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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No they haven't been very flirty, she has been a bit flirty with him in the past saying things like "if you're ever bored call me " the "hello beautiful" is the only flirty message i've seen i'm just worried about what he replies to the nye arrangement. She really is beautiful, but seems so mean from some of the other messages, like he arranges some lovely things with her several times and she was like "maybe, you know i can't make definite plans" she didn't work so it seems like she was looking for something else, it's just annoying me that she's constantly messaging him (i've seen lots that he's not even replied to) it's like she wants what she can't have now.

    I really don't think I can come clean though, I think he'd be devastated about it and quite righly so. I wouldn't want someone doing that to me, but it just sickens me that he's put me at risk now and what if I have an std? He'll think it's my fault but I got tested before we got together and he said he had too, it's just horrible
    Him not replying to many of her messages is a good thing, and especially when his messages to her haven't been flirty either. It is likely that she does this to many others, and the fact that your bf isn't replying in the same way just provokes her keep trying.

    You should get tested for any STDs. Dont freak out right now because you'll just keep worrying. Chances are, you're fine. Plus you don't 100% know he's slept with these girls... It was an assumption right? Thinking the worst?

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    (Original post by yennibubs)
    Him not replying to many of her messages is a good thing, and especially when his messages to her haven't been flirty either. It is likely that she does this to many others, and the fact that your bf isn't replying in the same way just provokes her keep trying.

    You should get tested for any STDs. Dont freak out right now because you'll just keep worrying. Chances are, you're fine. Plus you don't 100% know he's slept with these girls... It was an assumption right? Thinking the worst?

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    Yes, you're right it probably is a good thing him not replying too often, thank you for listening by the way, really means a lot as I'm uncomfortable talking to my friends.

    I will get tested, i'm 99% sure he has been sleeping with this girls one of them was saying "how satisfied" he made her with a and the other was saying about how amazing the oil massages were, which he always did when he wanted sex.
    And he replied how great they were too and they were talking about spanking and stuff.. really uncomfortable reading, i'm pretty sure he's slept with both of them in the same timeframe he was sleeping with me which is really not a nice thought, but I'm. just gonna get tested and try and forget I suppose.
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    I am not actually sure you're going to get past this, I think it might wreck your relationship because of what it will do to your head.

    With that in mind, maybe you should just tell him what you did; if he doesn't take it as badly as a lot of people would, he might actually be able to reassure you. That said, if you do this, he would be well within any right to break up with you.

    On the other hand, I'd be seriously unimpressed by my boyfriend calling another girl "my beautiful" as a nickname, without it being ironic. ESPECIALLY someone he was ever more than friends with.
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    Girls really do go looking for these types of stuff huh?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I forgot to add that, there's been no contact with the first girl but there has been with the "beautiful" girl. He sent her a message last week saying "Hello my beautiful xxxx" (her name) but he did make it clear that he was in a relationship with me. But she's now asked him to spend new years eve with her.. he hasn't replied yet but i'm scared! I don't want to look again but it just not nice!
    That's not great :/ he shouldn't be calling her beautiful if he's with you, nor should he be calling her his! To be honest, if you don't feel comfortable with checking again, ask him about it. If you've been together for a year he's probably understanding enough to be able to talk to about it! Your fault in looking on his messages is WAY overshadowed by what you found. Just try talking
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    (Original post by Caits7)
    That's not great :/ he shouldn't be calling her beautiful if he's with you, nor should he be calling her his! To be honest, if you don't feel comfortable with checking again, ask him about it. If you've been together for a year he's probably understanding enough to be able to talk to about it! Your fault in looking on his messages is WAY overshadowed by what you found. Just try talking
    Yeah I think I might talk to him.. just don't know how to. I feel so sick about it all, can't believe I trusted him enough to not use protection, i'm very scared of getting an std and he's really put me at risk.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I think I might talk to him.. just don't know how to. I feel so sick about it all, can't believe I trusted him enough to not use protection, i'm very scared of getting an std and he's really put me at risk.
    To be honest, you should really get yourself tested at the earliest opportunity; I'm sure you haven't caught anything but it's always best to be on the safe side.
    Just bring it up with him about how you know he's still in contact with this girl and you know that he called her beautiful, if he starts having a go at you for snooping, remember you can always reply that you felt the need to check up on him, CLEARLY with good reason as he's been doing this. What you found means it's him that's in the wrong!
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    If it makes you feel better; there were three girls involved: yourself, the 'beautiful one' and the 'less-attractive one'. He sees all three of you, HOWEVER....

    The big point that you are missing here, is that he CHOSE YOU! You are the one that he wants to be with.

    Ergo You>others
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and we're in love. I've always had issues in trusting people from past relationships and stupidly I looked at his facebook messages, now I feel really hurt.

    We dated for about two months before it was official and were sleeping together for about a month before we were official.

    I read the messages from two girls from the week before me and him were official and I really don't like what I found out. I really feel different about him now.

    One girl he was messaging how amazing she was and it was obvious that they'd slept together a week before we were together, he was calling her all the nicknames he calls me, which I thought were "unique" to me but obviously not.

    The other girl, the messages looked like she was really messing him around, they'd obviously slept together that week and it was obvious that he thought the world of her, he also called her the same nicknames.

    Anyway the first girl was really not very attractive, sounded like she was really into him, it actually sounded like she was in love with him. And the other girl was beautiful, but sounded like a bit of a ***** messing him about.

    Also, he made a big deal of my birthday (week before we were official) but wanted to do something the day before, he treated me like a princess that day, I wondered why he didn't want to do something on my proper birthday as it was a Saturday, but it turns out he was at a gig with the "beautiful girl"

    So it just seems like he had been playing me and chose me because I was reliable or something, I feel so hurt now but can't really say anything to him. Does anyone know how I can get over this? I know it was disgusting of me to look but curiosity got the better of me.
    Lets look at the facts here:

    1. He was single at the time aka, whatever he did was not a breach of any trust
    2. Unlike him, you DID breach trust by getting all up in his personal ****
    3. Only his behaviour once you started going out is relevant, and judging by your post, he's been faithful and behaved since
    4. You're lucky to have him. Cut your losses and forget about the past as, prior to going out, whatever he did/said was none of your business. And to an extent his personal goings on are still none of your business and your two options are to either:

    A. Trust him and not read his ****
    B. Realise you have insecurities and break up with him now to save him the trouble
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    Gotta talk to him or it will niggle away at you and drive you to breaking point. It's not easy but be honest with him and hopefully he'll be honest with you best of luck


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, you're right it probably is a good thing him not replying too often, thank you for listening by the way, really means a lot as I'm uncomfortable talking to my friends.

    I will get tested, i'm 99% sure he has been sleeping with this girls one of them was saying "how satisfied" he made her with a and the other was saying about how amazing the oil massages were, which he always did when he wanted sex.
    And he replied how great they were too and they were talking about spanking and stuff.. really uncomfortable reading, i'm pretty sure he's slept with both of them in the same timeframe he was sleeping with me which is really not a nice thought, but I'm. just gonna get tested and try and forget I suppose.
    Hey,

    Please try not to listen to the kiddies saying "he shouldn't be calling anyone else beautiful" and all of that. It's a sign of immaturity, and so are your insecurities about the girls he slept with before you two were officially together.

    Don't take this the wrong way, everyone has things to learn from relationships, and getting over your initial jealousy/irrationality that evolution has hard-wired into you is the first and hardest step.

    I'm sure you feel betrayed at the moment, and you probably don't even know how to cope with it. You may feel like your relationship is somehow worth less. It's normal, give it some time, think about it objectively.

    Most people tend to play the field these days (guys and girls), at least until they have established a relationship, simply because if you're too into someone at the beginning you will be rejected. It's sad but unfortunately the way dating seems to work at the moment and you should try to move past that.

    I know you'd like to know what his reply would be but I suggest not touching his facebook again, it definitely won't help your relationship and if in the end you love him and want to get past this the best way is to be cool about it, but you won't get over your feelings until you discus them with him, and if you're going to have "the talk" I suggest you thread lightly as you could easily go into "break up territory".

    Sorry for the TL;DR but I know what it's like to be in your situation and years and years after the fact I'm seeing it a lot more clear, jealousy can cloud you like a ***** and make you forget the more important things in your life, think about those.
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    As long as he hasnt done anything since he's been with you. Whats the problem?

    Me and my current boyfriend had been talking for a while and arranged to go on a proper date and he ends up snogging the face off a girl the weekend before.

    Yeah I was a little annoyed but one of his closest friends sat down next to me on a night out and said "I asked him how your date went that night and if he could see you as his girlfriend and he said he didn't want to see anyone else"

    That was after the first date. Dont judge him by something that happened before you were together. Let it go and be happy.
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    I completely understand why you're feeling this way - in your position I would probably feel the same. Please find below some points for consideration:

    1. He may have been talking this girls because, as others have said, he was unsure about what he wanted and was trying to figure things out while treating all girls equally.

    2. He may have been enjoying having the attention of several girls and kept it going as an ego boost, even if he already knew he wanted to settle down with you soon.

    3. The fact is that he chose to be with you, and that - presumably - he hasn't spoken this way to these - or other - girls since you two got together, so you have nothing to worry about.

    The first two points are mere speculation, but the third is fact, so try to keep that in mind and get over this.
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    You're saying he slept with other girls a month into saying. Well think back, how serious we're you guys then? How sure we're you that it'd become a long term thing? If not that serious and not that sure, I guess you can see how he wouldn't give up other things for that.
    Also, did you know him before dating? Because a month really isn't that long to know someone and 'assume' exclusivity - if it's a friend or something it may be different as you skip the getting to know then stage.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I think I might talk to him.. just don't know how to. I feel so sick about it all, can't believe I trusted him enough to not use protection, i'm very scared of getting an std and he's really put me at risk.
    You pur yourself at risk, not the other way around.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I forgot to add that, there's been no contact with the first girl but there has been with the "beautiful" girl. He sent her a message last week saying "Hello my beautiful xxxx" (her name) but he did make it clear that he was in a relationship with me. But she's now asked him to spend new years eve with her.. he hasn't replied yet but i'm scared! I don't want to look again but it just not nice!
    you need to confront him, tell him to stop talking to this girl or it's over.

    I would have said let it go based on your first post, but considering you've said he's still talking to her, calling her beautiful and sending kisses i think it's wrong and it should be addressed.
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    They may not have been "officially" going out, but I still think it is rather duplicitous to give or knowingly allow someone to have the impression you are seeing them exclusively and that they are "special" if you aren't and they're not; especially when this is the basis for a sexual relationship.

    That said - perhaps he did not mean to. Perhaps OP you were just being rather naive about it all, and he didn't realise that. He may have (reasonably) considered himself single at the time and would assume you knew everything that implied and were okay with it. As others have said, this is why if you want or expect exclusivity, you should confirm not assume. Considering he did commit to you in the end, and has been faithful since - this does imply he had good intentions and genuine feelings toward you.
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    Seems odd that "the beautiful girl" is trying to pin him down for NYE already. It's July, for goodness' sake!

    OP, you've come this far down the line - you may as well have a look at his response, which I expect will be along the lines of that he's planning to spend it with you (as you said he's made it clear he's with you), and then talk to him about him. Be upfront and honest, explain you know you were at fault and that you're sorry, and that you're worried and upset about what you read and would like to hear things from his side. God luck, whatever you decide!
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    punish him in the bedroom, hes been a naughty naughty boy
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    (Original post by Lemonzaz)
    you need to confront him, tell him to stop talking to this girl or it's over.

    I would have said let it go based on your first post, but considering you've said he's still talking to her, calling her beautiful and sending kisses i think it's wrong and it should be addressed.
    Please try to refrain yourself from giving bad advice like this, there's nothing wrong with talking to other people and even a bit of flirting is healthy. If he's ****ing behind her back obviously that's bad but it hasn't been proven yet and her suspecting him of too much will just mess up their relationship.

    When you're 5-12 years old it's totally okay to be super irrational and be over protective and possessive, but if you hope to have any successful relationships as an adult you should probably let go of all that negativity.
 
 
 
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