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I'm jealous of my (rich?) best friend. Watch

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    (Original post by Alfissti)
    Get over it, life ain't fair.

    Often it's the winners that will say this.
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    (Original post by Spyro93)
    why dont you get your own job? i know people will say 'oh there arent any' but i went into town today and applied for 3 where thry had job vacancies. you just have to get out there and look!

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I want to, but I don't know if that's just going to me competing with her? (in this situation at least)

    (Original post by Spyro93)
    what? Just go and look for a job, why should it have to be anything to do with her? You obviously want money - so go earn some!

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Bump.
    I don't really understand why you're bumping the thread. What do you want people to say? Spyro probably gave you the best advice. You seem to be jealous about her having a job thus earning money. You want money so why not try to get a job? It doesn't really matter if it's technically you competing with her, having a job will earn you the money that you want. You're just going to stew in your own jealousy if you don't try to change the situation (by getting a job).
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    (Original post by Carpe Vinum)
    Jealousy is the worst thing for there to be in a friendship.

    Why on earth would you want to improve yourself just so she can envy you? Grow up.
    I'd disagree. I think jealousy can also make for a healthy incentive-focused friendship. I have friends who are academically focused and we compete based on grades, who can earn the most money, uni spots, work. This creates that atmosphere where we're all striving to do better than the next person, although it's not to an extent where we hate each other for doing better.

    There may be some sort of pride element towards our friendship. However, I think our closeness justifies the competitive nature of our friendship.
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    Why don't you get a job as well...?
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    (Original post by Abdul-Karim)
    I'd disagree. I think jealousy can also make for a healthy incentive-focused friendship. I have friends who are academically focused and we compete based on grades, who can earn the most money, uni spots, work. This creates that atmosphere where we're all striving to do better than the next person, although it's not to an extent where we hate each other for doing better.

    There may be some sort of pride element towards our friendship. However, I think our closeness justifies the competitive nature of our friendship.
    Jealous and healthy shouldn't be in the same sentence. Jealousy is followed by resentment. If your friends really are jealous they would try to bring you down, they wouldn't focus on themselves because jealousy is a feeling towards *you*. I don't know why you would try to convince yourself there's jealousy in what otherwise sounds like a healthy relationship with your friends. It's not a positive thing.
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    (Original post by crazytown2014)
    Jealous and healthy should be in the same sentence. Jealousy is followed by resentment, and from what OP has said she's actually feels discouraged to look for a job because of her jealousy.
    If you're friends were jealous they would be trying to knock your grades down and make it difficult to find work. They would be giving the exact opposite of good advice. They won't focus on themselves because jealousy is a feeling towards you.
    If I'm jelous of my friends achievements, instead of knocking them down, I'll strive to be better than them and that's the incentive function for you to make for a more productive environment.
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    (Original post by Abdul-Karim)
    If I'm jelous of my friends achievements, instead of knocking them down, I'll strive to be better than them and that's the incentive function for you to make for a more productive environment.
    No you wouldn't because jealousy is in relation to what your friend is doing, what you're doing is out of the equation. I don't know why you're trying to convince yourself there's jealousy in your relationship. It's like trying to make out you have cancer growing inside of you.

    The only thing that would motivate you would be admiration and inspiration, which isn't the same as jealousy.
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    Get off your ****ing ass and get a job instead of moaning on TSR.
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    (Original post by crazytown2014)
    No you wouldn't because jealousy is in relation to what your friend is doing, what you're doing is out of the equation. I don't know why you're trying to convince yourself there's jealousy in your relationship.
    I need no convincing. My friend gets a job.. I'm like "dayumm, wth I wish I had a job". Now I go and apply for jobs.

    I was jealous that he had a job which led to me applying for jobs in order to match or exceed him. His achievements made me somewhat envious which gave me the incentive to match up. You can try and deny it all you wish but at the same time jealousy doesn't mean you want the person you're jealous of to rot in hell.
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    (Original post by Dilzo999)
    Get off your ****ing ass and get a job instead of moaning on TSR.
    If only it was that easy to get a job.
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    This is BS. If you can't tell your "best friend" that there is an issue, then you ain't really friends. This happened to me, I asked my ACTUAL FRIEND to have a little more tact, she fist bumped me and we got over it.
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    (Original post by Abdul-Karim)
    jealousy doesn't mean you want the person you're jealous of to rot in hell.
    No, but it's followed by feelings of resentment. Speaking of hell jealousy is actually one of the 7 deadly sins.

    "Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection."

    The word you're looking for is inspiration. It's synonymous with incentive, and makes a lot more sense.
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    (Original post by Dani California)
    This is BS. If you can't tell your "best friend" that there is an issue, then you ain't really friends. This happened to me, I asked my ACTUAL FRIEND to have a little more tact, she fist bumped me and we got over it.
    We are best friends, but she is quite a sensitive person. She takes offence easily and becomes defensive. That's just her personality.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We are best friends, but she is quite a sensitive person. She takes offence easily and becomes defensive. That's just her personality.
    Maybe talk to her a little about that then? Make clear that you don't want to offend her. Don't think I could be friend with someone I couldn't talk to openly, but I hope you guys resolve it.
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    (Original post by Dani California)
    Maybe talk to her a little about that then? Make clear that you don't want to offend her. Don't think I could be friend with someone I couldn't talk to openly, but I hope you guys resolve it.
    Thank you! It's just in the past, for example she was copying me quite a lot, and I gently approached the subject you know saying she has great taste herself etc, and she got very annoyed and defensive. I've approached it before, like in a jokey way like "please don't send me loads of pictures of everything you're going to buy because it will make me jealous lol" and she just asks "would that really make you feel bad?" which obviously makes me feel stupid.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you! It's just in the past, for example she was copying me quite a lot, and I gently approached the subject you know saying she has great taste herself etc, and she got very annoyed and defensive. I've approached it before, like in a jokey way like "please don't send me loads of pictures of everything you're going to buy because it will make me jealous lol" and she just asks "would that really make you feel bad?" which obviously makes me feel stupid.
    It actually makes me sad that your friend would make you feel stupid. Talk to her, and don't let her belittle you. You got this. :five:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you, as I mentioned before I feel I'm constantly surrounded by the things that make me jealous i.e her showing me everything she's bought, talking a lot about how much money she's making. How can I distance myself from her whilst still be best friends? I don't want to distance myself and upset her, when the problems not with her, it's with me.
    i know exactly how you feel, don't talk to her directly about it. That will just upset her try and just subtly talk with some other friends as well as hang out with other friends more. This will broaden your mind to think that there is more to life than comparing yourself with another person, there are other people in the world but her.

    Although its not her fault, feeling dragged down by her shows that maybe its not meant to be... xxx
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    (Original post by Carpe Vinum)
    Jealousy is the worst thing for there to be in a friendship.

    Why on earth would you want to improve yourself just so she can envy you? Grow up.
    Unnecessary rudeness.


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We are both 16. She has got a job in shop that a family member runs. She will be making lots of money - probably over a £1000 in the summer holidays. It's making me really jealous, and I hate to admit it, but I don't feel happy for her. I do appreciate what I have, but I just feel jealous that she will be buying lots of lovely things. For example, say if there is something I really really want, she will think "oh that's nice" and buy it. Simple as. I know it's materialistic but also knowing she will want all these days out and trips as she can afford it, yet I will have to decline. Plus, I will be getting a bus pass so I can't exactly decline a shopping trip because of lack of bus fare. How can I get over this jealously of her making loads of money? I know it's really pathetic and mean, but it's made me want to do something to improve myself, just so she can envy me.
    Try and make your own money? Apply for jobs, even see if she can get one for you too? Ask your parents for some extra cash in return of more housework etc?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Whilst I understand you, some things are easier said than done. I want to know how not to be jealous. I hate being jealous of her for being better than me.
    It's absolutely okay for you to talk to her about your feelings. I'm certain, if she is a true friend, will be more sensitive about it in future.

    A true friend doesn't flaunt their wealth in front of a mate who is less well off, a true friend will find a way to ensure they can do things together that does not make one of the friends feel left out. Otherwise, if she is taking you on shopping trips where she buys and you don't have money to buy, then she's using you as a prop, not a friend.

    Talk to her about it
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We are both 16. She has got a job in shop that a family member runs. She will be making lots of money - probably over a £1000 in the summer holidays. It's making me really jealous, and I hate to admit it, but I don't feel happy for her. I do appreciate what I have, but I just feel jealous that she will be buying lots of lovely things. For example, say if there is something I really really want, she will think "oh that's nice" and buy it. Simple as. I know it's materialistic but also knowing she will want all these days out and trips as she can afford it, yet I will have to decline. Plus, I will be getting a bus pass so I can't exactly decline a shopping trip because of lack of bus fare. How can I get over this jealously of her making loads of money? I know it's really pathetic and mean, but it's made me want to do something to improve myself, just so she can envy me.
    Get a job.

    Problem solved.
 
 
 
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