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Is it possible to get over someone whislt still having sex with them? watch

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    (Original post by GabbyM)
    Its not that I want to get over him, its that I have to. Ive realised that this sex thing is only going to be short term due to him leaving once he finds somebody else. Of course I enjoy it, but how I feel emotionally afterwards when I return home and the lack of effort - I don't. I just find it very difficult considering all the memories, I could understand if he was just a friend I was doing it with, but since we've already had a "loving" relationship before, it just makes me think of the past.
    You know what will happen when he finds another girl friend? He will drop you quick as and never look back.

    He will not risk the new girl friend finding out you are still friends, and not trust you, as you are prepared to be used for sex. She will see you, rightly, as a constant threat and in all probability as a common tramp. You are not, but nevertheless, SHE, will force him to break all contact with you. Guaranteed.

    And if he is prepared to sleep with you because you throw yourself at his mercy, he could so easily do so with others at the same time as you. That opens you up to STD's because you don't know who else he is prepared to sleep with and you will never know.

    That's harsh, but so very true.

    You can and owe it to yourself to do so much better. So many people let themselves get trampled all over when they know full well they cannot make someone love you. That is a very, very, unappealing trait to a potential partner.

    The very thing that makes you a pushover is not something a lifelong partner would want.

    Take the advice, break up with him, do whatever you have to, however hard that is, and start afresh.

    He does not want you, he will never want you and you are deluding yourself that this can be turned around. It cannot, not ever, the damage is already done.
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Sure, if you're male and/or a sociopath.. otherwise, not so much
    Haha, sad times for me not being a sociopath any possible advice you can offer towards my situation?
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    If you want to get over him, stop being naked with him. It will never get better unless you help yourself.
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    (Original post by GabbyM)
    Its not that I want to get over him, its that I have to. Ive realised that this sex thing is only going to be short term due to him leaving once he finds somebody else. Of course I enjoy it, but how I feel emotionally afterwards when I return home and the lack of effort - I don't. I just find it very difficult considering all the memories, I could understand if he was just a friend I was doing it with, but since we've already had a "loving" relationship before, it just makes me think of the past.
    Ok, I suggest you talk to him about it. You're on good terms, so what's the harm? Let him know how you feel. From talking him you'll also know what he wants and what the situation is. It will enable you to get the answers you seek and the closure you need in order to move on. Meet at a neutral location I would suggest .
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    (Original post by jon123abc)
    Ok, I suggest you talk to him about it. You're on good terms, so what's the harm? Let him know how you feel. From talking him you'll also know what he wants and what the situation is. It will enable you to get the answers you seek and the closure you need in order to move on. Meet at a neutral location I would suggest .
    I have both my answers and closure I know he doesn't wish to be with me, its just he may not find anyone for ages and in that amount of time im going to get more and more hurt. I wouldn't even know what to say?
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    (Original post by Alpharius)
    You idiot.

    Stop sleeping with him, reduce all contact with him, move on.

    If a guy wants friends with benefits, that's all they want. Why do girls get so attached in these situations...


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    To be fair, it happens (and I have seen it) just as equally with guys.
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    (Original post by CJKay)
    To be fair, it happens (and I have seen it) just as equally with guys.
    Many thanks to you kind sir
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    (Original post by GabbyM)
    My head is messed up.. completely. I mistook affectionate within a friends with benefits situation with my ex as a indication that he may wish to get back together with me. Turns out, he's only in this situation with me until he finds someone else and so he is not alone. I was devastated to hear this as I still have very strong feelings for him, and I thought he felt the same. He does have feelings for me, however they are not strong enough to resume a relationship. I have noticed he's been liking other girl's picture as well as a bit of flirting going on. He now puts minimal effort into "us" whereas before he was all up for doing things together, but now its just me going round to have intercourse and to receive a bit of affection. On the days that I do not see him, he makes no effort to contact me and it makes me feel ridiculous for doing what I am considering what I know now. I just want to know if I will be able to some how stop my feelings while carrying on with the sex? Im not bothered about the sex at all, I just want to spend time with him. I realise the majority will say "leave" but I really do value him as a friend, if not more, and would prefer to keep him in my life somehow? Any advice is welcome
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    (Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
    It wouldn't be quite so bad if it were just the sex you were seeing him for, but even then, you would risk maintaining or resparking your feelings for him. But you see him because you want to see him. You're seeking something you are never going to get, and continuing to do this is a recipe for emotional destruction.

    You say you value him as a friend. This situation is anything but 'friendly'. A friendship is a platonic and mutually caring relationship. It's not platonic because you're having sex, and what has he done since the break-up that would prove that he cares? Sex is not a valid answer. It does not count. It sounds to me like you're hanging onto this because you're lonely. Socially as well as romantically. Stop seeing this guy and focus your energy on making new friends. What's more, once you've had some space from this guy and actually allowed yourself to get over him, you will realise that you don't really care about him on any level. People who are really desperate to stay friends with an ex are either not over them, or were never really that into them in the first place. I don't think you fall into the latter camp.

    You KNOW the right answer. You've acknowledged what you - rightfully - think others would say. Now do it.
    I know the right answer, of course, its just hard to let go. I realise this may seem ridiculous to say, but it feels like we are breaking up all over again, so the reoccurring emotional dreams have come back, even though nothing has really changed within the situation, despite him letting me know we are only doing it so we are not "alone" He did also say that he wouldn't get back with me due to not having "strong" enough feelings, but even if he did, he wouldn't because he'd mess it up, like im not sure why he felt the need to add on "even if he did have feelings" unless id be constantly questioning whether he did and it would give me hope in the future? He also said he's not "boyfriend material" yet he's looking for a new girlfriend? Ive thought about having a talk with him about no longer having the sex, but do you still think we'd see each other? I am socially lonely as well emotionally. I could hang out with friends I guess, but I don't get the same happiness I do from being with him. You could say im over-reacting considering he doesn't really make an effort, but I don't know what it is. We did have a lot of good times together before the fwb at the start of our relationship, and he hasn't forgotten because he still mentions it to me I know I cannot do anything about him wanting to move on eventually and he cannot gain feelings that he doesn't feel, but I know that once this ends and he finds someone, he will completely forget about me. So that's why im puzzled as to whether to end it now and be unhappy or wait until he ends it and be unhappy. Im definitely not over him and it would seem he's let go, or partly done so, although I have no idea what he actually feels.
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    (Original post by DuncanMono)
    Lucky guy you put yourself at his feet .. Stop if you want to, it'll save pain later. Or if your needs get the better of you find someone else
    That's what I cant decided on.. pain now vs pain later. I guess it'll happen either way.
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    (Original post by GabbyM)
    My head is messed up.. completely. I mistook affectionate within a friends with benefits situation with my ex as a indication that he may wish to get back together with me. Turns out, he's only in this situation with me until he finds someone else and so he is not alone. I was devastated to hear this as I still have very strong feelings for him, and I thought he felt the same. He does have feelings for me, however they are not strong enough to resume a relationship. I have noticed he's been liking other girl's picture as well as a bit of flirting going on. He now puts minimal effort into "us" whereas before he was all up for doing things together, but now its just me going round to have intercourse and to receive a bit of affection. On the days that I do not see him, he makes no effort to contact me and it makes me feel ridiculous for doing what I am considering what I know now. I just want to know if I will be able to some how stop my feelings while carrying on with the sex? Im not bothered about the sex at all, I just want to spend time with him. I realise the majority will say "leave" but I really do value him as a friend, if not more, and would prefer to keep him in my life somehow? Any advice is welcome
    lol

    This guy should be high fived for the ease of use when it comes to laying pipe.

    Girl is obsessed with him, he only has to say a few words and her legs open. She contacts HIM and he tells her to get lost when he's dropped his load.

    Not only that, she knows he is after some fresh girl to do the same with and repeat it all over again. Playa!
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    (Original post by GabbyM)
    That's what I cant decided on.. pain now vs pain later. I guess it'll happen either way.
    Pain now would be easier.. It means it's all over and done with and on your terms.

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    No. As long as you're ****ing them, you will not get over them. You can try and separate sex and emotions, but at the end of the day, it's something intimate between two people, so IMO you will always feel even a slight connection if you're having sex with them.
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    (Original post by GabbyM)
    My head is messed up.. completely. I mistook affectionate within a friends with benefits situation with my ex as a indication that he may wish to get back together with me. Turns out, he's only in this situation with me until he finds someone else and so he is not alone. I was devastated to hear this as I still have very strong feelings for him, and I thought he felt the same. He does have feelings for me, however they are not strong enough to resume a relationship. I have noticed he's been liking other girl's picture as well as a bit of flirting going on. He now puts minimal effort into "us" whereas before he was all up for doing things together, but now its just me going round to have intercourse and to receive a bit of affection. On the days that I do not see him, he makes no effort to contact me and it makes me feel ridiculous for doing what I am considering what I know now. I just want to know if I will be able to some how stop my feelings while carrying on with the sex? Im not bothered about the sex at all, I just want to spend time with him. I realise the majority will say "leave" but I really do value him as a friend, if not more, and would prefer to keep him in my life somehow? Any advice is welcome
    Sure it is, just get on top of him, then get off the bed.
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    (Original post by GabbyM)
    My head is messed up.. completely. I mistook affectionate within a friends with benefits situation with my ex as a indication that he may wish to get back together with me. Turns out, he's only in this situation with me until he finds someone else and so he is not alone. I was devastated to hear this as I still have very strong feelings for him, and I thought he felt the same. He does have feelings for me, however they are not strong enough to resume a relationship. I have noticed he's been liking other girl's picture as well as a bit of flirting going on. He now puts minimal effort into "us" whereas before he was all up for doing things together, but now its just me going round to have intercourse and to receive a bit of affection. On the days that I do not see him, he makes no effort to contact me and it makes me feel ridiculous for doing what I am considering what I know now. I just want to know if I will be able to some how stop my feelings while carrying on with the sex? Im not bothered about the sex at all, I just want to spend time with him. I realise the majority will say "leave" but I really do value him as a friend, if not more, and would prefer to keep him in my life somehow? Any advice is welcome
    http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/reco...re-being-used/ please please read this site and also other articles.

    This has helped me so much with my break up. And you really need to stop because its sounds like your destroying yourself. Friends with an ex never works straight away and it will only work when a long LONG time has passed that you both have no romantic feelings for each other . please stop!!!!!

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    I remember you, OP. You've made numerous threads about your situation. That alone shows how very not over him you are.

    Stop sleeping with him. Right now. He's already looking for someone else, and you know this. He's using you for sex, plain and simple.

    I know that as you aren't over him, it's hard to believe that he is over you and that the sex, to him, means nothing and is simply sex (especially if he is affectionate with you... but that does not mean he still has feelings for you). But that's exactly how it is, and you need to break it off right now. You're hurting yourself right now, and the longer you wait, the more it will hurt. The sooner you back away and start the process of getting over him, the sooner you can start being completely happy without him.
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    (Original post by GabbyM)
    That's what I cant decided on.. pain now vs pain later. I guess it'll happen either way.
    It hurts less to make the decision of your own free will, for you own good, to break things off. Having him "dump" you for this other girl he is chatting to and flirting with will hurt more.

    It is a lot better for you to make the choice and end it now.
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    One more thing I want to add, you will HATE yourself for letting yourself go down that low, contributing your low self esteem and destroying yourself. For what? Affection and not being alone. Its hard yes and its heart breaking I know, I'm going through nc myself but you know the funny thing is....I don't miss him I hate him, I wish him ill will and what's even worse I hate myself for it. I shouldn't give him anymore power. No.
    I hate myself for letting myself loose myself, needy and jealous and begging him to give the relationship a chance when it clearly wasn't going to work. The last time I had sex with him was soon after I begged. I wanted to cry and I felt disgusting during the intercourse. No one should feel that low.

    Show him that you can take care of yourself, show him that you don't need him and you don't. If you posted on this forum then somewhere inside you is telling you that this is wrong, it shouldn't feel this ****.

    Stop looking for ways for it to work and justifying his actions. You are worth more than that.

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    (Original post by GabbyM)
    Im not entirely sure who you are referring to as ive never seen any of their posts, but I don't think you should be judging someone based upon their feelings. Surely the whole part of the relationship forum is to offer support and advice? You could of at least given an answer in regards to the post.
    I'll just be echoing other posters with my advice but break it off, you're just hurting yourself. Making that first step to cutting contact will be hard, as someone else said, you don't seem over him at all but it will one of the best decisions you make.
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    (Original post by desdemonata)
    I remember you, OP. You've made numerous threads about your situation. That alone shows how very not over him you are.

    Stop sleeping with him. Right now. He's already looking for someone else, and you know this. He's using you for sex, plain and simple.

    I know that as you aren't over him, it's hard to believe that he is over you and that the sex, to him, means nothing and is simply sex (especially if he is affectionate with you... but that does not mean he still has feelings for you). But that's exactly how it is, and you need to break it off right now. You're hurting yourself right now, and the longer you wait, the more it will hurt. The sooner you back away and start the process of getting over him, the sooner you can start being completely happy without him.
    I suppose in a way, I brought this all on myself. He made it clear at the start of this "sex thing" that we would never be together again, although I still think his reasons for not being with me are unreasonable. I guess because he was showing me affection/taking me out I confused it with him wanting more. I used to text him everyday and he would happily reply back. I haven't texted him for a few days now, and its becoming really difficult to stop thinking about him. He's coming into my dreams almost every night and he slips into my mind occasionally too. From his point of view, nothing has changed between us. We are still on good terms and he's more than likely unaware of how I have reacted to him wanting to find someone new eventually. Ive been ridiculous in thinking he felt more than he actually does, I mean, he is a really nice guy, and ive probably made him out to be something he's not - after all, I agreed to do this. I think the thing that affected me most was him saying "I thought we were doing this so we didn't have to be alone" I cannot really speak to him about this because we've been through it so many times now, ill just be getting the same answers back off him. It probably seems like ive gotten attached unnecessarily, but he was my first boyfriend and sexual partner and throughout the relationship there were no arguments or bad times, so I haven't got anything to "dislike" him for. I guess he's just treating me like a normal "friend with benefit" now instead of like we are still together. I would like to remain friends (he said once this is over we will be) but im doubtful because we don't speak unless I start it the majority of the time, and have limited time with him when I do see him. Im just feeling really rubbish today.
 
 
 
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