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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    That's not at all what I meant.

    It had nothing to do with me being myself, just once people have already made friends and have secure friendship group they are less inclined to reach out and be as inviting to new people as they would have been in the first week or 2 of uni because they were still trying to make friends then.

    It had nothing to do with cliques don't put words in my mouth.
    completely agree

    for all those awkward ducks like me id advise going to parties and watching student shows before yeh go

    wasnt prepared at all.. even hanging around the living room and chat away to people will really help



    (Original post by Tom_Ford)
    Friendship is a two way thing. If the new person seeking to be friends is doing all the running there would most likely be a uneven distribution of respect in the first place. Not a good way to start, especially for female friendship groups for girls. With a male though, very easy to play the university social system, we don't try and cut each other up socially like the girls do (who lets be honest, are still stuck in girls school mentalities with their female counterparts).
    I think his point is....dont get clicked into the wrong group either..youre an adult now and its grand to walk away from a group(something I did later on in the semester) as I didnt like some of their ideals. made new friends eventually..defo wasnt ideal but sure I did the right thing.
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    (Original post by Last Day Lepers)
    ...............right, still doesn't explain what you meant by your comment.
    Tell me what is it exactly that you didn't understand? Because you just seem compelled to argue rather than listen.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Tell me what is it exactly that you didn't understand? Because you just seem compelled to argue rather than listen.

    I already expressed the way I interpreted what you said in post 10. You said I misinterpreted what you said but haven't explained what you meant............ so if I've got it wrong then explain what you mean.
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    getting in
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    (Original post by Last Day Lepers)
    I already expressed the way I interpreted what you said in post 10. You said I misinterpreted what you said but haven't explained what you meant............ so if I've got it wrong then explain what you mean.
    Okay look at it this way.

    In the first 2 weeks of uni when people are attending lectures everybody is in the same boat, they don't know anybody and they want to make friends so literally everybody says hi to everybody and talks to everybody. Do you understand that part?

    Once people have settled in and started to make friends the introductions die down and people just go to lectures with the friends that they have made.

    For personal reasons I missed a lot of the first month of uni and so I had not managed to make any friends, so I would go into lectures and people would already be sat down with their friends ready to take notes and what not because they were settled and not actively looking for new friends (NOT that they were dismissing new people, they just weren't actively looking for them).

    This in turn made it harder for me to start making friends, I'd say hi to people and they would be nice to me and say hi back and we'd talk about whatever the topic was but because they were already settled they probably weren't thinking about having to make friends or seeing if they could make new friends. This doesn't make the people I spoke to horrible, cliquey or *****y, they probably just didn't even realise I was actively trying to make friends with them because that stage if the year where everyone introduces themselves and were trying to make friends was already over.
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    Wish I enjoyed myself more and wasn't so serious... probably.
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    (Original post by Tom_Ford)
    I didn't set myself a limited timeframe unlike others. It is not sensible. I looked around me and saw how people interacted, and I made reasoned decisions on who I wanted to associate with based on which friends would benefit me the most.

    Call me shallow or whatever, but I don't believe university kids are the most trustworthy of characters in the first place. So I may as well choose the most beneficial people to befriend.


    I did very well in university.
    What does this even mean? How do you judge what a potential friend's "benefits" are? You either get on well or you don't, it has nothing to do with "benefits".
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    Not being able to do the whole freshers week thing and not making friends in my first two years of uni.

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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Okay look at it this way.

    In the first 2 weeks of uni when people are attending lectures everybody is in the same boat, they don't know anybody and they want to make friends so literally everybody says hi to everybody and talks to everybody. Do you understand that part?

    Once people have settled in and started to make friends the introductions die down and people just go to lectures with the friends that they have made.

    For personal reasons I missed a lot of the first month of uni and so I had not managed to make any friends, so I would go into lectures and people would already be sat down with their friends ready to take notes and what not because they were settled and not actively looking for new friends (NOT that they were dismissing new people, they just weren't actively looking for them).

    This in turn made it harder for me to start making friends, I'd say hi to people and they would be nice to me and say hi back and we'd talk about whatever the topic was but because they were already settled they probably weren't thinking about having to make friends or seeing if they could make new friends. This doesn't make the people I spoke to horrible, cliquey or *****y, they probably just didn't even realise I was actively trying to make friends with them because that stage if the year where everyone introduces themselves and were trying to make friends was already over.

    Right. Once people make friends/groups they become wary of newcomers like kids do in school where they might give the new kid a hard time and make it hard for them to make friends.

    What you say is true, but that's just what happens. It's the same when you start a new job, people will have made friends. But at that point you just need to make the extra effort to make friends. Maybe start asking people if they want to go out for a drink which makes it more obvious that you're trying to make friends.
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    Not pursuing some of my interests more or starting them earlier (with a lot I'd wanted to do it but never got around to it), especially in first year.

    In hindsight I possibly shouldn't have tried so hard to get really good marks in first year, even if it did give a solid basis for the rest of the degree.
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    Might seem trivial, but I regret not making good use of my university's Olympic-sized swimming pool. Even though my academic workload increased substantially in years 2 and 3, I wish I'd given myself a little time to go swimming more than twice a year.
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    (Original post by Last Day Lepers)
    Right. Once people make friends/groups they become wary of newcomers like kids do in school where they might give the new kid a hard time and make it hard for them to make friends.

    What you say is true, but that's just what happens. It's the same when you start a new job, people will have made friends. But at that point you just need to make the extra effort to make friends. Maybe start asking people if they want to go out for a drink.
    I don't think it had anything to do with them being wary of me, I certinly wasn't wary of new people in our halls friendship group, I was just indifferent as I didn't know if I'd be seeing them again or if they were just saying hi as a one time thing. Though I did make friends with near enough everybody I met on nights out.

    I know it takes extra effort if you get there late, that was the point I WAS trying to making in my first post but then people starting arguing with me...
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    (Original post by Eloquai)
    Might seem trivial, but I regret not making good use of my university's Olympic-sized swimming pool. Even though my academic workload increased substantially in years 2 and 3, I wish I'd given myself a little time to go swimming more than twice a year.
    I'm going to start swimming this year, feel I didn't take enough advantage of my free uni gym pass because I didn't like going into the cardio gym so much and don't enjoy going to the weight area because it's just weird how everyone stares at each other there but I live closer to the swimming gym this year so I'm going to be a fish.
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    Make friends by joining loads and loads of societies, even ones you don't like the sound of. You're more likely to encounter cooler people at the ones you don't like, rather than nerds who are narrowly into in the same things you are. Join them as soon as possible, because unfortunately cliques do form.

    Don't rely on halls as your only avenue of friend-making. And don't go for the posh halls as you might be stuck with people who are up their own arses (from experience).

    Have loads of fun, but don't lose sight of the fact that you're mainly there to get a degree.
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    (Original post by Manitude)
    In hindsight I possibly shouldn't have tried so hard to get really good marks in first year, even if it did give a solid basis for the rest of the degree.
    Why not? (Or is this related to your first point?)
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      My biggest regret is going in the first place, total waste of money should have just gone got a job
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      My biggest regret would probably be that I went in there with a pretty closed mind. When you go to uni you meet all sorts of people from all over the world and have different beliefs. There are people who are black, white, gay, straight, guys that wear fez's, skirts and lipstick to lectures, aggressive people, passive people, w*nkers and amazing people all chucked in to the same pot.

      During my first year I was so dismissive of some people. But uni just opens your eyes up to how diverse the world is. I wish I could have been more accepting and open when I went into uni because there's no point in trying to fight it; everyone is different are you're always going to meet people you don't like or find incredibly weird. Just accept it, embrace it and don't let it annoy you! You might find that they turn out to be your best friend if you give them a chance.
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      Not studying as hard as it was necessary maybe. Other than that, none really. I had to make some tough decisions and tricky choices which left me friendless for some period, with associated depression, but they were necessary.

      I wish you luck at uni. You'll screw up, everybody does but find a way to turn things around.
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      (Original post by rayquaza17)
      Why not? (Or is this related to your first point?)
      It is definitely related to my first point. I spent most of my weekends, in particular Sunday evenings, in first year working when I could have spent them socialising or at the very least keeping on top of my hobbies (a few of which are not particularly social).
     
     
     
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