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username447608
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#21
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#21
Its totally normal how you feel you cant just stop loving a person. Even if they have treated you badly you wont just suddanly not care or stop loving them. My ex cheated on me a fair few times and i was head over heels that in all honestly i continued to let him cheat as i was under some sort of spell and just couldn't let go. When he actually dumped me for the girl he cheated on me with i felt so sad and awful. I cant express how depressed i felt it was one of the worst times of my life. Even after him rubbing it in my face and seeing him and this girl i still had feelings. I felt so angry and upset and frustrated because i should hate somebody who did that to me not love them. I realised that the reason i couldn't get over him was that i was still in contact with him i use to text him and he'd call me and so i never got over him because i always held onto this little bit of hope. He use to tell me he wasn't sure he loved me but thought he may then told me he didn't.

I cut all contact deleted his number facebook etc banned my friends from speaking about it and slowly i got over him. You have to do this or you rnever get over him. I use to cry if i saw him in the street or feel depressed for days now i don't even bat an eyelid. Its so hard to cut contact but you have to try to or you will never move on. It took me 9 months to get over my ex because 8 of those i was still in contact.

You love him but everything happens for a reason im so happy my ex left me as i met my amazing current boyfriend who ive been with for 2 years and hes just amazing. You will meet somebody amazing too you just have to get this toxic guy out of your life you deserve better.
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Chocolatesoup
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#22
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#22
(Original post by Kellyxo)
Basically, we haven't been together all that long- but we've been apart of one anothers life's since university started. We started getting stupidly close in January this year, then he realised he had feelings there but wasn't sure if he wanted to commit, I waited and then by April he decided he did. Anyway, things were good, we were great. I'd never felt the way I felt about him with anybody, I could totally be myself and he'd accept me for who I am, which nobody has ever done. He went away for four months working abroad. We didn't see one another the whole time, but we were good- just focused on seeing one another again and I'm pretty sure we were head over hills in love with one another, otherwise neither of us would have committed to a long distance relationship over the summer. Anyway, he got home from working abroad and everything was great, our feelings both got stupidly strong, he admitted I was the first person he ever thought about a future with, we planned to go travelling after University finished, I even thought about doing my fourth placement year in his hometown. Then, I started arguing with him daily, he'd try and make an effort and I'd just throw it back in his face, it got to the point where his feelings did start to change. But we knew we were in a bad place and we were going to try and work around it. Anyway, that's when he told me 2 days after that he'd cheated on me and he didn't know if he loved me anymore because of what he did. I realised I'd pushed him this far so I took him back, we rushed straight back into things which I think really didn't help. Within two weeks, it was hurting me too much because he was so different, he was letting the guilt eat him up I think, it changed him as a person. Now we've split up I've noticed he's talking to the girl he cheated on me with a lot, yet he didn't know her all that well when he cheated. I desperately want him back, I love the guy. Everything we've been through together, I don't want to let it go to waste. Why is it so easy for him to move on but not for me? It's like he hasn't even realised what his done, he's just ignoring it by starting something new with this other girl? I'm so confused and so hurt.
i went through the same thing myself. i took him back and gave him a second chance, everything was fine, probably better now that he'd gotten everything he did off his chest, but i couldnt trust him and without trust there is no relationship. yeah some people who cheat can resolve things and things work out okay in the end, but id say in my opinion on the whole it never can work again. why would you want to be with someone who would betray you anyway? when if you had done the same, do you think he wouldve forgiven you? no chance he probably wouldve told you where to go!

i think youre young and this might seem like "the one" and you miss him and need him, but trust me over time and being with other guys and spending time with friends, focusing on other things in life and distracting yourself, youll realise that this was just one guy in your life who you probably wont remember in the future, youll meet plenty of other people and have good and bad relationships, so why get so hung up on one guy who decided to cheat on you, now? live your life and be happy, this guy is not everything. in time and after a few relationships you will be able to move on easier and quicker and realise that this experience was just that, an experience.
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GradMed
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#23
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#23
(Original post by DorianGrayism)
There is no such thing as pushing someone away to cheat. It doesn't exist.
If you get treated badly by your partner and the relationship is falling apart because of it then cheating is more likely to occur. It's still not justified but it does exist.
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Kellyxo
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#24
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#24
(Original post by GradMed)
If you get treated badly by your partner and the relationship is falling apart because of it then cheating is more likely to occur. It's still not justified but it does exist.

Exactly and I did treat him badly, I took advantage of the feelings he had for me and I regret it so bad. Because, deep down, I know if I hadn't have treated him badly and took advantage, we'd still be together
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Kellyxo
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#25
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#25
(Original post by SillyMilly)
Its totally normal how you feel you cant just stop loving a person. Even if they have treated you badly you wont just suddanly not care or stop loving them. My ex cheated on me a fair few times and i was head over heels that in all honestly i continued to let him cheat as i was under some sort of spell and just couldn't let go. When he actually dumped me for the girl he cheated on me with i felt so sad and awful. I cant express how depressed i felt it was one of the worst times of my life. Even after him rubbing it in my face and seeing him and this girl i still had feelings. I felt so angry and upset and frustrated because i should hate somebody who did that to me not love them. I realised that the reason i couldn't get over him was that i was still in contact with him i use to text him and he'd call me and so i never got over him because i always held onto this little bit of hope. He use to tell me he wasn't sure he loved me but thought he may then told me he didn't.

I cut all contact deleted his number facebook etc banned my friends from speaking about it and slowly i got over him. You have to do this or you rnever get over him. I use to cry if i saw him in the street or feel depressed for days now i don't even bat an eyelid. Its so hard to cut contact but you have to try to or you will never move on. It took me 9 months to get over my ex because 8 of those i was still in contact.

You love him but everything happens for a reason im so happy my ex left me as i met my amazing current boyfriend who ive been with for 2 years and hes just amazing. You will meet somebody amazing too you just have to get this toxic guy out of your life you deserve better.
I can't be out of contact with him, he was a huge part of my life. We both put so much effort into having one another in each others lives, so I guess if a friendship is all he wants, I'd rather settle for that than nothing at all x
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Kellyxo
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#26
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#26
(Original post by Chocolatesoup)
i went through the same thing myself. i took him back and gave him a second chance, everything was fine, probably better now that he'd gotten everything he did off his chest, but i couldnt trust him and without trust there is no relationship. yeah some people who cheat can resolve things and things work out okay in the end, but id say in my opinion on the whole it never can work again. why would you want to be with someone who would betray you anyway? when if you had done the same, do you think he wouldve forgiven you? no chance he probably wouldve told you where to go!

i think youre young and this might seem like "the one" and you miss him and need him, but trust me over time and being with other guys and spending time with friends, focusing on other things in life and distracting yourself, youll realise that this was just one guy in your life who you probably wont remember in the future, youll meet plenty of other people and have good and bad relationships, so why get so hung up on one guy who decided to cheat on you, now? live your life and be happy, this guy is not everything. in time and after a few relationships you will be able to move on easier and quicker and realise that this experience was just that, an experience.
But thats the thing, I know it was my fault for pushing him away and I know it was me who needed to change. That's why I feel I could trust him again. I don't know. I'd take him back within seconds if he came back right now
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B-Man.
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#27
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#27
(Original post by Kellyxo)
But that's the thing, other guys have asked to meet up with me and at the moment it feels like I'd rather be with him, or be alone. A guy stayed over mine the other night and all I could think about was my ex. It just hurts because it seems like his way of getting over things is just to ignore everything we'd been through. We never really got a chance to have our own time, it always seemed to revolve around us arguing with people who didn't want us to be together. It just sucks so bad.
I remember feeling in a similar way about my last two exs. I felt that we didn't get the chance to spend as much time with each other as is required to really test if the relationship is worth having. This might not be true for you, but I realise now that I was just making excuses in my mind.

Perhaps you need to start to forget about him before you can move on. I advise you get rid of pictures, memories and other things the two of you shared for now. Don't necessarily destroy them because once you are over him they might provide happy memories to look back on, but right now they are just going to make you miss him when you see them. And try to stop thinking about him. It can take time to get over someone, but you always get over them in the end.
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Chocolatesoup
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#28
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#28
(Original post by Kellyxo)
But thats the thing, I know it was my fault for pushing him away and I know it was me who needed to change. That's why I feel I could trust him again. I don't know. I'd take him back within seconds if he came back right now
I personally dont understand how this is your fault, how can someone push someone to cheat on them? no matter how badly someone treats someone, two wrongs dont make a right.. it doesnt justify cheating. theres no excuse for cheating, its wrong no matter what. if you treated him in a way he wasnt happy with which 'pushed him away' he couldve broken up with you.. but he chose not to. how do you know it was only the one time?
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Kellyxo
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#29
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#29
(Original post by Chocolatesoup)
I personally dont understand how this is your fault, how can someone push someone to cheat on them? no matter how badly someone treats someone, two wrongs dont make a right.. it doesnt justify cheating. theres no excuse for cheating, its wrong no matter what. if you treated him in a way he wasnt happy with which 'pushed him away' he couldve broken up with you.. but he chose not to. how do you know it was only the one time?
Apparently I did
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gr8wizard10
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#30
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#30
Lmao. Move on child.
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Kellyxo
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#31
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#31
(Original post by Abdul-Karim)
Lmao. Move on child.
Easier said than done.
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gr8wizard10
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#32
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#32
(Original post by Kellyxo)
Easier said than done.
Okay then, OP go back to him.. let him cheat again and repeat. Have a nice life.
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