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i can't tell my family i'm an atheist watch

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    im surprised there is no neg bandwagoning... tsr is growing up :')

    (Original post by Origami Bullets)
    Personally I'd wait until I could move out (but move out asap) and then tell them.

    You have to consider what will happen when you get to a marriageable age - are you going to find yourself pressured into an arranged marriage to another Muslim?
    This.
    my parents arent muslim, but i think they know what i am. i accidentally blurted it out in front of my dad when talking to a stranger (assuming he heard it), he isnt very religious so i think he would take it rather well. i had a brief conversation with my mum about it and it didnt go so well, she didnt like the notion of me being atheist and kept saying i was hindu. though when she talked of marriage, i flat out said no and she accepted it

    apart from some bits, im quite relieved to be brought up by relatively relaxed parents who dont force religion on me. Adding this with the fact that i dont talk to them much about my personal matters, im quite fortunate that i dont have to talk about religion. hardly ever comes up
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    ahh just tell them, explain your reasoning and just tell them you'll only go along with what they say if they can convince you otherwise. They can't argue with that.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have a similar problem where my family is very Christian and indoctrinated me as a child, but I'm 21 now and haven't been feeling it as much anymore, for the same reasons as you, such as doubts and then confusion over why there are so many different religions in existence and I'm forced into just one. I'm still living with my parents and financially dependent on them at the moment so I can't really risk telling them incase they disown me or something. Well, I dunno if they'd act that badly but I don't wanna risk it whilst I'm still depending on them for money. So for now, I just pretend to be into the whole praying and bible thing just to make them happy for now. I'm hoping that as I get a bit older and finally get a proper job and move out then it will be easier to deal with.
    I'm in basically the same situation as you, although I'm 19 not 21. My parents brought me up as a Christian but in the past few years I've been questioning it more and more to the point where now I don't really believe it. My doubts are along the same lines as yours and the OP's, why is there so many religions, would a loving God really punish people of other religions etc. I've expressed my doubts to them occasionally but more about Church than Christianity itself.

    I'm still living with my parents and I don't go to church, but they still think I'm a Christian- they keep telling me to join a church when I go to uni later this year. It just makes me feel really awkward but I don't want to tell them yet, especially when I'm still living with them, they'd just see it as a problem that needs to be fixed and probably try to get me 'help', just because I don't blindly follow things like they do. It's not like I've completely ruled out the possibility of a god but I want to make my own choices in life rather than simply believing in Christianity because they want me to. Maybe once I'm at uni it'll be easier to tell them.
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    All those people who are telling you to tell them are clearly white or very westernized with no understanding to the Islamic family dynamic. There's a good chance that telling them will lead to you being disowned by the family hell maybe even your entire community. My advice, keep going along with it up to the point of when you no longer need the support of your family which by now you should be attempting to minimize.
    • #4
    #4

    i am in such a similar situation. its not that i dont want to believe, i do but whenever my parents tell me to pray/fast i just find myself thinking "whats the point" and all sorts of other questions (which i later feel guilty about thinking). its true that people who dont come from a highly religious background can never understand just how difficult it is to voice opinions like this to your family...anything u say could potentially have you kicked out or at least mistrusted by the people you love. for now i think its best to keep quiet (as i am doing, especially during the month of ramadan) but wait till u are independent and maybe ur parents will realise it is not for u by subtly not participating in praying fasting etc. good luck x
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    My dad is atheist and my mum is a secular, non-practising Catholic so I find it a little hard to put myself in your shoes but if you genuinely think you being atheist will affect your family relationship then just wait until you move out to uni or you become financially independent before telling them.
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    (Original post by Clone93)
    All those people who are telling you to tell them are clearly white or very westernized with no understanding to the Islamic family dynamic. There's a good chance that telling them will lead to you being disowned by the family hell maybe even your entire community. My advice, keep going along with it up to the point of when you no longer need the support of your family which by now you should be attempting to minimize.
    What kind of family stops loving their own child just because they don't believe in the same things as they do? If being "westernized" means having family relationships built on love and not religion then I'm glad to be.
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    I am in the same position as you OP. I am asian, parents are asian, very traditional. A lot of the people here dont understand our situation, especially the non asians (dont take this in a racist fashion but if you're not asian, you dont understand).

    To explain to those who dont understand, our culture and family is all to do with religion. Our life is to do with religion, islam that is. So whenever there is a marriage, islam is the first thing, when two families get together, islam is the first thing. The culture is basically islam itself. There is also a lot of gossip and reputatin between families. If the child of a family is seen doing non islamic things, there is judgement upon the family. People gossip that the parents are no good and raise up whores and non believers. Parents can get quite scared of this because of all the peer pressure from 10 other families all gossiping.

    In any case, im in the same position, and i dont plan on telling my parents until im a mature adult and able to look after myself. Even then, if i feel it is wrong i wont tell them and let them believe i am an atheist. It is not because i am scared of what they will do, its more that i dont want to hurt them or cause any arguments, family problems. My family is amazing right now, i am so lucky to have them and to be annoyed that i cannot tell them one simple thing would be idiotic. There are many many people out there who would happily take my position in life, even if they have to fake their whole life. I have food on the table, warm house, loving family, all i could really want, education etc... And to complain about not being able to tell parents you're an atheist is a bit greedy and piggish.

    "oh you're entitled to your rights, you should be allowed, you're parents are just bad parents because they cannot accept who you are!!!"

    Oh really? The same parents who brought you up, nourished you, the mother who had to go through 9 months of hell to produce you, the father who worked day and night to feed you, the education you got, the house you got. Sure this doesnt apply to everyone, but for most it does. It would be pretty greedy to cause big problems within the family to tell your parents. However if you feel they are accepting enough, and liberal enough, enough to not cause any problems within family, then go for it.

    For me however, it wont workout that way, well not now. When im off to uni, and im a man it will be much easier.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    [QUOTE=0riental;43607225]My family is amazing right now, i am so lucky to have them and to be annoyed that i cannot tell them one simple thing would be idiotic. There are many many people out there who would happily take my position in life

    i'm not asian but family is still super important in my parents culture. i totally agree with you on this and my family is great and not wanting to upset them or make them feel like bad parents is one of the main reasons i don't tell them. i think playing along will hardly cause me any problems so i think this would be appropriate
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by 0riental)
    I am in the same position as you OP. I am asian, parents are asian, very traditional. A lot of the people here dont understand our situation, especially the non asians (dont take this in a racist fashion but if you're not asian, you dont understand).

    To explain to those who dont understand, our culture and family is all to do with religion. Our life is to do with religion, islam that is. So whenever there is a marriage, islam is the first thing, when two families get together, islam is the first thing. The culture is basically islam itself. There is also a lot of gossip and reputatin between families. If the child of a family is seen doing non islamic things, there is judgement upon the family. People gossip that the parents are no good and raise up whores and non believers. Parents can get quite scared of this because of all the peer pressure from 10 other families all gossiping.

    In any case, im in the same position, and i dont plan on telling my parents until im a mature adult and able to look after myself. Even then, if i feel it is wrong i wont tell them and let them believe i am an atheist. It is not because i am scared of what they will do, its more that i dont want to hurt them or cause any arguments, family problems. My family is amazing right now, i am so lucky to have them and to be annoyed that i cannot tell them one simple thing would be idiotic. There are many many people out there who would happily take my position in life, even if they have to fake their whole life. I have food on the table, warm house, loving family, all i could really want, education etc... And to complain about not being able to tell parents you're an atheist is a bit greedy and piggish.

    "oh you're entitled to your rights, you should be allowed, you're parents are just bad parents because they cannot accept who you are!!!"

    Oh really? The same parents who brought you up, nourished you, the mother who had to go through 9 months of hell to produce you, the father who worked day and night to feed you, the education you got, the house you got. Sure this doesnt apply to everyone, but for most it does. It would be pretty greedy to cause big problems within the family to tell your parents. However if you feel they are accepting enough, and liberal enough, enough to not cause any problems within family, then go for it.

    For me however, it wont workout that way, well not now. When im off to uni, and im a man it will be much easier.
    I'm the anon #2 that replied on the first page, and I totally agree with you on this! I'm not Asian though, I'm African, but I think it's a similar thing where it's quite unheard of for Africans to not be either Christian or Muslim. My family have always provided for me well, perhaps more than other families would or could, so I'm grateful for that and don't want to ruin things by announcing my lack of Christian faith at the moment when I still need a lot if their support. I wouldn't even say I was atheist tbh, just agnostic and unsure. I see the good points in religion but don't feel strongly enough the need to rigidly follow an organised set of beliefs, or worship a god that lets so much suffering happen in the world. Right now it just feels easier to play along as best as I can, even if it does get a bit annoying at times, it just seems the much lesser of two evils at the moment.

    Another problem I have as well though, is that I have a fairly new boyfriend who isn't religious. My parents know about him but don't know that he's not religious, so I'm quite dreading the day if/when they do ask. I dunno if I should lie to them or not, especially if I do eventually marry and have kids with him, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there!
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    (Original post by Ry_p94)
    What kind of family stops loving their own child just because they don't believe in the same things as they do? If being "westernized" means having family relationships built on love and not religion then I'm glad to be.
    You can't judge their culture by your own who is to say their way is wrong and yours is right?
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    (Original post by Ayesha1234)
    Curious; which post?


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Those posters are above your initial post


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    no i'm not Asian but my parent do come from an Islamic culture. they probably wouldn't understand so i will most likely put off telling them. i have read up on some of the Islamic teachings i find it largely contradictory, i don't blame people for believing in it but it just isn't for me.
    Two questions;

    1. How old are you?

    2. And what exactly did you find "largely contradictory"?


    (Original post by 0riental)
    until im a mature adult
    I thought so.
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    I would love to say "come out of the atheist closet," but I'm not naive enough to not consider that could result in an "honor killing."

    If you think you could be in danger if you come out as an atheist, don't. You're not martyring yourself for any cause, just live with it until you get the chance to leave the home (university perhaps?).
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    Whatever your decision good luck. There's no easy way out.

    Congrats on shaking off religion anyway.
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    hmm...
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    I'm twice as happy when I see Muslim going Atheist than a Christian. If only the east could be as secular as France; I wish you that.
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    Tell them, and if they kick you out they're not genuine human beings
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    Christianity teaches forgiveness ... lots. Turn the Other Cheek etc etc. And Jesus died for our sins on the cross according to the bible. OP, if you come out, and your parents cannot accept it or turf you out then they cannot be true followers of the religion as they would not be following the actions of Jesus Christ.

    Whilst I don't really have a religious identity (no idea what I believe in really), I do understand your questioning of religions.
    • #5
    #5

    Don't do it friend, don't do it. Just pretend to be a not so religious Muslim, at least this way your family won't get that huge slap in the face. Do what you want, but let them keep believing that at the very least you are still a Muslim. If you do something like drink and they say something about it then tell them that it's between you and Allah and they have no right to judge. Make Islam only your relationship/belief with Allah, not about it's rules and regulations. This should give you a bit of leeway to live life on your terms, while keeping your parents emotionally stable [somewhat]. Just be a loosely or non-practicing Muslim. Acting out the non-practicing muslim part is the same as being a non-muslim, only difference is that you'll get treated somewhat better. Just read one or two odd prayers in Ramadan and that will make your mother happy.

    Don't flat out tell them that your a atheist. Your parents love you and it's not their fault they couldn't get out of Islam. They were brainwashed too and even if they had doubts their Asian parents were probably stricter, so they stopped questioning. Don't be soo greedy that it will all come toppling down on you and on your parents.
 
 
 
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