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needy and clingy boyfriend? watch

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    I was in a relationship like this for almost two years, it gets more prominant as you go on, because he might never feel 100% secure in the relationship. I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago because I was sick of being the bad guy, and the assertive one.
    I think some women enjoy making all the decisions, and you clearly don't- so I would (and I did) dump him and find someone that makes you happy

    There is such thing as a boy that's "too nice" and there's only so many times you can put up with "I don't mind" in response to every question.

    He sounds quite unmotivated too, and if this is annoying you so early on in the relationship, get out of it- make sure you remain friends and hopefully in the future he'll mature as much as you have and you might be more attracted to him, and less annoyed! Hope this is helpful!
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    He's obviously a little shy and insecure. If it annoys you that much you'll have to end it. If not, he'll probably learn in time as things get more familiar - you could certainly help by telling him when he doesn't need to ask for things, like 'just sit next time you come in, you don't have to wait for me to tell you!' Tbh though I think a lot of people wouldn't just take a seat, it's a pretty familiar thing to do.
    Asking for hugs/kisses, he just wants to make sure you want them, he's clearly a little insecure. If you really want someone dominant he's not the guy for you.
    As for asking what you're doing on your phone, it's pretty rude to be texting when you're with someone, especially one to one, I'd say it's absolutely fine and normal to ask your bf/gf what they're doing. He could be a little insecure and worried about who you're texting.
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    (Original post by joker12345)
    He's obviously a little shy and insecure. If it annoys you that much you'll have to end it. If not, he'll probably learn in time as things get more familiar - you could certainly help by telling him when he doesn't need to ask for things, like 'just sit next time you come in, you don't have to wait for me to tell you!' Tbh though I think a lot of people wouldn't just take a seat, it's a pretty familiar thing to do.
    Asking for hugs/kisses, he just wants to make sure you want them, he's clearly a little insecure. If you really want someone dominant he's not the guy for you.
    As for asking what you're doing on your phone, it's pretty rude to be texting when you're with someone, especially one to one, I'd say it's absolutely fine and normal to ask your bf/gf what they're doing. He could be a little insecure and worried about who you're texting.
    yeah, hes been over so many times though that i have told him to sit and he still doesnt do it, he even does this in his own house....

    i get what youre saying, but constantly asking just makes it seem really clingy, ive been with guys before who'd be like "give me a kiss", but the way they did it was different from this, this is done in a very "i need reassurance" way, instead of just hey lets have a smooch.

    i know its rude, but as i said he also checks his phone, we both do it occasionally, say we're just chilling at each others houses and he leaves the room to use the toilet, of course im gonna go on my phone while hes away to amuse myself, if i happen to still be on it when he comes back and im just finishing up with a text or whatever, it is a bit intrusive to peer over and watch what im doing, instead of just being like ah right shes just finishing up so ill wait all of 10 seconds...
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    also more on the not picking up on social cues thing.. i told him i was nervous about flying for my holiday, so he put on videos of 9/11....
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    also more on the not picking up on social cues thing.. i told him i was nervous about flying for my holiday, so he put on videos of 9/11....
    You said you suspect your boyfriend might be on the Autistic Spectrum, so 'inappropriate behaviours' are not unheard of, if that happens to be the case. Further, if your boyfriend does have ASD, there's not a great deal that's doable to change his personality / behaviours / attitudes completely. I'd leave now if you have already decided you can't cope with it.
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    (Original post by Freudian Slip)
    You said you suspect your boyfriend might be on the Autistic Spectrum, so 'inappropriate behaviours' are not unheard of, if that happens to be the case. Further, if your boyfriend does have ASD, there's not a great deal that's doable to change his personality / behaviours / attitudes completely. I'd leave now if you have already decided you can't cope with it.
    i know some people wouldnt mind taking on a "caring" role, if the good times and the laughs are worth it. i think maybe i should see how things and after a while if it personally weighs me down too much to take on this caring role (im not meaning any offense to anyone here) of him then ill probably have to break it off.. i find it odd because he's lived away from home for years for uni and mustve been independent then, so it doesnt make sense that as soon as hes entered a relationship hes almost went into a 'take care of me' mode. when i want a man who's on an equal level with me. i sympathise with him, but a relationship shouldnt be about one person "looking after" the other :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yeah, by telling him the basic "its your choice this time" then he has to make the actual choices, it wouldnt make sense telling him to decide and take control, just to then tell him what those decisions should be. i have to leave him alone to take that initiative himself. i can only give him a basic instruction so to speak. if i told him everything he has to do, that would defeat the purpose of letting him take charge.
    Why did you even bother making this thread? You're looking for advice but refuse to talk to him about your issues, unless you give us a name and a recent photo and expect us to track him down and talk to him for you there's nothing we can do other than advise you to talk to him about it.

    He won't magically change his behaviour if he doesn't think there's anything wrong and if you're not willing to talk about it then your only options are to accept him as he is or break up with him
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i know some people wouldnt mind taking on a "caring" role, if the good times and the laughs are worth it. i think maybe i should see how things and after a while if it personally weighs me down too much to take on this caring role (im not meaning any offense to anyone here) of him then ill probably have to break it off.. i find it odd because he's lived away from home for years for uni and mustve been independent then, so it doesnt make sense that as soon as hes entered a relationship hes almost went into a 'take care of me' mode. when i want a man who's on an equal level with me. i sympathise with him, but a relationship shouldnt be about one person "looking after" the other :/
    My partner has Asperger's and I've never thought of myself as his 'carer'. Quite the opposite, since he's happiest having his own space. That said, he acknowledges his problems and tries hard to not let them take control of him or our relationship, so there's mutual compromise. With or without personal problems, all relationships have to be built on that foundation and if yours isn't, you'd probably be best leaving.
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    (Original post by michaelhaych)
    Why did you even bother making this thread? You're looking for advice but refuse to talk to him about your issues, unless you give us a name and a recent photo and expect us to track him down and talk to him for you there's nothing we can do other than advise you to talk to him about it.

    He won't magically change his behaviour if he doesn't think there's anything wrong and if you're not willing to talk about it then your only options are to accept him as he is or break up with him
    in one of my replies I said I have spoken to him about it.
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    Wow, how can you even breathe around him
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    He just sounds like he's nervous and scared to mess up the relationship.
    Just talk to him. It doesn't take much to sit down with him and open your mouth.
    You might find that the relationship turns around and you find that he's a great guy.
    But this might just be who he is, so at that point you need to end it.
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    Try to find him a hobby, or make him find/spend time with friends, just make him more independent. Maybe persuade him to go to the gym to build self confidence etc.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    also more on the not picking up on social cues thing.. i told him i was nervous about flying for my holiday, so he put on videos of 9/11....
    Lawl.
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    (Original post by hlyon200)
    Try to find him a hobby, or make him find/spend time with friends, just make him more independent. Maybe persuade him to go to the gym to build self confidence etc.
    Yeah those are great ideas, he doesn't really do anything or spend that much time with other people so I think he's focusing too much on me. Maybe hes stuck in a rut
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    He sounds really irritating to be around. My condolences OP. Frankly if I was in your position and I had a girlfriend on the same needy level as your boyfriend, I think I'd probably reach the end of my patience. My mentality is it takes two in a relationship.
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    Clingy people are the worst.

    He's not going to change. What a beta son of a...

    Dump.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    sorry to hear that, do you feel very frustrated and irritated easily by them? :/ im trying not to be so snappy but its getting to that point where being around him makes me feel so stressed and exhausted :/
    Yes - my boyfriend and me are currently on a break because of it. I understand how you feel babes - the worst thing is their insecurities; always having to hold hands, touch you, know what you're doing/who you're texting for no apparent reason xx


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    Please do him a favour and leave him alone now... immediately. The fact you've posted this clearly shows you don't have any attraction left. Whatever you do don't prolong his suffering, leave the poor guy alone.

    FYI: it's likely he had problems with his mother or suffers from extreme insecurity. The kind that can only be resolved by a more compassionate person, which clearly you are not! so yeah, the way you've worded what you've posted shows a lack of understanding and empathy.

    Now leave him and go find a guy who will be more suitable for your apparent needs, neglect and be indifferent to you, probably cheat too (Y)

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    Sounds to me like you need to ask yourself whether these are annoyances you can accept or whether your really compatible.

    You do seem to be overreacting on personal space stuff but it sounds like you want a more dominant man.
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    Guys not meaning to start any massive debate here but not being funny until you've been in this kind of relationship it's really difficult to understand where the OP is coming from on this issue. I've been in her situation and I know where she is coming from; she's not being rude, mean, unsympathetic or anything like this xx


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