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I'm scared of going further with my boyfriend Watch

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    (Original post by janicee)
    Can I ask how old you are? It is anonymous ^-^ I think you should wait till your ready like the others have said. People have been said to regret doing things too early because they weren't ready. You'll be much happier when your comfortable.
    I'm 21 and in university. He's 22 and were on the same course. He's obviously more experienced than me because he's previously had a girlfriend but that doesn't bother me. He's my first boyfriend and I guess, the fact that I'm really inexperienced makes me embrassed aswell xxxxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is a really sensitive topic for me so please don't be harsh. I've been with my boyfriend for a year already and having asked all my friends, they've all lost their virginity and lost it at most within 6 months of a relationship. My boyfriend is really sweet and caring and I love him a lot. He's been patient with me for a long time. Few days ago, it was our anniversary and we made out n I knew he wanted to take it a step further. I said yes because I really wanted to but after getting to a certain point, I backed out and cried because I honestly felt like i was being unfair to him. Any girl by now would have already submitted to their boyfriends but I'm just scared of the whole pain and can't get over it. I'm so lost and I feel like i don't deserve him because I cant even give hin that even though we love eachother. That night, he told me it was okay and he reassured me and he cuddled me til I slept. He told me he understood and that he'd wait. I feel so bad.
    How can i get over this?
    Hiya, this doesn't sound like you're ready for sex. Your boyfriend sounds like a lovely guy who has been excellent about it, ignore all trollish posts suggesting he has another girl etc. You also shouldn't feel bad or inadequate or anything of the sort, it took me much longer than 6 months to get into the swing of things with my girlfriend and arguably it's even more damaging to a guy's ego if he feels scared of it.

    But being ready for sex isn't entirely something that descends upon you one day like your first pube or period or the gentle ministrations of the Holy Ghost. It's something you ought to actively work on or you will probably stay scared for a long long time. Same with any big change or step in your life.

    Now, you can build up the non-vaginal sex you've been having and soon the big jump to sex won't look so daunting. I do think everyone, boy and girl, needs to hold their breath and jump into the unknown with this (i.e. you're never going to be 100% "ready" for sex until you have it), but if you can bring down the height you're jumping from and your boyfriend makes you feel properly safe and comfortable like a safety net across the chasm, that's when you want to jump.

    Excellent post above by the other anonymous girl which you have highlighted. I endorse her advice 110%
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is probably the best piece of advice I could ever ask for. Your entirely correct and you've caught all of my worries in one post. I can see that I'm making it hard for him yet I know that its not a one side thing. I can't expecting him to wait for me for ages when that might be never. I think with my fear, its something that I need to overcome. That being said, I'm going to have a talk to him and suggest that we take it all in small steps. Your right, I haven't yet gone to the fullest point. As soon as we start getting naked and the touching starts, I back out because I know what's coming next and it freaks me out but I know something needs to be done.

    Thank you xxxxx
    Don't be too hard on yourself. I'm sure that you are offering your boyfriend a lot more than sex, and he seems to think so too!

    Don't feel obliged, that's not what your boyfriend would want. Ultimately what you both want is to desire sex with one another, it's even more important than having it! (Though that is the point at when you are ready to have it). Having sex without desire is fruitless for you and your boyfriend.

    It's so confusing because there is an expectation that because you are with someone you find attractive, sexual desire should happen instantly, or by magic "we're in a relationship now". It's kind of disappointing that it isn't so easy when you are young and maybe haven't explored that aspect of yourself at all. It's a closed door at this point, and trying to bash through it will only distress you! You need to open it gently.

    Sex and sexual desire are fun things to explore together and they can grow easily, as long as pressure and obligation (the enemies of desire!) aren't there. Don't work on big, frightening goalposts, but on exploring and enjoying. If the fear that escalation will happen is holding you back, you must discuss this with your boyfriend and agree your plan that you are just going to do a little bit more at a time. Enjoy what you do, and honestly you will naturally want to go further. There is a horny beast inside you

    I really hope this helps, I was quite a lot like you once, and I promise it all worked out great. You will look back and think how green you were that's all. Don't be ashamed to discover a sexual side to yourself! x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 and in university. He's 22 and were on the same course. He's obviously more experienced than me because he's previously had a girlfriend but that doesn't bother me. He's my first boyfriend and I guess, the fact that I'm really inexperienced makes me embrassed aswell xxxxx
    I think it's perfectly fine! It's unfair the younger generation has expectations for people to get it over with as soon as possible. My sister was like that, and even though she didn't regret it, I still think it would have been better if it had meaning. It's supposed to be special. Interestingly though, after she gave it up, the guy went on a lads holiday and stopped talking to her. AFTER he met our family. She still doesn't regret it O.o

    I think it's good to wait, so don't be embarrassed xxxxx
    • #3
    #3

    Just don't feel pressured x
 
 
 
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