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Would you tell your girlfriend ?? Watch

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    (Original post by Gabriel96)
    It isn't, but being in a relationship means you share stuff. Her right is that she's with him and this has clearly been an issue which is on his mind a lot (since he posted it on tsr) so they should talk about it with each other. If she was a good girlfriend, she'd be thankful of him sharing and keep it to herself. That might be the case but I doubt it tbh The person probably would have a good reaction to coming out so he should just be honest and do it or, in other words, grow a pair. If there is other things, like being kicked out the house, then that's different but it's usually not.
    You should share stuff about yourself in a relationship, not about your friends. It doesn't matter if it's been on his mind a lot; you don't break a friend's trust because of how you feel. Obviously you have no idea about how many people's families react badly to their coming out, by either chucking them out or letting them stay but making their lives quite difficult. A lot of the time it's fine, but a lot of the time it's not.

    A good girlfriend would be angry, as she should respect that there are some things she shouldn't be involved with. You don't blab to your girlfriend about a friend's secret if it's bothering you; you talk about it with that friend and if it still bothers you, you shut up and deal with it like a mature person. She has no right to know anything about it, because it's not her business and it's not your business to tell her.
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    (Original post by Pectorac)
    You should share stuff about yourself in a relationship, not about your friends. It doesn't matter if it's been on his mind a lot; you don't break a friend's trust because of how you feel. Obviously you have no idea about how many people's families react badly to their coming out, by either chucking them out or letting them stay but making their lives quite difficult. A lot of the time it's fine, but a lot of the time it's not.

    A good girlfriend would be angry, as she should respect that there are some things she shouldn't be involved with. You don't blab to your girlfriend about a friend's secret if it's bothering you; you talk about it with that friend and if it still bothers you, you shut up and deal with it. She has no right to know anything about it, because it's not her business and it's not your business to tell her.
    The vast majority of gay/bi people who come out in this country will have an overwhelmingly positive reaction. A lot of gay/ bi people seem to use that as a reason not to come out, that they'll get a negative reaction, and I think it's just exaggeration because it's only a tiny amount of people that's going to have a negative experience yet a seemingly massive amount of people use it as a reason not to come out. Pretty stupid to me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Your closest friend was gay, if he was hiding it from nearly everyone except a few people. I've told my girlfriend however if it does come out my friend would be very very angry, however I trust my girlfriend and its a relationship were in not a friendship therefore a stonger bond exists.

    Is it right what I did ? I thought as a partner she has the right to know things and she will keep quite about it, but if I was to tell my friend he would go mental ? I' MAY tell him soon though.

    Did I do the right thing ?
    don't tell anyone anything you want to be kept secret.
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    Once you tell one person, they'll tell someone, then that person will tell someone else, etc. It'll go badly.
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    (Original post by Gabriel96)
    The vast majority of gay/bi people who come out in this country will have an overwhelmingly positive reaction. A lot of gay/ bi people seem to use that as a reason not to come out, that they'll get a negative reaction, and I think it's just exaggeration because it's only a tiny amount of people that's going to have a negative experience yet a seemingly massive amount of people use it as a reason not to come out. Pretty stupid to me.
    My mum found out that I'm gay a few weeks ago; she chucked me out of the house and now I live with my dad. She won't speak to me at all. Again, you don't tell a girlfriend (who might tell other people they think they can trust, who go and blab, deliberately or it slipping out when drunk) about a friend's secret. A real friend is mature enough to respect their friends' secrets and won't put a girl before them, no matter how much it is bothering them.

    You cannot apply the 'vast majority' to everybody, because obviously there is that minority, and you don't know who is going to be in that minority.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Your closest friend was gay, if he was hiding it from nearly everyone except a few people. I've told my girlfriend however if it does come out my friend would be very very angry, however I trust my girlfriend and its a relationship were in not a friendship therefore a stonger bond exists.

    Is it right what I did ? I thought as a partner she has the right to know things and she will keep quite about it, but if I was to tell my friend he would go mental ? I' MAY tell him soon though.

    Did I do the right thing ?
    In my opinion, it wasn't your prerogative to tell her. There's a difference between keeping secrets from her about your own life and respecting the trust someone else has placed in you by telling you their secrets. It's not something your girlfriend had a right to know, as far as I'm concerned.
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    You keep your boys secrets under any kind of duress. She didn't need to know it doesn't affect her.
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    (Original post by Pectorac)
    My mum found out I was gay a few weeks ago; she chucked me out of the house and now I live with my dad. She won't speak to me at all. Again, you don't tell a girlfriend (who might tell other people they think they can trust, who go and blab, deliberately or it slipping out when drunk) about a friend's secret. A real friend is mature enough to respect their friend's secrets and won't put a girl before them, no matter how much it is bothering them.
    Well as much as I feel sympathy for your position, I still think you're in the minority to experience that. When I dated a guy (I'm a guy myself), my mates were completely fine, in fact better than fine (most of them rugby guys that you'd expect not to be cool with it) and my parents, although a little surprised, just treated the situation like the girls I dated and no more came of it - no bullying, no prejudiced and no fuss. I, like the majority of people I think, found myself in a position were nobody gave a fu**.
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    (Original post by Gabriel96)
    Well as much as I feel sympathy for your position, I still think you're in the minority to experience that. When I dated a guy (I'm a guy myself), my mates were completely fine, in fact better than fine (most of them rugby guys that you'd expect not to be cool with it) and my parents, although a little surprised, just treated the situation like the girls I dated and no more came of it - no bully, no prejudiced and no fuss. I, like the majority of people I think, found myself in a position were nobody gave a fu**.
    Well good for you. As I said, you don't know who is going to be in that minority, and the OP's friend could be. You can't just tell someone to do something because of the experience you had; you're not them. Why do you not understand that different people can be in different situations to you?
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    (Original post by Pectorac)
    Well good for you. As I said, you don't know who is going to be in that minority, and the OP's friend could be. You can't just tell someone to do something because of the experience you had; you're not them.
    Okay, maybe he shouldn't tell his girlfriend on second thought but I'd still maintain that the gay guy should come out. If parents are going to kick you out or you're going to be bullied then that's going to happen; it's **** and it shouldn't but it will (if you're in that minority) so I think it's important to be true to yourself regardless. It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not. Just my view.
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    (Original post by Gabriel96)
    Okay, maybe he shouldn't tell his girlfriend on second thought but I'd still maintain that the gay guy should come out. If parents are going to kick you out or you're going to be bullied then that's going to happen; it's **** and it shouldn't but it will (if you're in that minority) so I think it's important to be true to yourself regardless. It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not. Just my view.
    Again, it's more complicated than that. Your parents can make life very difficult for you, like making you homeless, refusing to sign forms for things like student finance so university funding can be impossible to get and thus not being able to go, cutting off your access to internet and phones (if they're paying the bills), etc. They can ruin your life if they react badly; it's not worth coming out to them if you know it could end badly, and that waiting until you move out properly is better.

    The OP's friend might know their family will react badly, perhaps a big reason why they don't want the OP to tell anybody. It might have taken a lot of courage and trust to tell the OP, and they may not want all that broken and their life going very wrong at this stage, potentially.
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    (Original post by Pectorac)
    Again, it's more complicated than that. Your parents can make life very difficult for you, like making you homeless, refusing to sign forms for things like student finance so university funding can be impossible to get and thus not being able to go, cutting off your access to internet and phones (if they're paying the bills), etc. They can ruin your life if they react badly; it's not worth coming out to them if you know it could end badly, and that waiting until you move out properly is better.

    The OP's friend might know their family will react badly, perhaps a big reason why they don't want the OP to tell anybody. It might have taken a lot of courage and trust to tell the OP, and they may not want all that broken and their life going very wrong at this stage, potentially.
    I get very principal on matters such as these. Being true to myself and others would be my first priority. if I was gay and my parents couldn't accept that then I wouldn't want them in my life despite the consequences; I just wouldn't want to life about something so important. That's just me.
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    I don't think your friend would be best pleased if you spread something he told you in total confidence. Yes, your in a relationship, but it's your friend not hers.

    You should support your friend, there's a lot of information on the internet on LGBT and acceptance etc, it may encourage his confidence more to tell others.


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    (Original post by Gabriel96)
    I get very principal on matters such as these. Being true to myself and others would be my first priority. if I was gay and my parents couldn't accept that then I wouldn't want them in my life despite the consequences; I just wouldn't want to life about something so important. That's just me.
    So you'd rather be 'true to yourself' and potentially not be able to go to university and make a life for yourself? There's being true to yourself and there's being realistic; you shouldn't ruin your whole life because you can't keep quiet from your parents for a couple of years. When you move out, do whatever you want, but when you're a minor and you depend on your parents to house you and sign official documents, it's completely stupid to tell them if they will refuse to do these things.

    If you don't want them in your life then fine, ditch them when you move out and you don't need them. When you do need them, it's pretty obvious not to ruin your future if you know they'll react badly to your sexuality and you will need them to do certain things, so you can get yourself out of the situation in the best way you can.
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    (Original post by Pectorac)
    So you'd rather be 'true to yourself' and potentially not be able to go to university and make a life for yourself? There's being true to yourself and there's being realistic; you shouldn't ruin your whole life because you can't keep quiet from your parents for a couple of years. When you move out, do whatever you want, but when you're a minor and you depend on your parents to house you and sign official documents, it's completely stupid to tell them if they will refuse to do these things.

    If you don't want them in your life then fine, ditch them when you move out and you don't need them. When you do need them, it's pretty obvious not to ruin your future if you know they'll react badly to your sexuality and you will need them to do certain things so you can get yourself out of the situation in the bes way you can.
    I would, yes. I wouldn't be forced to live a lie for anything. I think saying that just because you're parents might kick you out (tiny minority) for being gay then that means that you'll "not be able to go to university" or even "make a life for yourself" is just wrong. I already said, if people wouldn't accept me for who I am then I wouldn't want them in my life or anything that comes with it. Simple. And if they're the type of people who'll ruin their child's future over them being gay then you're damn right I wouldn't want them in my life for a second longer.
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    (Original post by Gabriel96)
    I would, yes. I wouldn't be forced to live a lie for anything. I think saying that just because you're parents might kick you out (tiny minority) for being gay then that means that you'll "not be able to go to university" or even "make a life for yourself" is just wrong. I already said, if people wouldn't accept me for who I am then I wouldn't want them in my life or anything that comes with it. Simple. And if they're the type of people who'll ruin their child's future over them being gay then you're damn right I wouldn't want them in my life for a second longer.
    Again, you don't understand. If the parents don't sign the form for student finance, the student cannot get the right amount of money they need to physically be able to go to university, and their whole life cannot happen. Yes it might be a crap couple of years not telling them, but your whole life is going to be crap if you can't get to where you want to be.

    A 'tiny minority' is still people's lives. You don't need your parents in your life when you move out; tell them whatever you want and be as true to yourself as you like. Being an adult and not having somewhere to move out to because your parents didn't let you is going to basically ruin everything, instead of feeling bad for keeping a secret for a couple of years. You do not know who is in the tiny minority and those people are real people, with real dreams and real lives.

    If you don't want them in your life, then fine, pretend what they want and tell them the day you move out. You just can't see the bigger picture. Yes in the short-term, it will feel good because they know. In the long-term, if you already know they will react badly, it will be devastating and being true to yourself is not worth it when you consider that you will not be living with your parents for very long. Be as true as you like when you don't need your parents any more, if you know they will react badly, and this could very well be the case for the OP's friend.
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    (Original post by Pectorac)
    Again, you don't understand. If the parents don't sign the form for student finance, the student cannot get the right amount of money they need to physically be able to go to university, and their whole life cannot happen. Yes it might be a crap couple of years not telling them, but your whole life is going to be crap if you can't get to where you want to be.

    A 'tiny minority' is still people's lives. You don't need your parents in your life when you move out; tell them whatever you want and be as true to yourself as you like. Being an adult and not having somewhere to move out to because your parents didn't let you is going to basically ruin everything; instead of feeling bad for keeping a secret for a couple of years. You do not know who is in the tiny minority and those people are real people, with real dreams and real lives.

    If you don't want them in your life, then fine, pretend what they want and tell them the day you move out. You just can't see the bigger picture. Yes in the short term, it will feel good because they know. In the long-term, if you already know they will react badly, it will be devastating and being true to yourself is not worth it when you consider that you will not be living with your parents for very long.
    I doubt that there's no alternatives offered to people in this position. Regardless, saying that their "whole life cannot happen" or that their life will be crap simply by them having not attended university is ridiculous! You're ranting now, we're different people who would react in different ways and there's no use in trying to assert any of these two ways to be "better" because each is best for one of us and not the other.
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    If I told a friend something, I'd expect to be telling my friend only. Not his girlfriend, his best friend, hs brother, his mother and his dog. There's a reason for that.

    That being said, with certain close friends, I completely trust their discretion so I wouldn't mind who they told after that. Since I know they would be working with my best interests.
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    Id probably say you shouldnt have. Although I have told girlfriends stuff that was meant to between me and a friend. With hindsight its better to not.
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    (Original post by Gabriel96)
    I doubt that there's no alternatives offered to people in this position. Regardless, saying that their "whole life cannot happen" or that their life will be crap simply by them having not attended university is ridiculous! You're ranting now, we're different people who would react in different ways and there's no use in trying to assert any of these two ways to be "better" because each is best for one of us and not the other.
    I'm done arguing with you now; you obviously cannot see that different people will react in different ways, and you cannot see the long-term. If somebody wants to be a doctor or a nurse or something like that, they have to go to university and their life will not happen if their parents do not sign things. You had a good experience, good for you. Others are not so lucky and you're too short-sighted to see that. A partner does not have the right to know a friend's secret without the friend's permission, end of.
 
 
 
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