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    (Original post by Reece Sure)
    I've had family members that up until the 80's had their teeth kicked in, feaces posted through the letter box and their houses firebombed, all because they were black. And this is in one of the better countries to live in.

    I'm sorry but my sympathy for you when you come here and whine about your lack of confidence because someone said some nasty words to you at school, an institution that thousands of people die weekly crossing oceans for the small glimmer of opportunity that you are provided.

    Even by this countries standards, you've got it cushty. a few generations ago you'd be in mud and water surrounded by other guys your ages being shelled and gassed, and being told that it's time to run into thousands of rounds being fired at you by other 18 year old's in the same position, and you'd have died in a foreign land.

    Please, realise that you are being pathetic. Man the **** up
    You're not a logical thinking person. Just because people you know have gone through things worse than the OP and you cannot identify with his issues does not make it any less of a problem for him. If that is the case and you've got nothing constructive I'd suggest you take your hard ass behaviour else where since that's not the type of advice the OP was looking for. Maybe you can tell that to black people living in the UK now but not the OP! Clearly that is irrelevant to him. If you have a one track mind and no empathy so be it but don't spew your rubbish here to make the OP feel worse. You saying man up is not going to help. Ever heard the say, "if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all."?

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    (Original post by Keyser-Soze)
    I think people have misinterpreted my post so much. The point wasn't me wearing cover-up. I wish I never even mentioned that now because I already feel embarrassed about it. That was only one of the smaller issues. I just wanted advice on how I can boost-up my confidence and STOP overanalysing every little thing in my life to the point where I can't even be around the people closest to me without being fake.
    You could try gradually wearing less make-up before you adjust to wearing none. It would give you time to realise you don't need it and others' probably won't even notice.

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    (Original post by Mr.Intelligent)
    I don't understand why it is people on here are giving you a hard time. I feel your pain bro, stay strong :hugs:

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    Ha, thanks a lot!

    (Original post by TheDaylighter)
    You could try gradually wearing less make-up before you adjust to wearing none. It would give you time to realise you don't need it and others' probably won't even notice.

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    Thanks. This is actually good advice. Now I just have to find the motivation to take the plunge.
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    (Original post by Keyser-Soze)
    Yesterday, I made this thread (Basically relayed my experiences of being bullied. Sorry this is another long read.)
    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=2740101

    Sorry for making another thread so quickly, but I feel like I really need help and advice on this issue.

    So I was bullied to the point of being hospitalised in year 7-8. I missed a whole year of school. I came out of hospital and went to another school, where I changed into a completely different person. I literally became the opposite of the person I was when getting bullied.

    I was bullied for being quiet ("weird"), so I became loud at my new school. I started talking to everyone and anyone and just voicing my opinions, being blunt, without caring for backlash. I followed cues from my brother who is very popular and extroverted. I was bullied because of my skin (acne, freckles,) so I started wearing foundation/concealer (I'm a guy. Also use it on my arms to hide the scars.) I was bullied because of my hair, so I started straightening and altering it. I was bullied for being skinny, a "rake", so I started using the gym and beefing up. I was bullied for loving science and maths, so I stopped talking about it constantly, and only discussed it with people that got close to me. I was bullied for being short for a guy (and if there was someway I could change that I actually would.) So, as you can see, I've literally changed every part of myself. I don't even feel like the same person, anymore, and I'm not even sure if this is a good or a bad thing...

    Now, in college, where I actually have real friends and a girlfriend, I actually feel so fake...Like I have to put a face on every time I leave the house. I'm seen as the absolute opposite of what I was, even more so than in school. Now I've started drinking alcohol, smoking, being with my girlfriend, etc. I used to be known as "little innocent Charlie" because I didn't drink, hardly went out, had lots of girlfriends, but refused to do anything with them. Now I'm SO different. Again. I'm so different that one of the people from my old school went to my college for a taster day and didn't even recognise me.

    Everyone calls me "happy", "popular", "attractive", "confident," and I actually hate being complimented like that because I know I'm none of those things. I just constantly smile and laugh at everything, even if I'm not happy at all, so everyone sees me like that. I talk to everyone, but I don't even want to (I just want to hang-out with my close group of friends, but everyone crowds around me constantly - mainly my brother's following, so I feel the pressure to talk and smile at them.)

    Attractive is the funniest compliment because I'm so fake. No one would find me attractive if they saw me without the cover-up and my natural hair and on social networking my pictures are extensively edited. Only my girlfriend and my friends have seen me natural. My girlfriend says I don't need to cover-up so much, but I know for a fact that she would have never given me a chance if I approached her natural. It's so bad that, even though we spend everyday together, I have to cover up and most of the time we aren't even going anywhere. It absolutely kills me inside when she constantly says that she isn't good enough for ME, that she feels ugly compared to ME, this is actually why she refused to date me, at first, but obviously this was before she saw me natural.

    I know that my experience would be the same as when I was at school, where I was called ugly constantly, if I didn't cover up so much. People are right when they say make-up makes a HUGE different. I know this firsthand. I had a pool party at my house (yeah, I have a pool in my house,) and my friend pushed me in. All of my cover-up came off and all of the product out of my hair. Everyone was looking like "WTF happened to you?" And when I told them I wore make-up, they were like "OMG!" I was so much of a nervous wreck that I started running to my bedroom to sort everything out. Everyone, in particular my girlfriend, convinced me not to, though, that I was fine without it. But I obviously wasn't fine. I could tell they were staring at me all night in shock. I know they probably didn't say anything because my brother was there and he'd beat them for saying anything against me.

    I scream and almost burst into tears whenever someone puts a horrible photo of me on Facebook because I just flashback to the cyber-judgement I got from the bullies. So, yeah, I'm obviously not confident like they think I am. I'm probably the most self-conscious person ever. I feel like I'll have to use this mask for the rest of my life, and constantly feel like I'm being stabbed when people compliment this mask, not the real me. I don't think the real me has been given one compliment (besides from my girlfriend, brother, and some close friends, but they obviously have to say those things.)

    I don't even know what my question is...I guess, I just need some advice because the only people I can speak openly about this with are my girlfriend and brother, but they obviously aren't going to be impartial.

    How can I get over this? Will I EVER get over this and not have to put on this constant fake persona? How can I ever accept compliments when I know they aren't really complimenting me?

    Any advice at all?
    Ignore all the idiots, okay some people have hard skin and they can deal with it but it's perfectly okay to not be okay, I know cos in a way it happened to me, I changed, but in a way, I'm quite comfortable with who I am so it was kinda good, but I'd still like to go back to the guy who'd make a sarcy comment to anything and anybody now I'm just too friendly I'm happy though.

    But you, listen, just be yourself, be who you want to be and everybody who matters, who actually cares will not leave you, I've made some big changes personally and yeah some people didn't like it but most of my friends would accept me for me and the choices I made.

    Just be somebody you are comfortable with, don't fake yourself for anybody because you aren't happy and that is the only thing that really matters.

    Stay strong
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    (Original post by Mr.Intelligent)
    You're not a logical thinking person. Just because people you know have gone through things worse than the OP and you cannot identify with his issues does not make it any less of a problem for him. If that is the case and you've got nothing constructive I'd suggest you take your hard ass behaviour else where since that's not the type of advice the OP was looking for. Maybe you can tell that to black people living in the UK now but not the OP! Clearly that is irrelevant to him. If you have a one track mind and no empathy so be it but don't spew your rubbish here to make the OP feel worse. You saying man up is not going to help. Ever heard the say, "if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all."?

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    Everything is relative? Problems, love, hate, fear, even time and space is relative. OP's issues are infinitely pale relative to the world populations problems. Your post is illogical, and this whole thread is an absolute joke and is an open insult to most of humanity's dead, of which the foundations of OP's blessed life were built upon.
    And no, humanities struggles are plenty relevant to him. He lives and complains in the place that hundreds of thousands are killed and kill striving for. OP was looking for advice to soothe his issues, he needn't look past the history of britain alone to realise the value of the situation he is in and for you to ignore this in equal measure, means for you to constitute the issue of ignorance we face here today.
    All that empathy I apparently don't have must have been absorbed by all kids who have to beat the **** out of their younger siblings to frighten them, just to earn the sympathy of any wealthy passers by. My empathy extends to those that hang from trees for voicing an opinion differenting from the norm, or for being the wrong colour. My empathy extends to children being shelled by foreign individuals claiming and occupying land historically their own, with concerns of how they intend to find enough grain to feed themselves assuming they survive drone bombings from the skies.
    My empathy does not extend to individuals with the ability to post on an internet forum, free schooling, a health service regarded as the best in the world that's free at the point of use (includes professional counselors willing to discuss issues at great length, plenty more qualified than you or I.. all for free). If the OP hung himself, it'd make the news.
    This is to be one of my final posts on this forum, it became apparent over the course of the last week of my being here that many posters here are simply naive to the real world and live in a seriously rosey coloured bubble. It is mentally taxing to be present amongst white middle class students that are mostly provided for in almost every sense, with little to no knowledge as to what truly constitutes a struggle. You all have it on a silver platter and are blind to see it.
    I have heard that phrase, unfortunately if applied to political, social or scientific thought we'd be stuck with you 2000 years in the past with no progression in the aforementioned schools of thought. The OP wanted real advice, not sympathy, and if he did want sympathy, than that is truly exasperating after writing the text prior to this conclusion. Ignorance is bliss, I truly wish I could join you both.
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    (Original post by Reece Sure)
    Everything is relative? Problems, love, hate, fear, even time and space is relative. OP's issues are infinitely pale relative to the world populations problems. Your post is illogical, and this whole thread is an absolute joke and is an open insult to most of humanity's dead, of which the foundations of OP's blessed life were built upon.
    And no, humanities struggles are plenty relevant to him. He lives and complains in the place that hundreds of thousands are killed and kill striving for. OP was looking for advice to soothe his issues, he needn't look past the history of britain alone to realise the value of the situation he is in and for you to ignore this in equal measure, means for you to constitute the issue of ignorance we face here today.
    All that empathy I apparently don't have must have been absorbed by all kids who have to beat the **** out of their younger siblings to frighten them, just to earn the sympathy of any wealthy passers by. My empathy extends to those that hang from trees for voicing an opinion differenting from the norm, or for being the wrong colour. My empathy extends to children being shelled by foreign individuals claiming and occupying land historically their own, with concerns of how they intend to find enough grain to feed themselves assuming they survive drone bombings from the skies.
    My empathy does not extend to individuals with the ability to post on an internet forum, free schooling, a health service regarded as the best in the world that's free at the point of use (includes professional counselors willing to discuss issues at great length, plenty more qualified than you or I.. all for free). If the OP hung himself, it'd make the news.
    This is to be one of my final posts on this forum, it became apparent over the course of the last week of my being here that many posters here are simply naive to the real world and live in a seriously rosey coloured bubble. It is mentally taxing to be present amongst white middle class students that are mostly provided for in almost every sense, with little to no knowledge as to what truly constitutes a struggle. You all have it on a silver platter and are blind to see it.
    I have heard that phrase, unfortunately if applied to political, social or scientific thought we'd be stuck with you 2000 years in the past with no progression in the aforementioned schools of thought. The OP wanted real advice, not sympathy, and if he did want sympathy, than that is truly exasperating after writing the text prior to this conclusion. Ignorance is bliss, I truly wish I could join you both.
    This post itself is ignorant, it's as stupid as the posts that say, ''children are starving in Africa get over yourself''. Just because there are problems of greater magnitude to the general population, does not mean that it is fair to ignore or belittle smaller personal problems, because these can impact an individuals mental and physical well being, as well as the fact that such verbal abuse isn't interpreted the same by everyone and some people are more sensitive than others. the OP has a problem, instead you aim to derail the thread by mentioning ''world problems'' rather than helping the OP with his ''personal problems''. If you've got nothing constructive to say, leave, this forum is for relationships advice, not for debate.
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    (Original post by Reece Sure)
    Everything is relative? Problems, love, hate, fear, even time and space is relative. OP's issues are infinitely pale relative to the world populations problems. Your post is illogical, and this whole thread is an absolute joke and is an open insult to most of humanity's dead, of which the foundations of OP's blessed life were built upon.
    And no, humanities struggles are plenty relevant to him. He lives and complains in the place that hundreds of thousands are killed and kill striving for. OP was looking for advice to soothe his issues, he needn't look past the history of britain alone to realise the value of the situation he is in and for you to ignore this in equal measure, means for you to constitute the issue of ignorance we face here today.
    All that empathy I apparently don't have must have been absorbed by all kids who have to beat the **** out of their younger siblings to frighten them, just to earn the sympathy of any wealthy passers by. My empathy extends to those that hang from trees for voicing an opinion differenting from the norm, or for being the wrong colour. My empathy extends to children being shelled by foreign individuals claiming and occupying land historically their own, with concerns of how they intend to find enough grain to feed themselves assuming they survive drone bombings from the skies.
    My empathy does not extend to individuals with the ability to post on an internet forum, free schooling, a health service regarded as the best in the world that's free at the point of use (includes professional counselors willing to discuss issues at great length, plenty more qualified than you or I.. all for free). If the OP hung himself, it'd make the news.
    This is to be one of my final posts on this forum, it became apparent over the course of the last week of my being here that many posters here are simply naive to the real world and live in a seriously rosey coloured bubble. It is mentally taxing to be present amongst white middle class students that are mostly provided for in almost every sense, with little to no knowledge as to what truly constitutes a struggle. You all have it on a silver platter and are blind to see it.
    I have heard that phrase, unfortunately if applied to political, social or scientific thought we'd be stuck with you 2000 years in the past with no progression in the aforementioned schools of thought. The OP wanted real advice, not sympathy, and if he did want sympathy, than that is truly exasperating after writing the text prior to this conclusion. Ignorance is bliss, I truly wish I could join you both.
    It's people like you that are just out of touch.

    Not everybody is gonna be going through a famine, yeah it's bad for people that are but people going through depression are going through hell too, just because somebody is worse off that you doesn't mean you can't complain.

    Not everybody here is white middle class, I come from Afghanistan, you think about what that means for a bit, I know even some of my family who are in a really ****ty situation but that doesn't mean I don't sympathise and empathise with him, because he's going through hardship as well.

    I don't like this expression "First World problems." It is false and it is condescending. Yes, Nigerians struggle with floods or infant mortality. But these same Nigerians also deal with mundane and seemingly luxurious hassles. Connectivity issues on your BlackBerry, cost of car repair, how to sync your iPad, what brand of noodles to buy: Third World problems. All the silly stuff of life doesn't disappear just because you're black and live in a poorer country. People in the richer nations need a more robust sense of the lives being lived in the darker nations. Here's a First World problem: the inability to see that others are as fully complex and as keen on technology and pleasure as you are.

    One event that illustrated the gap between the Africa of conjecture and the real Africa was the BlackBerry outage of a few weeks ago. Who would have thought Research In Motion's technical issues would cause so much annoyance and inconvenience in a place like Lagos? But of course it did, because people don't wake up with "poor African" pasted on their foreheads. They live as citizens of the modern world. None of this is to deny the existence of social stratification and elite structures here. There are lifestyles of the rich and famous, sure. But the interesting thing about modern technology is how socially mobile it is--quite literally. Everyone in Lagos has a phone.
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    I know you feel fake, but do you like your life now?

    If you do I'd say stick to this persona.
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    (Original post by Mubariz)
    Ignore all the idiots, okay some people have hard skin and they can deal with it but it's perfectly okay to not be okay, I know cos in a way it happened to me, I changed, but in a way, I'm quite comfortable with who I am so it was kinda good, but I'd still like to go back to the guy who'd make a sarcy comment to anything and anybody now I'm just too friendly I'm happy though.

    But you, listen, just be yourself, be who you want to be and everybody who matters, who actually cares will not leave you, I've made some big changes personally and yeah some people didn't like it but most of my friends would accept me for me and the choices I made.

    Just be somebody you are comfortable with, don't fake yourself for anybody because you aren't happy and that is the only thing that really matters.

    Stay strong
    It's good to hear from someone that understands. I wish I could be comfortable with who I am, though, and I think I probably would have been if it wasn't for the bullies. I was content before then, and I didn't have to lie. I think my main problem now is caring too much what people think.

    Thanks for the advice!

    (Original post by Reece Sure)
    Everything is relative? Problems, love, hate, fear, even time and space is relative. OP's issues are infinitely pale relative to the world populations problems. Your post is illogical, and this whole thread is an absolute joke and is an open insult to most of humanity's dead, of which the foundations of OP's blessed life were built upon.
    And no, humanities struggles are plenty relevant to him. He lives and complains in the place that hundreds of thousands are killed and kill striving for. OP was looking for advice to soothe his issues, he needn't look past the history of britain alone to realise the value of the situation he is in and for you to ignore this in equal measure, means for you to constitute the issue of ignorance we face here today.
    All that empathy I apparently don't have must have been absorbed by all kids who have to beat the **** out of their younger siblings to frighten them, just to earn the sympathy of any wealthy passers by. My empathy extends to those that hang from trees for voicing an opinion differenting from the norm, or for being the wrong colour. My empathy extends to children being shelled by foreign individuals claiming and occupying land historically their own, with concerns of how they intend to find enough grain to feed themselves assuming they survive drone bombings from the skies.
    My empathy does not extend to individuals with the ability to post on an internet forum, free schooling, a health service regarded as the best in the world that's free at the point of use (includes professional counselors willing to discuss issues at great length, plenty more qualified than you or I.. all for free). If the OP hung himself, it'd make the news.
    This is to be one of my final posts on this forum, it became apparent over the course of the last week of my being here that many posters here are simply naive to the real world and live in a seriously rosey coloured bubble. It is mentally taxing to be present amongst white middle class students that are mostly provided for in almost every sense, with little to no knowledge as to what truly constitutes a struggle. You all have it on a silver platter and are blind to see it.
    I have heard that phrase, unfortunately if applied to political, social or scientific thought we'd be stuck with you 2000 years in the past with no progression in the aforementioned schools of thought. The OP wanted real advice, not sympathy, and if he did want sympathy, than that is truly exasperating after writing the text prior to this conclusion. Ignorance is bliss, I truly wish I could join you both.
    With that logic, then surely EVERY post in this thread doesn't compare to the world population problems? Why don't you go to an appropriate forum if you want to discuss these serious problems, because the last time I checked you could post anything on this forum, not just serious, life-threatening issues. I know you might not be capable of seeing this from my viewpoint, but this is a problem that has affected me my entire life, and I'm sorry if I haven't hung myself or been gunned down yet.

    I admit that I do have a privileged background, and I have rich parents, but that doesn't mean that I have a perfect life. No one does. They don't have to be living in poverty or fighting for their lives to have problems. Normal people can have problems, and if they have no one to speak to about it in real-life, then shouldn't they be allowed to post about it? Or is there some rule on the internet that I don't know about?

    Oh, and I was involuntarily admitted to a psychiactric hospital for this, so I DID see counsellors and get medication, but how can they help me stop lying? How can THEY change me? I have to be the one to change myself, and I was asking for advice on how to do that.

    What did you actually expect from this forum? A STUDENT's forum, especially in the relationships section...In your eyes relationships don't matter, right? Because no one is fighting for their lives or dying? In fact, the people you speak about in your post probably don't even have access to the internet...So why are you on the internet looking to solve their problems?
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    (Original post by anonymouspie227)
    I know you feel fake, but do you like your life now?

    If you do I'd say stick to this persona.
    I do like my life. I like having friends, a girlfriend, etc. But this gnaws on me all the time. I just hate constantly being self-conscious and feeling like I'm not normal. Looking in the mirror and remembering every bad thing that's ever been said about me. It also takes me a lot of effort to put on this persona. Literally 3 hours every morning.

    (Original post by plusC)
    This post itself is ignorant, it's as stupid as the posts that say, ''children are starving in Africa get over yourself''. Just because there are problems of greater magnitude to the general population, does not mean that it is fair to ignore or belittle smaller personal problems, because these can impact an individuals mental and physical well being, as well as the fact that such verbal abuse isn't interpreted the same by everyone and some people are more sensitive than others. the OP has a problem, instead you aim to derail the thread by mentioning ''world problems'' rather than helping the OP with his ''personal problems''. If you've got nothing constructive to say, leave, this forum is for relationships advice, not for debate.
    Agree, 100%
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    (Original post by Reece Sure)
    I've had family members that up until the 80's had their teeth kicked in, feaces posted through the letter box and their houses firebombed, all because they were black. And this is in one of the better countries to live in.

    I'm sorry but my sympathy for you when you come here and whine about your lack of confidence because someone said some nasty words to you at school, an institution that thousands of people die weekly crossing oceans for the small glimmer of opportunity that you are provided.

    Even by this countries standards, you've got it cushty. a few generations ago you'd be in mud and water surrounded by other guys your ages being shelled and gassed, and being told that it's time to run into thousands of rounds being fired at you by other 18 year old's in the same position, and you'd have died in a foreign land.

    Please, realise that you are being pathetic. Man the **** up
    This reminds me of Monty Python's four Yorkshiremen. If another poster came along and told you his entire family was raped while having their eyes gouged, then were beheaded and had their skulls used as bed pans, would that mean that what happened to your family wasn't bad?
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    (Original post by Keyser-Soze)
    So I was bullied to the point of being hospitalised in year 7-8. I missed a whole year of school. I came out of hospital and went to another school, where I changed into a completely different person. I literally became the opposite of the person I was when getting bullied.

    I was bullied for being quiet ("weird"), so I became loud at my new school. I started talking to everyone and anyone and just voicing my opinions, being blunt, without caring for backlash. I followed cues from my brother who is very popular and extroverted. I was bullied because of my skin (acne, freckles,) so I started wearing foundation/concealer (I'm a guy. Also use it on my arms to hide the scars.) I was bullied because of my hair, so I started straightening and altering it. I was bullied for being skinny, a "rake", so I started using the gym and beefing up. I was bullied for loving science and maths, so I stopped talking about it constantly, and only discussed it with people that got close to me. I was bullied for being short for a guy (and if there was someway I could change that I actually would.) So, as you can see, I've literally changed every part of myself. I don't even feel like the same person, anymore, and I'm not even sure if this is a good or a bad thing...

    Now, in college, where I actually have real friends and a girlfriend, I actually feel so fake...Like I have to put a face on every time I leave the house. I'm seen as the absolute opposite of what I was, even more so than in school. Now I've started drinking alcohol, smoking, being with my girlfriend, etc. I used to be known as "little innocent Charlie" because I didn't drink, hardly went out, had lots of girlfriends, but refused to do anything with them. Now I'm SO different. Again. I'm so different that one of the people from my old school went to my college for a taster day and didn't even recognise me.

    Everyone calls me "happy", "popular", "attractive", "confident," and I actually hate being complimented like that because I know I'm none of those things. I just constantly smile and laugh at everything, even if I'm not happy at all, so everyone sees me like that. I talk to everyone, but I don't even want to (I just want to hang-out with my close group of friends, but everyone crowds around me constantly - mainly my brother's following, so I feel the pressure to talk and smile at them.)

    Attractive is the funniest compliment because I'm so fake. No one would find me attractive if they saw me without the cover-up and my natural hair and on social networking my pictures are extensively edited. Only my girlfriend and my friends have seen me natural. My girlfriend says I don't need to cover-up so much, but I know for a fact that she would have never given me a chance if I approached her natural. It's so bad that, even though we spend everyday together, I have to cover up and most of the time we aren't even going anywhere. It absolutely kills me inside when she constantly says that she isn't good enough for ME, that she feels ugly compared to ME, this is actually why she refused to date me, at first, but obviously this was before she saw me natural.

    I know that my experience would be the same as when I was at school, where I was called ugly constantly, if I didn't cover up so much. People are right when they say make-up makes a HUGE different. I know this firsthand. I had a pool party at my house (yeah, I have a pool in my house,) and my friend pushed me in. All of my cover-up came off and all of the product out of my hair. Everyone was looking like "WTF happened to you?" And when I told them I wore make-up, they were like "OMG!" I was so much of a nervous wreck that I started running to my bedroom to sort everything out. Everyone, in particular my girlfriend, convinced me not to, though, that I was fine without it. But I obviously wasn't fine. I could tell they were staring at me all night in shock. I know they probably didn't say anything because my brother was there and he'd beat them for saying anything against me.

    I scream and almost burst into tears whenever someone puts a horrible photo of me on Facebook because I just flashback to the cyber-judgement I got from the bullies. So, yeah, I'm obviously not confident like they think I am. I'm probably the most self-conscious person ever. I feel like I'll have to use this mask for the rest of my life, and constantly feel like I'm being stabbed when people compliment this mask, not the real me. I don't think the real me has been given one compliment (besides from my girlfriend, brother, and some close friends, but they obviously have to say those things.)

    I don't even know what my question is...I guess, I just need some advice because the only people I can speak openly about this with are my girlfriend and brother, but they obviously aren't going to be impartial.

    How can I get over this? Will I EVER get over this and not have to put on this constant fake persona? How can I ever accept compliments when I know they aren't really complimenting me?

    Any advice at all?
    Hello, it's sad to hear about your bullying, being hospitalised, left for dead, beaten up, feeling insecure... Surprised you haven't had suicidal thoughts yet and that makes me think that you are quite a strong person.

    The bit in bold tells me you're unsure if you want to change back to your real self or not. Do you? Do you like your new self? Do you think that you can live life this way? If you're unsure if it's bad or good. Make it a good thing?

    If you do, I think you have to gradually start to become your old self..

    Don't be so loud and voice your opinions, easier said than done of course but if you remember this, it could work?

    You don't always have to be happy and smile and laugh. Everyone has bad days from time to time and so it would be normal to not always be smiling.

    You could stop social networking so much and putting up the fake pictures of yourself, that would stop people complimenting you on how you look and would stop you feeling like you're stabbed. It would also stop you panicking whenever someone puts up a bad picture of you.

    You could try to stop going out as much if you wanted to and drinking and smoking, they're bad for your health, don't let others pressure you into doing something like that.

    This will hopefully stop crowds of people surrounding you as much and you can hang out with your close friends.

    Now I'm not saying you should go completely how you were before, being really quiet, as that won't help your confidence and you need confidence.

    Your popularity and your reputation should hopefully stop you from being bullied again if you gradually start going back to your real self?
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    (Original post by Keyser-Soze)
    I do like my life. I like having friends, a girlfriend, etc. But this gnaws on me all the time. I just hate constantly being self-conscious and feeling like I'm not normal. Looking in the mirror and remembering every bad thing that's ever been said about me. It also takes me a lot of effort to put on this persona. Literally 3 hours every morning.



    Agree, 100%
    Is it worth it, for you, do you feel that it's worth doing all this and going through it all?
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    (Original post by Mr.Intelligent)
    I don't understand why it is people on here are giving you a hard time. I feel your pain bro, stay strong :hugs:

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    Agreed. He came here for advice and so that doesn't help the OP at all in his situation.

    (Original post by Mr.Intelligent)
    You're not a logical thinking person. Just because people you know have gone through things worse than the OP and you cannot identify with his issues does not make it any less of a problem for him. If that is the case and you've got nothing constructive I'd suggest you take your hard ass behaviour else where since that's not the type of advice the OP was looking for. Maybe you can tell that to black people living in the UK now but not the OP! Clearly that is irrelevant to him. If you have a one track mind and no empathy so be it but don't spew your rubbish here to make the OP feel worse. You saying man up is not going to help. Ever heard the say, "if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all."?

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    PRSOM :yy:
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    (Original post by Black Rose)
    Hello, it's sad to hear about your bullying, being hospitalised, left for dead, beaten up, feeling insecure... Surprised you haven't had suicidal thoughts yet and that makes me think that you are quite a strong person.

    The bit in bold tells me you're unsure if you want to change back to your real self or not. Do you? Do you like your new self? Do you think that you can live life this way? If you're unsure if it's bad or good. Make it a good thing?

    If you do, I think you have to gradually start to become your old self..

    Don't be so loud and voice your opinions, easier said than done of course but if you remember this, it could work.

    You don't always have to be happy and smile and laugh. Everyone has bad days from time to time and so it would be normal to not always be smiling.

    You could stop social networking so much and putting up the fake pictures of yourself, that would stop people complimenting you on how you look and would stop you feeling like you're stabbed. It would also stop you panicking whenever someone puts up a bad picture of you.

    You could try to stop going out as much if you wanted to and drinking and smoking, they're bad for your health, don't let others pressure you into doing something like that.

    This will hopefully stop crowds of people surrounding you as much and you can hang out with your close friends.

    Now I'm not saying you should go completely how you were before, being really quiet and that as that won't help your confidence and you need confidence.

    Your popularity and your reputation now should hopefully stop you from being bullied again if you gradually start going back to your real self.
    Thanks a lot. I have self-harmed because of the bullies, and then been bullied about it, which made it even worse, so I don't think I'm that much of a strong person. I think I didn't try to kill myself for my family, too, but I have had fleeting thoughts.

    I do think some of the changes are good. I just didn't wish I had to try so hard. I wouldn't want to go back to the quiet person that didn't have any friends, even if I was happy with my predicament then. I just think I've gone from one extreme to the other. Now I have TOO MANY people that want to hang around with me when I just want to hang with my small group of friends, yet I feel I can't just be ignorant to the other people, as I know how that feels.

    I also can't stop using social networking because everyone in my college uses it, so it wouldn't stop them uploading pictures, though I've started only uploading pictures of me and my girlfriend or friends, so I'm not tempted to edit too much.

    Thanks for the advice. I like to believe this is true, but I have a feeling these acquaintances, cling-ons, wouldn't like me so much if I wasn't the person they knew.

    (Original post by Mubariz)
    Is it worth it, for you, do you feel that it's worth doing all this and going through it all?
    Kind of. I'm glad I did because I wouldn't have friends otherwise. I just wish I didn't have to put so much effort into my appearance, obviously I'd put in some effort. I just want to be normal and not care to the extreme amounts I do. Though I do think some aspects of my personality have changed for the better.
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    (Original post by Keyser-Soze)

    Kind of. I'm glad I did because I wouldn't have friends otherwise. I just wish I didn't have to put so much effort into my appearance, obviously I'd put in some effort. I just want to be normal and not care to the extreme amounts I do. Though I do think some aspects of my personality have changed for the better.
    As somebody else advised, maybe put less and less make up on and stuff, I feel the personality change is the main thing, be the person who you want to be, don't do anything you are uncomfortable with.

    I think maybe 3 hours is too much.
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    (Original post by Mubariz)
    As somebody else advised, maybe put less and less make up on and stuff, I feel the personality change is the main thing, be the person who you want to be, don't do anything you are uncomfortable with.

    I think maybe 3 hours is too much.
    Yeah, I'm thinking about doing that, but I don't think I'll ever be capable of putting none on. It's just a regular part of my life now. I'm hoping to get laser treatment on my acne, though, to make it better, and I'm hoping that will help with my confidence/personality.

    3 hours is too much, the hours I have to wake up and still being late for college or wherever else I go, which is why I really, really want to stop these extreme measures.
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    Sorry to hear about this.

    It seems like you need a fresh start-which is how I knew I got myself to get over my fakeness too. Is there any way you'd be willing to start everything all over? Or maybe take some time out for yourself, decide what you want to do and who you want to be? It depends on the people too-some people are nice enough to not only accept you for your self perceived imperfections but to help you a lot with it too.
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    (Original post by Keyser-Soze)
    Thanks a lot. I have self-harmed because of the bullies, and then been bullied about it, which made it even worse, so I don't think I'm that much of a strong person. I think I didn't try to kill myself for my family, too, but I have had fleeting thoughts.

    I do think some of the changes are good. I just didn't wish I had to try so hard. I wouldn't want to go back to the quiet person that didn't have any friends, even if I was happy with my predicament then. I just think I've gone from one extreme to the other. Now I have TOO MANY people that want to hang around with me when I just want to hang with my small group of friends, yet I feel I can't just be ignorant to the other people, as I know how that feels.

    I also can't stop using social networking because everyone in my college uses it, so it wouldn't stop them uploading pictures, though I've started only uploading pictures of me and my girlfriend or friends, so I'm not tempted to edit too much.

    Thanks for the advice. I like to believe this is true, but I have a feeling these acquaintances, cling-ons, wouldn't like me so much if I wasn't the person they knew.
    That's a shame Have you thought about talking about all this with other people, places online/in your college that can help you? Like Samaritans for example, please get in touch with them, you can email them and tell them about this and see what advice they give you. They may be in a better position to help you as they deal with stuff like this. It wouldn't hurt to hear what they have to say.

    I'd say wear less make up to avoid spending 3 hours every morning and also what's wrong with your hair? If you want to spend less time in the morning, perhaps find another way of doing your hair that you like and that you wouldn't feel self conscious about and would take less time?

    So people wouldn't like you so much if you weren't the person they knew? Who cares? You can't please everyone. As long as you have your close friends and your girlfriend, why does it matter? I doubt that you'd get bullied again and if you did, wouldn't your friends, your brother and your girlfriend be there for you?
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    Okay, theoretically, the advice is that if you surround yourself with the right kind of people, they will accept you for who you truly are. Obviously, this is the hard part - finding them - but in your case I think we have a bigger problem, and that is that you don't like who you are! And ultimately, as many people have been saying, the power to do that is in your hands. No amount of professional therapy or concealer is going to change that until you can become comfortable with yourself. Realize that the problem is not with the makeup itself - it is with the mindset behind it.

    And for that, you need to stop this cycle of self critical behaviour (easier said than done, I know.) This is the hardest part; but once you've changed your negative mindset, your life is going to turn around completely. The way you view the world - and most importantly, yourself - will radically change. Many people may tell you to have a cynical view of the world (they claim this will prevent you from getting hurt) but true happiness comes from realising that yes, many people are bullies, but there are so many fantastic and admirable human beings out there who don't actually give a damn about what you look like.

    This program >> https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome may be something that you want to consider if you're interested in changing your mindset.

    While moving schools and having a fresh start, so as to speak, may temporarily alleviate the issue, it won't change the core problem behind this - your self confidence. Realize that by changing yourself, you may lose the 'fake' surface friends who are only around with you because of your appearance - and yeah, this is a scary thought. But it's a necessary process if you truly want to change and discover who you are. Have some courage, and I promise you, it will be worth it!
 
 
 
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