My boyfriend's parents won't let him move in with me! Watch

anonymouspie227
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#21
Report 5 years ago
#21
Just forget about it, IMO. Sharing a room with you for a year is not worth his family disowning him. If you were married etc, then I'd say go for it. But you're not. You're teenagers and you're boyfriend and girlfriend. Not saying its not serious but things could change massively when you're lving together. Also maybe his parents are scared about you getting pregnant? So yeah, let him get his own room elsewhere... Or get a 4 bedroom instead. And let him sleep over...
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Le Nombre
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#22
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#22
(Original post by beccagood95)
I understand that they're concerned about him messing up his education (they had said this on the phone) and they only want what's best for him, but we have discussed this already. He is 18, and he should be allowed to make his own decisions. When I mentioned the possibility of us moving in together to my parents, they asked me a few questions about it, I talked it through with them and they said it was my decision and the only people that would know if this would work out is us.
I just feel like they're not discussing this with him, they're TELLING him and not letting him make his own decision... He's an adult, not a child, and while we're only 18, we are still old enough to think about this for ourselves.
Because it's their money on the line if you two break up and he moves out!

You'vee basically got to convince them there's virtually zero chance you break up during the next year and then provide them peace of mind.

Options include: getting engaged, actually getting married, signing a contract with a bond of your entire student loan value should the relationship collapse, contracting to pay the other party's rent for both a new place and the old one should you break up and one needs to move out etc.
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Fashion Girl
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#23
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#23
Some parents are conservative and don't like the idea of their son sharing a study space with another person - boy or girl, because it can impact their studies. Very few people actually have the studying and living with their significant other down to a perfect T, you know.

And this is a relationship at uni ? You can't judge the parents here for thinking that a girl their son is dating at uni, is hardly going to be a "happily ever after story" when he is so young and so easily swayed by what his parents said he is conflicted about moving in with a girl he has had a serious relationship with for some 3 odd years !

Sometimes parents behave like they know more than you because they are older than you, because truthfully, when demonstrated right, as is in a normal world, they do. If your boyfriend isn't interested in moving in with you, and going against his parents' desires then you can't make him.

As far as how right the parents here are, its their son, they have the right to behave this way because............it is their son :lolwut: !
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gustavus
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#24
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#24
Understood this is what you both want.... But his parents are more cautious!

I recall having similar tussles at a similar age with my parents!!

I suggest that you & boyfriend come up with cast iron plan of what will happen if you hate eachother eventually, or just that it doesn't work out as well as you hoped, the fantasy and the reality could be very different!

Not just saying it won't happen because of. X, y, z!!

Bottom line - his parents will have to cough up his share and help with new rental if it all goes belly up?? I think they're right to be wary! .
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MissDavies
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#25
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#25
You're both over 18 so you should be able to do what you want. If it's the money they're worried about if things go tits up then just get your parents to sign it so they would have the responsibility. Me and my boyfriend lived together in the 1st year of uni and we're still living together now we're in 2nd year in a studio flat and not once have we had any problems. Yes we're 21 and 22 but I don't think it would have made a difference if we were younger. I think it's a good idea for your boyfriend to go home and talk to his parents in person, just make sure he has a counter-argument lined up for anything they could possibly ask him! Good luck with this, hope it works out for you.
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gustavus
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#26
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#26
[QUOTE=MissDavies;45386185.... if it's the money they're worried about if things go tits up then just get your parents to sign it so they would have the responsibility.........

Yes we're 21 and 22 but I don't think it would have made a difference if we were younger. .[/QUOTE]

I think from OP it is exactly this reason of the parents being concerned over being their guarantors...

21 is completely a different age physically and emotionally...
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nixonsjellybeans
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#27
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#27
Providing the relationship is serious and stable I don't see what the problem is... I mean if he lived in another house, all that would happen is that he would come over very frequently and stay the night anyway. May as well save some money between you

On topic- No idea actually how to deal with this, i'd like to think if this happened to me i'd just ignore his parents. But knowing my OH's parents they'd make her stay at home miserable making her life hell until she gives in, its like I ruined their princess' life
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beckaroo7
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#28
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#28
Why don't you just sign for a 4 bedroom house/flat with double beds? You'll both have your own room and space for all your stuff etc. Can have a private study bedroom. Can sleep in eachotheres bed evvery night if you want to.
From their point of view,
by the time you move in you could have broken up-a lot can change in a year or so
You could break up while living together, you need some space and at uni you won't get it. If you're both working etc you'll get space but in uni you'll spend most of the day at home depending on your course. And there are only 26 weeks of lectures per year
Living together like that could be pretty intense. And I assume it is a 9/12 month contract, so can't just leave
If you do, then he'll have spent his loan on this accomodation and they'll have to pay for new accomodation (if you don't move out)
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cheshiremum
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#29
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#29
OP - take your mother's advice - he needs to speak to his parents in person. I know you are both over 18, but sadly you are not financially independent. You don't really want to fall out with his parents unless absolutely necessary. It might be a good thing if his parents phoned yours; your parents can speak to them from a similar perspective, as parents who want the best for their child, even though the child is an adult.
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