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Being sexually hit on by either Straight man or Gay man, what is reasonable defence? Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    obviously there is a lot of precedent of women getting unwanted attention form men, be they drunk or sober or whatever. and if the women feels threatened or at risk of sexual assault of any kind, the law allows some reasonable force to be used


    what is the case in terms of gay men - and what is deemed 'reasonable' to defend form unwanted advances or even unwanted touching or assault?

    if you think about it there is more scope for this to occur as for example there are no segregated gyms and showers etc as there for men and women. so if you were being harrassed by a gay man or men in the changing room - what would be allowed to defend?

    only serious answers please
    In most cases, saying that you're not interested in guys would be enough but, ultimately, you get those people who don't take no for an answer and might try more, of any sexuality. In which case, it would be fine to use the exact same defense as in the situation with a male and a female. Generally, not always, gay men don't tend to be as aggressive as straight men but by all means there's ass****s regardless of their sexuality! A friend of mine, straight guy, got hit on by a gay guy on his rugby team and the guy wouldn't take no for an answer and got a little aggressive so my friend had to ask the person in charge of the team to have a word with him; I imagine this would be the same reaction to a situation with a straight male and a female getting unwanted attention.
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    (Original post by Wigwam5)
    Wouldn't you would just say your not gay? I would say however, If a gay guy walked up behind me in a club and started feeling me up they'd get a punch or be pushed away. Im pretty sure it's just like a woman being felt up, i've seen girls react in a similar fashion. They have no right to invade your personal space, just like men don't with women.
    If they started feeling you up, the right response is not to punch them. This could get you kicked out of the club and/or (worse case scenario) in trouble with the law.

    As a girl who has had her frequent share of wandering hands, the only time I have used physical violence (elbowed someone in the stomach) was when they repeatedly approached me and then tried to put their hand up my skirt. The rest of the time, a stern 'no', 'leave me alone' and/or a few choice swear words will get them to leave you alone.
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    (Original post by Wattsy)
    4 out of my 5 experiences 'I'm straight' was fine and worked. Sometimes we kept talking, other times they disappeared onto the next one. One guy I was having a chat with just grabbed my penis in my trousers, he got a stern shove, some choice words and never came back.

    P.S I've never been to a gay bar, I must just look the type or something!?
    WOW ! really? if a man had grabbed a woman by the vagina, this would be tantamount to criminal sexual assault. didnt you think to defend yourself?
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    (Original post by Mad Vlad)
    Indeed. I don't understand why a lot of straight men don't take it actually as a compliment that someone finds them attractive. :erm:
    well already i have received some repsonses of physical threat ie the man in the bar being grabbed and the man with the rugby player.

    in terms of jsut getting a compliment - often its seen as having a sexual motive behind it, maybe some gay men get a thrill of flirting with other men, but for a straight man it could be threatening. one minute he could get a compliment and he would smile, the next, the gay guy has a few drinks, and comes back looking for more!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i think if you go to a gay bar be its almost obvious you would be approached or handled.

    but if you are in a normal gym in the showers and not expecting it
    Have you been to a gay club or bar?

    If you're a freaking-out-straight, you'll stick out like a pork pie at a Bat Mitzvah, and no-one's going to give you the time of day.
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    I think what the OP wants someone to say is that getting 'hit on' by a gay man as a straight man can sometimes be as intimidating for the straight man as unwanted attention received by women from men.

    I'm sure in some circumstances this is true but I've never experienced it.
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    (Original post by lamyers1)
    If they started feeling you up, the right response is not to punch them. This could get you kicked out of the club and/or (worse case scenario) in trouble with the law.

    As a girl who has had her frequent share of wandering hands, the only time I have used physical violence (elbowed someone in the stomach) was when they repeatedly approached me and then tried to put their hand up my skirt. The rest of the time, a stern 'no', 'leave me alone' and/or a few choice swear words will get them to leave you alone.
    I suppose the reaction differs from person to person. If someone grabbed me from behind and started feeling me up my frist response would be to get them off me. I understand its the wrong thing to do but i do not care for people who think they can invade my personal space.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    WOW ! really? if a man had grabbed a woman by the vagina, this would be tantamount to criminal sexual assault. didnt you think to defend yourself?
    I did, I shoved him, I don't want to get arrested when I hit a guy on his own and my army of mates then proceed to beat 7 shades of **** into him until a bouncer or 5 manages to sort them out. I'm a law student so I have to be extra careful of this stuff. I didn't feel in actual danger, it was just an idiot overstepping the mark by a long way. Shoving him was reactionary and the easiest way to end the situation. If I hit him I escalate the situation by a massive amount. Clearly being pushed halfway across the width of a club was enough for the guy anyway, he almost instantly apologised.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    well already i have received some repsonses of physical threat ie the man in the bar being grabbed and the man with the rugby player.

    in terms of jsut getting a compliment - often its seen as having a sexual motive behind it, maybe some gay men get a thrill of flirting with other men, but for a straight man it could be threatening. one minute he could get a compliment and he would smile, the next, the gay guy has a few drinks, and comes back looking for more!
    I must say, my friend was perfectly capable of handling himself and this doesn't happen very often at all, far less than straight men with females.

    They don't "get a thrill" anymore than a straight man gets a thrill out of flirting with a girl; they think the guy is attractive so they flirt, like anyone else. I don't see how it's threatening - being flirted with by a gay guy should be flattering for anyone other than a bigot so in almost every case just saying you're not gay is fine and they'll stop trying to flirt. This is like saying a girl gets hit on by a guy and the next thing she knows she's getting raped, not very likely in the vast majority of cases.

    Gay men are like just other men - they're not going to rape you!
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    (Original post by Wattsy)
    4 out of my 5 experiences 'I'm straight' was fine and worked. Sometimes we kept talking, other times they disappeared onto the next one. One guy I was having a chat with just grabbed my penis in my trousers, he got a stern shove, some choice words and never came back.

    P.S I've never been to a gay bar, I must just look the type or something!?
    It baffles me how someone would think that it is okay to just grab you.
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    (Original post by Wattsy)
    I did, I shoved him, I don't want to get arrested when I hit a guy on his own and my army of mates then proceed to beat 7 shades of **** into him until a bouncer or 5 manages to sort them out. I'm a law student so I have to be extra careful of this stuff. I didn't feel in actual danger, it was just an idiot overstepping the mark by a long way. Shoving him was reactionary and the easiest way to end the situation. If I hit him I escalate the situation by a massive amount. Clearly being pushed halfway across the width of a club was enough for the guy anyway, he almost instantly apologised.
    ok i get that you didnt want the hassle- but as a lawyer you relasie that him grabbing your is committing a criminal offense. i dont if its the same for gay men, but if a man got convicted of doing the same on a women, doesnt he go on a sexual crime register?

    i appreciate your answer im seeing what is the repsinses form differnt people, im sure others would have reacted perhaps more violently ( in that case youd be in your rights to fear sexual abuse) But it depnds also on how confident you are fighting / in self defence
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    (Original post by Gabriel96)
    I must say, my friend was perfectly capable of handling himself and this doesn't happen very often at all, far less than straight men with females.

    They don't "get a thrill" anymore than a straight man gets a thrill out of flirting with a girl; they think the guy is attractive so they flirt, like anyone else. I don't see how it's threatening - being flirted with by a gay guy should be flattering for anyone other than a bigot so in almost every case just saying you're not gay is fine and they'll stop trying to flirt. This is like saying a girl gets hit on by a guy and the next thing she knows she's getting raped, not very likely in the vast majority of cases.

    Gay men are like just other men - they're not going to rape you!
    i dont see why it should be flattering - no gay man want to think hes attractive to gay men, becuase he isnt going there, at best he wants to be attractive to women

    i mean does a gay man feel flattered if a woman grinds her breasts on him, of course not
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    (Original post by Gabriel96)
    I must say, my friend was perfectly capable of handling himself and this doesn't happen very often at all, far less than straight men with females.

    They don't "get a thrill" anymore than a straight man gets a thrill out of flirting with a girl; they think the guy is attractive so they flirt, like anyone else. I don't see how it's threatening - being flirted with by a gay guy should be flattering for anyone other than a bigot so in almost every case just saying you're not gay is fine and they'll stop trying to flirt. This is like saying a girl gets hit on by a guy and the next thing she knows she's getting raped, not very likely in the vast majority of cases.

    Gay men are like just other men - they're not going to rape you!
    i dont see why it should be flattering - no straight man want to think hes attractive to gay men, becuase he isnt going there, at best he wants to be attractive to women

    i mean does a gay man feel flattered if a woman grinds her breasts on him, of course not
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    (Original post by Clip)
    Have you been to a gay club or bar?

    If you're a freaking-out-straight, you'll stick out like a pork pie at a Bat Mitzvah, and no-one's going to give you the time of day.
    no i havent, im not gay so why would i? if i was there then at least theyd have an excuse to hit on, because of the scenario. but not in a gym or shower, that could be weird
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    well already i have received some repsonses of physical threat ie the man in the bar being grabbed and the man with the rugby player.

    in terms of jsut getting a compliment - often its seen as having a sexual motive behind it, maybe some gay men get a thrill of flirting with other men, but for a straight man it could be threatening. one minute he could get a compliment and he would smile, the next, the gay guy has a few drinks, and comes back looking for more!
    Yeah... this isn't the norm at all. If I found a guy attractive and he said to me he was straight, I wouldn't apologise, but I wouldn't pursue it - I'd probably say "ahh, ok... fair enough " because I'm not a ********.

    Of course there's a sexual motivation behind physical attraction, but it's ridiculous to think that because they find you sexually attractive that it can't be taken as a positive. Sure, you might not be remotely interested in having sex with a dude, but surely you take the compliment that someone's gone notbad.jpg at you?

    I think you're making heavy weather of this situation. The overwhelming likelihood is that any gay guy, sober or drunk, would just take the hint. Just be firm and say, no - not interested. If they still don't get it, just walk away from the situation. In a club, perhaps speak to a bouncer and just say that a guy's annoying you. In the gents changing rooms, again, just get changed and speak to the front of house staff. There should never be any need to get violent - you could potentially land yourself in a lot of trouble.
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    I don't get it. You're hit on my 'straight' men as well?

    Uh. Well this has been answered.
    Please don't be violent.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ok i get that you didnt want the hassle- but as a lawyer you relasie that him grabbing your is committing a criminal offense. i dont if its the same for gay men, but if a man got convicted of doing the same on a women, doesnt he go on a sexual crime register?

    i appreciate your answer im seeing what is the repsinses form differnt people, im sure others would have reacted perhaps more violently ( in that case youd be in your rights to fear sexual abuse) But it depnds also on how confident you are fighting / in self defence
    I do get that, but I also know it happens all the time, I'd wager that 15%+ of nightclubbing males have grabbed a girl inappropriately. I've had a guy in front of me who I'd met once squeeze some poor girl's rear and run away leaving me to take an absolute earful off this girl. I probably told her I was gay in my innocence protests. You can't report all of these people to the police.

    People would react differently, my mate who was stood behind me would have tried to take the guys head off. It's not that I don't back my ability (I'd most likely win because I'm good at not getting hit) but I didn't want a confrontation, my night was just beginning, why end it prematurely with something silly like that over something that was fairly harmless to me, if a little bit unexpected.
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    There is no difference between defending yourself from sexually motivated advances and any other type of self defence.


    Reasonable force is just enough to ensure your own safety and nothing more. If someone is trying to stab you, knocking them off their feet with a punch/kick/throw etc or damaging their hand/arm in disarming them is reasonable force. Beating the crap out of someone or continuing to attack them after the threat has been diminished is excessive force.


    So to answer your question, if someone is verbally hassling you by hitting on you or what ever, that does not entitle you to use violence. If someone is harassing you and lets say for example, grabs you by the collar or tries to put their hand down your undies, then a push/slap would be reasonable. If someone is obviously violent towards e.g cocks their arm to punch you, then a slap/punch/throw would be reasonable.

    Personally I'd only ever use violence in response to violence, if someone hit me first I would hit back. Never turn it into a fight though, just enough to disable your attacker from inuring you. I play rugby and I box, understanding the full extent of what a punch/strike to the head of a person can do is important and even a single punch/strike can cause significant, long term damage to a person and if your use of it wasn't conspicuously warranted then you will be held accountable.
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    (Original post by Wigwam5)
    It baffles me how someone would think that it is okay to just grab you.
    In the gay scene, it tends to be more prevalent (and generally more acceptable). That said, I find the scene (and typically those that frequent it) extremely tacky, clichéd and undesirable.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i dont see why it should be flattering - no straight man want to think hes attractive to gay men, becuase he isnt going there, at best he wants to be attractive to women

    i mean does a gay man feel flattered if a woman grinds her breasts on him, of course not
    It's flattering because someone finds you attractive whether or not you find them attractive! Surely the thought of someone, even if you're not interested, finding you attractive is flattering? You only have to say no, only bigots would be offended. Gay men aren't a group with uniform interests, you can't have a look that's "attractive to gay men" - either you're an attractive person, in which case you'll attracted gay/bi men and women, or you're not. It seems to me like you're majorly paranoid over a situation that just isn't a reality. If a guy hits on a women then she would be flattered even if she wouldn't want to go there. It seems like the only reason you would be offended is because the other guy thinks you're gay and that's just stupid.

    That example is different, that's physical contact with, if unwanted, is unpleasant to anyone regardless of the sex of the person. Gay men, generally, would be very flattered if a girl flirted with them! They'd just say "I'm gay" and the girl would leave them alone, like with any normal person.
 
 
 
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