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Socially awkward boyfriend watch

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    It doesn't sound like you're compatible at all and you sound more annoyed with him than anything else. I don't blame you - he sounds incredibly frustrating. If he doesn't make you happy then cut your losses and find someone better.
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    How long have you been going out with him? Maybe he is an introvert? Maybe you are his first girlfriend and he doesn't know how to act! There could be loads of reasons behind this.

    You know not everyone is good at talking for the country. I think you should have a proper chat with him to see if you can make changes, don't just dump him straight away. If its still the same after the chat, dump him. It might just turn out you're more extroverted than him and need to be with someone who is more chatty and outgoing.
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    (Original post by Schezerade)
    I'd say break up with him TBH. Unfortunately, sometimes people do change/show their true colours once they feel "settled" enough in a r/ship. If it doesnt make you happy..
    You really aren't a fighter, huh?


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    (Original post by Yeah dude)
    You really aren't a fighter, huh?


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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyWjv5FheAU

    More seriously, who dun got time to waste on stupidities?
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    (Original post by Schezerade)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyWjv5FheAU

    More seriously, who dun got time to waste on stupidities?
    Yea m 7, u avin a giggle nah arnt YE m9? Just call me b4 8 ask for n8 if not in ask for k8 m8 all h8


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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by yeahyeahyeahs)
    How long have you been going out with him? Maybe he is an introvert? Maybe you are his first girlfriend and he doesn't know how to act! There could be loads of reasons behind this.

    You know not everyone is good at talking for the country. I think you should have a proper chat with him to see if you can make changes, don't just dump him straight away. If its still the same after the chat, dump him. It might just turn out you're more extroverted than him and need to be with someone who is more chatty and outgoing.
    He chatted loads before though. Like I said, when we were getting to know each other before we were "official" he was different :/ maybe being "in a relationship" has made him feel nervous or he just doesn't know what else to talk about.
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    Haha, I know exactly what you're going through! My boyfriend has this exact same problem (though it's arguable if this wasn't the case before I met him too)!

    It does sound like you're at the end of your tether though so you may as well try for one last push; maybe try for one week for example excessively doing everything you want him to be taking the initiative on and then see if he reciprocates; given he's that oblivious maybe he needs it spelt out more, it can't be comfortable for him to have the girl do everything.

    Otherwise, given you've said prefer to be upfront honest you might as well tell him everything you've written here; that you're fed up and contemplating breaking up because he never takes the initiative or communicates with anything else other than a limited repertoire. If he plays the "I'm just ***ing things up" card you can just state, "well maybe you are, but then what are we going to do about it"? Maybe even ask if it's because he feels as you suspected.

    People on this thread are right that if you're not happy you should probably move on if neither party are happy but you clearly want to see if there's anything else that can be done so you might as well lay everything out black and white to him.
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    That's why I'm not having a relationship. If I ever get a job I know I'm going to sour the workplace because I won't talk to colleagues, only the boss...
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    From that, it sounds like you should break up with him. You don't have a duty to stay with someone if they aren't making you happy. How old are you? He might just be a bit young for a proper relationship, he sounds kinda immature in this sense.
    I'm sorry, but how is her dumping him going to help improve his confidence, This is a confidence thing, I am the same, He needs to get that confidence in social situations, you may feel ****ty, but imagine how he feels! talk to him about it, force him into these situations, he'll get there, just support him through it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I find it hard to explain this but I'll try my best. I've been feeling really drained and irritated by my bf. He's a nice guy, but he's coming across as socially inept. I know not everyone is super out going and confident, but we've been together for a while now and nothing seems to have changed.

    He can't really make conversation or keep a convo going. He only asks me simple yes or no answer questions, and it'll be the same ones all the time, and there's only so many times you can be asked the same thing until it gets irritating. For example a few months before going back to Uni all I got every time we hung out was "so you're going back to university soon" "yeah".... "University starts back soon" "yeah it does." Now I know I could say more and he's maybe trying to lead it to something, but there's only so many times I can give an answer to the same question.

    I dunno if it's cos we don't have much in common or if it's him, he's maybe really nervous or doesn't really know how to socialise. I don't want to seem like I'm being too hard on him or nit picking. It's beginning to really make me feel crap and I dunno why. I hate being the initiator, otherwise we sit in silence. I don't feel like there's any spark or excitement. When I'm with him, after a bit I want to be by myself, like I get this feeling of wanting to be left alone. And I don't think that's a good sign at all. He'll say he missed me about 5 times in one day. And it's like yeah you said it once already... And after he says it the first time I don't say "I miss you too" to the rest because I think if I don't say it he'll get the hint to stop saying it several times, but he doesn't stop.

    I told before I want him to initiate more stuff and take control more, but somehow he's confused that with being clingy and needy.

    I dunno what to do. I think he'd take it really hard if I broke up with him. But it seems worse to continue and feel this crap and drained, and to stay with someone just cos you don't want to hurt their feelings..
    I personally cannot stand people like that.

    I was the biggest social retard ever and literally studied people and books on social interaction about 5 hours a day years ago, and it changed me for the better.

    It could be anxiety, maybe depression.

    Maybe you don't deserve to be interacted with. let me give you an example, imagine someone who drains all your energy when you speak to them, and it's just best to say as little as possible to them.

    You might be the problem. But maybe not. He sounds like an energy vampire, although an esoteric idea, actually has some scientific roots to it.
    • #1
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    #1

    I thought I'd give an update.

    I havent spoken to him about it yet, as i think it might be better in person so i can gauge his emotional response if that makes sense.. like i really dont want to hurt his feelings or lower his confidence, and if im upfront via text/message and he takes it really hard he could easily type as though hes fine when really he feels awful, and i dont want that.

    secondly, ive been trying to have 'banter'/not serious conversation with him to try to get him to loosen up and have a laugh, but everytime i say something like teasing or jokingly, he responds really seriously and its kinda like... just relax and have a laugh with me!! im trying to build up a sense of humour between us but he doesnt seem to be biting... im not trying to force it or anything, but youd probably think he was about 50 years old rather than a fun, happy guy in his 20s :/
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    when you have some banter with him and he takes it seriously, say something which won't come off aggressive, e.g. "it's banter, have a laugh" or something
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    That's why I'm not having a relationship. If I ever get a job I know I'm going to sour the workplace because I won't talk to colleagues, only the boss...
    what sort of life is that though? just get over the social anxiety.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I thought I'd give an update.

    I havent spoken to him about it yet, as i think it might be better in person so i can gauge his emotional response if that makes sense.. like i really dont want to hurt his feelings or lower his confidence, and if im upfront via text/message and he takes it really hard he could easily type as though hes fine when really he feels awful, and i dont want that.

    secondly, ive been trying to have 'banter'/not serious conversation with him to try to get him to loosen up and have a laugh, but everytime i say something like teasing or jokingly, he responds really seriously and its kinda like... just relax and have a laugh with me!! im trying to build up a sense of humour between us but he doesnt seem to be biting... im not trying to force it or anything, but youd probably think he was about 50 years old rather than a fun, happy guy in his 20s :/

    My ex was exactly like it and I felt like I was too young to stay in a relationship that wasn't intellectually stimulating or fun anymore. At first everything was new and great (like most relationships), but people change and get bored of each other - it's as simple as that. And, personally, I feel like I'm too young to take relationships too seriously - I was craving something fresh and fun, and there's nothing wrong with that. Of course only you know how you feel, but it's totally normal for the initial 'sparks' in relationships to die down. I think it's a part of life + relationships that's hard to accept, but just happens. I'm much happier now in accepting that we had a LOT of fun together at the start, but it was time for it to end before things grew to be REALLY dull and we grew resentful of each other for it. Maybe we're not the same, but I hope this helps a little. :~) good luck!
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    sounds like the problem is actually with you. You're so dull he has nothing to talk to you about. Maybe you need to have a bit more going on in your life?
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    I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend now. We're both in our 20s, in a long distance relationship. We been together 5 months so far and when were together he doesn't have much to talk about. He's a truck driver. And has a cousin who takes advantage of him. Including the rest of his family members when it comes to money. I'm not happy but still the same time i do love him because he's a sweetheart and he was there for me during my depression.
 
 
 
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