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Why do people make excuses for not keeping in touch? watch

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    (Original post by DCFCfan4eva)
    This might just be me, but I would much rather someone said "I can't be bothered to speak to you" because at least you know where you stand.
    I don't have to waste time getting confused, annoyed and checking for replies etc and I can focus on talking to someone who actually wants to speak to me
    I feel the same way as you my friend but, in my experience, we're most definitely a minority.
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    Most friendships are kind of superficial; you only spend time with that person to pass the time rather than really liking them for them. Your real friends are people you make a huge effort to keep contact with, rather than it being a relationship of convenience.
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    (Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)

    Technology can be great, but it can also create unrealistic expectations with regards to how often people should be in touch. If we chatted to every person every day we'd never get anything done.
    I think i've found the reason why I never get work done lol.
    I make an active effort to keep in touch with home friends/ Uni friends and coursemates.
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    See I disagree that it is the sign of true friendship, because if you were my friend, you would want to speak to me in between visits? You say about your best friends who you don't speak to in between meet ups, what if you need them? Sometimes it's just a little nice to feel wanted, if someone asks how you are, and you reply actually, I'm not having such a good day because of x,y,z. I tend to just have rubbish days sometimes where I just want to rant, but it's small things where you wouldn't really text someone and say outright. It's more like a passing comment.

    And I would have liked to think that there's reason to get in touch because they are my friend, not just because they sat next to me at uni!

    It's almost like mixed signals...you don't want to make an effort to talk. But then you want to meet up after 6 months to "catch up". Friendship isn't a part time thing!
    What about in times before technology, when the only communication between meets you might have were birthday/Christmas cards and similar? When you couldn't talk for hours on the phone because it was so expensive.

    No, friendship isn't a part time thing, that's not what I'm saying. But when you're at uni you're geared up to be social, and when you graduate everyone's priorities change because they have to.

    My Mum only sees her best friend about every 4 months and they have a lovely time. They both have children to look after (well Mum not so much now we're older) houses to run, jobs to do..

    What about all of the friends you met at school? Do you talk to them every day?

    If it really, really bothers you, why not schedule group Skype sessions as well as meet ups, so you can effectively double the time you spend together?

    What do you do with your life? Do you work? Do you have friends at home? Most people have several groups of friends that they see at different times, and should be happy with their balance in life. Perhaps you don't have enough people around you at home, or need to find a new interest or hobby?
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    I don't keep in touch. Can't be arsed to be totally honest. I don't speak to people I don't see regularly and have never sent a ' hey, how're things, long time no see' text. No point when I see it all over Facebook anyway.
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    (Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)

    What about all of the friends you met at school? Do you talk to them every day?

    If it really, really bothers you, why not schedule group Skype sessions as well as meet ups, so you can effectively double the time you spend together?

    What do you do with your life? Do you work? Do you have friends at home? Most people have several groups of friends that they see at different times, and should be happy with their balance in life. Perhaps you don't have enough people around you at home, or need to find a new interest or hobby?
    You've made very good points. I don't talk to school friends every day. But then, I don't talk to them anyway, no one meets up for drinks/dinner/birthdays etc. If you lose touch, then fine, but I don't like losing touch half way through and coming back for a "catch up".

    I think what you said about having friends close to home, maybe the balance in life. Most of my friends are all at uni, I don't really have many friends who live near me. So I feel sometimes my social life stops between Sunday-Thursday. Then picks up on Friday and Saturday. So I feel a little left out I have different groups of friends, but they are all uni based; from social groups at uni, other unis, other courses etc. I understand what you mean that uni is very social based, because you always bump into someone you know when you're walking around anywhere, but not at home!

    I may try the new interest/hobby thing to keep me more busy during the weeks that I'm not seeing anyone.
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    (Original post by A Perfect Circle)
    I feel the same way as you my friend but, in my experience, we're most definitely a minority.
    yeah, most people can't handle the truth! ha ha! :/
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    I don't speak to my friends from uni that regularly but when we do meet up its like nothings changed. I don't class them any less as friends because of it, I think its a good measure of friendship that you don't need to speak to each other every week!
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    It sucks. Me and my friend have been friends for a good 7/8 years, we were really close for these years, talking everyday out of school/college etc. Then one day he just left me, he started hanging around with different people and just stopped talking to me. Every now and then I try to rekindle conversation by just saying Hey on Facebook, but the conversations always end within a couple of minutes. We even have some of the same lessons together. It just doesn't make sense to me..

    Moral of the story: Friendships suck sometimes...
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    Sorry OP but im exactly like your friends. Most of the time I just cant be arsed to keep in touch with people. Dont take it to heart, I think your uni friends are just moving on in life

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    Who has time to constantly message friends? I think you're expecting a little bit too much OP.

    What's wrong with catching up? I'm kind of like your friends with people I'm not really close with. Maybe you thought they were really close friends but maybe they're simply acquaintances from their perspective.

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    I think the 'I totally forgot to reply' excuse might be genuine. But yea people wont exactly say 'I cant be bothered replying to you' or 'Im not that bothered about talking to you anymore' so they have to make something up.
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    (Original post by Moronic-Acid)
    It sucks. Me and my friend have been friends for a good 7/8 years, we were really close for these years, talking everyday out of school/college etc. Then one day he just left me, he started hanging around with different people and just stopped talking to me. Every now and then I try to rekindle conversation by just saying Hey on Facebook, but the conversations always end within a couple of minutes. We even have some of the same lessons together. It just doesn't make sense to me..

    Moral of the story: Friendships suck sometimes...
    same here I would really like to meet up with some people I used to be close friends with and get to know them again but they are not interested in the slightest
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    (Original post by TattyBoJangles)
    We probably see each other once every three months or so because of his work commitments, but I actually like the fact we're still so close but don't need to be in constant contact.
    I've had a few of my good friends move away in recent months and this is the main positive i've taken from it. That even though we are all moving on with our lives, they still care and we still make the time for each other I met up with one of them over Christmas and it was like she never left. Another one of them is coming down to visit soon and even though it's not for two months, i'm counting down the days.

    As much as i'd love to talk to them regularly again there are only so many ''how are things, what have you been up to'' type conversations you can have before they become really mundane and boring, even with someone you love talking to. Rather wait until I have something proper to say.
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    The best way to answer this is as honestly and as straight forward as I can, after being the one who like yourself tried hard to keep in touch with friends and family who made up the usual excuses for not keeping in touch, the answer is that you are no longer useful to them anymore, think back to what you were doing for them when you were together, e.g helping with studies, financial support, drinks, food, free to etc. I learned the hardest way about my value to others when my gf of 18 years ended our relationship simply because I was no longer useful to her any longer, I also have a niece who I have trying hard to keep in contact with, however she never contacts me unless I make the effort to contact her. As one of the comments said that people simply can't be bothered but are too polite(cowardly) to tell you.
 
 
 
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