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Female bullying in the workplace - what do I do Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I got a job a couple of months ago. My job involves retail and working closely with the public. Most of the people I work with are women. I've never got on well with women, not for me not trying, but because they tend to dislike me. There's a definite clique and for whatever reason, they have decided they hate me. This is long but I need to explain the full story.

    They were never friendly towards me, but issues started with changing the bins. I have generalised anxiety and I'm scared of germs (a family member is on chemo, if I get germs, I won't be allowed to see her..). I asked one of my colleagues if she could change the bin and instead I'd do a job she doesn't want to do. She shouted at me and said "I'm not being funny but we all have to do everything I don't know why you feel you get special treatment" I explained my phobia and she said "well get over it"

    I get on really well with the company owner. We'd been working together a lot and she kept commenting on how good I am, and that she wants me to help her. The other women were staring me down and giving me evils the whole time.

    A few days later I get called into the office by my manager. The girl who was rude to me about the bins has gone to get saying I don't do my job, I refuse to help, I make excuses and I look down on then. This is all untrue. I explained to my boss about my phobia and said it's literally just the bins. she said to go and speak to, let's call her Sam, about it and iron out our problems

    So I went to speak to her, and said "can you please tell me what your problem is? I've tried to be nice, there's one thing I struggle with but other than that I don't see the issue?" And she shut the door and said

    "you want to know what my problem is? You're new and you suck up to the owner,
    You talk to everyone and you're confident. You dress like you're going out every day and chat to everyone. When I was new, I was terrified. I couldn't speak to anyone and I was scared to speak to the owner. And then you come in like some diva and think everyone loves you. I don't see why it should be any different for you than it was for me"

    WTF. Obviously that really upset me. Since then there's been loads of snide remarks. She always comments on my makeup, and I use a designer bag for work and she says stuff like "how do you afford that?! Your boyfriend blatantly pays for you..." "God I wouldn't spend that much on face powder you must be minted..." And other stuff. She refers to me as "princess" behind my back.

    she's unpleasant towards me and has complained about me a few more times. I asked if we could use bin bags with handled because then I can do the bins and she said "no get over it". She shouted at me the other day which had me in tears, and she's now written a letter of complaint about me and got her cliquey friends to back her up, even though it's untrue (stuff like I'm rude to everyone, always on my phone, think I'm better than everyone etc)

    I even tried to be friends with her, I iffered to take her shopping with me and bought her some makeup she wanted to try

    I've been in tears over this, I love my job but she's really upsetting me.wtf do I do?
    Step 1: Join a trade union (cliquey friends don't stand up well to professional legal advice)
    Step 2: Speak to your manager about it
    Step 3: your manager has to sort it out but you can't be sacked
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    (Original post by ElChapo)
    Sounds a lot like a Tyrion Lannister thread

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    I imagine she's clued up enough to know where to turn over problems at work.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    1) how is buying a present for someone condescending?

    Because she said she can't afford it so you went out and bought it for her.

    2) by using it? I'm not saying HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT MY BAG! if someone's got an inferiority complex that's not my problem. If you're a jealous type of person how is that my fault? Should we ban Porsches because some people might get jealous? Hoe about large houses? It's pathetic.

    You don't have a modest attitude though.

    3) I've spoken to my manager about it. And it's called teamwork. You do a favour for me I do one for you. I don't see the issue?

    If you've already spoken to your manager about it, then why were you given the task?
    1) that's being nice. If I was skint and someone bought me my favourite mascara id be grateful. Would buy them a drink next month to make up for it

    2) in what way? I just use my bag. Like I said I don't wave it around it hasn't got a massive name on it...

    3) I wasn't. The tasks are given for us to divide up amongst ourselves. She just wants to make me do it because she doesn't like me very much
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Step 1: Join a trade union (cliquey friends don't stand up well to professional legal advice)
    Step 2: Speak to your manager about it
    Step 3: your manager has to sort it out but you can't be sacked
    Didn't think about a union - thank you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I got a job a couple of months ago. My job involves retail and working closely with the public. Most of the people I work with are women. I've never got on well with women, not for me not trying, but because they tend to dislike me. There's a definite clique and for whatever reason, they have decided they hate me. This is long but I need to explain the full story.

    They were never friendly towards me, but issues started with changing the bins. I have generalised anxiety and I'm scared of germs (a family member is on chemo, if I get germs, I won't be allowed to see her..). I asked one of my colleagues if she could change the bin and instead I'd do a job she doesn't want to do. She shouted at me and said "I'm not being funny but we all have to do everything I don't know why you feel you get special treatment" I explained my phobia and she said "well get over it"

    I get on really well with the company owner. We'd been working together a lot and she kept commenting on how good I am, and that she wants me to help her. The other women were staring me down and giving me evils the whole time.

    A few days later I get called into the office by my manager. The girl who was rude to me about the bins has gone to get saying I don't do my job, I refuse to help, I make excuses and I look down on then. This is all untrue. I explained to my boss about my phobia and said it's literally just the bins. she said to go and speak to, let's call her Sam, about it and iron out our problems

    So I went to speak to her, and said "can you please tell me what your problem is? I've tried to be nice, there's one thing I struggle with but other than that I don't see the issue?" And she shut the door and said

    "you want to know what my problem is? You're new and you suck up to the owner,
    You talk to everyone and you're confident. You dress like you're going out every day and chat to everyone. When I was new, I was terrified. I couldn't speak to anyone and I was scared to speak to the owner. And then you come in like some diva and think everyone loves you. I don't see why it should be any different for you than it was for me"

    WTF. Obviously that really upset me. Since then there's been loads of snide remarks. She always comments on my makeup, and I use a designer bag for work and she says stuff like "how do you afford that?! Your boyfriend blatantly pays for you..." "God I wouldn't spend that much on face powder you must be minted..." And other stuff. She refers to me as "princess" behind my back.


    she's unpleasant towards me and has complained about me a few more times. I asked if we could use bin bags with handled because then I can do the bins and she said "no get over it". She shouted at me the other day which had me in tears, and she's now written a letter of complaint about me and got her cliquey friends to back her up, even though it's untrue (stuff like I'm rude to everyone, always on my phone, think I'm better than everyone etc)

    I even tried to be friends with her, I iffered to take her shopping with me and bought her some makeup she wanted to try

    I've been in tears over this, I love my job but she's really upsetting me.wtf do I do?
    lawl. Exact same thing happened to my sister at a law firm. Bunch of girls had that attitude towards her and she got fired because they sabotaged her work.

    Tbh you should just dress down and try not to make other girls feel jealous when you get a new job. Then you won't be a target of bullying lol. #life lessons
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    lawl. Exact same thing happened to my sister at a law firm. Bunch of girls had that attitude towards her and she got fired because they sabotaged her work.

    Tbh you should just dress down and try not to make other girls feel jealous when you get a new job. Then you won't be a target of bullying lol. #life lessons
    That's horrible about your sister did she complain or anything?

    I feel annoyed though - like why should I have to change because other people are nasty? I haven't done anything to this girl! It's not fair
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks

    Yeah I think she seems like that too



    So me being unable to do one tiny aspect of my job because of a diagnosed mental health condition is being a diva? Sorry what?

    If someone came to me and asked for help for a valid reason Id do it, no questions asked. And no, she's making allowances because the disability discrimination act says reasonable adjustments must be made

    Would you say someone in a wheelchair who asked for a ramp instead of the stairs should man up?

    Did you really compare your totally imagined and non existential fear of germs to a disabled wheel chair user?



    You need to man up and start pulling your own weight. I'm sure nobody wants to empty the bins out but they still do it because that's a part of the job they signed up for. Refusing to do the bins automatically puts your above everyone else since you're too good to apparently handle bins.


    If you're phobia is this severe you would have quit a long time ago you just need to stop complaining and get your hands dirty.


    She called you a diva and I'm calling you a princess.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Didn't think about a union - thank you
    Always the first place to turn if you have problems at work

    There's a union for shop workers I beleive :http://www.usdaw.org.uk

    Hope it helps and your problems get resolved soon

    I've always been bullied by women like her, truth is they always have to be causing some sort of drama, they thrive off it.
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    (Original post by Marky Mark)
    Did you really compare your totally imagined and non existential fear of germs to a disabled wheel chair user?



    You need to man up and start pulling your own weight. I'm sure nobody wants to empty the bins out but they still do it because that's a part of the job they signed up for. Refusing to do the bins automatically puts your above everyone else since you're too good to apparently handle bins.


    If you're phobia is this severe you would have quit a long time ago you just need to stop complaining and get your hands dirty.


    She called you a diva and I'm calling you a princess.
    A mental health condition isn't imagined, it's a real condition, just as being in a wheelchair is. Your mental health ignorance is disgusting, get educated on the topic before you talk to me again.

    I take medication for it and have therapy. You are not qualified to tell me I need to "man up". I trust my doctor more than you.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Always the first place to turn if you have problems at work

    There's a union for shop workers I beleive :http://www.usdaw.org.uk

    Hope it helps and your problems get resolved soon

    I've always been bullied by women like her, truth is they always have to be causing some sort of drama, they thrive off it.

    He hasn't been bullied. You're delusional if you think he has based on what he wrote here.



    Someone asking you to do your job is not bullying or harassment. The OP needs to man up.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Always the first place to turn if you have problems at work

    There's a union for shop workers I beleive :http://www.usdaw.org.uk

    Hope it helps and your problems get resolved soon

    I've always been bullied by women like her, truth is they always have to be causing some sort of drama, they thrive off it.
    Thank you

    Sorry it's happened to you too
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I got a job a couple of months ago. My job involves retail and working closely with the public. Most of the people I work with are women. I've never got on well with women, not for me not trying, but because they tend to dislike me. There's a definite clique and for whatever reason, they have decided they hate me. This is long but I need to explain the full story.

    They were never friendly towards me, but issues started with changing the bins. I have generalised anxiety and I'm scared of germs (a family member is on chemo, if I get germs, I won't be allowed to see her..). I asked one of my colleagues if she could change the bin and instead I'd do a job she doesn't want to do. She shouted at me and said "I'm not being funny but we all have to do everything I don't know why you feel you get special treatment" I explained my phobia and she said "well get over it"

    I get on really well with the company owner. We'd been working together a lot and she kept commenting on how good I am, and that she wants me to help her. The other women were staring me down and giving me evils the whole time.

    A few days later I get called into the office by my manager. The girl who was rude to me about the bins has gone to get saying I don't do my job, I refuse to help, I make excuses and I look down on then. This is all untrue. I explained to my boss about my phobia and said it's literally just the bins. she said to go and speak to, let's call her Sam, about it and iron out our problems

    So I went to speak to her, and said "can you please tell me what your problem is? I've tried to be nice, there's one thing I struggle with but other than that I don't see the issue?" And she shut the door and said

    "you want to know what my problem is? You're new and you suck up to the owner,
    You talk to everyone and you're confident. You dress like you're going out every day and chat to everyone. When I was new, I was terrified. I couldn't speak to anyone and I was scared to speak to the owner. And then you come in like some diva and think everyone loves you. I don't see why it should be any different for you than it was for me"

    WTF. Obviously that really upset me. Since then there's been loads of snide remarks. She always comments on my makeup, and I use a designer bag for work and she says stuff like "how do you afford that?! Your boyfriend blatantly pays for you..." "God I wouldn't spend that much on face powder you must be minted..." And other stuff. She refers to me as "princess" behind my back.

    she's unpleasant towards me and has complained about me a few more times. I asked if we could use bin bags with handled because then I can do the bins and she said "no get over it". She shouted at me the other day which had me in tears, and she's now written a letter of complaint about me and got her cliquey friends to back her up, even though it's untrue (stuff like I'm rude to everyone, always on my phone, think I'm better than everyone etc)

    I even tried to be friends with her, I iffered to take her shopping with me and bought her some makeup she wanted to try

    I've been in tears over this, I love my job but she's really upsetting me.wtf do I do?
    You're winning. She's weak - hence the rampant jealousy. At least she actually has some emotions to manipulate. Stand your ground.
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    (Original post by Marky Mark)
    He hasn't been bullied. You're delusional if you think he has based on what he wrote here.



    Someone asking you to do your job is not bullying or harassment. The OP needs to man up.
    Whether you think my phobia is stupid or not do you really think her conduct is acceptable?!
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    (Original post by Marky Mark)
    He hasn't been bullied. You're delusional if you think he has based on what he wrote here.



    Someone asking you to do your job is not bullying or harassment. The OP needs to man up.
    *she


    You don't know what women are like, you have not experienced this kind of rampant bullying that is carried out by certain women exclusively towards other women and therefore you have no clue whatsoever what you are talking about.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's horrible about your sister did she complain or anything?

    I feel annoyed though - like why should I have to change because other people are nasty? I haven't done anything to this girl! It's not fair
    Nah she didn't care because the law firm was really unprofessional and had a bad reputation. She doesn't even put it on her CV.

    Should be more empathetic though. My sister had that kind of attitude, like 'why should I change?'
    Some people don't handle jealousy well. If you've been poor all your life and someone visibly rich wearing classy clothes works with you it can turn nasty (especially with women lol). And the germaphobe thing is kinda lol. Looking at that from their point of view you can see why they'd call you a princess. Since they're taking out the trash while you're not.

    Nothing you can do to make that group of girls like you now though since they've already made up their mind about you. Should just bear it in mind in the future.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    A mental health condition isn't imagined, it's a real condition, just as being in a wheelchair is. Your mental health ignorance is disgusting, get educated on the topic before you talk to me again.

    I take medication for it and have therapy. You are not qualified to tell me I need to "man up". I trust my doctor more than you.

    You didn't add this into your OP. How am I meant to know that you're a diagnosed mentally-ill person?


    If your disability gets in the way of you filling your job role, y'know the thing that you signed up for and what you have to do to get paid, then you should quit and allow someone who is capable of emptying bins out.



    Do your colleagues know of that you're clinically diagnosed? Does your boss? People are not mind readers.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    Nah she didn't care because the law firm was really unprofessional and had a bad reputation. She doesn't even put it on her CV.

    Should be more empathetic though. My sister had that kind of attitude, like 'why should I change?'
    Some people don't handle jealousy well. If you've been poor all your life and someone visibly rich wearing classy clothes works with you it can turn nasty (especially with women lol).

    Nothing you can do to make that group of girls like you now though since they've already made up their mind about you. Should just bear it in mind in the future.
    At least it hasn't affected her.

    Yeah but I don't get why people are nasty about it. Like if I saw a woman with something nice is just think "that looks good". I wouldn't immediately hate her and want to be nasty :sad:
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    (Original post by redferry)
    *she


    You don't know what women are like, you have not experienced this kind of rampant bullying that is carried out by certain women exclusively towards other women and therefore you have no clue whatsoever what you are talking about.


    How do you know I haven't experienced bullying in the workplace or have been bullied myself? Pretending like this is a woman-only issue is not doing you or the OP any favour, I'm sure it's easy to brushoff valid criticisms as "*****y and vindictive" than to navigate to your closest mirror and reflect on your own actions.


    Someone asking you to do your job does not amount to rampant bullying. Refusing to carryout certain parts of your job in favour of more auspicious working conditions makes you incompetent.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you

    Sorry it's happened to you too
    Just remember she's just jealous!

    Just tell her you get everything off eBay for 99p
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    (Original post by Marky Mark)
    You didn't add this into your OP. How am I meant to know that you're a diagnosed mentally-ill person?


    If your disability gets in the way of you filling your job role, y'know the thing that you signed up for and what you have to do to get paid, then you should quit and allow someone who is capable of emptying bins out.



    Do your colleagues know of that you're clinically diagnosed? Does your boss? People are not mind readers.
    I said I have generalised anxiety...

    Employers have to make reasonable adjustments for disabilities, you know, so they don't treat is badly? For example having someone else do the bins and me mop the floor (which I'm fine with because I don't have to touch it) is a reasonable adjustment. I'm not saying I won't do any if it, just that one specific thing.

    Yes, they do
 
 
 
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