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Stay at home mum Watch

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    (Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
    You two sure don't waste any time.
    We have been married nearly 3 years so we've waited.

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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    We have been married nearly 3 years so we've waited.

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    I'm not knocking you. You just both got married early and are now contemplating having children at a very young age (compared to rest of western society). Hence why you don't wait a around

    Personally I would be terrified of having children this young but you two go for it. It is your choice after all.
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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    Part of the guilt is not starting to pay my student loans soon so I feel like a burden to society somehow, if that makes sense.

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    Eh, don't. The structure of the loans means a lot of people working won't pay them off (I certainly doubt I will) and your husband pays taxes
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    (Original post by MASTER265)
    Stay at home is so so easy. 1 you do not have to travel more than 15 metre 2 cleaning is a joke it's easy, I mastered it at the age of 8. 3 there are multiple classes and training for bringing up kids, literally it's a 1/10th of the work you put in to study a degree. 4 you have no boss. 5 you have food, toilet, tv and magazines at your side when you require it. 6 you have no targets or profit margins to think about. I could go on, the job is a joke and someone with the IQ range of a crumpet could do it.
    Cleaning is not easy for me as I have a physical disability. Same goes for most housework. I found that I was as tired and in pain when I was working and staying at home. Yes there are targets, things like bills and budgeting. One mistake and everything is pretty much screwed for the month. Doesn't take a genius but it's hard to remember everything. And the hardest thing is boredom and loneliness. It brings a person down.


    (Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
    It's absolutely your life and your choice. You say you won't be claiming benefits, so there's literally nobody on here who can judge you for it, because your decisions would not affect them at all.

    However I'm not entirely certain that your attitude of "if I don't find anything by April we'll have a baby" lies easy with me. If you want a baby, have a baby. But don't make it sound as though it's a last resort..

    That's not in any way getting at you, it's probably just the wording of it.

    There's nothing wrong with being a stay at home parent, you'll certainly realise it's hard enough work when the time comes, so don't let anyone put you down about it if you want to do it.
    The whole April thing was a compromise of some sort. I was indecisive about when to start a family and I saw it as more of a fate thing. Yes silly but it was really bugging me then.

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    (Original post by MASTER265)
    Go for it. Stay at home mum is the easiest job in the world. It's practically a walk in the park (they have manuals on how to perfect it). I would love to be able to go through life without working but hey I am man. But if i was female i would 100% go for it
    This might come as a surprise but some men do actually stay at home and look after their children.
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    Hmm you probably have seen me posting around and about. I've got kids, I'm at home, I had my first one at 21, you know all that shizzle... if you wanna ask anything feel free to pm me.

    (btw why would you be on bed rest?)
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    (Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
    I'm not knocking you. You just both got married early and are now contemplating having children at a very young age (compared to rest of western society). Hence why you don't wait a around

    Personally I would be terrified of having children this young but you two go for it. It is your choice after all.
    A lot of people seem to be, I've noticed people mature late these days compared to the past


    OP sound good PM me if you want any advice/chat, as I have similar wants
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    The only thing is if you're really certain you want the kid, rather than just doing it as a back up. Career wise obviously you'll be coming to grad schemes and stuff late, but then lots of people do after travelling and the like, the issue might be more that grad schemes generally assume you're young and free and have comensurate hours, be certain to make it clear you're unlikely to be able to work 60, 70, 80 hour weeks with any regularity.

    Other than that your call, if you want to go for it, don't be a martyr about benefits either, child benefit is there for a reason, take it if you're eligible, though if your husband earns more than 50k beware there are tax implications. Also, given what you said before about your financial situation, think carefully about how solid the job is, how quickly he could find alternative similarly paid employment and what savings you have if your husband were to be made redundant at any point in the next 18-21 years.
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    Nothing wrong with it at all! Bear in mind that your child will be entitled to 15 hours of free nursery from 3, so that can be utilised to help you get back in the job market if you so wish - work experience, placements, short courses etc. Once you have the early years out of the way, you have so much more freedom to pursue your dream career and wont have the desire to have a child hanging over your head.
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    (Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
    I'm not knocking you. You just both got married early and are now contemplating having children at a very young age (compared to rest of western society). Hence why you don't wait a around

    Personally I would be terrified of having children this young but you two go for it. It is your choice after all.
    I know you didn't mean bad by it We had the same comment from some people. Tbh we would have had kids sooner if we were financially stable then. I'm a bit nervous though lol

    (Original post by lucaf)
    Eh, don't. The structure of the loans means a lot of people working won't pay them off (I certainly doubt I will) and your husband pays taxes
    I would pay off my student loan in full if I could. It kinda makes me feel uncomfortable.
    (Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
    Hmm you probably have seen me posting around and about. I've got kids, I'm at home, I had my first one at 21, you know all that shizzle... if you wanna ask anything feel free to pm me.

    (btw why would you be on bed rest?)
    thanks! had a miscarriage years ago and because of health issues plus the cause of miscarriage was unknown, I've been advised that it's probably safer. though it remains to be seen when it happens.
    (Original post by Le Nombre)
    The only thing is if you're really certain you want the kid, rather than just doing it as a back up. Career wise obviously you'll be coming to grad schemes and stuff late, but then lots of people do after travelling and the like, the issue might be more that grad schemes generally assume you're young and free and have comensurate hours, be certain to make it clear you're unlikely to be able to work 60, 70, 80 hour weeks with any regularity.

    Other than that your call, if you want to go for it, don't be a martyr about benefits either, child benefit is there for a reason, take it if you're eligible, though if your husband earns more than 50k beware there are tax implications. Also, given what you said before about your financial situation, think carefully about how solid the job is, how quickly he could find alternative similarly paid employment and what savings you have if your husband were to be made redundant at any point in the next 18-21 years.
    so far he's on 35k but that's likely to go up in a years time and tax implications are certainly a worry. his job is solid, that much I know. and tbh he's been pretty good at his line of work that should he lose his job he would be able to get one immediately. we were in trouble financially before because we were students and had to move. most of the debt came from that tbh.
    (Original post by jessology)
    Nothing wrong with it at all! Bear in mind that your child will be entitled to 15 hours of free nursery from 3, so that can be utilised to help you get back in the job market if you so wish - work experience, placements, short courses etc. Once you have the early years out of the way, you have so much more freedom to pursue your dream career and wont have the desire to have a child hanging over your head.
    I definitely plan to use the nursery thing once the early years are over.


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    (Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
    A lot of people seem to be, I've noticed people mature late these days compared to the past


    OP sound good PM me if you want any advice/chat, as I have similar wants
    will do

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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    so far he's on 35k but that's likely to go up in a years time and tax implications are certainly a worry. his job is solid, that much I know. and tbh he's been pretty good at his line of work that should he lose his job he would be able to get one immediately. we were in trouble financially before because we were students and had to move. most of the debt came from that tbh.
    I think it's usually still worth getting child benefit, just until 50k it's an absolute no brainer, beyond that worth running the figures to see how it works out for you.

    Yeah, I'm probably over cautious on redundancy as I see it every day, but then most people are I think overly blaise about it. A good idea for checking his prospects might be to ask a recruitment consultant in the field how quick they think he'd get a job, they might charge a minor fee but first consultations are usually free. No worries, just knew you'd mentioned you were on an IVA, incidentally might be worth asking your insolvency practitioner if you have reasonably regular contact and they're nice, after all it's their job to know your finances and what could affect them better than even you!
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    (Original post by Le Nombre)
    I think it's usually still worth getting child benefit, just until 50k it's an absolute no brainer, beyond that worth running the figures to see how it works out for you.

    Yeah, I'm probably over cautious on redundancy as I see it every day, but then most people are I think overly blaise about it. A good idea for checking his prospects might be to ask a recruitment consultant in the field how quick they think he'd get a job, they might charge a minor fee but first consultations are usually free. No worries, just knew you'd mentioned you were on an IVA, incidentally might be worth asking your insolvency practitioner if you have reasonably regular contact and they're nice, after all it's their job to know your finances and what could affect them better than even you!
    we did ask and in their opinion he shouldn't have trouble getting another job if necessary. I probably should mention that in few months he's getting another qualification that makes him slightly more employable.

    This is out of topic but what's the difference between IVA and debt management? we were told that there's a difference but not much..

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    (Original post by lucaf)
    If you are already in the financial position to have kids I see no reason that you should have to arbitrarily wait a few years while you work before you have them, so I say go for it. Having children is obviously something that is important to you so there is no reason you should feel guilty about delaying work for it, especially since you have a husband to support you. The only reason I had a problem with Red One was because she had no intention of working despite not having a husband or kids, or even the imminent prospect of either, and for some reason still thinks that she is actually contributing to society somehow.
    Completely agree with your situation. Go for it and good luck. Whereas I did not agree with Red one position(or most of what she says for that matter because of above-i mean she did not even have a boyfriend or husband? ^^^)
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    No judgment your life, your choice.
    however I would not commit yourself to being a stay at home mother for 4-10yrs+ before you have even had children. The experience is so different to how you expect it to be, so much harder and lonelier, you may want to get back in to work sooner so make sure you just keep it as an option in your (and your husband's) head.
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    (Original post by Lakesx)
    Completely agree with your situation. Go for it and good luck. Whereas I did not agree with Red one position(or most of what she says for that matter because of above-i mean she did not even have a boyfriend or husband? ^^^)
    Haha nope, she didn't want a job because she would have less time to find a husband
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    (Original post by lucaf)
    Haha nope, she didn't want a job because she would have less time to find a husband
    Haha thats true, god knows if she will ever get married? :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    we did ask and in their opinion he shouldn't have trouble getting another job if necessary. I probably should mention that in few months he's getting another qualification that makes him slightly more employable.

    This is out of topic but what's the difference between IVA and debt management? we were told that there's a difference but not much..

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    Ah sorry, thought you were in an IVA.

    Disclaimer: They are similar from the debtor's point of view, but, at the risk of boring you to death...IVA is a more formal procedure which has to include all your creditors getting together and deciding it and is administered by an external insolvency practitioner. Debt management is more of a contracutal agreement between you and the bank, whereas an IVA includes certain statutory protections such as a 14 day stay on all repayments whilst you apply and having a third party decide the payment rates. There are also come technical things about certain creditors being forced by others which are totally irrelevant to the debtor.
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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    My question here is, how bad would it be that I would have a degree but I am choosing to delay starting my career to be a stay at home wife and mum?

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    Have you checked and asked for feedback as to why you keep being rejected for jobs?

    Some qualifications do have a shelve life and becomes worthless if you don't use it for anything useful within a year of gaining it, this is especially true for anything technology related. Professional work experience does take a hit if you stop working in that field and if you quit for as little as 3 years then even if you are a mid-level manager you would need to start again at the bottom.

    Are you only planning on having 1 child? It might be best to have all the kids you want to have and when the youngest is at school then only you start returning to work. It might be helpful to work a casual job or a part-time even if it is zero-hour contract or one where it is by project only when you have kids if you are in one of that kind of professions.

    As for whether it is bad or not? It will depend on what qualifications you hold and what career you are planning to pursue.
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    (Original post by Georgie_M)
    No judgment your life, your choice.
    however I would not commit yourself to being a stay at home mother for 4-10yrs+ before you have even had children. The experience is so different to how you expect it to be, so much harder and lonelier, you may want to get back in to work sooner so make sure you just keep it as an option in your (and your husband's) head.
    I find being a stay at home wife really lonely and I'm worried about the effect it will have once I have a baby. I did tell my husband that if it gets too much, I'll see about doing a part time masters. Money would probably be an issue then but hopefully I can sort it

    (Original post by Le Nombre)
    Ah sorry, thought you were in an IVA.

    Disclaimer: They are similar from the debtor's point of view, but, at the risk of boring you to death...IVA is a more formal procedure which has to include all your creditors getting together and deciding it and is administered by an external insolvency practitioner. Debt management is more of a contracutal agreement between you and the bank, whereas an IVA includes certain statutory protections such as a 14 day stay on all repayments whilst you apply and having a third party decide the payment rates. There are also come technical things about certain creditors being forced by others which are totally irrelevant to the debtor.
    we have a third party who decided the payment rates but other than that it doesn't seem similar.

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