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My boyfriend slept with his landlord to pay his rent Watch

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    (Original post by scrotgrot)
    His landlord has abused a position of trust, I would class this as rape. Don't be naive, it means nothing that he came. He should really be treated like a rape victim in my view. Probably hanging up on him wasn't the most sensitive thing to do, though I don’t mean this as a personal criticism, it sounds like a fraught situation for you all.
    I agree with this person. Dude got raped lol.
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    (Original post by Musie Suzie)
    I don't think he is in the right place to have a relationship, in all honesty. He needs to sort his **** out, get some qualifications (college for A levels is free, FFS), get a job, and become stable and self-sufficient. It's obviously not an overnight process, but I think it will help him to overcome a lot of his demons, which seem rooted in not feeling good enough and unable to provide for himself, let alone others.

    Do not take him back as he is now. By all means get back in touch when you've had a chance to recover, encourage him to better himself, and see how things go, but if he refuses to go to college (which I see as being the best option, tbh) you need to cut ties and move on.
    No college for a-levels is not free at his age, get yer facts right.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    What mistake did your partner make, if you don't mind me asking? Was it as extreme as this?

    So...Is the majority saying that the relationship won't work, no matter what, and I should just leave him? :/
    Well we're in a LDR which is significantly harder, but let's just say it wasn't sex.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So...Is the majority saying that the relationship won't work, no matter what, and I should just leave him? :/
    Only you can make the decision.
    I personally wouldn't want him back, but it's your decision to make.

    I agree with what someone said about cutting contact with him for the time being (if not altogether) and just thinking about the situation. Is he actually worth it? And is he likely to sort himself out and turn his life around?
    I think you also need to consider the fact that this is the first person you've had serious feelings about, which is likely to make the whole thing even more difficult. But ultimately, you deserve the chance to move on and find someone better


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    (Original post by Lyman)
    The last few sentences of your post speak volumes compared to the rest of it.

    "We've only been dating a few months, but I've never felt this way about anyone before, especially enough to give them my virginity."

    I assume this is your first serious relationship, and as you might have found getting to know someone in this way is an exciting, whirlwind experience. You feel as if you've truly met a soul mate you know and identify with thoroughly. This isn't the case. Strong, long-lasting relationships are built on years and even decades of trust and companionship.

    Indeed, it is impossible to know someone fully after "a few months" but that you feel insecure is already a bad sign. As such, the opinions of those who have known him for years cannot be discounted. Whilst I think it entirely plausible that he wanted to 'change' in order to be with you, the old adage "a leopard never changes spots" stands true. If he was committed to you then he wouldn't have done what he did, regardless of his financial situation.

    Although it's hard, I'd personally advise you to end the relationship with little intention of resuming it. His actions connote a fundamental lack of respect for you and indeed, the terrible violation of trust that he has committed will cause difficulties for years to come. Any chance of a good and healthy relationship is permanently annulled. You are still young, life will change beyond recognition in the next few years and it is inevitable that you will meet new people, some of whom you will be able to build more worthwhile and strong relationships with.

    If you do accept him back (which I'd emphatically advise against), then it has to be under your terms which he strictly adheres to. Any deviation must result in the permanent end of the relationship.
    This is some of the best advice I've ever read on this website!

    (Original post by Joshale)
    I've given my current partner a chance after one mistake, and I feel like I did the right decision as we're now over a year, but this entirely is up to you and how you feel about it, I would feel some sort of 'joy' that he only did it because he had to pay rent, but he should of pushed his pride away and got some money from his family, or at least find a job.

    If it's his first relationship properly, and before that he was a man whore, then I do feel as if it could of been hard for him to transform from that (not trying to stick up for him) if you feel you can give it another shot than go for it, but if not then just leave him
    I also took my current partner back after he cheated on me. His situation was a lot different to your boyfriend's, but he also used to have reputation for sleeping around and we hadn't been together for long when it happened. I would advise you to take as long as you need to think about things and not feel in any way bad about hurting him or whatever, he's in the wrong and you taking a bit of time to yourself is in no way unreasonable. It takes a long time to get over something like that, but don't torture yourself with thinking about him having sex with someone else.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Before I started this relationship, when everyone warned me against him, I would definitely say cheating, even this kind of cheating. But now I have no idea. As I said in my post, I feel like one of those girls I'd previously mocked, the ones that take their boyfriends back after cheating lots of times. I wish I could just break it off...
    /
    If you want to break it off, then do it. It will be painful at first but may well be easier in the long run than trying to get over and forgive him for what he did. Don't think that you should stay with him just because you love him
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    (Original post by slg60)
    Please do not pretend he is any more important to you because you gave him your virginity. That is silly.

    "There is no such thing it is just your first time, it is not sacred. Your first time is just a long road of basically gaining experience."

    ^someone said that somewhere I can't remember where, not anyone famous just someone on the internet. But it really makes sense you virginity means f*** all just because you gave it someone doesn't mean they should be anymore important to you.
    Yeah I think people attach WAY too much significance to their virginity.
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    (Original post by ilem)
    Yeah I think people attach WAY too much significant to their virginity.
    exactly it means nothing
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by ilem)
    Yeah I think people attach WAY too much significance to their virginity.
    So you reckon i should pay a hooker to take mine?
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    He sounds like a right loser.

    He still owes that rent btw, just because he's slept with her doesn't negate that, she can still pursue him in the courts
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So you reckon i should pay a hooker to take mine?
    Whatever floats your boat lmao.
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    Only you can decide. He seems genuinely remorseful or could have ****ed her and said nothing, you'd be none the wiser.

    Have you seen/spoken to him today or recently? How do you feel? How does he?

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    Sounds like he could do with a counsellor... from what you said he sounds rather troubled, but won't really use the help of his family or others.
    • #3
    #3

    romantic story- nothing like jeremy kyle in my opinion, could be a movie plot featuring lana del rey or something
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    (Original post by suzannataylor)
    I also took my current partner back after he cheated on me. His situation was a lot different to your boyfriend's, but he also used to have reputation for sleeping around and we hadn't been together for long when it happened. I would advise you to take as long as you need to think about things and not feel in any way bad about hurting him or whatever, he's in the wrong and you taking a bit of time to yourself is in no way unreasonable. It takes a long time to get over something like that, but don't torture yourself with thinking about him having sex with someone else.
    Oh, I'm a guy and straight
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    If he had no other option except getting thrown out, I think I would feel quite sympathetic, but it was his pride that made him cheat. From what you've said, he could have gone to his brother for the rent, and he would never have needed to hurt you (and himself) in this way, but instead he chose to have sex with his landlord.
    Someone with that much pride isn't going to let you help him, either. He needs to change on his own, and at the moment he will be feeling so low that he's just going to dig himself into a deeper hole.
    Either you're willing to wait for him to sort himself out, and you can forgive him, or you need to let go, for your sake and his. He might not cheat again, but this prideful streak won't go away, and if he gets into any sort of trouble in the future, he seems like the sort of person who will try to resolve it on his own and hurt everyone around him rather than swallowing his pride and accepting some help.
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    Hey,

    I honestly don't think there is a strong, healthy and happy relationship to be had with him. Your initial insecurities are only going to come back with this breach of trust. Even otherwise, it will be practically quite hard to base a long-term relationship with someone who has little to no money, without a job, (potential) drug problems and struggling to make ends meet. If you had asked me before you got involved, I would have said that it's best to steer clear.

    That said, I expect you will have got attached to him on some level by now and so it will be hard to let go. The advice you may want to give to him is to clean up his act, in all aspects. It is credible that he doesn't want to live off his family - however, given his current status, it would be advisable to take some money from his family as a loan until he is able to support himself, with a view to paying this money back once he has a job. You can consider giving the relationship another go once he is stable and drug-free.

    As for you, I honestly think you need space. I've been cheated on and it hurts like hell - especially when it's a long term relationship. My ex broke up with me and got with the other guy - in some ways this was good because it helped me move on and forget her (somewhat). You need to get some distance from him after you've shared everything on your mind with him. I don't know what you're doing at the moment career wise, but let it not distract you. I say that because a friend of mine had her bf cheat on her and she lamented on that for a year and messed up her final year at uni.

    You sound like a nice person - you need to be in a relationship where you're happy and with a person who you can trust wholeheartedly and rely on in all contexts. Best of luck
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    He sounds like a right loser.

    He still owes that rent btw, just because he's slept with her doesn't negate that, she can still pursue him in the courts
    Theoretically, if the landlord accepts something different to the rent (i.e. a payment in kind in this case) this might be good consideration.
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    Your boyfriend sounds like a massive loser tbh and seems like he will drag you down with him if you don't end it with him
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    To be frank, you perhaps should have avoided getting into a relationship with him since you clearly acknowledge that he is/was a 'manwhore' :sadnod:
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    (Original post by scrotgrot)
    His landlord has abused a position of trust, I would class this as rape. Don't be naive, it means nothing that he came. He should really be treated like a rape victim in my view. Probably hanging up on him wasn't the most sensitive thing to do, though I don’t mean this as a personal criticism, it sounds like a fraught situation for you all.
    Nah you're totally wrong mate.

    I mean think about it, if the genders were reversed and a girl renting a flat had an older married landlord coming onto her all the time, then when she was late on rent he came around and she ended up having sex with him in desperation to pay the rent, would anyone say he took advantage of her? HELL NO, no they would not....I guarantee they wouldn't, not one person...nope....nadda..


    lol tsr.

    But more on-topic. Honestly he sounds too much for a relationship right now, but he is obviously troubled. I assume you do care for him, so I would suggest saying you don't feel you can have a romantic relationship but if he needs someone to talk to, support etc, you're there for him, not to your detriment mind, but as a friend. If he sorts his **** out down the line then you can re-evaluate things.
 
 
 
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