Join TSR now for chat about life, relationships, fashion and more…Sign up now

He doesn't love me anymore Watch

    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by LieselPieterse)
    Try to stop paying him the attention! Success is the best revenge, better yourself and he will be kicking himself!

    what do you mean success is the best REVENGE?
    What will she be getting revenge for? lol. It's not the boyfriends fault he doesn't love her. Your logic: OP: "yay im successful" Boyfriend: aw crap I should have pretended to love and her and not tell her honestly I don't like her anymore then I could have been a gold digger *kicks self* :rolleyes:
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by LieselPieterse)
    I never said aim to get loads of money and win him back I just keep on repeating myself. It's a way of not focussing on the sad situation she is in a way of taking her mind off him and focussing on herself I have to say is a good way of dealing with stuff like this otherwise you're just hurting yourself dwelling on how upsetting it all is. Okay see it you can improve your education, be sociable don't sit in getting upset over it all, go out do things if you have a hobby do that spend time with family or whatever, pamper yourself instead of letting yourself get upset over it more than you should, cause you will get upset over it obviously. Why is making yourself feel good so bad? I'm encouraging something positive. After that I said he could he COULD question it not he WILL question it. And that's common in many break ups a lot of ex's do it, because confidence and being positive is attractive!
    I'm really interested into knowing how everyone else deals with break ups if they don't just accept it move on and distract themselves by bettering themselves
    Usually I go on holiday somewhere out of the way. I always have extra vacation time and my work doesn't require a huge amount of notice. I'll go trekking somewhere off the beaten path and just enjoy being alone for a bit.

    When I was a student I usually would just sink into my work for a couple of days and not really do anything else. I think everyone copes differently and there is no real correct way of dealing with a break up.

    However, as a general principle for me self improvement should be something done for yourself and not for any other reason.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    OP you're getting some odd answers for sure haha. But I think the best thing has been said - communicate with him lightly, there's no point being what could be somewhat immature and just cutting everything off. That's certainly for the 'getting over' process but I think right now you need a bit more closure, so maybe meet up with him somewhere a little private, and just find out what went 'wrong' for him. It is such a shame, I really feel for you and certainly he could have chosen a better time to say it rather than ruin a little 'I love you, goodnight' routine for you. However it's great you're being mature and not wanting revenge or to make him feel bad, it's important to respect each other.

    Aside from that, please just focus on your dissertation. I'm doing mine at the moment too, and it's terrible enough with my boyfriend just leaving me alone to do it! The worst thing you could do is let this distract you. Throw yourself into it instead, use it to keep you busy, and do well; that way you can look back on a good grade and think 'I did that despite being so stressed', and that really will make you feel better about the whole thing and how you handled it. Good luck. ^^
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I gave in and called him. He was talking like normal about his day etc. Then said he could stop by mine later to give my things back and pick up the things he left at mine.

    I asked what happened, why he changed his mind about me. He just said 'I don't know, it just doesn't feel right anymore, I don't want you anymore'.

    But an hour before he told me he didn't love me anymore, he was making plans to see me and telling me that he loved me and I was beautiful and amazing etc. How can he change his mind in literally the space of an hour? I feel so confused and hurt.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I gave in and called him. He was talking like normal about his day etc. Then said he could stop by mine later to give my things back and pick up the things he left at mine.

    I asked what happened, why he changed his mind about me. He just said 'I don't know, it just doesn't feel right anymore, I don't want you anymore'.

    But an hour before he told me he didn't love me anymore, he was making plans to see me and telling me that he loved me and I was beautiful and amazing etc. How can he change his mind in literally the space of an hour? I feel so confused and hurt.
    Maybe he was living a lie and couldn't keep it up anymore. It's possible he was thinking he didn't want you anymore for a while but only then decided enough was enough. He might have met someone else and they made it clear to them at that moment that they wanted to be with him so he decided to end it.

    Chances are you will never know, best thing to do is finish it off and just never contact him again and move on in your mind otherwise you'll have a messy few months of trying to make friendship work with him and you'll torture yourself.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by james1211)
    Maybe he was living a lie and couldn't keep it up anymore. It's possible he was thinking he didn't want you anymore for a while but only then decided enough was enough. He might have met someone else and they made it clear to them at that moment that they wanted to be with him so he decided to end it.

    Chances are you will never know, best thing to do is finish it off and just never contact him again and move on in your mind otherwise you'll have a messy few months of trying to make friendship work with him and you'll torture yourself.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    That's a bit blunt and harsh. But probably what I needed to hear, thank you.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I gave in and called him. He was talking like normal about his day etc. Then said he could stop by mine later to give my things back and pick up the things he left at mine.

    I asked what happened, why he changed his mind about me. He just said 'I don't know, it just doesn't feel right anymore, I don't want you anymore'.

    But an hour before he told me he didn't love me anymore, he was making plans to see me and telling me that he loved me and I was beautiful and amazing etc. How can he change his mind in literally the space of an hour? I feel so confused and hurt.
    He was probably thinking about it and put on a brave face for your sake


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's a bit blunt and harsh. But probably what I needed to hear, thank you.
    Maybe, but there's no sense beating round the bush at this point.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    That must have been really horrible for you. I suggest you try and divert your attention to your dissertation, that's what counts right now. You'll be surprised how smart you can work when you're emotionally upset. I've written my best essays, when I have been very upset. I tend to direct all my pain and sadness into making the essay the best it can be.

    I suggest you cut ties with him, and keep your distance. The whole "I care about you" line is just shoved in for good measure to lessen the impact of what he initially said. If you reach out to him and ask "why" it will most likely cause more heart ache for you in the long run. Its saddening when I see relationships where one partner is 100% into it and the other is just "meh".
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by alis-volatpropriis)
    That must have been really horrible for you. I suggest you try and divert your attention to your dissertation, that's what counts right now. You'll be surprised how smart you can work when you're emotionally upset. I've written my best essays, when I have been very upset. I tend to direct all my pain and sadness into making the essay the best it can be.

    I suggest you cut ties with him, and keep your distance. The whole "I care about you" line is just shoved in for good measure to lessen the impact of what he initially said. If you reach out to him and ask "why" it will most likely cause more heart ache for you in the long run. Its saddening when I see relationships where one partner is 100% into it and the other is just "meh".
    Yeah, I've been surprisingly productive today with my dissertation, even though I've been a bit of an emotional trainwreck.

    I guess it's kinda funny that to start with, he was the one that was 100% into it and invested and I was kind of holding back. That seems to have completely flipped around.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, I've been surprisingly productive today with my dissertation, even though I've been a bit of an emotional trainwreck.

    I guess it's kinda funny that to start with, he was the one that was 100% into it and invested and I was kind of holding back. That seems to have completely flipped around.
    That's good! The more you absorb yourself into your work, the less time you have to actually go through your emotions. I know its hard to deal with, but you're a strong person and I know that the joy of completing the dissertation, should give you some emotional satisfaction and a distraction from your negative feelings.

    I hate people that play games. Nobody just wakes up one day and decides that the person they have been dating for a long period of time isn't what they want. For him to tell you that, and be honest with you, means that he had to have been feeling that way for a long time. The loss is on him. I believe in what goes around comes around. He will come across a female version of himself, that will have him so wrapped up around her finger that she will literally shatter his world with the same words he used on you.

    I think you also have to take into account the lust and infatuation stages of relationships, maybe he was so invested initially because of the excitement and buzz from a fresh relationship. Its actually a blessing in disguise for you, that he revealed his true colours early on and not many years later.

    Its his loss, I am sure there is another guy out there that is willing to love you as much as you will love him.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But then the other night, we were about to go to sleep (after spending a fun evening with some friends) and I curled up to him and said 'I love you' - as we usually do before going to bed. He asked 'really?' and I said 'of course silly' and then I added in a joking tone 'why? don't you love me anymore?'

    He said 'no, I don't think I do'.

    I was heartbroken. I turned over so he wouldn't see me cry. He then said 'I'm sorry, I just wanted to be honest and not lie to you'. I decided I should probably get up and go home instead of stay the rest of the night at his.
    This is so sad but you sound like a disney girl
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by alis-volatpropriis)
    That's good! The more you absorb yourself into your work, the less time you have to actually go through your emotions. I know its hard to deal with, but you're a strong person and I know that the joy of completing the dissertation, should give you some emotional satisfaction and a distraction from your negative feelings.

    I hate people that play games. Nobody just wakes up one day and decides that the person they have been dating for a long period of time isn't what they want. For him to tell you that, and be honest with you, means that he had to have been feeling that way for a long time. The loss is on him. I believe in what goes around comes around. He will come across a female version of himself, that will have him so wrapped up around her finger that she will literally shatter his world with the same words he used on you.

    I think you also have to take into account the lust and infatuation stages of relationships, maybe he was so invested initially because of the excitement and buzz from a fresh relationship. Its actually a blessing in disguise for you, that he revealed his true colours early on and not many years later.

    Its his loss, I am sure there is another guy out there that is willing to love you as much as you will love him.
    Thank you. It was nice to hear this. I'm going to go give him back his stuff a bit later and that's it, no contact from then. Staying friends is not an option and I wouldn't be foolish enough to put myself through that.

    I guess I can be grateful that at least this has happened now and I haven't been led on any longer. And now I actually have time to get my uni work done!

    Thanks to everyone that replied today, it has been really helpful and made me feel a lot better
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Potential Trigger)
    This is so sad but you sound like a disney girl
    Haha! I've always been a tough cookie and stood my own, but this was the first time I've let my guard down and now I do sound like a naive little Disney girl!

    I'll be a bit more careful in future!
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you. It was nice to hear this. I'm going to go give him back his stuff a bit later and that's it, no contact from then. Staying friends is not an option and I wouldn't be foolish enough to put myself through that.

    I guess I can be grateful that at least this has happened now and I haven't been led on any longer. And now I actually have time to get my uni work done!

    Thanks to everyone that replied today, it has been really helpful and made me feel a lot better
    You're very welcome. Good luck with your dissertation!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Haha! I've always been a tough cookie and stood my own, but this was the first time I've let my guard down and now I do sound like a naive little Disney girl!

    I'll be a bit more careful in future!
    You remind me of someone special I know who says things in a jokey tone when she is hurt or turns her back when she sleeps

    I hope it resolves well for you and you get over all this with minimum fuss. I don't think you let your guard down as you were with him for a certain period and he had shown he loved you before.

    You're not naive from what you have described.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by alis-volatpropriis)
    That's good! The more you absorb yourself into your work, the less time you have to actually go through your emotions. I know its hard to deal with, but you're a strong person and I know that the joy of completing the dissertation, should give you some emotional satisfaction and a distraction from your negative feelings.

    I hate people that play games. Nobody just wakes up one day and decides that the person they have been dating for a long period of time isn't what they want. For him to tell you that, and be honest with you, means that he had to have been feeling that way for a long time. The loss is on him. I believe in what goes around comes around. He will come across a female version of himself, that will have him so wrapped up around her finger that she will literally shatter his world with the same words he used on you.

    I think you also have to take into account the lust and infatuation stages of relationships, maybe he was so invested initially because of the excitement and buzz from a fresh relationship. Its actually a blessing in disguise for you, that he revealed his true colours early on and not many years later.

    Its his loss, I am sure there is another guy out there that is willing to love you as much as you will love him.
    I don't know why are obsessed with this idea of revenge so that OP gets some sick sense of satisfaction.

    OP's boyfriend may have been confused for a while or maybe something happened suddenly that made him change his mind. His reasons aren't important; he was completely honest and I feel that OP should respect that. I doubt she would feel better if he kept up the pretence that he still loved her.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ThatPerson)
    I don't know why are obsessed with this idea of revenge so that OP gets some sick sense of satisfaction.

    OP's boyfriend may have been confused for a while or maybe something happened suddenly that made him change his mind. His reasons aren't important; he was completely honest and I feel that OP should respect that. I doubt she would feel better if he kept up the pretence that he still loved her.
    Nobody just wakes up and feels that way. He clearly felt that way for a long period of time, so by all means he deserves to be led on like she was then have a girl turn around say she doesn't love him or want him.

    Honesty is always the best policy I agree with that, but he seemed to infer that he just plucked that feeling out of thin air. He had previously sprouted about loving her, then an hour later says he doesn't. He messed with her head, and deserves his head to be messed with in return.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by alis-volatpropriis)
    Nobody just wakes up and feels that way. He clearly felt that way for a long period of time, so by all means he deserves to be led on like she was then have a girl turn around say she doesn't love him or want him.

    Honesty is always the best policy I agree with that, but he seemed to infer that he just plucked that feeling out of thin air. He had previously sprouted about loving her, then an hour later says he doesn't. He messed with her head, and deserves his head to be messed with in return.
    Erm...No he did not "mess with her head". He may have been confused for a while or have only thought about it on the same day, but as I said before, that is irrelevant.

    OP's ex does not deserve to be "messed with in return", when he has done nothing wrong.

    This need for revenge is childish, immature, and harmful to the OP.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ThatPerson)
    Erm...No he did not "mess with her head". He may have been confused for a while or have only thought about it on the same day, but as I said before, that is irrelevant.

    OP's ex does not deserve to be "messed with in return", when he has done nothing wrong.

    This need for revenge is childish, immature, and harmful to the OP.
    What is wrong with you, did I give the OP tips on how to plot revenge against her boyfriend? I merely mentioned MY personal beliefs in karma.

    Oh so telling someone you love them so much an hour before telling them you don't want them and don't love them. Wow.. no wrongdoing there. He already knew he didn't love her, he tried to pretend he did, before he came clean. I don't know why you're trying to argue about this with me or put words in my mouth about "revenge".

    You need to re-read what I initially said before you quote me. End of.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 17, 2014
Poll
Which web browser do you use?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.