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How do I stop caring so much about women? Watch

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    (Original post by Mr Smurf)
    You're assuming that if an individual had zero standards then everyone who they are trying to attract also would also have zero standards?
    Look I'm just saying that you can't expect women to open their legs for any men when I'm sure you have certain standards yourself. When a man (or woman) goes into dating with a view of a relationship in itself as the prize, it's going to put off a lot of people.

    If a guy is a virgin and he's focusing on his own interior monologue of needing to have sex with a woman to prove his manhood to himself, then no emotionally-healthy woman is going to want to facilitate that quest. You can't make relationships about your ego. It should be about the two of you getting on together and having a genuine connection.
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    (Original post by Lucia.)
    Look I'm just saying that you can't expect women to open their legs for any men when I'm sure you have certain standards yourself. When a man (or woman) goes into dating with a view of a relationship in itself as the prize, it's going to put off a lot of people.

    If a guy is a virgin and he's focusing on his own interior monologue of needing to have sex with a woman to prove his manhood to himself, then no emotionally-healthy woman is going to want to facilitate that quest. You can't make relationships about your ego. It should be about the two of you getting on together and having a genuine connection.
    Exactly. That is the point I was getting it. The whole "anyone can get a relationship if you work on it" is false.

    Oh and I don't know why people can't understand why older virgins would feel down about it or feel like the have missed out on something. Yes it's not a race but when everyone around you has had a relationship and you haven't even gotten your first kiss it's not a nice feeling and advice like "you need to love yourself first" will not get rid of that.
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    (Original post by Mr Smurf)
    Exactly. That is the point I was getting it. The whole "anyone can get a relationship if you work on it" is false.

    Oh and I don't know why people can't understand why older virgins would feel down about it or feel like the have missed out on something. Yes it's not a race but when everyone around you has had a relationship and you haven't even gotten your first kiss it's not a nice feeling.
    Well not being in a relationship doesn't make you less worthy as a person than someone who is in one. I'm going to give you some advice here. I think if you're seeing a girl, don't bring up the virgin thing with her at all (might put her off or make her feel weird unless she's a virgin herself). If you're not confident, then fake it till you make it. I actually found a really good blog for men's dating advice (it's good for girls too). Anyway it's called Paging Dr Nerdlove and it has some insightful tips. You might like it.

    Also I'm probably going to say something some people might not agree with but not every experience has to be a deeply romantic moment. You can have a laugh and kiss someone but never speak to them or see them again and put it down to drunken high jinks. You won't be worse off for having a bit of fun with it. My first kiss was terrible by the way haha. I just laugh about it now.
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    (Original post by Lucia.)
    Well not being in a relationship doesn't make you less worthy as a person than someone who is in one. I'm going to give you some advice here. I think if you're seeing a girl, don't bring up the virgin thing with her at all (might put her off or make her feel weird unless she's a virgin herself). If you're not confident, then fake it till you make it. I actually found a really good blog for men's dating advice (it's good for girls too). Anyway it's called Paging Dr Nerdlove and it has some insightful tips. You might like it.

    Also I'm probably going to say something some people might not agree with but not every experience has to be a deeply romantic moment. You can have a laugh and kiss someone but never speak to them or see them again and put it down to drunken high jinks. You won't be worse off for having a bit of fun with it. My first kiss was terrible by the way haha. I just laugh about it now.
    You are not the first girl to give me that advice. One of my female friends said to lie if it ever came up and say I slept with two girls. This is because one girl might make it seem she was extra special and three or more girls might seem like too much. So I was told anyway..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is a constant problem for me but it's been particularly bad recently. Whenever I see an attractive woman I get this profound feeling of longing and sadness. Not for that particular woman necessarily, its just a general feeling of frustration that I don't have someone.

    I have an unfortunate combination of shyness/lack of confidence and below average looks. This means that to have any chance with the opposite sex, they need to get to know me first cause they're sure not going to go for me based on my looks alone. My shyness, however, makes this very difficult.

    I know that there's no point hoping to meet someone anytime soon so I should just put it out of my mind for now and focus on other things, something which I seem to be unable to do.

    Any advice?
    Enjoy your life and do what makes you happy. Make them a bonus rather than a necessity. If you rely on anything like a partner/work to make you happy, you'll find it harder to enjoy life away from that. Enjoy sports, and friends. The difference is you can always go to sports and friends and enjoy yourself!
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    (Original post by Lucia.)
    Hey thanks. I would like to add that it's just my own experiences though and all women are different But some of the stuff I mentioned has been the sort of thing I've talked about with friends when discussing dating situations with guys.
    Your posts are awesome Lucia, I always think so. Always interesting to hear a perspective on dating from the female side. You should get a job as a dating/life coach, I think you'd do a cracking job. Hope you're well.
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    (Original post by Eboracum)
    Your posts are awesome Lucia, I always think so. Always interesting to hear a perspective on dating from the female side. You should get a job as a dating/life coach, I think you'd do a cracking job. Hope you're well.
    Aw thanks Eboracum. Just wish I could give myself advice haha. Dating has highs and lows for me so I know how everyone on here feels. I hope you're doing well too.

    I hope the OP has solved his dilemma.
 
 
 
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