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What do you think of these 28 rules for a man to cheat-proof himself? watch

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    Also, if your partner wants to meet up with an old friend alone, I think you should let him. If she's an old flame that might be different; but assuming she's not - do you trust your boyfriend to have a drink with an old friend without falling in love with her? If not, then you might have other issues in your relationship.

    Talking about where the line is drawn for cheating both emotionally and physically is a good thing to do. Physically, there are grey areas, like is a phone sex line cheating? Emotionally, stuff like ignoring you on Valentine's day to talk on the phone to a friend, even if there's nothing physical going on, can be hurtful. (Not sure if I would call that cheating as such so much as deeply inconsiderate, but that's not hugely relevant.) But I think that once you've established the boundaries you need to step back and trust people to stick to them by themselves, rather than imposing rules to "help" them.
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    (Original post by Djordje)
    It kinda seems you said two opposite things in the same post, or maybe I'm just misinterpreting?


    However, there must have been a point when one has to decide to date/sleep with/kiss a given person outside their relationship i.e. to start cheating - I don't think there is anything to be educated on there - it is crystal clear. One either makes the decision to do one of those things and therefore cheats, or one chooses not to and doesn't cheat. It's simple.
    I don't know what you think I said was opposite? :
    I don't think so, a lot of people exclaim that 'it just happened so quickly' etc when talking about a kiss, I think it's conscious decision to carry on cheating though. It's basically like there is a line you should not cross, if you stay far away from the line - you won't be in a danger of crossing it. If you decide to walk close to the line, all it takes is loosing your footing for an instant and poof you're over.

    Have you heard of the 'foot in the door' effect? The more a person goes along with small seemingly innocent requests, gradually increase over time leads to compliance for much larger requests. This can be easily translated into cheating e.g with innocent requests of spending time together and how you spend time together or even body contact.

    I do agree with the porn thing perhaps being from an author with a religious agenda, but I think most the rules seem reasonable... Before I read these rules I used to just say... It's okay if you can imagine your boyfriend/girlfriend standing right next to you and being totally comfortable with what you're doing. If you wouldn't do it when they're around DO NOT do it when they're not.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay you don't have any rules. But have you ever discussed where the line is drawn for cheating... a lot of people have a very different idea of what cheating is and isn't? Have you mentioned any grey areas?
    I didn't finish reading the list, but i found myself agreeing with the rules. But in real life, couples can't exactly give each other a rulebook. And also, what about close friends of the opposite sex who are gay? (a grey area in the rules). even if someone says they will keep these rules doesn't mean they will and doesn't mean they wont cheat so what's the point of having them
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    To need rules like those someone would essentially need to be an unlikely mixture of 25% sociopath, 25% anuptaphobe and 50% idiot with no self control.

    I've somehow managed to last around 10 'active relationship' years without cheating and without paying attention to any of those 'rules', with the exception of the common sense rule 27, and 28 ('no' is handy for all kinds of situations, so I was quite good at that one before the age of 3).

    If you need rules like those to maintain a marriage, it's going to be little more than a voluntary forced marriage and the 'followee' is probably going to be an unhappy, unfulfilled, miserable, dull creature. It's a guidebook to surrendering 95% of who you are. I think I'd rather be single forever than have to live like that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Before I read these rules I used to just say... It's okay if you can imagine your boyfriend/girlfriend standing right next to you and being totally comfortable with what you're doing. If you wouldn't do it when they're around DO NOT do it when they're not.
    Noted. I shall never talk to my female friends about periods ever again.
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    Those are rules for 100% guaranteeing that you'll never find someone you like more than your wife. Which in a way is good - if you've decided you love your wife and want to stay together forever then there's no point getting yourself in situations where a better relationship could develop with someone else. But on the other hand - just how dreadful a match are you for each other if any random female acquaintance could trump your commitment to your significant other?
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    List seems to be drawn up by butthurt women, who keep getting cheated on because they are paranoid obsessives
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So my boyfriend was asking me about revising our boundary about not meeting the opposite sex one on one today,'cause he wants to catch up with an old friend. I'm uncomfortable with him meeting up with her but I don't know anyone our age who shares my opinions on cheating apart from an ex (who was very faithful) and a former serial-cheater friend (who followed my advice about dodgy situations and hasn't cheated now in over two years). I tried looking online for answers and stumbled on this website. http://www.examiner.com/article/how-...g-on-your-wife
    Just wondering what a young, educated audience thinks of these rules. These are intended for marriage... but I'm asking as if they could be applied to any committed relationship.


    1. Never flirt with a woman other than your wife. It’s too easy to take things to the next level.

    2. If another woman flirts with you, comes on strong, or tries to seduce you, ignore her, change the subject, or make it clear that you’re not interested. If none of these things work, remove yourself from the scene.

    3. Avoid cultivating close personal relationships with other women. Close female friendships pave the way for emotional infidelity, which is the precursor to sexual infidelity.

    4. Make sure your wife knows all your female co-workers, acquaintances, and friends. Secret female friendships can quickly turn into affairs.

    5. Make sure your female friends, acquaintances and co-workers know that you are married, and not interested in any action on the side.

    6. Make it equally clear to your male friends that you fully intend to remain faithful to your wife.

    7. Limit your contact with men who are cheating on their mates. That way you won’t fall victim to peer pressure, the “birds-of-a-feather syndrome,” or cheating by association.

    8. Confide in your wife and no one else. She’s the one with whom you should share your hopes, dreams, good times, bad times, triumphs and failures. Make her your very best friend. Isn’t that why you got married?

    9. Discourage other women from confiding in you.

    10. Refrain from getting involved in other women’s personal problems. Many men get caught up in infidelity while trying to be “helpful.” Trying to rescue a damsel in distress can get you into a world of trouble.

    11. Avoid certain topics of conversation with other women – sex, her boyfriend’s or husband’s shortcomings, her marriage or relationship problems, your wife’s faults, your marital problems.

    12. Never complain to another woman about your marriage or your wife.

    13. Avoid being alone with another woman. Why put yourself in harm’s way? You’re least likely to cheat when there are other people around.

    14. Let your life be an open book when it comes to your wife.. You shouldn’t keep secrets of any kind from her.

    15. Share all your passwords with your wife - your cell phone, laptop, e-mail accounts, bank accounts and anything else. This way, you won’t be tempted to conceal anything from her, because you can’t.

    16. At work, don’t make a habit of taking your coffee break, or having lunch with the same female workmate everyday.

    17. Don’t socialize with female workmates during non-business hours unless your wife is present, or you’re part of a group.

    18. If you travel for work, always take your wife with you, whenever possible.

    19. If it’s not possible for your wife to accompany you when you travel, stay in constant touch with her. Give her your itinerary, and a land line where you can be reached. Let her know where you are at all times.

    20. Spend quality time with your wife, doing things you both enjoy.

    21. Share your passions, your hobbies, your favorite pastimes with your wife or with your male friends. Engaging in common interests with a female other than your wife only lays the groundwork for an extramarital affair.

    22. Be especially careful if you’re under the influence of drugs or alcohol. These substances lower your inhibitions, impair your judgment, and anything is likely to occur.

    23. Avoid temptation. Do not put yourself in compromising situations. Why tempt fate?

    24. Stay away from internet porn and online dating sites. Don’t even take a peek to satisfy your curiosity.

    25. Don’t even think about being unfaithful to your wife. Thoughts precede actions. Fantasizing what it would be like to have sex with someone else allows the idea of infidelity to take root in your mind.

    26. Think about all you stand to lose if you cheat, even if you don’t get caught – your money, your marriage, your health (HIV/AIDS and other STD’s), your reputation, your job and probably a whole lot more. Don’t let your desire for sex overrule your common sense.

    27. Keep the romance and passion alive in your marriage and you won’t have to seek it anywhere else.

    28. Learn to use the word “No.” It’s a small word – 2 letters, 1 syllable, easy to pronounce. Use it liberally and it will serve you well, especially if you find yourself in a compromising situation. It will go a long way toward helping you stay faithful, and will keep you from cheating on your wife.

    I personally, think 24 or 25 are a bit extreme. I don't think porn leads to cheating... and I think Freud or someone equally famous once said something a long the line of every man has bad thoughts, but only a bad man acts on these thoughts. I'd rather he fantasied then repressed his thoughts and exploded... Other than those two rules I pretty much agree with trying to stick to these rules... opinions?
    if you actually want a successful marriage or relationship, why have that list of 28 rules when you can have one word
    TRUST
    if trust is in the relationship, one wouldnt feel the need to cheat
    fair point about lust, but where there is trust there should be no lust

    not being friends with females to remain faithful is insane
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    That is the most ridiculous thing i think ive ever read. There are a few things in there that make sense, but i really couldnt be bothered to do more than scan that pile of rubbish.

    Get a grip op, not allowed seeing any female friends alone? Controlling much? No partner should put up with that.
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    You should do a poll, with seperate answers for men and women.

    Personally I think they are ridiculous. Never allow a female friend to confide in you? I would like to think that most men have enough self-control to socialise with female collegues without their wife present. It's up to you not to cheat - you shouldn't have to persuade yourself not to through subversive tactics.

    I'd also find it very sad to think that after a certain age I can't form close friendships with half the population, though we might have a lot in common. It's perfectly possible to have male / female friends without having sex.

    This list is only for people with a serious self-control problem.
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    (Original post by SummitOfReason)
    Oh come on, there will always be lust...

    And a man may cheat. A woman may cheat. But if they do it doesn't necessarily mean they didn't love their partner.
    tbf

    well in all honesty lust is natural
    saying to your mate that girls fit is nfine
    going up to her and getting her a number or pulling is wrong
    i guess lust is fine, but acting on it isnt
    i know cheating is a controversial issue, there are two sides to every story arent there
    fair point though
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So my boyfriend was asking me about revising our boundary about not meeting the opposite sex one on one today,'cause he wants to catch up with an old friend. I'm uncomfortable with him meeting up with her but I don't know anyone our age who shares my opinions on cheating apart from an ex (who was very faithful) and a former serial-cheater friend (who followed my advice about dodgy situations and hasn't cheated now in over two years). I tried looking online for answers and stumbled on this website. http://www.examiner.com/article/how-...g-on-your-wife
    Just wondering what a young, educated audience thinks of these rules. These are intended for marriage... but I'm asking as if they could be applied to any committed relationship.



    1. Never flirt with a woman other than your wife. It’s too easy to take things to the next level.

    2. If another woman flirts with you, comes on strong, or tries to seduce you, ignore her, change the subject, or make it clear that you’re not interested. If none of these things work, remove yourself from the scene.

    3. Avoid cultivating close personal relationships with other women. Close female friendships pave the way for emotional infidelity, which is the precursor to sexual infidelity.

    4. Make sure your wife knows all your female co-workers, acquaintances, and friends. Secret female friendships can quickly turn into affairs.

    5. Make sure your female friends, acquaintances and co-workers know that you are married, and not interested in any action on the side.

    6. Make it equally clear to your male friends that you fully intend to remain faithful to your wife.

    7. Limit your contact with men who are cheating on their mates. That way you won’t fall victim to peer pressure, the “birds-of-a-feather syndrome,” or cheating by association.

    8. Confide in your wife and no one else. She’s the one with whom you should share your hopes, dreams, good times, bad times, triumphs and failures. Make her your very best friend. Isn’t that why you got married?

    9. Discourage other women from confiding in you.

    10. Refrain from getting involved in other women’s personal problems. Many men get caught up in infidelity while trying to be “helpful.” Trying to rescue a damsel in distress can get you into a world of trouble.

    11. Avoid certain topics of conversation with other women – sex, her boyfriend’s or husband’s shortcomings, her marriage or relationship problems, your wife’s faults, your marital problems.

    12. Never complain to another woman about your marriage or your wife.

    13. Avoid being alone with another woman. Why put yourself in harm’s way? You’re least likely to cheat when there are other people around.

    14. Let your life be an open book when it comes to your wife.. You shouldn’t keep secrets of any kind from her.

    15. Share all your passwords with your wife - your cell phone, laptop, e-mail accounts, bank accounts and anything else. This way, you won’t be tempted to conceal anything from her, because you can’t.

    16. At work, don’t make a habit of taking your coffee break, or having lunch with the same female workmate everyday.

    17. Don’t socialize with female workmates during non-business hours unless your wife is present, or you’re part of a group.

    18. If you travel for work, always take your wife with you, whenever possible.

    19. If it’s not possible for your wife to accompany you when you travel, stay in constant touch with her. Give her your itinerary, and a land line where you can be reached. Let her know where you are at all times.

    20. Spend quality time with your wife, doing things you both enjoy.

    21. Share your passions, your hobbies, your favorite pastimes with your wife or with your male friends. Engaging in common interests with a female other than your wife only lays the groundwork for an extramarital affair.

    22. Be especially careful if you’re under the influence of drugs or alcohol. These substances lower your inhibitions, impair your judgment, and anything is likely to occur.

    23. Avoid temptation. Do not put yourself in compromising situations. Why tempt fate?

    24. Stay away from internet porn and online dating sites. Don’t even take a peek to satisfy your curiosity.

    25. Don’t even think about being unfaithful to your wife. Thoughts precede actions. Fantasizing what it would be like to have sex with someone else allows the idea of infidelity to take root in your mind.

    26. Think about all you stand to lose if you cheat, even if you don’t get caught – your money, your marriage, your health (HIV/AIDS and other STD’s), your reputation, your job and probably a whole lot more. Don’t let your desire for sex overrule your common sense.

    27. Keep the romance and passion alive in your marriage and you won’t have to seek it anywhere else.

    28. Learn to use the word “No.” It’s a small word – 2 letters, 1 syllable, easy to pronounce. Use it liberally and it will serve you well, especially if you find yourself in a compromising situation. It will go a long way toward helping you stay faithful, and will keep you from cheating on your wife.

    I personally, think 24 or 25 are a bit extreme. I don't think porn leads to cheating... and I think Freud or someone equally famous once said something a long the line of every man has bad thoughts, but only a bad man acts on these thoughts. I'd rather he fantasied then repressed his thoughts and exploded... Other than those two rules I pretty much agree with trying to stick to these rules... opinions?
    As long as women abide by my rules

    1. Stay away from any other male you may see
    2. Have, by the time I return a full course meal for me to devour
    3. Allow me to see my friends at any time for what ever reason.
    4. Be prepared to go to boom town at any and every time of the day

    Contingencies If cheating does occur
    1. You get the kids
    2. I get everything else.

    I think it's a fair trade. There's no other way I or any self respecting male would agree to those terms.
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    (Original post by wildbluesun)
    Also, if your partner wants to meet up with an old friend alone, I think you should let him. If she's an old flame that might be different; but assuming she's not - do you trust your boyfriend to have a drink with an old friend without falling in love with her? If not, then you might have other issues in your relationship.

    Talking about where the line is drawn for cheating both emotionally and physically is a good thing to do. Physically, there are grey areas, like is a phone sex line cheating? Emotionally, stuff like ignoring you on Valentine's day to talk on the phone to a friend, even if there's nothing physical going on, can be hurtful. (Not sure if I would call that cheating as such so much as deeply inconsiderate, but that's not hugely relevant.) But I think that once you've established the boundaries you need to step back and trust people to stick to them by themselves, rather than imposing rules to "help" them.
    With my situation it's a vague one. They've flirted before we were together but it seemed like she was toying with him because she could... they hadn't talked for months and then her interest upped when he got with me but he's been pretty busy in the holidays. However he sees it as they've never kissed (even though he admits he wanted it to happen...but apparently that was a long time ago and he thinks we've got something great that he wouldn't just throw away) . I also don't understand why he wants this friendship he hasn't had all year e.g what he thinks he'll get out of it, which he doesn't get from me/ his plenitude of other friends.

    I think talking dirty with another girl is cheating, whether in person or on the phone but that's my personal opinion.

    Emotionally, I'm taking more about opposite members who are close 'friends', I wilI admit when I was a lot younger I had an emotional affair (before I was aware they existed). Every time I was unsure about what to do with my relationship I'd phone this other guy for advice as he was older and guys understand how other guys think better I thought... I started thinking 'wow he's so much maturer then my boyfriend' 'gosh it seems like he'd treat me so much better' and eventually after a year and a half of this he admitted he wished he was my boyfriend and I I admitted I had developed feelings for him... My ex never even knew this other guy existed to my knowledge. I didn't ever meet up with friend guy whilst in a relationship, do anything physical etc Doesn't mean it wasn't very, very wrong. My reasoning was he'd been my friend for seven years before I was with my ex, was I meant to just stop talking to him because I got into a serious relationship? He'd moved far away and I hadn't seen him for years so I couldn't be attracted to someone I had only an inkling of what they even looked like right? I couldn't to this day pinpoint the time I started having an emotional affair with him... it started very, gradually.
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    The list seems extreme and controlling to me. I go by one rule if i would not do it in front of my wife i don't do it. And that works for me. The fact he asked for your permission shows respect and trust, so i would suggest you show him the same.

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    (Original post by Ollied)
    No, no they don't. You probably have a different idea about cheating therefore you see everyone elses ideas as different.

    Any romantic bodily contact.

    "You may be mugged if you trust to much, but it will **** you up more worrying about trust"
    Yes, yes they do. I once read in a magazine survey, that between 1 in 5 to 1 in 7 (twas a few years ago) of the men they poled believed receiving oral wasn't cheating (although apparently giving oral was). Some people say a drunken kiss is fair enough, others would dump their partners ass. People have different opinions, my opinions about what cheating is seem to be fairly synonymous with the majority of my friends. I just have stricter opinions when it comes to boundaries, crossing a boundary doesn't mean you've cheated it means you've stepped into a dodgy area (and are at risk of crossing from the dodgey area into the cheating zone).
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    I think we will close this as it is going nowhere. The only other thing that needs to be said, you don't need rules as such as long as you trust each other and communicate with each other then there should be no issues.
 
 
 
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