Live with your dad, cut your worthless mum out of your life. Ignore bigots in this thread.
My mum won't talk to me because she knows I'm gay. What do I do? Watch
- 05-07-2014 10:07
(Original post by ilem)
- 05-07-2014 10:15
Live with your dad, cut your worthless mum out of your life. Ignore bigots in this thread.
Just be glad you've got a dad who loves you.
- 05-07-2014 10:32
Hey, I'm very sorry to hear about your predicament, that sucks big time.
First off I would say don't worry about the things she's saying to others because it's not you that people will see in a bad light, it's herself who she's exposing for being a homophobic fool who cares more about that nonsense than her own son. She may get away with saying those things when she's preaching to the choir with some of her christian friends, but she'll be torn to shreads if she opens her mouth in civilised society.
Unfortunately I wouldnt expend your efforts in trying to turn her or make her see the light, she's been institutionalised and so there's not a lot you can do. Cut that rotten individual out of your life because you owe her nothing at all, you'd be far better focussing your energy on positive things right now like your education since you are at an important stage in life in that respect. Whilst you have one failed parent be gratful that you have such a loving father, he'll be there for you and im sure the two of you can work things out for the best.
In the meantime just don't let your mother walk over you if for example you need to get your belongings back from that house or need more financial support. Until 18 she owes you a duty of care, and even though she's come up short in the humanitarian side of that care, you can involve social services if you need help in a financial sense - afterall it's because of her that you are commuting miles each day for school. I'm not saying rinse her for the sake of getting back, I mean if you genuinely are struggling you have the legal right to expect that support.
I hope things work out for the best.Last edited by climbing_trees88; 05-07-2014 at 10:34.
- 05-07-2014 10:34
I can't believe some of the responses on this thread.... Homophobics really are hideous.
Sorry to hear OP. Its horrible when parents don't support their children. I have a friend who came from a hardcore Christian family and he ended up marrying a woman and having two kids befote he came out. As it happens his father was a priest/reverend (sorry not sure which...been a while since I studies RE!) And 100% supported him so not all Christians are a-holes.
Your mum is being intolerably un-christian, but as others have suggested stay with your Dad, are your Grandparents supportive? Can you maybe have a family intervention? It is after all straight people having gay babies....
And don't let anyone make you feel like you are not natural. One day homophobia will be on par with racism and future generations will be ashamed of their bigotted elders.
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- 05-07-2014 10:50
it sucks what your mother has done/is doing. Fundamentally though you've one year to go until uni, I get that its less convenient living with your dad but its only a year it'll go by very quickly.
I'd suggest either getting other family members on your side so you have back up if you want to talk to your mother about this. Possibly extend some sort of olive branch to get her talking but brutally it's her that's got to change her ways not you.Last edited by Rock Fan; 05-07-2014 at 18:11.
- 05-07-2014 10:57
Explain your situation to your school. She chose to be abusive, and yes, it is a abuse. You didn't choose to be gay. As much as you may not like the idea of moving on, it's what you will have to do. Do you really want a relationship with someone who is abusive towards you just because of your sexual orientation?
Your dad loves you, he accepts you. Go give him a hug and tell him what's going on if you don't already know. I'm sorry that you have to travel so far to meet friends but you still have facebook etc. You could always see about transferring schools to somewhere closer to your dads, it's really not that hard to make new friends in school since you are forced to be around people lol
- 05-07-2014 12:31
In all honesty, she does seem rather closed minded. You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are and being gay isn't a choice, its part of you. Realistically speaking, you should try to come to a compromise until your A-Levels are completed and you head off to University, when the time is right, try to speak to her and explain your emotions. She is your mum and even if she doesn't like you being gay, she has to at least listen to you. Good Luck
- 05-07-2014 12:38
Okay, first of all, you shouldn't be ashamed about yourself. Next, try and talk to her or write a letter/ note explaining your situation and try to get her to understand. If she still doesn't understand (and unfortunately, it is quite likely she may not accept you), then remember your dad still loves you as you are and try living with him.
(Original post by YMB?)
- 05-07-2014 18:21
I must say aside to your choice or natural sexuality. No matter how your mother is with you we all owe to our mother's a huge huge favour, for her difficulty in carrying us in her womb, then in delivering, then in raising a baby which is incredibly difficult.
On top of that our mothers have, lets face it, invested a great deal of time and money in all of us.
Should we not be grateful?
I understand it is difficult as she is abusive, but in you respecting her back lovingly you can show her that despite your choice or natural sexuality you are her SON.
My views are similar to your mother's however i feel that not being grateful to your mother is a terrible thing and a sin in all major religion/methodology and morals.
btw my sister has had a baby so I see all these things first hand.
Of course the OP should be grateful for being raised in a "loving" home, but if she's a homophobic moron then that is an issue. Especially since her son, the OP, is gay.
- 06-07-2014 15:50
Get her to watch 'Prayers for Bobby' on youtube. That might knock some sense into her. Honestly though, I think she'll come around to it even if she doesn't like it! Keep your chin up and my inbox is always open.
- 06-07-2014 23:11
all i can say is time is probably the best healer, even though she may never completely come round, hopefully she will realise its not a choice and she will remember you are still her son. i hope it all works out because i know it is a really sad situation when parents dissaprove of certain things
EDIT: I also showed my mum this (hope you don't mind) and she said her reaction - not that it justifies it in any way - was because she doesn't know how to cope with this, never thought she would have to and doesn't want to support something that (presumably) goes against her beliefs. Also, different parents have different reactions and each one is different, everyone has their own opinions and we can't always change their mind however much we want to (believe me, i know)Last edited by cupcakee123; 07-07-2014 at 00:01.
- 27-08-2014 23:00
Someone tried to justify her discrimination because she's your 'mother'. She shouldn't treat you like that, there is NO justification for it. You don't owe her anything. Be yourself, whatever that might be. Tell her one last time that this is who you are. If she can't accept that, cut her off completely. You DO NOT OWE HER ANYTHING! it is her duty to care for you, to give you a good childhood free of abuse as it is every parents. That is their job. You are your own person. I would do the same for my children, I expect nothing in return. No debt is owed. Tell her she can put the effort into reconciliation if she realised what a cow she's been. As for what to do without her, you'll find a place to stay. Talk to anyone you know who might let you stay, or go to your dads. Your friends won't leave you because you moved away. Your mum shouldn't be entitled to her beliefs when they are so blatantly wrong.
- 29-08-2014 04:34
OP...if it this is still applicable to your situation, I would suggest living with your Dad as much as possible. If this isn't possible, maybe get in touch with your local Samaritans charity. It can be quite hard for parents to accept things, but at the end of the day, you are still their son. With time, your mother may come to a level of understanding. Some day, that might become acceptance, or even celebration. It can vary.Last edited by moonkatt; 30-08-2014 at 17:41.
- 30-08-2014 00:18
I'll say it doesn't matter one ounce how your mum raised you or how ****ing long she fed you, that's her job. She doesn't deserve a medal for it nor does any mother.
I would give some solution but I don't have a clue, tbh. The earlier idea of sending a baby picture of yourself is essentially emotional blackmail, but imo there is nothing wrong with that.
What kind of relationship do you want with your mum? Do you want a loving relationship with your mum or do you just want to stay in her house while you go to school?
If the latter, lie and live at home.
- 30-08-2014 00:25
Christians have a reputation for being morons regarding gay people, women and a whole load of other groups. Don't take it to heart.
Sorry to hear your mum is being like this
- 30-08-2014 00:36
let her have her tantrum
you should be true to yourself
but understand as a gay person in today's deeply homophobic society that its okay to hide in the closet for your own safety
if you are not white and gay then my heart goes out to you
- 30-08-2014 01:15
Wow I really wish I hadn't read some of the posts in this thread... Faith in humanity dwindling.
Anyway, I'm truly sorry for you. If I was in your position I really wouldn't know what to do as I only have my mum. Luckily you have a farther whom loves and supports you. Focus on this, hold on to this. As others suggest stay with him, hopefully your Mother shall manage to set aside her ignorance for her own sun.
The last thing you should do, is change who you are. If I were you I would confront her, tell her that if your not willing to accept who am, then I'm not going to accept who you are.
Also, to those idiots in this thread that think you should respect your Mother's views and change who you are, because she is your Mother. Why should he? A Mother is expected, no matter what to be a MOTHER. You can be grateful for your parents love and athection, but you don't owe them anything. My Mom always moans about stuff on the TV and says "Why some parents in the media are calibrated for doing what parents should do, is beyond me!"
I know what it feels like to have Homophobias and Racists in the family. As to why we don't speak to some of my family anymore, just because they are family doesn't mean that you cannot just push them aside, like friends. You choose friends, but not family.
I hope this works out for you, hopefully your Mother will eventually come to terms with the situation and respect you for who you are. It reminds me of how greatful I should be for living in a Liberal family for the most part anyway.
(Original post by Pectorac)
- 30-08-2014 01:41
I've never had the best relationship with my mum because she's been a hardcore Christian for the last 8 years. I'm 16, atheist, just finished my AS levels in year 12 and I'm out to some friends. Yesterday she looked through my texts while I was I the shower (general snooping), and read some texts from a gay friend I was meeting up with yesterday afternoon. She put the phone back, then followed me in the afternoon and saw me kissing the guy.
She confronted me about it when I got home, calling me evil, disgusting, a ******, etc, and I told her that I'm gay. She kicked me out of the house (and refuses to take my calls), so I've had to go and live with my dad who is much nicer and doesn't care about my sexuality. I don't live with him because he lives across the county and my school and friends are in the same city as where my mum lives. I don't know what to do; I know she's entitled to her own beliefs about what's right and wrong, but obviously this has really upset me. I'm having to get a long bus to school and to see friends now to travel across the county. She's going around all her Christian friends and other people like other mums at school, calling me a ******, slut, whatever she can. I have a 'perfect' Christian sister at uni, whom apparently I can't compare to. What can I do in this situation? Thanks you.
Omg that must be really hard and i'm sorry that you are having to go though all of this. I know exactly what its like to have family problems and there was a time when my mum hated me for wanting to be musician, she was ashamed. But luckily everything good now
Never feel bad about who you are
sadly a lot of parents already have ideas about how their children should be. your religious ideas, sexuality, career choices, academic brilliance. You are THEIR child. But what they don't realise is that they are bringing a new life in the world. That new life will most likely have new ideas and perhaps different ways of living. Unfortunately humans can struggle to accept people who's ways differ from theirs.
You mum may just be in shock after all she has already accepted you being an atheist so there a chance that she will accept your decision in time...
however before she found out you were gay she probably amused you were straight.
I would just like to say that I feel there is nothing immoral about being gay because it only effects you it does not harm others.
I am straight and before I turned 18 I wasn't allowed to date and my parents actually threatened me because they thought I was dating based on the fact that (I smiled too much) which really upset me as I was just a positive person.
Being a positive person I would like to say that you should be very grateful that your dad accepts you for who you are and that you can live with him because there are a lot of people who are rejected by both of their parents. Basically things could be much worse.
Your mum may take forever to accept you and I know parents are supposed to love you unconditionally but sadly that isn't always the case. However I feel she may come around eventually. I know a girl who was kicked out by here whole family and ended up being put in care. I know a girl who's parents sent her to the other side of the world and she's one of the coolest people I know.
Stay with your dad. Your mum could realise that she misses you (yes I've known of situations where this has happened). Till then where you live is important and living with your dad is must better than living with your mum at this time.
I am religious and in my eyes I feel people have got it wrong. God isn't about judging people god is about love. You are not evil and your sister is not perfect no one is and everyone is different. Stay strong and help others
Hope this helps
- 30-08-2014 12:31
Don't listen to any of the idiots on this thread, don't be ashamed for who you are and most certainly don't apologise to anyone! If she acts this way towards you then it's her loss - you're only being honest to yourself and who you are which is admirable.
Never let anyone tell you that the way you choose to love or lust is worse than anybody else - it's every bit as valid and beautiful. Good luck!
- 30-08-2014 17:20
I'm sorry to hear about the situation you're in and my heart goes out to you.
I'm sorry that you're mom reacted in such a horrible way and although you owe her nothing and she shouldn't have treated you like that you do have to understand that finding out how she did was a bit of a shock to her and it may take her some time to come around.
You should write her a letter letting her know that even though you are who you are and that's not going to change, you still love her and respect her - even though you don't respect some of her (backwards) views. You're clearly upset by what's happened which means you still want some kind of relationship so don't kick her out of your life without at least trying to reach out to her first.
Even if you do try to rekindle your relationship with your mom, you need to remember that unfortunately the society we live in means that lots of people are so closed minded that their views are never going to change and sadly your mom may be one of those people.
Regardless of what happens I hope you never grow ashamed of who you are, that your situation betters allowing you to be happy and that you have a good final year of school!
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