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Feel my relationship is threatened by my girlfriend's best guy friend. A bit jealous watch

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    Hello Riku,

    I have couple of questions for you buddy:

    Are you and your girlfriend in a committed relationship? Is it okay for both of you to have close girl and guy friends?
    Obviously she is okay with having a boyfriend and a close guy friend, yet you seem to be uncomfortable with that. The question is how you go about to handle this conflict.

    Worst possible approach is to show weakness or whine about her close guy friend. Never do that as it makes her get more distanced from you.

    I strongly advise that you make up your mind, right here, but not right now, think for a while first and don't rush it. See which path fits you most:

    Choice 1: You love her for who she is, shut down negative thoughts and feelings and give her love even if it is not received or appreciated by her. The advantages would be you win her eventually but you may not be comfortable for a long while.

    Choice 2: You think and consider every aspect first. If you find this relationship unsuitable for your nature, your best bet is to quit and find someone compatible with you who actually is willingly reserved for you in every way. It is NOT easy to quit considering the history you two had. The disadvantage is suffering for a while, may be even for a year and the advantage is possibility of finding a healthy relationship.

    Although you could get a 'close' female friend too but it really isn't resourceful to your relationship.

    - - - - - - -

    My thoughts:

    Personally I don't believe guys and girls can be 'just friends'. But since this is NOT my relationship I leave my thoughts out of this.

    If you wish to be with your girlfriend in classic definition of 'long term relationship', go for choice 1. But I warn you it's not easy and the difference of views in you and your girlfriend is a bit obvious.

    Since it's your relationship, you will be the one who decides. Just try not to rush. There is always time to decide.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    If she does this she will know she is setting me up for even worse anxiety issues than I already have (and she knows about)
    she will destroy my faith in love for a long time (I come from a divorced family)
    and she will betray her own faith, which she strongly upholds

    If shebreaks up with me, that would be OK. But if she cheats on me then all the above.
    she is not responsible for your issues - they are your issues. Possibly trying to guilt her into staying because of them is very wrong and very selfish.

    Secondly where does it say in her faith that she MUST stay with you and not get into a different relationship?

    If she goes, then she goes (of course they might just be friends) but i will tell you something - this whiny "hes so much better than me" self deprevating passive aggressive thing youve got going is about as attractive as stepping in dog mess. And that WILL push her away and then its your own fault.

    You have strengths and skills - use them, stop focussing on what he has and focus on what you have.
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    I wouldn't worry about it too much man, you've basically met the guy that's gonna be banging your girl once you're done with her.

    Put it out of your mind, and just enjoy being the one banging her for now. Chances are she isn't the love of your life.
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    (Original post by desdemonata)
    This. This this this this.

    OP stop worrying about your girlfriend leaving you! That kind of insecurity is so self-destructive, you need to sort it out for your own sake, stop trying to defend what you do. Stop putting yourself down and bigging other people up and stop just wallowing in insecure and negative thoughts.

    Don't make excuses for yourself. You've made how many threads now about problems in your relationship... that only you see? You're creating imaginary issues that might actually come back to haunt you if you continue to be so needy for reassurance.

    Chin up. She's with you... you're really insulting her by always doubting her, and her motives, and her trustworthiness. Has she actually ever done anything tangible to make you doubt her or suspect that in those two hours she had that guy's hands "all over her"? If I found out my boyfriend was doubting me for no real reason other than I'm friends with a guy (and this IS the only reason - all the differences you see between you and him you've created in your head, highlighting and cherry picking the parts that allow you to get all worried about how amazing he is and you aren't), I'd be pretty upset with him.
    I want to agree with you, so why are all the other guys trying to be funny and say I've got X months then she'll swap to him?
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    (Original post by silverbolt)
    she is not responsible for your issues - they are your issues. Possibly trying to guilt her into staying because of them is very wrong and very selfish.

    Secondly where does it say in her faith that she MUST stay with you and not get into a different relationship?

    If she goes, then she goes (of course they might just be friends) but i will tell you something - this whiny "hes so much better than me" self deprevating passive aggressive thing youve got going is about as attractive as stepping in dog mess. And that WILL push her away and then its your own fault.

    You have strengths and skills - use them, stop focussing on what he has and focus on what you have.
    I actually agree with you, which is why I want to nip it in the bud. And yes, they are my issues. I don't want her to stay with me out of feeling she'd be leaving me with them, I want her to do what makes her happy.
    However I don't want her cheating on me, obviously. If she breaks up with me fair enough. But she hasn't given any reason to actually, which is why I'm so confused.

    So why are all the guys telling me he is better than me, then? That she's planning to dump me any moment now? Great confidence boost that.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    I want to agree with you, so why are all the other guys trying to be funny and say I've got X months then she'll swap to him?
    Because they're trolling you? Because they haven't seen other posts of yours and think that you have more substantial things to go off?

    This is TSR. Take it with a pinch of salt.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    This is related to two other threads I've recently made, on fears she will leave and stigma of men expressing emotion or asking for help.

    Basically, my lady has a guy friend. She met him earlier this year, and she sees him a lot since he is doing her subject.

    He's called 'Superman'. This nickname gets to me. He doesn't quite look like Clark Kent, but it feels very flirty and he's quite good-looking. Personally I think better-looking than me.

    Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy. He seems smart, confident, funny, down to earth, up for a laugh, we're into a lot of the same things (I feel like he knows more). I don't want to hold anything against him, but yesterday when we were in his company, it felt like
    a) she talked much more to him (and they're both bubbly so bounce off each other, whereas I'm slow-witted, some might say stupid at times)
    b) she seemed to enjoy his company more, again whether this is true or not I again do not know
    c) She laughed a lot at his jokes. A lot. I didn't even bother competing, I just joined in.
    He is a naturally funny guy. Again I think, he must be more fun to be around then, she'll enjoy his company more etc.
    I've never felt very funny even though my dad (LOL) says I am and so does she

    One which really riles me (besides her glee when 'Superman! ' texts) is when we were playing Mario Kart in the pub. She had a really great time, so perhaps I shouldn't complain. But they said 'it was gettig hotter and hotter in there', she said 'I never knew I had so much power in me!' (first time playing videogames, got competitive etc.) and she then talked to him about this girl at a party who asked him out and said 'did they know you were taken?'
    This was all said as we all walked to the bus stop together. I didn't say much.

    He is currently seeing someone else as inferred, but I can tell that my girlfriend likes him. Whether as a friend or more, I don't know. I sensed sexual tension between the two of them and possible flirting, that I don't feel on quite the same level when I'm with her (but then I'm basing this off one incident).
    On principle my girlfriend should not get with him regardless of cheating on me, because she is religious and believes in the sanctity of love and marriage. I would hope she sticks to those principles because her integrity is one of the reasons I love her

    Despite this, when I left them there for two hours while I had to attend a lecture-I had a gnawing sensation I was going to come back to the pub and find them on top of each other on the pub sofa, hands all over each other. (I didn't, but who knows what went on in those last two hours?) This was before she said these things (it wasn't all flirty, some friendly, but I picked out the three most memorable moments

    I told my girlfriend how I felt (about the feeling awkward with Superman, not her cheating on me) and she reassured me that I'm a cool guy too etc,. I've already asked about him before and she said 'she's just a friend' (like they all say)




    edit: I should add that I am a certified paranoid. TSR knows me too well now, might as well et it out of the blue, I have an anxiety disorder in case you didn't guess already.
    I shouldn't let this consume and define me but unfortunately that's not always easy. Especially when my anxiety interferes with things like socialising (can't drink much for example, and get a bit nervous clubbing in town or walking through the city at night)

    Since this incident my girlfriend has talked to me, texted I Love Yous, cuddled me and told me I smell great and I'm not losing her anytime soon, and has excitedly requested we go on many planned dates such as upcoming concert tickets for both of us.


    I personally fearthat they
    . She likes my company, affection and the presents I give her, but she's waiting to go off with him when he breaks up.
    However there's no proof of this and I do have a history of severe anxiety of the tinfoil hat variety :P
    For example my 'gut instinct' has told me that

    -I will have a heart attack for going to bed at 2AM or eating a pizza
    -The police are going to come and arrest me one day, usually around 11 in the morning, as I'm chilling in my jimmies eating Weetabix, oh what a clumsy fool I am for chilling
    -There is a massive conspiracy in school where everyone knows I'm now 'crazy' (after my diagnosis of GAD) and is a bit scared but have all been told in an assembly that they should be nice to me and not let me in on it
    -Everyone in work is talking about me, laughing behind my back, and my boss is looking for ways to humiliate me and give me the sack
    -At my worst I suspected the Illuminati were watching

    I'm not sure how to feel, it's her choice who she socialises with, not mine. But in my partanoia-ridden and not necessarily true thoughtsit feels as if they will grow closer day by day, until she finally breaks it off with me. It makes me question who she's thinking of when she cuddles me.

    Again this is despite us having proclaimed love, she's told me such things as 'you'd be a great dad ', various dreams about us which I'm not at liberty to say, and having been together for 7 months. Throughout the whole time she has been aware of my anxiety and helped me with it.

    If you think women have integrity, no matter their religious or moral beliefs, you, my friend, are a moron.
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    (Original post by Semkou)
    Hello Riku,

    I have couple of questions for you buddy:

    Are you and your girlfriend in a committed relationship? Is it okay for both of you to have close girl and guy friends?
    Obviously she is okay with having a boyfriend and a close guy friend, yet you seem to be uncomfortable with that. The question is how you go about to handle this conflict.

    Worst possible approach is to show weakness or whine about her close guy friend. Never do that as it makes her get more distanced from you.

    I strongly advise that you make up your mind, right here, but not right now, think for a while first and don't rush it. See which path fits you most:

    Choice 1: You love her for who she is, shut down negative thoughts and feelings and give her love even if it is not received or appreciated by her. The advantages would be you win her eventually but you may not be comfortable for a long while.

    Choice 2: You think and consider every aspect first. If you find this relationship unsuitable for your nature, your best bet is to quit and find someone compatible with you who actually is willingly reserved for you in every way. It is NOT easy to quit considering the history you two had. The disadvantage is suffering for a while, may be even for a year and the advantage is possibility of finding a healthy relationship.

    Although you could get a 'close' female friend too but it really isn't resourceful to your relationship.

    - - - - - - -

    My thoughts:

    Personally I don't believe guys and girls can be 'just friends'. But since this is NOT my relationship I leave my thoughts out of this.

    If you wish to be with your girlfriend in classic definition of 'long term relationship', go for choice 1. But I warn you it's not easy and the difference of views in you and your girlfriend is a bit obvious.

    Since it's your relationship, you will be the one who decides. Just try not to rush. There is always time to decide.
    I would say we are in a committed relationship of 7 months. Yes we're allowed to have close guy or girl friends, but not so open that I'd be happy with her ****ing them.
    I would also say that she doesn't believe that relationships should be superficial and despised the dating culture in college. She's looking for something pretty serious. In fact she is holding on to her virginity until marriage due to her religious beliefs.
    If she cheats on me she's a hypocrite. If she dumps me, fair enough. But since she still says I Love You, I assume she doesn't want to.
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    (Original post by desdemonata)
    Because they're trolling you? Because they haven't seen other posts of yours and think that you have more substantial things to go off?

    This is TSR. Take it with a pinch of salt.
    I don't think they're trolling me...
    I think they genuinely believe that all women want is a quick shag with a hot guy, and thats what she's after.
    I can't agree with them since I respect her, just hope she doesn't betray those principles.
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    (Original post by shiggydiggy)
    Ouch. Here is how the future of this relationship will pan out:

    She will become more and more distant.
    You question her and she says they are 'just friends'.
    Eventually she tells you she is 'confused' and will refuse to elaborate.
    She becomes even more distant and closed off.
    She breaks up with you because she 'needs space'.
    Two weeks later she announces she is with her superman.

    Enjoy those feels when they come, for they are coming. A monkey never lets go of a branch until it is holding on to another. Every man has this sixth sense about relationships. If you feel as though something isn't right in your gut, you're probably correct. You can feel her slipping between your fingers.

    In reality, what she is doing is actually quite disrespectful towards you. My honest suggestion would be that you chuck her before she inevitably does the above. It will be less painful for you in the future.
    Wasn't put in the nicest way but I think you do speak sense...
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    (Original post by Riku)
    I would say we are in a committed relationship of 7 months. Yes we're allowed to have close guy or girl friends, but not so open that I'd be happy with her ****ing them.
    I would also say that she doesn't believe that relationships should be superficial and despised the dating culture in college. She's looking for something pretty serious. In fact she is holding on to her virginity until marriage due to her religious beliefs.
    If she cheats on me she's a hypocrite. If she dumps me, fair enough. But since she still says I Love You, I assume she doesn't want to.

    All right, so it's defined and accepted to have close male and female friends.
    Have you seen her cheating on you? No. Then why would you go that far, brother?


    Imagine yourself 'alone'. You're by your own, happy and independent.
    Now imagine she is flirting with someone else, but you're still YOU, remain unaffected.
    proceed to imagine that she is cheating on you.
    Does Riku lose anything? Isn't he still the same Riku that he was!?
    Then why are you worried my friend? Are you worried to lose her? Of course, that's a valid reason to be worried... But should your worries be that great that could affect your 'life' and well-being? I'd say no .
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    (Original post by Riku)
    I would say we are in a committed relationship of 7 months. Yes we're allowed to have close guy or girl friends, but not so open that I'd be happy with her ****ing them.
    I would also say that she doesn't believe that relationships should be superficial and despised the dating culture in college. She's looking for something pretty serious. In fact she is holding on to her virginity until marriage due to her religious beliefs.
    If she cheats on me she's a hypocrite. If she dumps me, fair enough. But since she still says I Love You, I assume she doesn't want to.
    Like you said in your original post, TSR knows you well and I hope you can sort out these issues in your mind soon - it can't be much fun carrying this around with you.

    I don't know whether the balance of the replies you get on TSR is useful to you. I sense it's therapeutic to write out your feelings. All I'd say is be wary about always publishing them - there is a markedly impatient strand on here and it would be bad news if posting up here actually made you feel worse about things.

    I know that the rational part of you has faith in your girlfriend. You need to keep listening to that part whilst you fix the other stuff.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    I actually agree with you, which is why I want to nip it in the bud. And yes, they are my issues. I don't want her to stay with me out of feeling she'd be leaving me with them, I want her to do what makes her happy.
    However I don't want her cheating on me, obviously. If she breaks up with me fair enough. But she hasn't given any reason to actually, which is why I'm so confused.

    So why are all the guys telling me he is better than me, then? That she's planning to dump me any moment now? Great confidence boost that.
    thats what other people are saying. people say all sorts of things.

    is shes not a cheater she wont cheat (and you know her better than we do) - yes she may break up with you for him - but on the other hand could be very happy with you
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    (Original post by Riku)
    This is related to two other threads I've recently made, on fears she will leave and stigma of men expressing emotion or asking for help.

    Basically, my lady has a guy friend. She met him earlier this year, and she sees him a lot since he is doing her subject.

    He's called 'Superman'. This nickname gets to me. He doesn't quite look like Clark Kent, but it feels very flirty and he's quite good-looking. Personally I think better-looking than me.

    Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy. He seems smart, confident, funny, down to earth, up for a laugh, we're into a lot of the same things (I feel like he knows more). I don't want to hold anything against him, but yesterday when we were in his company, it felt like
    a) she talked much more to him (and they're both bubbly so bounce off each other, whereas I'm slow-witted, some might say stupid at times)
    b) she seemed to enjoy his company more, again whether this is true or not I again do not know
    c) She laughed a lot at his jokes. A lot. I didn't even bother competing, I just joined in.
    He is a naturally funny guy. Again I think, he must be more fun to be around then, she'll enjoy his company more etc.
    I've never felt very funny even though my dad (LOL) says I am and so does she

    One which really riles me (besides her glee when 'Superman! ' texts) is when we were playing Mario Kart in the pub. She had a really great time, so perhaps I shouldn't complain. But they said 'it was gettig hotter and hotter in there', she said 'I never knew I had so much power in me!' (first time playing videogames, got competitive etc.) and she then talked to him about this girl at a party who asked him out and said 'did they know you were taken?'
    This was all said as we all walked to the bus stop together. I didn't say much.

    He is currently seeing someone else as inferred, but I can tell that my girlfriend likes him. Whether as a friend or more, I don't know. I sensed sexual tension between the two of them and possible flirting, that I don't feel on quite the same level when I'm with her (but then I'm basing this off one incident).
    On principle my girlfriend should not get with him regardless of cheating on me, because she is religious and believes in the sanctity of love and marriage. I would hope she sticks to those principles because her integrity is one of the reasons I love her

    Despite this, when I left them there for two hours while I had to attend a lecture-I had a gnawing sensation I was going to come back to the pub and find them on top of each other on the pub sofa, hands all over each other. (I didn't, but who knows what went on in those last two hours?) This was before she said these things (it wasn't all flirty, some friendly, but I picked out the three most memorable moments

    I told my girlfriend how I felt (about the feeling awkward with Superman, not her cheating on me) and she reassured me that I'm a cool guy too etc,. I've already asked about him before and she said 'she's just a friend' (like they all say)




    edit: I should add that I am a certified paranoid. TSR knows me too well now, might as well et it out of the blue, I have an anxiety disorder in case you didn't guess already.
    I shouldn't let this consume and define me but unfortunately that's not always easy. Especially when my anxiety interferes with things like socialising (can't drink much for example, and get a bit nervous clubbing in town or walking through the city at night)

    Since this incident my girlfriend has talked to me, texted I Love Yous, cuddled me and told me I smell great and I'm not losing her anytime soon, and has excitedly requested we go on many planned dates such as upcoming concert tickets for both of us.


    I personally fearthat they
    . She likes my company, affection and the presents I give her, but she's waiting to go off with him when he breaks up.
    However there's no proof of this and I do have a history of severe anxiety of the tinfoil hat variety :P
    For example my 'gut instinct' has told me that

    -I will have a heart attack for going to bed at 2AM or eating a pizza
    -The police are going to come and arrest me one day, usually around 11 in the morning, as I'm chilling in my jimmies eating Weetabix, oh what a clumsy fool I am for chilling
    -There is a massive conspiracy in school where everyone knows I'm now 'crazy' (after my diagnosis of GAD) and is a bit scared but have all been told in an assembly that they should be nice to me and not let me in on it
    -Everyone in work is talking about me, laughing behind my back, and my boss is looking for ways to humiliate me and give me the sack
    -At my worst I suspected the Illuminati were watching

    I'm not sure how to feel, it's her choice who she socialises with, not mine. But in my partanoia-ridden and not necessarily true thoughtsit feels as if they will grow closer day by day, until she finally breaks it off with me. It makes me question who she's thinking of when she cuddles me.

    Again this is despite us having proclaimed love, she's told me such things as 'you'd be a great dad ', various dreams about us which I'm not at liberty to say, and having been together for 7 months. Throughout the whole time she has been aware of my anxiety and helped me with it.
    Didn't bother to read it after your other thread :rolleyes: Either go sort yourself out or break up with her, in hope you will stop making these threads.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    It's not all to do with physical things

    a) I felt he was funnier
    b) He seemed more knowledgeable
    c) Yes the looks thing came into play (naturally good-looking, I don't think he worked out or anything, in fact he was admitted to being involved in some dare with his younger sister to give up chocolate for a week, which he was struggling with :P
    d) This is going to sound silly, but...I may sleep worse than him, which means less energy, which is due to anxiety putting me in a constant state of fatigue, and I seem to think it's a weakness
    e) As I already mentioned, basically I feel weak and inferior for having been diagnosed with a mental illness and a learning disability. Dyspraxia from a young age, anxiety for 3 years.
    She knows all of this and is supportive!

    She's still texting I Love Yous and Do you want to go do X thing?
    I'm very confused.
    I am trying to give her space

    I'm hoping I don't really neglect myself all the time. I'm also hoping I'm not being self-piteous
    I'm wondering whether my logic even makes sense, it's like I'm weighing me and Superman up.
    'Good Looking+Funny; with someone else' vs 'Sweet, Smart, Caring and Kinda Cute and Funny Tbh; think I'm In Love'

    Here's a question: do people say I Love You (not 'love ya') when they don't really mean and are planning to dump you any day? Or am I applying the lowest common denominator of society as the general rule?
    After 7 months together, I think I should start trusting her more.
    Right. I'm sure you'll agree that there are many more funnier, more knowledgeable and some damn good looking women out there, yes? Do you then fall for them because your girlfriend lacks their characteristics? NO! People are so different OP and have different things they like. You love your partner for certain characteristics, and that is unlikely to change if a third party enters the equation. It's not that this guy is better than you but it's due to your low self worth that you actually believe he is. But the truth is, you're VERY different from him, you two are not even comparable.

    If you're worried then you have to do something about it. Do something you're good at or just simply do your own thing. Honestly, take some space and do something you enjoy, something you're passionate about, maybe related to what you want to do in the future. You'll start to value yourself now and you'll feel like your girlfriend has something to lose as well. Because I think you feel it's only you who's going to be hurt here, as if you can't live without her but she can live without you. I'm right aren't I? Well that's BS. You need to stop dwelling on negativity now and actually do something that will create the realisation of YOUR importance. I'm pretty sure in a loving relationship both people feel loved, but in some cases one may not feel loved if they're aren't content with their own physical/mental status, even if the other truly loves them.

    You have 'anxiety' right? So something small happens and you begin to think about it, then analyse it and finally you begin to dwell on worst case scenarios. These thoughts aren't reality. Your mind is over active and you're making stuff up in your head, stuff that isn't real. I know this because I have had therapy for anxiety. It's not nice. But the fact is, it was not until I began to get my **** together and look after myself that things got better. No amount of reassurance is going to fix your anxiety in the long term, maybe it will work for a couple of days but then you have to repeat that reassurance process again. This is what is going to ruin your relationship.

    Ignore all of the crap about alpha/beta males. Just take a look around you and tell me that most girls have a physically superior, macho boyfriend. This simply isn't true because there are MANY reasons why people are together. You get girls who like skinny guys, muscly guys, average guys, nerdy guys, bad asses and douche bags. A lot of it is to do with non-physical things. So improve your mood, look happy and gain some self esteem to show your girl that you ARE capable of handling your own problems whilst also being independent. It's not that she doesn't love you because of your inability to pick yourself up, as I'm sure she does love you, but because you channel all of your problems directly to your relationship or her. This will make her feel guilty and may also lead her to feel as if you don't trust her. Would you stay with your girlfriend if she didn't trust you and was constantly OVER-thinking and questioning things you do. I think not man.
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    My dear Riku: members of the opposite sex can be friends. I reckon that if you continue to let your insecurities dominate you and the relationship, she will leave you. Not because of Superman, but because it's a lot for someone to deal with. I know that if things came down to it, I would dump a guy if he asked me to choose between him and my friends. x
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    I will look in morning or some other time as not much time now but thanks guys, I've decided it's my anxiety.
    She's given me no reason to think she's cheating on me, or even that she likes her friend more.

    See how it goes
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    Riku, I'm sure I say this to you in every thread of yours - your worrying is going to damage (and possibly even end) your relationship. If your girlfriend thinks you don't trust her then she will feel less inclined towards you.

    Also, if you love her because of her integrity to her beliefs, then if she goes against those beliefs, that isn't something you want anyway so you probably shouldn't be with her in that case.

    Finally, please remember that girls do have guy friends. I have quite a few really close friends who are girls. (Though that may be cause I'm gay, but even so)
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    By the sounds of it I don't think you have anything to worry about, you do need to trust her more rather than getting paranoid and thinking the worst, this will only push her away. From your description of her and how understanding she has been about your anxiety disorder, I do not believe that she would betray you, she knows what that would do to you and I don't think she would string you along until "superman" is single either. Worst case scenario she would break up with you if she had stronger feelings for him but she doesn't seem like the type of person who would cheat, especially on somebody who she does seem to genuinely love. For the record, I don't think that is very likely either.
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    (Original post by eagleclawsan)
    x

    1) I seem to struggle with the concept that people aren't necessarily 'better', just different.
    Possibly to do with the fact Western culture is incredibly materialist and hierarchical.

    2) I am doing that, a degree. I'm doing an English and History degree at a Russell Group uni, same as the one she goes to. One of my thoughts was to go into primary school teaching after or post-grad, touch wood.

    My anxiety's left me with increased social anxiety (ironically over having to hide my anxiety i.e. the fact I'm 'mental') which is why I withdrew to TSR in the first place actually. (Well specifically, I thought I couldn't move very far orI'd have a heart attack, so I got stuck sitting down on the computer a lot; now the health anxiety is still there but not as severe, it's the shame of my disorder which has made me withdraw from some friends. Not all thankfully

    I had a few dreams I wanted to chase such as a band, but have now realised that I'm one of the least likely people to survive the rock'n'roll lifestyle. I mean I don't even drink much ffs. I've also recently had to sell my drum kit so need to reconsider that.
    For now I'm basically singing cover songs to myself, in the shower :P it's therapeutic

    I'd agree I probs need to do i more still though
    One of my favourite things to do was exercise and the gym. Unfortunately having had anxiety-related eating problems in the past (much less so now), I can't do that now without feeling guilty. I keep asking for reassurance that it's OK that I'm going to do whatever because I don't want to be sent back to the Eating Disorder service for a third time.

    There are quite a few things to consider.

    3) It sounds like you know what it's like :hugs:
    I'm working on stopping the thoughts. If it makes sense there are certain things which I can just dismiss as silly (like 'someone's going to come take me away and lock me up', whereas others still seem to hold resonance such as 'she'll dump me for someone more alpha' or 'they all think I'm really boring now'. But perhaps they're both still irrational

    4) To me alpha isn't just about the physique to me. It's a mindset. By virtue of having an anxiety disorder, I'm beta whether I like it or not. And there are countless 'sources' suggesting that this is what women want deep down.

    You say I need to prove to her I can handle my own problems. The question is, am I even allowed to get help for what I struggle with? Because this is where the stigma comes in. I think even by asking for her help, or support, I'm lowering my attractiveness to her.
    I think this might be a bit harsh on myself, It's unrealistic to demand myself to have all the answers all the time and be able to fix everything, sometimes yes, but sometimes I need support, advice, or a helping hand. But is that OK? I wouldn't think less of her if she wanted comfort when she was struggling. But then perhaps that's just one of the double standards men have to suck up?

    5) Yeah, I should try to trust her
 
 
 
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