I am grateful for the answers from some people in this thread who have really helped and to the person who immediately contacted me off list within minutes (this says something) in itself and posts from Beska and others were great.
Can I refer you to the work of a Norwegian doctor called to Tom Andersen to tom andersen John shotter - Google Search to understand a little more where I am coming from...
I am not sure I should be subject to the level aggression and sarcasm, criticism for asking a question that has been asked loads of times, and lack of posting a thank you right away, accusations of dishonesty...cos I have not managed the web site interface very well...
Where I am coming from is from the edge of a group of young people who tell me TSR is too full of boasting and intimidating people so they are afraid to ask...things they need to know
I said, no cannot be so, TSR it is or should be about help and support to others: using listening, collaboration, flexibility as a way of being in the world as the best medics and doctors (like Tom Andersen) aspire to do
I have the info I need to help my friend for which thanks and am posting this in my last effort to enhance a better culture of collaboration and support.
... and the ones that won't