I simply cannot be in relationships. It is too damaging to my mental health in the long run. Virtually all relationships fail, and the stronger the relationship gets, the more devastating it is to lose it. I do not fall easily at all for someone, but, once I have done, there is no letting go. no letting go. If I survive this, there is no way I could ever risk it happening again.
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    Does anyone live near Croydon?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The extent to which you are trying to help has moved me to tears. Thank you. I have not been to sleep or eaten still, but I have not had any drink or drugs since this morning. I am worried mostly about the night, which is when I get bad. As for the degree - I hate it. I wish I had done something like zoology; wildlife and nature is my passion. I have also, as a result, not done well at it at all. Prior to meeting my ex, I had only just started uni and still maintained zeal and flare for academia. I was very much alone in the world but I had direction and ambition. I now have a poor degree (admittedly from a very good uni, though), no direction or means by which I can step onto a fitting path, and I have lost the only person in the world - no, the only thing in the world - that I cared about.

    I am so desperate for human comfort that I traversed the streets at 4am of a town 30 minutes' away from my house last night, paying what little money I have left to get into clubs and just stand next to people...while drinking in toilets etc. Every minute of every day, made longer and more painful by the lack of sleep, has been spent trying to find places away from my house to meet people. Is it possible to PM someone and remain anonymous?
    Nope I don't think you can PM someone and remain anonymous.

    Well maybe you should think of new ways to sustain that passion then. Like volunteer work in zoos or something. Or try and take up a course somewhere in it like Birckbeck or something. I'm sure there must be avenues back into this if it is what interests you. There are obviously loads of documentaries on it.

    You need to find yourself some new friends. First things first though, force yourself to have a shower, get dressed, look after yourself. Force yourself to eat a solid meal. Then get a good nights rest. Wake up tomorrow and get yourself down to the hospital. Explain how bad things have been

    Are all your exams finished?
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    (Original post by SummitOfReason)
    Nope I don't think you can PM someone and remain anonymous.

    Well maybe you should think of new ways to sustain that passion then. Like volunteer work in zoos or something. Or try and take up a course somewhere in it like Birckbeck or something. I'm sure there must be avenues back into this if it is what interests you. There are obviously loads of documentaries on it.

    You need to find yourself some new friends. First things first though, force yourself to have a shower, get dressed, look after yourself. Force yourself to eat a solid meal. Then get a good nights rest. Wake up tomorrow and get yourself down to the hospital. Explain how bad things have been

    Are all your exams finished?
    I have showered, got dressed etc. More so than I normally would, in fact. I think it makes me feel like I've retained some control/routine. I want to make friends but, as I've finished uni, it's going to take a long time as I have no clear way to meet people. And yes, it was my last exam.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have showered, got dressed etc. More so than I normally would, in fact. I think it makes me feel like I've retained some control/routine. I want to make friends but, as I've finished uni, it's going to take a long time as I have no clear way to meet people. And yes, it was my last exam.
    get a job! do courses!

    the future is yours
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    I echo what's already been said. You have so much to live for. I know it hurts like mad right now and you want to do something, anything to get away from it, but you need to embrace that pain and turn it into motivation to make your life better. You've just graduated and got a degree, from a good university like you say, which you can use to further study or finding a job. Concentrate on getting through this and looking to the future, the world is your oyster. You will look back on this and celebrate the way you turned your life around. I have every faith in you that you can do it, look how strong you were already using your willpower to stop the self-medication through drink and drugs. We are all here for you. :hugs:
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    OP- I don't think you can PM someone and remain anonymous, but maybe you could open another account linked to a yahoo address or something? Maybe a moderator will tell me otherwise. I echo what everyone else says about using the Samaritans, or A&E if you are desperate, seeing a doctor and fixing up a counsellor. I think once you have done all that, other things will fall into place. I am sure there must be hundreds of people who find night time hours difficult, but I'm not sure where you go to find them. - maybe see if you could help part of the night in a homeless shelter, and try to sleep part of the day, or something like that. Take care.
 
 
 
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