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Help me interpret this conversation, please (big summary on pager 5). Watch

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    The girl sounds like an absolute nutter lol


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    (Original post by Summerdays)
    Three months ago ago, I randomly started talking to a girl that goes to my college; we started talking as soon as I sat next to her in a cafe at my college. We both enjoyed the conversation, so much so that we added each other on facebook. I started seeing her more regularly at the section of the library that I usually study at; I would chat to her briefly, each time I saw her.

    A week later, I decided to flirt with her a bit because I didn't want her to friendzone me - I thought she was single. A few hours after flirting with her, she messaged me to inform me that she is taken. She still wanted me to be her friend, and so did I. That very same day, we both found out that we share the same MBTI personality type (INTJ); I was so excited when she told me that. Our conversations became deeper and more meaningful the second we found out.

    But then the strangest thing happened the very next day... She unfriended me on facebook. At first, I assumed it was her boyfriend that made her do it. After politely asking her why was I unfriended, she told me that the reason why she unfriended me is because she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to keep in contact with me considering, in her point of view, that I liked her more than a friend. I tried my very hardest to convince her that I hd no feelings for her, and that I will prevent any feelings from ever interfering with our friendship, but she still insisted on cutting contact with me. She eventually blocked me that very same day, before unblocking me the very next day (for, largely, unknown reasons). Her reasoning is that she fears that I will develop stronger feelings for her if I keep talking to her. Yet, she still wanted us to to talk to her IN PERSON whenever I see her; she wants us to be acquaintances.

    After giving her 6 weeks worth of space, I decided to facebook message her again. I informed her, in that message, that I want to tell her some things, but it would take me about a week to write them down (mainly, due to exams). In that same message, I also wrote "I hope your emotions are no longer an issue".
    It was a bad move, in retrospect, because her reply was "I think we shouldn't talk in any way. And my emotions do not play a role here. Bye!" She quickly blocked me after that. I still emailed her immediately after she'd block me - I told her that "It's quite obvious that you had feelings for me; I was wondering why your personality changed on the Saturday that we last spoke." The e-mail wasn't aggressive, but I tried my best to convey disappointment.

    Two months later, and she's still, very much, in my mind. She's a big WHAT IF to me - because I only knew her for 8 days. I haven't see her at all, on campus, since the day that she unfriended me. I presume that she decided to stop coming to the library that is located at the main campus.
    This whole situation, admittedly, made me even more depressed than I was before I knew her. I had so many things that I wanted to discuss with her. We got on so well. I even wrote a poem about her (a week after she blocked me for the second time - I didn't sent it to her).

    But please read the conversation, because this overview doesn't do the actual situation justice, I don't think.
    She liked you at some point and hated herself for it so she cut you off in order to stop herself from cheating on this imaginary bf.
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    (Original post by Dodgy Git)
    I guess you'll never know exactly why she did it, unless you ask her, but my guess is that her boyfriend found out, they had a row and agreed to block you.
    This is what I thought, at first, but I don't think he had any involvement - I only knew her for 8 days. Everything she did was due to her own decisions.
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    (Original post by CallMeJay)
    The girl sounds like an absolute nutter lol


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    Did you read the conversation?
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    (Original post by Summerdays)
    This is what I thought, at first, but I don't think he had any involvement - I only knew her for 8 days. Everything she did was due to her own decisions.
    You must have pressured her pretty badly then ..
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    (Original post by Dodgy Git)
    You must have pressured her pretty badly then ..
    I didn't pressure her at all but I did, admittedly, come on a bit too strongly unintentionally
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    (Original post by Summerdays)
    I didn't pressure her at all but I did, admittedly, come on a bit too strongly unintentionally
    That's called pressurising ... Any who, just learn from your mistakes, pick up the pieces and move on boyo!
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    You both sound bonkers. Walk away, try not to be so bonkers with the next one.
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    Honestly, you seem a little too much. Also, I think you freaked her out a bit with the part where you said you wrote a long essay about a girl who had a bf and lead you on (?? why) and then following it up with "what will hurt me if you just cut away from me". Hence the block. But I think she likes you just as a friend and doesn't want to hurt you (hence the unblock) & you kind of gave her a reason by coming on too strong whilst saying you're not.
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    (Original post by SophiaLDN)
    Honestly, you seem a little too much. Also, I think you freaked her out a bit with the part where you said you wrote a long essay about a girl who had a bf and lead you on (?? why) and then following it up with "what will hurt me if you just cut away from me". Hence the block. But I think she likes you just as a friend and doesn't want to hurt you (hence the unblock) & you kind of gave her a reason by coming on too strong whilst saying you're not.
    I definitely see your point. The reason why I told her about the that girl is because I was trying to tell her that I do not ever want to be in that same position again - I said that to her without thinking it through; I was just really about losing her. And my apology at the beginning was me telling her that I have no intentions apart from friendship.

    I thought, when she wrote 'acquaintance' she really meant that she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me - and that her boyfriend was in the background telling her what to say.

    When she unblocked me SHE was the one that restarted the conversation, and she was the one that ended it. The reason why I fb messaged her, 6 weeks later, is because I was still very confused.
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    Having read the conversation I can only be honest - you came on far too strongly and invested far too much into a girl you had only known for 8 days.

    Deep down you know you had feelings for her; it is fairly obvious in the conversation and also the fact that you admittedly still think of her. She sensed this and did the right thing in cutting contact, especially as she knew you were in a vulnerable state. She also had to look out for her own interests. I don't agree with the way she did it though; she sent mixed messages by blocking/unblocking you and saying she would still talk to you in person ... etc.

    I know it can't be easy, but try not to over analyse this situation and focus on the "what ifs." What's done is done and can't be changed. You need to forget about her - it's the only way forward.
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    (Original post by LordMichael)
    Having read the conversation I can only be honest - you came on far too strongly and invested far too much into a girl you had only known for 8 days.

    Deep down you know you had feelings for her; it is fairly obvious in the conversation and also the fact that you admittedly still think of her. She sensed this and did the right thing in cutting contact, especially as she knew you were in a vulnerable state. She also had to look out for her own interests. I don't agree with the way she did it though; she sent mixed messages by blocking/unblocking you and saying she would still talk to you in person ... etc.

    I know it can't be easy, but try not to over analyse this situation and focus on the "what ifs." What's done is done and can't be changed. You need to forget about her - it's the only way forward.


    The conversations took place between Thursday - Saturday, I wasn't talking to her during the whole 8 days. It was mainly quick "hi"s until the last three days.
    But you're right, I did come way too strongly - I, very occasionally, do this if I feel very strongly about someone. I should have mentioned that I met her only two weeks after having a fall out with a close female friend of mine (she also has a boyfriend). Her boyfriend had nothing to do with the fall out (but it's another long story in itself).

    It's hard for me to explain the type of feelings I had, but I can't deny that I didn't have any. I think she only knew about my vulnerability after the conversation we had about it on the day she unblocked me - she even questioned it when she asked "You don't seem like the type with depression; you seemed fine" after just going into deep detail about it. She probably did it for her own interests only; it's very easy to set boundaries, especially early on in a potential friendship. What happened is, to me, the most hurtful way to end things.

    But I do agree with everything you said.
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    It means you are overthinking things
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    (Original post by Pussy Galore)
    It means you are overthinking things
    That tends to happen when I'm confused.
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    It's really, really hard for me to stop thinking about what happened. In normal circumstances, it would be very easy for me to forget about someone that I knew for such a short amount of time... But, because of the fact that I felt quite strongly about her (because she reminded me of me in quite a few ways), I didn't get the opportunity to learn about her bad side in person. Knowing about someone's bad side is what I have always used to help me move on... But, due to what happened, it's like she doesn't have any.
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    Wow. That conversation was so bland I couldn't get passed the first word. TL;DR


    summary of anything interesting that happened? Will read if interesting
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    Wow. That conversation was so bland I couldn't get passed the first word. TL;DR


    summary of anything interesting that happened? Will read if interesting
    Did you read the rest of the thread? I summarise things in my posts.
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    (Original post by Summerdays)
    It's really, really hard for me to stop thinking about what happened. In normal circumstances, it would be very easy for me to forget about someone that I knew for such a short amount of time... But, because of the fact that I felt quite strongly about her (because she reminded me of me in quite a few ways), I didn't get the opportunity to learn about her bad side in person. Knowing about someone's bad side is what I have always used to help me move on... But, due to what happened, it's like she doesn't have any.
    It's easy to paint a perfect picture of someone you knew for such a small amount of time. Think of it this way- she has a boyfriend and she knew you liked her, even a teeny bit, and was leading you on- that's a bad side. She messed you around by blocking and unblocking- that's not nice either. Then she disappeared without giving you any indication of why- that's not nice.
    My suggestion would be to find something else to do, such as going to the gym, according to some men on TSR, lifting solves everything
    Hope this helps in some way, you just need to keep your mind preoccupied and try to forget about her.
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    (Original post by purplelamp)
    It's easy to paint a perfect picture of someone you knew for such a small amount of time. Think of it this way- she has a boyfriend and she knew you liked her, even a teeny bit, and was leading you on- that's a bad side. She messed you around by blocking and unblocking- that's not nice either. Then she disappeared without giving you any indication of why- that's not nice.
    My suggestion would be to find something else to do, such as going to the gym, according to some men on TSR, lifting solves everything
    Hope this helps in some way, you just need to keep your mind preoccupied and try to forget about her.
    Thanks! I just wish she explained herself. I was more than willing to do whatever worked just to be her friend.
    I have been lifting for over a year now, and have made some very good gains. I'll continue doing things to make me feel beter.
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    Reading the conversation, I actually think she was fairly clear about what she did and didn't want. She wanted you to back off and leave her alone and she said so, more than once, in fairly clear terms. Perhaps there was room to be a little more brutal but I think she was trying to avoid being rude or hurtfu whilst still getting her message across. As you seem to have realised, you came on too strong (even in friendship terms) and it became uncomfortable for her. You told her that you respected her wishes and understood but you didn't then follow through on this by actually doing as she asked and moving on.
    I know it might sound a little brutal but the other thing that strikes me is that you keep saying you wish she'd explained herself but given the short period of time you knew her and the fact it was you giving her too much information, too willlingly, then when you take a step back you'll probably see that she didn't/doesn't really owe you any explanation. She doesn't want to be friends. Like it or not, that's the end of the story.

    The lesson to be learned here is about how quickly to open up to new people and how much information is socially appropriate to share right away. Also, you kept telling her how good of a judge of character you are and how well you read people but didn't actually read the cues in her language and behaviour which were clearly of the 'please, back off' variety. So in future, take things steady and try not to be so full on with someone new even if you do feel a connection. Give a friendship (or potential relationship) the time to develop at a pace that is comfortable for both of you.

    Life is a learning curve so take the lessons from this experience and use them to improve your future relationships! You seem genuinely keen to make self-improvements and we all make mistakes so don't be too hard on yourself over this. Onwards and upwards!
 
 
 
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