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    Plait it It's not a drastic change that will damage your hair or anything, and plus plaits can look really pretty.

    I've got no idea about curly hair so I can't offer much advice! Do any of the frizz control serums work?
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    (Original post by pandabird)
    Plait it It's not a drastic change that will damage your hair or anything, and plus plaits can look really pretty.

    I've got no idea about curly hair so I can't offer much advice! Do any of the frizz control serums work?
    I wouldn't know about frizz control serums, and if I suggested it to my mum she wouldn't listen, like always.
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    (Original post by writerSalmon)
    She doesn't hit me regularly, but she threatens to do things to me sometimes. Once I was about to heat up some food to eat as a snack and she told me to heat up her container, so I said "okay" and put it on the counter so I could finish preparing the food I was preparing before she asked me. She yelled a minute or so later, asking where her food was. I told her I was still dealing with my food and she started yelling and she told me to put her food in first or she'd slap me.

    She's slapped me for putting clothes in the hamper, she told me not to put in a lot, so I didn't. My brother put in a lot, and she thought it was me and slapped me. She found out it was my brother and did nothing. She didn't even apologize.

    She's going to take me to go get my ears pierced which I am loathing; it's probably going to hurt. I don't want to go, but she calls me disrespectful when I object and tells me that she's in control of me.

    I'm already really self-conscious and shy, and the hair ordeal doesn't help either. I feel like "that stupid girl with the weird hair" when I go outside, I feel like people are looking at my frizzy hair sticking out of a peculiar hairstyle and thinking badly of me.

    I know parents can tell you to do anything they want you to do within the law, but should it make the child feel distressed?
    If this is all true then please go and talk to someone. This sounds a lot like an abusive parent to me.
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    (Original post by writerSalmon)
    Sorry if this is a handful to read -- if so, skip to the end.

    I'm 13 but my mum won't let me do my own hair. I don't want to dye it or do anything like that to it; I just want it natural; curly. I have very tight curls which draw up easily and are quite delicate. The curls look like this but the sections a bit thinner (and not my hair colour, but this is just an example): http://www.tightlycurly.com/images/c...148%20copy.jpg

    This is what happens when you comb it out: http://www.tightlycurly.com/images/c...0combed164.jpg

    I had a chance to do my own hair after several years of my mum doing it, and alas; I failed. My hair was curly and I got compliments, but I started getting matted hair at the back of my hair because I didn't want to comb my hair out and cause the picture before. My mum relinquished my privileges and started getting out the mats with a comb. She hit me for doing that to my hair, and I cried. She told me "crying isn't going to help you" and told me to keep crying because she doesn't care.

    So now, two weeks later, she says my hair's in "good condition" when she's doing it when it's brittle, dry, and frizzy. It actually itches. After she washes my hair and it's curly, and I actually like my hair; she rakes a comb through my hair, making my hair frizzy and just... feral.

    I've asked "Can I try something new with my hair?" to her, but she just immediately says "No." She thinks she knows how to do my hair; but she doesn't. When she was younger, she had wavy hair which was more manageable than mine. She straightened it so much that it's permanently straight, now.

    Also, my sister and dad are involved with all of this also. They have tiny little meetings to discuss what they're going to do to my hair. My mum always listens to my sister and dad, even though my sister doesn't live at home anymore and is just staying for a while until she gets a new job, and my dad and her are divorced. My sister has suggested to cornrow my hair until I'm sixteen; an idea I absolutely hate. I can't pull off cornrows like some others can; they make my head look thin, and they hurt my scalp. And if there's an itch underneath one of the braids; I'm screwed.

    My mum has hit me in the past for doing things different with my hair, so please don't suggest "just do what you want with your hair behind her back", because I don't want to get hit again.

    TL;DR:

    1) I have very tight curls.
    2) After years of having to sit at my mum's feet and let her pull my hair out with a comb, I finally get to do my hair.
    3) I fail miserably; hair has huge mat at the back of it.
    4) Mum = furious. Hits me on the back of the head whilst combing it out.
    5) 2 weeks later hair = brittle & dry
    6) Sister suggests cornrows until age of 16; mum likes the idea, yet I am miserable.
    7) I am not allowed to do anything with my hair or defy my mum in any way or form.

    no offence, but your mum sounds like an utter control freak, and what she's doing to you is bordering child abuse. I think this is an issue you should really raise with your teachers or something. Also, you're 13? Why is your mother still doing this, does she dress you as well?
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    (Original post by writerSalmon)
    I don't complain, I just feel really down when she does my hair in one of her weird ways that she thinks looks good. I sometimes ask if I can try something new with my hair and she says "no", like usual. Again, I can't just do what I want, she'd hit me/get my father involved.
    Yes, I got this from the other times you said it. Either talk to your mother reasonably, and I mean really reasonably. Tell her, reasonably, that you feel your hair is being damaged/whatever by what she is doing. Or, shout at her vilely until she cries. Male sense pill: TSR will not help with your mother issues
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    (Original post by writerSalmon)
    I wouldn't know about frizz control serums, and if I suggested it to my mum she wouldn't listen, like always.
    Well it sounds like you aren't allowed to change anything at the minute because of your mum. So maybe you could just look into how to control the frizz without doing anything too drastic.

    This seems quite useful http://m.wikihow.com/Manage-Curly-and-Frizzy-Hair
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    (Original post by hcu95)
    no offence, but your mum sounds like an utter control freak, and what she's doing to you is bordering child abuse. I think this is an issue you should really raise with your teachers or something. Also, you're 13? Why is your mother still doing this, does she dress you as well?
    Agreed
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    (Original post by hcu95)
    no offence, but your mum sounds like an utter control freak, and what she's doing to you is bordering child abuse. I think this is an issue you should really raise with your teachers or something. Also, you're 13? Why is your mother still doing this, does she dress you as well?
    I really don't know. She paints my nails when I don't want them painted and says that she's turning me into a girl. I don't need to prove to anyone that I'm a girl by painting my nails; it's stupid and a waste of time to me.

    My dad used to control the clothes I wore a lot. It made me self-conscious because he chose things that were too tight and didn't flatter me at all. Once we were to go to a theme park; I was SO excited. All I had to wear was a blue dress from Primark which I hated, but I really wanted to go. While waiting in the line for a ride, I spotted a young girl (probably around 3 or 4) in the same dress. I felt really insecure, and what made it worse is that she wanted to take pictures of me and I said I didn't feel comfortable with it and she kept pressuring me for photos then eventually she told me that she'd take me back to the car park to sit in the car by myself while her and my brothers go on rides. She dropped the camera thing, but glared at me for most of the wait in the line.

    Earlier today, she bought me some heels for a wedding coming soon. I told her I'm uncomfortable with heels and that I think ballet flats would be better but she ignored me and told me that "all girls want heels at her age". She told me to walk to the end of the living room in them; it was HORRIBLE. My toes were stuffed into a small closing, and my feet were forced into a strange curve. I was wearing the right shoe size, too. I told her it hurt, but she told me to keep walking. It didn't fit at all, so thankfully she's going to return the damned shoes to get some flats.

    She says she's to control my overall appearance until I'm 18.
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    (Original post by William Turtle)
    Yes, I got this from the other times you said it. Either talk to your mother reasonably, and I mean really reasonably. Tell her, reasonably, that you feel your hair is being damaged/whatever by what she is doing. Or, shout at her vilely until she cries. Male sense pill: TSR will not help with your mother issues
    I know TSR isn't a psychologist, but I'm too shy to speak to anyone in real life and I don't want to use Childline.
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    (Original post by writerSalmon)
    I really don't know. She paints my nails when I don't want them painted and says that she's turning me into a girl. I don't need to prove to anyone that I'm a girl by painting my nails; it's stupid and a waste of time to me.

    My dad used to control the clothes I wore a lot. It made me self-conscious because he chose things that were too tight and didn't flatter me at all. Once we were to go to a theme park; I was SO excited. All I had to wear was a blue dress from Primark which I hated, but I really wanted to go. While waiting in the line for a ride, I spotted a young girl (probably around 3 or 4) in the same dress. I felt really insecure, and what made it worse is that she wanted to take pictures of me and I said I didn't feel comfortable with it and she kept pressuring me for photos then eventually she told me that she'd take me back to the car park to sit in the car by myself while her and my brothers go on rides. She dropped the camera thing, but glared at me for most of the wait in the line.

    Earlier today, she bought me some heels for a wedding coming soon. I told her I'm uncomfortable with heels and that I think ballet flats would be better but she ignored me and told me that "all girls want heels at her age". She told me to walk to the end of the living room in them; it was HORRIBLE. My toes were stuffed into a small closing, and my feet were forced into a strange curve. I was wearing the right shoe size, too. I told her it hurt, but she told me to keep walking. It didn't fit at all, so thankfully she's going to return the damned shoes to get some flats.

    She says she's to control my overall appearance until I'm 18.
    You seriously need to take people's advice here, it's no use asking for help on tsr and not taking any. Don't you have any other relatives you could live with? your sister maybe?
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    (Original post by hcu95)
    You seriously need to take people's advice here, it's no use asking for help on tsr and not taking any. Don't you have any other relatives you could live with? your sister maybe?
    I've asked to go live at my dad's house before, but she's said no. She probably wouldn't let me live at my relatives' houses either. Sorry about the advice thing, it's just that I can't do a lot.
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    (Original post by writerSalmon)
    I've asked to go live at my dad's house before, but she's said no. She probably wouldn't let me live at my relatives' houses either. Sorry about the advice thing, it's just that I can't do a lot.
    run away?:K:
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    (Original post by writerSalmon)
    I'm not allowed to put anything in my hair, my mum wouldn't like that... :/

    She's hit me in the past for that, too.
    Wow, your mum is black and she doesn't let you put anything in your hair?
    You need to put things in your hair. I was hoping she'd at least understand that. Why won't she let you?

    All I can say for now is use water to keep it moist-ish because water is actually surprisingly good for your hair.
    I really recommend plaiting it. It seems like your only option for a while.

    I'm sorry about your situation, sounds like your dealing with some seriously strict caribbean parents here. My parents are caribbean/african and they're strict but not that strict.
    If you're really really upset and want to talk about it with someone then maybe try calling a line of some sort. If you're shy fair enough but bear in mind that talking about it will probably help you in the long run.
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    Why don't you want to use childline? They can offer professional advice about the situation if you tell them basically what you told us.
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    (Original post by mxliss)
    Wow, your mum is black and she doesn't let you put anything in your hair?
    You need to put things in your hair. I was hoping she'd at least understand that. Why won't she let you?

    All I can say for now is use water to keep it moist-ish because water is actually surprisingly good for your hair.
    I really recommend plaiting it. It seems like your only option for a while.

    I'm sorry about your situation, sounds like your dealing with some seriously strict caribbean parents here. My parents are caribbean/african and they're strict but not that strict.
    If you're really really upset and want to talk about it with someone then maybe try calling a line of some sort. If you're shy fair enough but bear in mind that talking about it will probably help you in the long run.
    I agree. I also have Caribbean parents (from Grenada) and they were quite similar when I was younger, wasn't allowed to do anything they didn't agree with and they didn't care if I tried to reason from them. But there's a bit difference between being a strict parent and being an abusive one

    Obviously I can't say if your mum IS abusive or just being a strict parent, but I don't think this behaviour is healthy at all. Is there any teachers at school who you can trust? If you're too shy to explain it to them, why not type out what's been going on and give it to them? Childline is confidential too, so their number won't appear on any phone bills.

    Talking about this to someone you trust or with Childline doesn't mean your family will be split up. It just means that you're going to get better advice from a professional than people like us on TSR
 
 
 
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