My boyfriend is a bit....thick Watch

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Guy Secretan
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#21
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#21
Also isn't he at your university so presumably would have similar job prospects to you.
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Viva Emptiness
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#22
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This is kind of mean. Not knowing who the Queen of England is is definitely not a sign of a lack of intelligence. My ex thought that clocks in the southern hemisphere ran backwards because of that episode in the Simpsons where the toilets flush the wrong way (apparently he thought the same principle applies...) and he's now doing a PhD in Physics. Make of that what you will.
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Rock Fan
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(Original post by Sherlock-05)
Hi fellow students

I'm 20 years old and my boyfriend, of almost a year, is 21.
We were friends for 2 years and met in University.
And i love him to pieces!
But recently i've noticed something that has been shocking me.

I've always known that my boyfriend is dyslexic and i've been totally fine with that. I even help him with his essay writing. He wants to be a teacher, which I think, is BRILLIANT! and i totally support his brave and noble decision.

I know a few dyslexics, and all are very intelligent. But my boyfriend isn't as intelligent and i DONT think its due to dyslexia....

Recently i realised that he thought Queen Victoria was our current queen!
And he isnt aware of any history, geography, or much science.

I love him still, but i cant help think deep down i would want my children to have more of a grasp than him, I hate thinking this but sometimes what comes out of his mouth shocks me. Its almost as if i have to teach him things myself, for example; how to iron a shirt, how to use a cooker and a tumble dryer, and how to actually speak properly. Because sometimes in public, when he says things, people look at us and laugh.. Its so embarrassing and my heart breaks when i see him oblivious to it.

He comes from a working class background and i come from a middle class background. Ive met his family and they are worse than him, i don't think they care much for education, but in my family it was firmly disciplined. I also believe that his family are dyslexic too.Their English is quite bad.
I feel awful bringing this up but i tried to gently put it to him, that if we had kids, (which he is eager to have) i would want them to have a proper education and to achieve good grades, and to not be limited by his family's background of no education.

He gets very defensive of his family, and i find it very hard to put it to him that his family aren't exactly Einsteins.

I only achieved a few A's, then more B's and C's, so i don't expect him to be a genius.

This is putting a real strain on our relationship and i feel that in the future, we might end up being an uneducated chav family, like his family if i don't try and push him to reach his full potential which i really believe he has.

Help!
If this bothers you so much then why are you with him, let the poor guy go. Just because he isn't intelligent in some things doesn't mean he is not intelligent in other things, fair play for him not giving up at least, almost like you are ashamed to be with him.
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Antonia.Wade
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#24
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#24
Accept and love him for who he is. The positives are more important than the negatives


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techno-thriller
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#25
He's not thick. He just has learnt anything
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theorangebox
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If you can't relate to each other on a mental level, then that can cause serious problems in a relationship. You need to be able to connect to each other, and generally think on the same plane, to stand being in the presence of each other long term.

However mundane things like facts and how to do household task are not anything to do with intelligence, and can easily be learned if you want to teach him so badly, though I don't think there's any need until he needs or wants to know them. I understand it can feel slightly embarrassing if your partner comes across as a bit daft, but honestly that's all in your head. First, anyone worth having as a friend is going to judge him on his personality, not his knowledge base. Secondly, as much as you're a 'couple' - people don't actually view you as the same person. Ergo, stuff he says isn't going to reflect on you, so it's a bit irrational to get embarrassed over it, really.
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TheGuy117
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What on Earth do you have to say to get strangers openly laughing at you? I find this happening really hard to believe. I am pretty cynical about the general population, believing them to be pretty stupid on the whole :/...you could say so much dumb **** and no one would bat an eyelid because they probably wouldn't even realise what you just said was extremely stupid.

I agree with the general views here; if you can't accept him as he is, leave him.
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alexmagpie
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(Original post by Sherlock-05)
Hi fellow students

I'm 20 years old and my boyfriend, of almost a year, is 21.
We were friends for 2 years and met in University.
And i love him to pieces!
But recently i've noticed something that has been shocking me.

I've always known that my boyfriend is dyslexic and i've been totally fine with that. I even help him with his essay writing. He wants to be a teacher, which I think, is BRILLIANT! and i totally support his brave and noble decision.

I know a few dyslexics, and all are very intelligent. But my boyfriend isn't as intelligent and i DONT think its due to dyslexia....

Recently i realised that he thought Queen Victoria was our current queen!
And he isnt aware of any history, geography, or much science.

I love him still, but i cant help think deep down i would want my children to have more of a grasp than him, I hate thinking this but sometimes what comes out of his mouth shocks me. Its almost as if i have to teach him things myself, for example; how to iron a shirt, how to use a cooker and a tumble dryer, and how to actually speak properly. Because sometimes in public, when he says things, people look at us and laugh.. Its so embarrassing and my heart breaks when i see him oblivious to it.

He comes from a working class background and i come from a middle class background. Ive met his family and they are worse than him, i don't think they care much for education, but in my family it was firmly disciplined. I also believe that his family are dyslexic too.Their English is quite bad.
I feel awful bringing this up but i tried to gently put it to him, that if we had kids, (which he is eager to have) i would want them to have a proper education and to achieve good grades, and to not be limited by his family's background of no education.

He gets very defensive of his family, and i find it very hard to put it to him that his family aren't exactly Einsteins.

I only achieved a few A's, then more B's and C's, so i don't expect him to be a genius.

This is putting a real strain on our relationship and i feel that in the future, we might end up being an uneducated chav family, like his family if i don't try and push him to reach his full potential which i really believe he has.

Help!
What precisely do you think he is going to do to your children? Unless by 'proper education' you mean sending them to private school or something, you are worrying over nothing. He is studying at university, the same one as you, so he clearly is neither stupid nor unwilling to learn, or he wouldn't be there.

I know plenty of grown men who can't iron, and as for tumble drying... it may be simple to you, but many 'uneducated chav families' as you put it, can't afford to have or run one. I'm also assuming that when you refer to teaching him to speak 'properly' you mean that he has an accent? If so, get off your bloody high horse. If my partner had written this about me and my family it would be over in seconds.
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Ashnard
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#29
(Original post by Sherlock-05)
Hi fellow students

I'm 20 years old and my boyfriend, of almost a year, is 21.
We were friends for 2 years and met in University.
And i love him to pieces!
But recently i've noticed something that has been shocking me.

I've always known that my boyfriend is dyslexic and i've been totally fine with that. I even help him with his essay writing. He wants to be a teacher, which I think, is BRILLIANT! and i totally support his brave and noble decision.

I know a few dyslexics, and all are very intelligent. But my boyfriend isn't as intelligent and i DONT think its due to dyslexia....

Recently i realised that he thought Queen Victoria was our current queen!
And he isnt aware of any history, geography, or much science.

I love him still, but i cant help think deep down i would want my children to have more of a grasp than him, I hate thinking this but sometimes what comes out of his mouth shocks me. Its almost as if i have to teach him things myself, for example; how to iron a shirt, how to use a cooker and a tumble dryer, and how to actually speak properly. Because sometimes in public, when he says things, people look at us and laugh.. Its so embarrassing and my heart breaks when i see him oblivious to it.

He comes from a working class background and i come from a middle class background. Ive met his family and they are worse than him, i don't think they care much for education, but in my family it was firmly disciplined. I also believe that his family are dyslexic too.Their English is quite bad.
I feel awful bringing this up but i tried to gently put it to him, that if we had kids, (which he is eager to have) i would want them to have a proper education and to achieve good grades, and to not be limited by his family's background of no education.

He gets very defensive of his family, and i find it very hard to put it to him that his family aren't exactly Einsteins.

I only achieved a few A's, then more B's and C's, so i don't expect him to be a genius.

This is putting a real strain on our relationship and i feel that in the future, we might end up being an uneducated chav family, like his family if i don't try and push him to reach his full potential which i really believe he has.

Help!
I don't think that these are signs of a lack of intelligence. They more than likely just indicate that he never did those things for himself when he was growing up. I highly highly doubt that it is beyond him cognitively to operate a tumble dryer, for example.

The fact that you thought it appropriate to raise these points in your post could with more justification be construed as a lack of intelligence than his unfamiliarity with household appliances, in my opinion.

Edit: Also, just noticed that he is a dyslexic from a disadvantaged background while you were brought up in a privileged family... yet you two are both attending the same university. In relative terms, some would say that your "thicko" boyfriend has actually outperformed you academically.
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Scarletina
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If he is supportive of your hopes of your kids getting a good education then I don't see what the problem is! My dad dropped out of school at 14 to work as a builder but he has a lot of common sense and has always supported me in my education. I think if you're doubting him and his abilities now, maybe its a sign the relationship is just not meant to be.
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locrian37
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(Original post by alexmagpie)
What precisely do you think he is going to do to your children? Unless by 'proper education' you mean sending them to private school or something, you are worrying over nothing. He is studying at university, the same one as you, so he clearly is neither stupid nor unwilling to learn, or he wouldn't be there.

I know plenty of grown men who can't iron, and as for tumble drying... it may be simple to you, but many 'uneducated chav families' as you put it, can't afford to have or run one. I'm also assuming that when you refer to teaching him to speak 'properly' you mean that he has an accent? If so, get off your bloody high horse. If my partner had written this about me and my family it would be over in seconds.
Some less "intelligent" people do speak less fluidly than others; amongst the tiny proportion of children in secondary school that took that Year 6 SATs and then got the exact score in the year 9 ones, you tend to find that their speech is a little clunky, and that they tend to use the same expressions/sentences/vocabulary when trying to talk, in some cases, they will use the same phrases noticeably often.

@ OP: this guy is not "fully" compatible for you; is better just to let him find someone you are comfortable instead.

Also, I have neither a iron or tumble dryer, but sure as hell, I've know how to use one if someone thrust one in my hands.
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kunoichi
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Im hoping this is a troll, i cannot believe someone would be this *****y and stuck up about their partner.
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Namige
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#33
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#33
The fact he's at university says a lot more about the university you're at more than anything else.
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ageshallnot
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#34
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(Original post by kunoichi)
Im hoping this is a troll, i cannot believe someone would be this *****y and stuck up about their partner.
Check out the OP's other posts. They do tend to be somewhat 'dramatic'...
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alexmagpie
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(Original post by locrian37)
Some less "intelligent" people do speak less fluidly than others; amongst the tiny proportion of children in secondary school that took that Year 6 SATs and then got the exact score in the year 9 ones, you tend to find that their speech is a little clunky, and that they tend to use the same expressions/sentences/vocabulary when trying to talk, in some cases, they will use the same phrases noticeably often.

@ OP: this guy is not "fully" compatible for you; is better just to let him find someone you are comfortable instead.

Also, I have neither a iron or tumble dryer, but sure as hell, I've know how to use one if someone thrust one in my hands.
But enough for random people to stare in public? Also, if they had no improvement between year 6 and year 9, I doubt many would make it to university. I just don't think this is what the OP means.
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eelnais
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I really doubt he is thick, particularly because he's at university.

My ex was not very intelligent - (scraped Gs in some GCSEs, Us in others, didn't go to sixth form) - and yeah, sometimes he would come out with something that was a little awkward, but I liked him so I didn't care. There were other parts to him I really liked, so intelligence just didn't come into it. He also came from a working class background (though I am also) but didn't have very supportive parents, so it was more a lack of opportunity for him than genuine stupidity, for lack of a better word. He certainly wasn't stupid, but for common knowledge things like the Prime Minister, the Queen, countries, etc., he would struggle. But talk to him about music, or sport, or anything else he's interested in and it was easy and fine. He knew more about sport than I did, that's for sure. And he was far more practical.

What I'm trying to say is, if you really loved your boyfriend his background and how he is wouldn't bother you. You have to accept him for who he is. (And stop making degrading comments and being a bit of a snob, frankly). As for worrying about kids, calm down, you're at uni.

All the best.
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chikane
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(Original post by EmmaJaneTaylor)
You've just humiliated your boyfriend on the internet for everyone to see and he doesn't even know. What if he gets an account, sees this and kicks your a** to the pavement? That'd be a shame.
She wrote that he is oblivious to everything so he won't think this threads about him.
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SoftPunch
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(Original post by Sherlock-05)
Hi fellow students

I'm 20 years old and my boyfriend, of almost a year, is 21.
We were friends for 2 years and met in University.

I know a few dyslexics, and all are very intelligent. But my boyfriend isn't as intelligent and i DONT think its due to dyslexia....

Recently i realised that he thought Queen Victoria was our current queen!
And he isnt aware of any history, geography, or much science.


I only achieved a few A's, then more B's and C's, so i don't expect him to be a genius.
You're not exactly brilliant at grammar either. Anyhow, I get what you mean - he isn't up to date with things around him. That would annoy me too. Your decision though. Don't listen to anyone. In fact no need to make thread about it - this is serious issue and you should be able to make a decision on your own without having to ask strangers/trolls.
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+ polarity -
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(Original post by locrian37)
Some less "intelligent" people do speak less fluidly than others; amongst the tiny proportion of children in secondary school that took that Year 6 SATs and then got the exact score in the year 9 ones, you tend to find that their speech is a little clunky, and that they tend to use the same expressions/sentences/vocabulary when trying to talk, in some cases, they will use the same phrases noticeably often.
What?
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Mike_Ross
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#40
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(Original post by Sherlock-05)
Hi fellow students

This is putting a real strain on our relationship and i feel that in the future, we might end up being an uneducated chav family, like his family if i don't try and push him to reach his full potential which i really believe he has.

Help!
I'm sorry, this had me in tears hahahahaha
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