Help, Muslim Asian family and don't know what to do! Watch

anwarpwnsall
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#21
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#21
(Original post by musketeer)
Ahh, this is the beauty of it though. When you get to uni, most of them give you a week or two to shift around your course within the school you're in.

So, you apply for a compromise course and then when you get there, wait a couple of days and ask to transfer!
Right okay, would that work for if I wanted to do a joint honours? I wanted to apply for one degree solely Geography too :/ Thanks for the help btw
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tehforum
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#22
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#22
(Original post by anwarpwnsall)
I've been looking into that, I sometimes think it won't be bad, but in a way (maybe I'm just being stubborn?) but I don't feel like I should have to compromise. I don't have an interest in Law so it seems wasted :/
Explain to your parents that you can convert to be a lawyer after (the GDL), but obviously you do the degree you want to do, and then once you've done the degree, you don't follow the promise.
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tehforum
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#23
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(Original post by bad8oy)
A career in law is one that is vocational though. So really the course is vocational. I was speaking to a barrister couple weeks back and he said the fact that its vocational is why he went into the career.


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I don't know why your post got rep.

The course is 100% academic, it's anything after that's largely vocational.

But if you don't have a pre requisite interest in the law, then I can't see your career being long-lived.
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htr5
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#24
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#24
(Original post by anwarpwnsall)
I Please some advice, I just want to be happy without upsetting or hurting my family.

Escape the captivity to negativity of your family of gain the strength to endure them because on thing is certain, you will not be able to convince them to accept you for who you are.

Asian culture is based entirely around the family image and how good you're career sounds in a discussion to show off.

Make you're mind up now and stick with it. It will be scary but stick with it. Hold onto that strength you had when you made the decision. Don't let someone on TSR decide for you because only you know the whole story and the emotional side.

Good luck
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nic-nac
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#25
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#25
Threads like this make me sad Why can't families just want their children to be happy and do well. And at least you do want to go to uni and do well, but they should want you to get into the best uni you can, not restrict yourself by having to live at home. Why can't families trust their children. Not all freshers turn into smoking alcoholic sluts.
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username1039383
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#26
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#26
Oh Lord 0.o
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username927016
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#27
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#27
(Original post by anwarpwnsall)
It's nice to know I'm not alone!
I want to do something in the civil service or something along those lines. I'm not 100% sure yet, so I can see why in that respect my parents may worry, but I just want to try and do something political or something (sounds silly but I'm really interested).

And I work as a display assistant at my Sixth Form...let's say I don't get paid much at all hahaha, my parents don't really like the idea of me getting a proper job at the moment (even though I am 18). I'm not going to lie, as the youngest in my family I've been partially spoilt, which has added to the guilt I feel if I was to leave :/
Ah ok, I'd say do Politics or like a combination of that & Law. My parents still treat me like a little kid even though I'm 22 now lol. I need to gain some more independence So they don't even want you to get a part time job? Maybe talk to some of the advisors at your 6th form.

The biggest divide between me & my family is definitely the fact that I doubt Islam, they can get quite aggressive when I try to debate the validity of the Quran & object when they tell me to pray so if your parents are like this it's probably better to hide the fact that you are gay & an apostate. I've been threatened to be kicked out the house & had to get some leaflets from the local council & also disownment. That's not something anyway wants really especially if all pretty much all your family members share the same religious views & you don't have many friends like me. I really hope it works out for you in the end
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anwarpwnsall
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#28
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#28
(Original post by tehforum)
Explain to your parents that you can convert to be a lawyer after (the GDL), but obviously you do the degree you want to do, and then once you've done the degree, you don't follow the promise.
I know I keep saying this but I've explained that too. My sister when to the college of law for her LPC and has explained the GDL to me (they do it there too) so I explained it to my parents but they said "why do that when you can just do a law degree?" :/
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bad8oy
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#29
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#29
(Original post by tehforum)
I don't know why your post got rep.

The course is 100% academic, it's anything after that's largely vocational.

But if you don't have a pre requisite interest in the law, then I can't see your career being long-lived.
Right so it's vocational lol.


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musketeer
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#30
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#30
(Original post by anwarpwnsall)
Right okay, would that work for if I wanted to do a joint honours? I wanted to apply for one degree solely Geography too :/ Thanks for the help btw

I think you might have to deff the Geography unfortunately In order to keep them happy, you need to go for a course that will keep both them and you happy and that you can easily switch between. It's easier to switch from Law to Politics as they are both within the schools of History and Arts, but double-check with your chosen universities.
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anwarpwnsall
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#31
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#31
(Original post by htr5)
Escape the captivity to negativity of your family of gain the strength to endure them because on thing is certain, you will not be able to convince them to accept you for who you are.

Asian culture is based entirely around the family image and how good you're career sounds in a discussion to show off.

Make you're mind up now and stick with it. It will be scary but stick with it. Hold onto that strength you had when you made the decision. Don't let someone on TSR decide for you because only you know the whole story and the emotional side.

Good luck
They keep saying how my cousin in Pakistan has been accepted into medical college and how disappointing I am to them And it's not like most of my siblings have done much, only one went to university (to do Law) but all the rest didn't even really go to college :/ It's super scary, I'm trying to figure out myself, trying to concentrate in college and then theres my parents confusing me too Thank you!
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letsbehonest
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#32
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#32
(Original post by anwarpwnsall)
Even so, putting the finances to a side, my parents still don't trust me to move away
Erm, apply to unis where YOU want to go.

Are you a boy or a girl?

I'm a Muslim girl and my parents weren't too happy about me applying far away but they dealt with it. I have never broken their trust and I even told them I will join the Islamic society at uni and Skype them at least twice a week! Why can't you make an agreement like this with your parents?
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anwarpwnsall
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#33
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#33
(Original post by Multitalented me)
Ah ok, I'd say do Politics or like a combination of that & Law. My parents still treat me like a little kid even though I'm 22 now lol. I need to gain some more independence So they don't even want you to get a part time job? Maybe talk to some of the advisors at your 6th form.

The biggest divide between me & my family is definitely the fact that I doubt Islam, they can get quite aggressive when I try to debate the validity of the Quran & object when they tell me to pray so if your parents are like this it's probably better to hide the fact that you are gay & an apostate. I've been threatened to be kicked out the house & had to get some leaflets from the local council & also disownment. That's not something anyway wants really especially if all pretty much all your family members share the same religious views & you don't have many friends like me. I really hope it works out for you in the end
Thank you for the help! yes, I will look into the law/politics thing, although leaving for an out of town university may be hard too :/ And yes, Islam. As the years have gone by I've been less and less believing and my parents making me go on Umrah next year, I don't think I can handle that I like my hair too, I don't want to shave it off!
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anwarpwnsall
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#34
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#34
(Original post by letsbehonest)
Erm, apply to unis where YOU want to go.

Are you a boy or a girl?

I'm a Muslim girl and my parents weren't too happy about me applying far away but they dealt with it. I have never broken their trust and I even told them I will join the Islamic society at uni and Skype them at least twice a week! Why can't you make an agreement like this with your parents?
I'm a boy, and not much a believer anymore :/ (I'm also gay, very confusing) But I've said I'd set them up a camera so we could skype most days but not having any of it :/ They used to say they'd let me go wherever but as time drew closer, they've been far more strict :/
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Racoon
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#35
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Hi there, I found this info on line. you could try the angle that there isn't much of a career for lawyers any more, something like one job for every 10 law graduates who want to stay in the field.

I know it is a US article but......


It may seem far off today, but it was not long ago that the good times were rolling for lawyers. In 2007, 91.2% of law school graduates got jobs and salaries were soaring. After the 2008 meltdown, the employment rate was far lower — and the quality of jobs a lot worse. In 2009, just 65.4% of law school graduates got jobs for which they needed to pass the bar.

A grim sport has emerged of exchanging stories about just how bad things are. Many lawyers are stuck doing tedious, document-intensive contract work for as little as $25 an hour — not the worst job in the world, certainly, but not what many of them envisioned when they spent three years of their lives to get a law degree.
And it gets worse still. There are a surprising number of job postings for lawyers that offer no salary at all, including government law jobs.
The average debt load for law school graduates is now over $100,000 — and at some schools, it tops $150,000.
The more pessimistic view is that the market will never recover: that as a result of globalization, it has become easier for law firms and companies to outsource legal assignments to places like India, where foreign lawyers will work for a fraction of what an American lawyer would earn. There are also new technologies that are putting lawyers out of work — including software that can do tedious document-review projects that used to require an actual human.
And there is a third source of downward pressure: as in many industries, corporations and other legal clients are increasingly intent with doing more with less. They are insisting on fewer billable hours, and smaller bills, and that translates into fewer, and lower-paid, lawyers.
Prospective law students are already responding to the dismal job market. Applications to law school are expected to hit a 30-year low this year — down as much as 38% from 2010. Some law schools have responded by shrinking their class sizes, and there have been predictions that in the not-too-distant future some lower-ranked law schools might have to close entirely. http://ideas.time.com/2013/03/11/jus...ool-graduates/






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anwarpwnsall
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#36
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#36
(Original post by Racoon)
Hi there, I found this info on line. you could try the angle that there isn't much of a career for lawyers any more, something like one job for every 10 law graduates who want to stay in the field.

I know it is a US article but......


It may seem far off today, but it was not long ago that the good times were rolling for lawyers. In 2007, 91.2% of law school graduates got jobs and salaries were soaring. After the 2008 meltdown, the employment rate was far lower — and the quality of jobs a lot worse. In 2009, just 65.4% of law school graduates got jobs for which they needed to pass the bar.

A grim sport has emerged of exchanging stories about just how bad things are. Many lawyers are stuck doing tedious, document-intensive contract work for as little as $25 an hour — not the worst job in the world, certainly, but not what many of them envisioned when they spent three years of their lives to get a law degree.
And it gets worse still. There are a surprising number of job postings for lawyers that offer no salary at all, including government law jobs.
The average debt load for law school graduates is now over $100,000 — and at some schools, it tops $150,000.
The more pessimistic view is that the market will never recover: that as a result of globalization, it has become easier for law firms and companies to outsource legal assignments to places like India, where foreign lawyers will work for a fraction of what an American lawyer would earn. There are also new technologies that are putting lawyers out of work — including software that can do tedious document-review projects that used to require an actual human.
And there is a third source of downward pressure: as in many industries, corporations and other legal clients are increasingly intent with doing more with less. They are insisting on fewer billable hours, and smaller bills, and that translates into fewer, and lower-paid, lawyers.
Prospective law students are already responding to the dismal job market. Applications to law school are expected to hit a 30-year low this year — down as much as 38% from 2010. Some law schools have responded by shrinking their class sizes, and there have been predictions that in the not-too-distant future some lower-ranked law schools might have to close entirely. http://ideas.time.com/2013/03/11/jus...ool-graduates/






Hmmmm, thanks, but I don't think it helps with my sister getting a training contract pretty quick and is now a solicitor :/ When my parents have one view, they stick to it and cannot be persuaded one way or another
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Luxray
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#37
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Okay here is my advice on how to mediate the situation. They want you to opt for a very good degree which has a respected job linked to it. Well firstly tell them that Law as a career is highly competitive and you would need to go to London to stand a chance at networking and it would have to be a top 10 uni. This may not entirely be the case but you need to make them hesitate to do Law.

Secondly convince them that a career in finance is lucrative and respected and that a Geography degree can definitely lead to that provided you go to a good university. Thirdly mention that restricting your education choices is sinful in Islam - it really is. You don't have to actually go into finance, its just a lie you can say to convince them that Geography at a uni of your choice is good.
Perhaps consider the Civil Service Fast Stream? That's highly competitive though as well.

The gay aspect...well not sure how you can deal with that, PM me if you want to talk about that , I'm a very liberal and open minded Muslim.
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JC.
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#38
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They sound like a bunch of nutters.

You'd be better off out of there away from the religious b/s.
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gagaslilmonsteruk
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#39
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(Original post by anwarpwnsall)
Hi, I'm 18, last year of Sixth Form. I have a number of issues so bear with me.

•I want to choose Geography/Politics at uni but my parents want me to do something more vocational like Law. I don't want to do this, and I don't want to go to my local uni. I want to apply for unis in London but my parent's/siblings said they'd disown me if I did
It's your future. You do what course you want for you, not for them. As for disowning, your family should be proud of whatever university you go to and whatever you do. I'm disgusted at their attitude. It stinks.

•I'll be having an arranged marriage sometimes soon, and I really don't want one. I didn't used to mind but as I've gotten older, I've realised it's really not for me. Especially since I'm gay (you see my problems). I have no idea what to do as if I tell them that they'll hate me more and really affect my family, which I really do love. I can't imagine what my parents will go through if I told them.
Oh no You know organisations for LGBT muslims exist right? The one for the UK is on a Wikipedia page. I've seen the group on TV before.
As for arranged marriage, it's so selfish, if you don't want to marry, they should respect your decision.


•I'm not really a Muslim anymore. I'm the most Western of my family members, and I think with this I've become less religious too. But my parents are planning to take me to do Umrah next year to make me believe more. I don't think I'll be mentally able to do that. I do not believe at all.
This is just convincing me more that you should come out. Be true to yourself. Don't expect it to be plain sailing, but it will be better for your mental health in the long run.

I have no idea what I'm doing. If I told my parents any one of these they'd flip and I'd have to leave, but where to? I have no where to go, and I can't imagine how my parents/family would feel. I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place.

Please some advice, I just want to be happy without upsetting or hurting my family.
Thanks!
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techno-thriller
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Do you consider yourself Muslim?
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