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Can you be too honest in relationships? Watch

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    I think it's possible to be too honest in that there are occasions where being truthful is both unnecessary and annoying. For example, if someone mentions something trivial about you that is slightly inaccurate, correcting that person for the sake of it is unhelpful.

    However, when it comes to white lies or allowing people to become deceived when it's to your benefit (when honesty is expected), that's not a good idea in my opinion and I think doing that is unethical. Personally I aim to tell the truth 100% of the time. The only times where I find myself lying tend to be at work to cover up some short-coming of my behaviour to protect my career, but I'd like to be stricter on this as well.

    In relationships I'm especially honest. Trust is the very foundation of a relationship and I won't erode at it for the sake of avoiding things that might hurt feelings. Relationships can survive people getting hurt feelings - they can't survive loss of trust. But aside from that, as I said above I think it's unethical to lie to people when they expect the truth.

    I wouldn't tell someone she "doesn't look fat in that dress" if I thought she did. I wouldn't go out my way to tell her that but if she pressed me I wouldn't lie about it. If her self-esteem is really so fragile as to be reliant on white lies then she has bigger problems than an honest partner and should address them. I wouldn't be helping her by being dishonest.

    I'd add that I find being open to people difficult. I don't try to deceive people but I don't necessarily like talking about my feelings either.
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    Uh. Depends what you mean by honesty. I don't think one should lie to their partner but at the same time verbal diarrhoea of truth is unnecessary.
    Also, I think letting small misunderstandings slide is forgivable.


    I never really believed that a large amount of white lies was acceptable! If someome can't be truthful to me about the small stuff, how can I count on them?
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    I think lying/not being honest and just leaving some things unsaid or not telling them something unnecessary are two totally different things. I've found this where there are things you might not bring up with the person you're with unless you're asked (if at all) which then allows you to lie or be honest - if it's something you haven't opened up to them about, it doesn't necessarily mean you haven't been honest with them. If that makes any sense

    To answer the question, while I agree that you should be honest in a relationship, I think there's times where it could be necessary or easier not to mention something


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    Speak the truth, just not always the whole truth.
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    In a relationship it's better to be honest, but the flipside is if you want your partner to be honest you have to respect that sometimes they will say things that you don't want to hear. If you just get angry and offended when they are honest and it's not something you wanted to hear, then they will just have to be dishonest with you next time. This goes for friendships as much as relationships btw.

    The other part to wanting honesty is don't ask a question if you are afraid to hear the answer. Before you ask any sort of question that involves a comparison between you and previous partners etc, think how you would feel if the honest answer is that you aren't the best. If what you really mean is you want to hear you're the best, even if it means making your partner lie, then that's pretty meaningless really.

    A relationship where you are both comfortable enough to be honest with each other is great but sometimes things can come out that are a bit out of the blue and can unsettle you.
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)

    The other part to wanting honesty is don't ask a question if you are afraid to hear the answer. Before you ask any sort of question that involves a comparison between you and previous partners etc, think how you would feel if the honest answer is that you aren't the best. If what you really mean is you want to hear you're the best, even if it means making your partner lie, then that's pretty meaningless really.
    No good can ever come from asking from these kind of questions. Ever.
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    I think you should be completely honest and open. I think that deliberate omission is almost as bad as lying. Obviously, this won't come straight away in a relationship, but when it becomes real and serious (you've been together a while, it's long term) I'd say it's pretty sad if you're hiding things from your partner.
    There's a difference between something just not coming up and you considering it and making a conscious decision not to tell them, before people jump down my throat saying 'you can't expect your partner to tell you every detail of their life'.
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    (Original post by miser)
    I wouldn't tell someone she "doesn't look fat in that dress" if I thought she did. I wouldn't go out my way to tell her that but if she pressed me I wouldn't lie about it. If her self-esteem is really so fragile as to be reliant on white lies then she has bigger problems than an honest partner and should address them. I wouldn't be helping her by being dishonest.
    You have a lot to learn my friend.
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    (Original post by james1211)
    You have a lot to learn my friend.
    You would tell her she doesn't look fat if you believed the opposite?
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    (Original post by miser)
    You would tell her she doesn't look fat if you believed the opposite?
    Why would you ever tell a woman she looks fat? What do you or her stand to gain from that?
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    nah. 100% honest.

    Wouldn't want to be partnered to a liar.

    (Original post by james1211)
    Why would you ever tell a woman she looks fat? What do you or her stand to gain from that?
    (Original post by james1211)
    You have a lot to learn my friend.
    A healthier lifestyle? longer life? better looking wife? self improvement? lol

    Don't be condescending to people when this is completely a matter of opinion. I disagree with you and so would a lot of other people.
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    Be honest but if he's smaller than you expected, don't tell him unless you break up.
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    If you don't lie to someone, then you don't have to remember the lies you told when you talk to them, and you won't get caught out.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    nah. 100% honest.

    Wouldn't want to be partnered to a liar.



    A healthier lifestyle? longer life? better looking wife? self improvement? lol
    You've never been with a woman before have you?

    Telling someone they look fat before they go out somewhere isn't going to make them any skinnier it's just going to upset them and make them resent you and themselves, and their figure isn't yours to decide upon anyway.

    Telling someone their clothes aren't particularly suitable or fitting to them is fine because that's insulting their clothes not their body. Use of the word fat at any time is suicide as it's insulting their body.
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    (Original post by james1211)
    Why would you ever tell a woman she looks fat? What do you or her stand to gain from that?
    I said "if she pressed me I wouldn't lie about it." I wouldn't want to tell her but if she really wants my opinion I'd sooner tell her than lie. Being honest isn't about what you stand to gain, it's about integrity and respect for others. If she wants an honest answer I would respect her as a person enough to give her one.
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    (Original post by miser)
    I said "if she pressed me I wouldn't lie about it." I wouldn't want to tell her but if she really wants my opinion I'd sooner tell her than lie. Being honest isn't about what you stand to gain, it's about integrity and respect for others. If she wants an honest answer I would respect her as a person enough to give her one.
    When people ask for the truth they rarely want the truth. In fact, the harder someone demands the truth, often the less they want to hear it.
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    (Original post by james1211)
    When people ask for the truth they rarely want the truth. In fact, the harder someone demands the truth, often the less they want to hear it.
    I don't think that's accurate. I think there have been polls (even specifically for women) asking whether they want to be told the truth or not to these type of questions, and people pretty much want to be told the truth and say they feel betrayed if they are lied to.
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    (Original post by miser)
    I don't think that's accurate. I think there have been polls (even specifically for women) asking whether they want to be told the truth or not to these type of questions, and people pretty much want to be told the truth and say they feel betrayed if they are lied to.
    Regardless from my point of view conflict avoidance is a good technique in a lot of situations. There's a balance to strike. I feel in response to the OP's actual question, you can absolutely be too honest in a relationship. I know you said you agree with that but even if pressed for the truth i'd never tell my partner they looked fat, it's just not worth it!
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    (Original post by james1211)
    You've never been with a woman before have you?

    Telling someone they look fat before they go out somewhere isn't going to make them any skinnier it's just going to upset them and make them resent you and themselves, and their figure isn't yours to decide upon anyway.

    Telling someone their clothes aren't particularly suitable or fitting to them is fine because that's insulting their clothes not their body. Use of the word fat at any time is suicide as it's insulting their body.
    I have. And I disagree with you. So would my ex-gfs. Your opinion isn't shared by everyone. [email protected] small man syndrome thinking your opinion is worth more than everyone elses.

    And the example you gave was stupid. Why would I randomly tell someone they're fat just before they're about to leave the house?

    If a fat loved one asked me if I think they're fat I'll be honest because I love them and I'd rather they changed their lifestyle for the better.

    And if it's my GF I'll just jokingly tell her something like "you know you're starting to get fat. Want to come to the gym with me?"
    None of my friends/family/partners ever get angry because thats just how I am and everyone knows. People go to me for advice because I'm honest and I don't tell lies to spare feelings. And I don't go out with girls that are over sensitive either. When I ask someone a question I want an honest answer. So when people ask me questions I'll give them an honest answer too.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    I have. And I disagree with you. So would my ex-gfs. Your opinion isn't shared by everyone. [email protected] small man syndrome thinking your opinion is worth more than everyone elses.

    And the example you gave was stupid. Why would I randomly tell someone they're fat just before they're about to leave the house?

    If a fat loved one asked me if I think they're fat I'll be honest because I love them and I'd rather they changed their lifestyle for the better.

    And if it's my GF I'll just jokingly tell her something like "you know you're starting to get fat. Want to come to the gym with me?"
    None of my friends/family/partners ever get angry because thats just how I am and everyone knows. People go to me for advice because I'm honest and I don't tell lies to spare feelings. And I don't go out with girls that are over sensitive either. When I ask someone a question I want an honest answer. So when people ask me questions I'll give them an honest answer too.
    Keyboard warrior alert. Don't get so stressed out man.
 
 
 
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