When I moved into secondary school, the school offered to put me forward a year but my parents said no because I was very, very small (they were worried about potential bullying I think?) and because it would mean I'd skip a year of French, which I hadn't really done a lot of. I ended up getting ridiculously bored at school, joking around in my GCSEs and failed a lot that maybe I wouldn't have done if I'd been more interested. Plus I failed French because I hated it and didn't really make friends anyway, haha.
On the other hand, taking the much longer path to uni has been beneficial in that I'm more confident, I have more life experience, and I'm really prepared to put the work in now. So, although I do wonder what would've happened if they'd let me go ahead, I'm happy with how my life is now.
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Do you wish your parents had pushed you more watch
- 21-01-2014 15:39
- 21-01-2014 15:48
I'm happy I wasn't pushed at all. If you push kids they're just going to push back if they don't like it, or end up not being able to make their own decisions later on because they're used to having someone tell them what to do.
I ended up doing above average in my GCSEs, A levels, and I graduated from a biological sciences degree with a 2:1, and my parents never pushed me, yet I know people who ended up doing awfully in their GCSEs and doing nothing with their lives because their parents pushed them a lot. It's all about support - there's a fine line between supporting and pushing, but I think supporting as much as you can (encouraging them when they show interest, buying some educational toys/books for birthdays and christmas, encouraging questioning and critical thinking from a young age) without pushing (telling them to study when they aren't interested, buying only books/educational toys, drilling a work ethic into them) is the best balance. Plus, it makes achievements so much more satisfying when you know it was all down to you, not someone constantly pushing you along.
- 21-01-2014 19:52
Not really, it's not up to my parents to make my decisions for me. You and you alone are responsible for not pushing yourself.
- 21-01-2014 22:18
Hmm yeah I'm not sure having 'pushy' parents is a good thing. My parents were kind of on the fence about being pushy. They expected me to achieve highly academically and in things like sports, however they seemed to always take it for granted that I would do well as in my younger years I was lucky and naturally a good student and good at my sport (long distance running). When I got bad grades etc they would be annoyed with me and disappointed and I would always argue that 'I got better than the rest of the class' or similar things, comparing myself to the majority. They hated this and would reply that they expected me to at least do better than the majority. Maybe this was because when I was younger they had high hopes for me, but it lead to me being very competitive and comparing myself to the best of the best in my school, clubs etc.
As I grew up they stopped encouraging me and pushing me so much, focusing more on my brother, however this didn't really matter because I was naturally quite motivated. However since missing out on a-level grades and not getting into the uni course I wanted to, I feel like they've 'given up' on me almost.
Another thing that annoys me is that they don't value my personal achievements and are always comparing me to others. For example I'm struggling with grades at uni despite putting in a lot of extra work as possible for my degree, however when I try and explain that I'm trying my hardest at something they just compare my grades to what I 'should be getting'. They don't have the attitude of 'you can do anything you want as long as you work for it' but more of a 'you'll never be able to do this if you get grades like that', which I guess is realistic, but not particularly motivational. They also have the mentality that it isn't worth going to uni if you're going to get anything below a high 2:1. So basically yeah, they are pushy but not in a motivational way and I feel they are continually disappointed at me for not achieving highly when they've strived to give me the best possible up-bringing.
So to answer your question, I wish my parents would believe in my ability and my desire to work hard and succeed in life. However I don't think 'pushing' would achieve this.
Kvothe the Arcane
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- 21-01-2014 22:23
I don't see what's wrong with expecting a parent to guide and push their children (whether they be infants or teens).
- 21-01-2014 23:16
Nah, not really. I was always quite self-motivated anyway and just got on with things without much input from them.
In fact it used to annoy me if they pestered me about homework (they stopped after about Year 8) because I'd do it in my own time, but I'd do it.
They're having a bit more trouble with my brother who has GCSEs coming up. With me, if I said I was on the computer for school work, then I was. He says that and he's playing games online. They've only just cottoned onto this