Join TSR now for chat about life, relationships, fashion and more…Sign up now

Boyfriend doesn't want sex as often as I do Watch

    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    I swear that a lot of women have higher sex drives than a lot of men. The media and society make men out to be the constantly horny gender but if you look at your own experiences I would say that women are often much more up for it.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by laurakate1988)
    I swear that a lot of women have higher sex drives than a lot of men. The media and society make men out to be the constantly horny gender but if you look at your own experiences I would say that women are often much more up for it.
    I agree. I remember I used to be ready for another go almost instantly....look over and he's already snoring like a pug....
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think for the most part of our relationship (about 2 years), I've been the one who was interested in sex more often than him but it this hasn't bothered me until a few months ago, when we started having sex less often than before, to the point where it now happens about every 2 weeks. Is that the average for young people? I used to be happy with 2-3 times a week.

    To be fair, it does seem like there is a reason for sex not to happen most nights (we don't live together, he has a flatmate, a lot of times they have people over, we're both busy until late in the evening and then we're tired or feel that we have to go to sleep soon because we have to get up early etc) However, I wonder whether there is another reason, as I assume most people have to deal with similar circumstances and nothing in those circumstances changed for us either. He seems to like spending time with me as much as before, this is the only thing that changed.

    I've tried talking to him, and he said that he just hasn't been feeling like it lately. I can't see what more we can discuss on the subject. I feel petty for being bothered about this, but it's an annoyance. I can't help thinking that I'm missing out on an essential part of having a relationship. Is this normal/ a phase that will pass, considering it's been like this for about 3 or 4 months?
    Maybe he's cheating on you and has fallen out of love with you and is falling in love with the person he is cheating on you with or maybe your just horrible at it or maybe he thinks your cheap and is getting tired of having the same dry old balony sandwhich and would rather have a subways?? Or maybe all of the above , hehe good day :cool:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
    You do know that it shows on your post that you've edited it or not.. you didn't.. so you typed edit even though you hadn't posted yet. That's.. weird.

    --
    If you edit a post very quickly after posting, usually (if you edit almost immediately) it doesn't get labelled as having been edited.

    Edit: Or at least I believe this to be true..
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Prandtl)
    If you edit a post very quickly after posting, usually (if you edit almost immediately) it doesn't get labelled as having been edited.

    Edit: Or at least I believe this to be true..
    Hmm okay....
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    A lot of relationships go off the boil after about eighteen months. From the biological stand point there are good reasons for that. The OP state of affairs is more common that people like to admit. Then sensible mature dialogue becomes difficult because everybody thinks everybody else is at it 4 times a week or at least pretending to be or something. As an aside if either the OP or partner had a new partner they would be at full speed ahead again. It is a great taboo in our society to talk about the fact that many people find sustaining passion over long periods in a monogamous relationship more difficult than we like to think.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I went through a similar thing. There's lots of reasons - he might be stressed? Try booking a night away somewhere if can, then you'll have plenty time together and maybe you can talk about it at that point


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Regarding putting in more effort:
    I'm not usually wearing make-up unless I go out, and I've tried wearing more make-up, but he always comments on how my face looks painted on. He told me he thinks make-up is a ridiculous thing, for people who are ashamed of their faces

    I generally try to pay attention with how I dress when we meet up, thought sometimes we randomly decide to meet at the end of the day and I'm wearing whatever I hurriedly decide to put on in the morning (it's not always sexy or interesting, but generally it's ok)

    Besides, we don't go out very often as he doesn't like clubbing (we do leave the house for other activities, just not the sort of going out in the evening that requires you to dress up). Sadly going out is out of the question for a while, as it's Easter break followed by exam period.

    Even if we meet for drinks in the evening, it does not matter what I'm wearing at the end of the day, because we generally hang out with other people in the living room and then go to bed. It would seem silly not to get changed, I assume.

    The open relationship option crossed my mind, but I know for a fact it is not for me. I don't get a lot of excitement from sleeping with other people apart from him (I know this from when we were not in an exclusive relationship).

    I do hope this is a living arrangements-related issue, as his room is right next to the living room and it never feels like there is a right moment until everyone else is asleep.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by brownbearxo)
    I agree. I remember I used to be ready for another go almost instantly....look over and he's already snoring like a pug....
    That's not to do with sex drive ex makes men sleepy also men have a refractory period it takes time before we can recover and go again.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How would I know if he finds me attractive or not?



    Thank you for being supportive. The weird thing is, when we do have sex, it's always really good for both of us, I just don't understand why it happens so infrequently. I've been reluctant to insist on talking about it because he doesn't have a lot of patience with the subject/ reacts as if I'm absurd for questioning the reasons. I don't want him to perceive it as me nagging him or being desperate, as I hear that's considered unattractive :P But I agree, it is probably worth bringing up one more time. It makes me sad because I don't consider it a valid reason to break up and I know I would have to compromise and accept it. I'm otherwise enjoying having him as a boyfriend. If we could get a little more privacy and a little more free time, I'm sure that would help, but that just doesn't seem to be happening very soon.


    The second one only happens once in a while and is temporary. The rejection definitely hurts more and I get constant reminders about it when people in relationships are talking about sex and I wonder what is wrong with me or with this relationship.

    No but what is the main reason that you want to have sex with him more often?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Guy Secretan)
    No but what is the main reason that you want to have sex with him more often?
    I'm a little worried that things changing in this sense might indicate a problem with our relationship. I would like to feel wanted, or 'pursued' and 'in love' and I associate these things with sex. For me, all this is what sets a relationship apart from a close friendship and I'd like to continue being in a relationship.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Have you put on weight?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Maybe he is tired like you say, make him eat well and sleep more to get the guy back on form
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 17, 2014
Poll
Which web browser do you use?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.