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Would you still talk to your father if.. Watch

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    (Original post by FireGarden)
    I don't understand the first part.. what inheritance? How does a child affect that?

    Secondly, no. It would be too late for a typical father/son relationship anyway, so being a bad father wouldn't be the issue. If I didn't like him as a person then I wouldn't bother. The act of wanting an abortion and subsequently leaving is, in my mind, not enough to suggest he is a genuinely bad person. People do strange things when life as they know it is threatened, and might not act as they think they would, or even how they think they should.
    Sorry let me make it clear. What about if the father's parents threatened to cut him off if he didn't demand an abortion or abandon the child purely because they didn't like the mother of the child?

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    I would still want a father even if he abandoned me! I would sit down with him and try to understand why he wanted to make those decisions, then ask him what his intentions are now. Is he willing to take responsibility and to own up to what he did and is he willing to pay back for all those lost years? Is he going to work things out with your mom and try to be there regardless of complicated situations?
    I think we tend to judge people based on what we hear, if we don't like hearing something we immediately go against it without analysing the cause of it.


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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    Sorry let me make it clear. What about if the father's parents threatened to cut him off if he didn't demand an abortion or abandon the child purely because they didn't like the mother of the child?

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    If it's strictly inheritance, and not support in general life, then that is a really awful thing to do. If they support him financially.. it gets tricky. The alternative is to have a child when he can't support it, and it's tough to say if it's worth bringing a child into such a situation.

    The demand from his family is heinous, whatever the situation.
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    (Original post by CescaD96)
    I'm only saying no out of personal experience, thanks to my crap mother. Ultimately though, it's really up to the person. All our comments on whether they should or not can't help them make up their mind. It's a personal decision.
    You probably guessed, but I disagree! There is no benefit in not finding out what a person has to say.
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    (Original post by FireGarden)
    You probably guessed, but I disagree! There is no benefit in not finding out what a person has to say.
    I understand you completely; I tried to listen to my mother and it failed completely
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    (Original post by CescaD96)
    I understand you completely; I tried to listen to my mother and it failed completely
    I'm sorry that it didn't work out.
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    Something similar happened with me except my dad still didn't want to know me when I was an adult. He went on and on for ages about wanting to have a kid with my mum and she wanted one so here I am but within a month or two he was urging her to have an abortion and she said no and he left her. You could have said it was because he was young ( they were both 20 at the time) but he's now 42 and he's had 5 more kids and not stood by any of them.

    I don't feel the need or desire to have any contact with him or any of his kids. I have my own wee family (mum, gran, papa and now stepdad who I get on great with, my partner and even my cats and Yorkie ) and I don't need anyone else. My papa was my father figure growing up and my grandparents treated me like their own daughter and that's probably why me and my mum are more like sisters! Me and my mum are both only children.

    So nah, if my dad came back on the scene for whatever reason, I would tell him where to get to. I saw him 3 yrs ago when I was on a train with my partner and I recognized him through recent pictures my great aunt showed me. I felt nothing looking at him. I doubt he recognized me. Not fussed either way if he did or didn't tbh. Its him that's lost out, not me.

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    Has he changed ? Has he apologized for what he did? Time has taught me that although most people don't change there are some who do indeed. Forgiving is by far one of the hardest things in life and there have been moments where it has been really tested.
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    (Original post by FireGarden)
    I'm sorry that it didn't work out.
    It's alright, I'm much better off without her in my life. Although I have an on-off relationship with my dad, I know he means best for me and is only trying to look out for me
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    Probably not, no.
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    no i wouldnt
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    I'm in a similar position anyway.

    Father left when we came to the UK [[Well, mum threw him out since she found out he was seeing another woman]], he didn't pay child support but Mum didn't actually deny him to see us. Which was a brilliant decision because I found out he's a lying ******* who never really does stick to his word. I have no respect for the guy. He talks of us [[including my 3 sisters]] proudly as if our success is due to his nonexistent input, he's trying to claim all the hard work that Mum and Dad [[Who is not my Father, but technically people would call him a stepdad]] put into raising us for his own pride.

    Couldn't care less if he wanted me aborted or if he was a sperm donor. Glad my sisters are leeching money off him, I hope he end up with nothing just like how he left my mum 14 years ago. She's third from the top of a company now.
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    (Original post by Yasmin25)
    Something similar happened with me except my dad still didn't want to know me when I was an adult. He went on and on for ages about wanting to have a kid with my mum and she wanted one so here I am but within a month or two he was urging her to have an abortion and she said no and he left her. You could have said it was because he was young ( they were both 20 at the time) but he's now 42 and he's had 5 more kids and not stood by any of them.

    I don't feel the need or desire to have any contact with him or any of his kids. I have my own wee family (mum, gran, papa and now stepdad who I get on great with, my partner and even my cats and Yorkie ) and I don't need anyone else. My papa was my father figure growing up and my grandparents treated me like their own daughter and that's probably why me and my mum are more like sisters! Me and my mum are both only children.

    So nah, if my dad came back on the scene for whatever reason, I would tell him where to get to. I saw him 3 yrs ago when I was on a train with my partner and I recognized him through recent pictures my great aunt showed me. I felt nothing looking at him. I doubt he recognized me. Not fussed either way if he did or didn't tbh. Its him that's lost out, not me.

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    Glad you had a good life without him.

    I had a fairly similar life with grandparents, aunts, uncles, my husband and now my cat. My mother too in some extent.

    I talk to my father but very occasionally and only on my terms. He's long accepted that that's all he's gonna get. My sister on the other hand, I'm closer to.
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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    He told you he wanted you aborted and when your mother wouldn't agree, he disappear until you're an adult and he decided he wants a child after all?

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    People change. It's worth a chance or you may regret it
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    (Original post by Ruthless Dutchman)
    I'm in a similar position anyway.

    Father left when we came to the UK [[Well, mum threw him out since she found out he was seeing another woman]], he didn't pay child support but Mum didn't actually deny him to see us. Which was a brilliant decision because I found out he's a lying ******* who never really does stick to his word. I have no respect for the guy. He talks of us [[including my 3 sisters]] proudly as if our success is due to his nonexistent input, he's trying to claim all the hard work that Mum and Dad [[Who is not my Father, but technically people would call him a stepdad]] put into raising us for his own pride.

    Couldn't care less if he wanted me aborted or if he was a sperm donor. Glad my sisters are leeching money off him, I hope he end up with nothing just like how he left my mum 14 years ago. She's third from the top of a company now.
    Glad you and your mum did good in life!

    (Original post by CescaD96)
    I come from a failed mixed religion marriage and I've not received this amount of abuse.
    Probably because I've said I'm not attracted to Indians on another thread, troll took it badly.

    I got abused more for being Indian (and the fact that I looked like my dad as a child) growing up in the Philippines. I've got thick skin anyway so doesn't bother me.

    If you don't mind me asking, what were the religions involved?
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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    Glad you and your mum did good in life!



    Probably because I've said I'm not attracted to Indians on another thread, troll took it badly.

    I got abused more for being Indian (and the fact that I looked like my dad as a child) growing up in the Philippines. I've got thick skin anyway so doesn't bother me.

    If you don't mind me asking, what were the religions involved?
    Irish Catholic and British Protestant. I was born before they married which strangely my daddy's family didn't mind
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    (Original post by Abdul-Karim)
    I don't talk to my father anyway.
    Really? :hugs:


    Btw you and missfats better get it back on...I want to be a bridesmaid. :mad:
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    I have too close a relationship with my parents to even consider a situation like that. :/
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    (Original post by CJKay)
    I have too close a relationship with my parents to even consider a situation like that. :/
    Hypothetical

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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    He told you he wanted you aborted and when your mother wouldn't agree, he disappear until you're an adult and he decided he wants a child after all?

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    I'll forgive him.

    Regret is something we all have. And when we are dying regret Knocks at our door. But as a person we must forgive for peoples mistakes even though they have caused us so much pain. Because at the end if the day we will eventually be at our death bed. Regretting things we have done in our past. It is your life and your choice.

    He's still your dad no matter what...
    Trust me, you'll regret it if you don't forgive him.

    You 'll miss the chance to know the man whose DNA you carry. It may not seem to matter right now, but you will wonder later on about what parts of you come from him.

    We all mess up in life one way or another. Give him the chance to make his peace with you or you may regret it one day.
 
 
 
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