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My best friend is obsessed with race Watch

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    I wouldn't call her a racist, though she is hugely ignorant.
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    I hate the "what race is he question" Iit's ridiculous.

    Anyway, you're friend sounds like a racist. Cut her off
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    your friend is a racist and openly as well. you obviously should not be friends with such a person.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    First, a bit of context: I'm black (but british born, as are my parents) and my best friend is white.
    The problem is that whenever I happen to mention to her that I like somebody, her first question is 'Okay, but what race are they?'. Then she makes weird comments like 'Oh, I can only see you with black guys' and 'Yeah, I really can't imagine you ever dating a white guy'. I don't understand why race is such a major factor in the people I like and date. I date people I like, regardless of race.
    She's known for saying things like 'Oh, I would date a black guy, but I definitely wouldn't marry one. I don't think they're marryable'.
    The other day, we were having a discussion about the world cup. I was saying that it was funny that england were out so early and she retaliated by saying that 'it's only because the people in the other, poorer countries have nothing else to do'. When I asked her what she meant, she said that she was talking about the fact that in Africa, they're all poor so they have nothing else to do but to fetch water and play football. When I tried to explain to her that, no, a lot of people in Africa AREN'T poor and the majority have proper jobs, cars and houses, she brushed me off. This is somebody that has never been to Africa in her life.
    She also makes rather ignorant comments. The other day, she said to my friend who is south asian that 'it must be nice to not worry about dating, as your parents are arranging a marriage for you'. My south asian friend was rather offended, as she has never said anything about having an arranged marriage to my best friend (and she's not).
    She calls East Asian people 'weird'. I am an avid fan of korean music. When I asked her if her boyfriend listened to korean music, she said: 'no, because he's white. White people don't listen to that weird music'.

    What the hell is wrong with her? I've only just started noticing, so these are the most recent examples, but it's been an ongoing problem throughout our friendship (almost 7 years now).
    she sounds iffy but In general I think people take racism too seriously
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    Yes we are racist. :rolleyes:
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    naww guys she can't be racist. She has black friends :ahee:
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    Everyone is a bit racist, only difference is she says it out loud like UKIP and she isn't advocating stringing black people on a tree, so let her be.
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    (Original post by Caedus)
    I wouldn't call her a racist, though she is hugely ignorant.
    How is she not racist? She is stereotyping multiple races.
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    (Original post by kumon)
    Everyone is a bit racist, only difference is she says it out loud like UKIP and she isn't advocating stringing black people on a tree, so let her be.
    What she said is still racist though.
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    Please do not keep in contact with this racist ***** after you start sixth form. I can't you've endured a relationship with her for so long.
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    Get a better friend
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    Give her one more chance and confront her about it again. Explain the errors of her thinking, and the effect her attitude is having on you and your friendship. If she cares about you, I reckon there's a chance you could get through to her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    First, a bit of context: I'm black (but british born, as are my parents) and my best friend is white.
    The problem is that whenever I happen to mention to her that I like somebody, her first question is 'Okay, but what race are they?'. Then she makes weird comments like 'Oh, I can only see you with black guys' and 'Yeah, I really can't imagine you ever dating a white guy'. I don't understand why race is such a major factor in the people I like and date. I date people I like, regardless of race.
    She's known for saying things like 'Oh, I would date a black guy, but I definitely wouldn't marry one. I don't think they're marryable'.
    The other day, we were having a discussion about the world cup. I was saying that it was funny that england were out so early and she retaliated by saying that 'it's only because the people in the other, poorer countries have nothing else to do'. When I asked her what she meant, she said that she was talking about the fact that in Africa, they're all poor so they have nothing else to do but to fetch water and play football. When I tried to explain to her that, no, a lot of people in Africa AREN'T poor and the majority have proper jobs, cars and houses, she brushed me off. This is somebody that has never been to Africa in her life.
    She also makes rather ignorant comments. The other day, she said to my friend who is south asian that 'it must be nice to not worry about dating, as your parents are arranging a marriage for you'. My south asian friend was rather offended, as she has never said anything about having an arranged marriage to my best friend (and she's not).
    She calls East Asian people 'weird'. I am an avid fan of korean music. When I asked her if her boyfriend listened to korean music, she said: 'no, because he's white. White people don't listen to that weird music'.

    What the hell is wrong with her? I've only just started noticing, so these are the most recent examples, but it's been an ongoing problem throughout our friendship (almost 7 years now).
    you're friend sounds HILARIOUS.

    race is a big part of peoples identity and way of categorising and understanding the world. race has been a big deal to many people of all races around me throughout my life.

    ok a lot of people are calling her racist.
    racist is a cheap word nowadays.
    shes not a member of the bnp.
    she just has a lot of bigoted ignorant views.

    do you talk about race as much too? or does her mentions of race just stick out more because shes white. did you used to talk about race like that together but you've just outgrown that outlook? or is it her thats become more racially fixated?

    my guess. and it is a guess. is that you like whites more than black guys.

    your quote about marrying black men is quite offensive and out there. but you could just be selectively quoting your friend and leaving out part of the conversation that makes it less shocking.

    is there a story behind it? has she had bad experiances with black guys? or what? did she even explain why she thought they were unmarryable?

    the world cup thing would not of been that offensive if she didnt pick on africa. when an african nation didnt even kick england out of the world cup.
    but yea thats blatantly offensive and ignorant. shes obviously butt hurt about england sucking so shes just lashing out at africa. and really im not suprised she thinks africa is like that. pretty much most people grew up in this country only seeing charity adverts about how poor africa is and how we need to donate money. its not the case. but those images are engrained. and people arent even educated enough to stop calling it africa and focus on national issues.

    gotta say a lot of girls say their not having and arranged marriage. but a lot of them get bullied into it. i've herd a lot of talk the talk but not walk it.

    well asian people are quite antisocial. generally speaking.
    and from a wastern perspective they will seem strange. but thats due to lack of exposure. east asians tend to look at us the same way.

    its a good thing your friends with someone who has such crass and blunt views towards race and culture. but koreans are known for being quite racist towards blacks so i guess your friends preparing you for that. google Latasha Harlins.

    but yea. it depends on the tone she used.
    was she saying. no he's white as in. "are you stupid? do you even know how white people are?"

    or was it her trying to comment on how uncultured white people are. like "of course not. pffft. he is white after all." as in shes embarrassed by their behaviour

    or it could have been saying it in a defensive way. like "oh us stupid white people eh? can't get anything right can we?"

    its a bit weird cuz it seems like your quite willing to ditch her from some of the other comments i've seen you reply to people with on here.

    but yet your thread calls her your best friend.
    are you really her best friend?
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    (Original post by xoflower)
    How is she not racist? She is stereotyping multiple races.
    That's not quite racism. Hatred and intolerance of other races is racism, she's simply misunderstood and ignorant. It's not the same, you see.
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    How can you consider somebody so ignorant, disrespectful and stupid as your best friend!? People like her are unhealthy to be around and she could influence you to think negatively about others as well.

    You're obviously annoyed by her comments. Talk to her about the issue and if she carries on, then you may have to stop hanging around with her until she change.




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    (Original post by Caedus)
    That's not quite racism. Hatred and intolerance of other races is racism, she's simply misunderstood and ignorant. It's not the same, you see.
    I disagree with the belief that racism requires some overt hatred or intolerance. Racism is simply believing other races are inferior. It could be a dispassionate intellectual conviction, or an irrational and emotional one, but that is simply what racism is.Whether OP's friend has that conviction is debatable. I suspect she does harbour it to a not insignificant extent, but it's hard to prove from the OP.

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    I'm not sure what's worse.. the comments she makes or the fact that she's your 'best friend'...
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    (Original post by xoflower)
    What she said is still racist though.
    No it's a huge generalisation and it's not hate speech which is when racism is bad
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    (Original post by Abstraction)
    I disagree with the belief that racism requires some overt hatred or intolerance. Racism is simply believing other races are inferior. It could be a dispassionate intellectual conviction, or an irrational and emotional one, but that is simply what racism is.Whether OP's friend has that conviction is debatable. I suspect she does harbour it to a not insignificant extent, but it's hard to prove from the OP.

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    I can agree with that. There has to be intent, however, for it to be considered racist. A lot of people say things we can perceive as racist without actually being racist themselves, most of these people are simply, as I said, ignorant.
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    I don't think racist is the right word. She relies too much on stereotypes and is a little rude and ingnorant in how she talks about different races, etc. I think you should just tell her that you don't want to hear her say those things, If she doesn't comply then you could consider terminating the friendship, though that to me seems a little drastic.
 
 
 
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