High Maintenance Boyfriend Watch

Anonymous #2
#21
Report 4 years ago
#21
Sit him down, hold his hands, tell him you love him but that this has to stop. Tell him all about the stuff that you've posted in here (not about the post, just tell him what he's doing wrong) and tell him that, even though you love him, you can't take it anymore. Tell him you'll leave if he doesn't change his ways.

Seriously, he's acting like you're the barbie doll that he brought to life and now you won't do exactly what he wants, when he wants, how he wants. But you're not. You're your own person with a life outside of him and he needs to know and respect that.
reply
Rakas21
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#22
Report 4 years ago
#22
He sounds weak and insecure.

He's a bad investment, write him off.
0
reply
jessika321
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#23
Report 4 years ago
#23
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,

I really need some advice I don't know what to do D: I've been dating this guy for over 6 months now and I really like him, I even love him. We've had a pretty rocky time though, and I think it's because of the fact that he is so high maintenance!
I need to know if it genuinely is just me being unthoughtful and selfish as he says all the time, or if some of the blame is on his side too?

-He wants to be with me. ALL THE TIME. I'm a very independent person, I like my own space now and then. This doesn't mean I don't love him. But he always wants to be with me (no exaggeration) and if I tell him I want some me time he gets upset and makes me feel so guilty and says I don't love him.

-He has an obsession with doing all these 'firsts' together. Like everytime I do something for the first time it has to be with him. For example, he's skint at the moment (no job) and my friends invited me out to wind street for the first time. I really wanted to go so I did- then I came home to complete hell fire, he was shouting, having a proper tantrum, kept on leaving and then coming back to shout more, crying, because my first time out wasn't with him and he had some fantasy about it. If it was just one thing it's fine- but it's with loads of stupid little things!

-I need to text him all the time. If I don't reply to his texts (for whatever reason, in college etc) he has a massive freak out.

-Everytime he says I love you I have to say it back or he starts crying and stropping.

-If he doesn't get his way he goes into a massive strop and holds grudges.

-He's extremely over protective and can be aggressive (without meaning to be) towards other guys. Like, he freaks out if I kiss my best friend (she's a girl. I'm straight)

-If he isn't in my facebook profile picture he has a massive go at me.

-He won't do anything without me. I can be quite shy and don't always like meeting new people, but he refuses to ever see his own friends or do anything without me, making it really difficult for me.

-We argue at least one a week because he has these things that matter loads to him that NO ONE ELSE bothers about. For example, if I ever shower without him he goes into a massive strop. If I ask him to do something on his own (like go to the shop) he has a massive freak out. If my best friend ever sees me naked (changing rooms etc) he basically accuses me of cheating.

-He calls me insensitive because he'll go into a strop for literally almost no reason and then, because I've dealt with this so much, I just try to ignore it sometimes. Then he starts having a massive go at me.

-Calls me a slut if I'm wearing clothes that don't match 'his standard', like some shorts (which I can promise you aren't slutty.)

-MAIN PROBLEM. This is very much one of my problems as well though- I'm a very unromantic person. Like I do sweet things but really romantic stuff I just find really cringy and don't like it, and he's really cringy all the time. And gets annoyed because I don't appreciate it.

I really do love him though so idk what to do. And I feel like a bad person because most other girls would love him- he's sweet, kind and sensitive. But I just feel like I can't make him happy.
ADVICE PLEASE?! D:


Go on the CI channel (553 on sky) google the numbers it is for Virgin etc and watch "I dated a psycho" then tell us what you think
0
reply
stargirl63
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#24
Report 4 years ago
#24
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,

I really need some advice I don't know what to do D: I've been dating this guy for over 6 months now and I really like him, I even love him. We've had a pretty rocky time though, and I think it's because of the fact that he is so high maintenance!
I need to know if it genuinely is just me being unthoughtful and selfish as he says all the time, or if some of the blame is on his side too?

-He wants to be with me. ALL THE TIME. I'm a very independent person, I like my own space now and then. This doesn't mean I don't love him. But he always wants to be with me (no exaggeration) and if I tell him I want some me time he gets upset and makes me feel so guilty and says I don't love him.

-He has an obsession with doing all these 'firsts' together. Like everytime I do something for the first time it has to be with him. For example, he's skint at the moment (no job) and my friends invited me out to wind street for the first time. I really wanted to go so I did- then I came home to complete hell fire, he was shouting, having a proper tantrum, kept on leaving and then coming back to shout more, crying, because my first time out wasn't with him and he had some fantasy about it. If it was just one thing it's fine- but it's with loads of stupid little things!

-I need to text him all the time. If I don't reply to his texts (for whatever reason, in college etc) he has a massive freak out.

-Everytime he says I love you I have to say it back or he starts crying and stropping.

-If he doesn't get his way he goes into a massive strop and holds grudges.

-He's extremely over protective and can be aggressive (without meaning to be) towards other guys. Like, he freaks out if I kiss my best friend (she's a girl. I'm straight)

-If he isn't in my facebook profile picture he has a massive go at me.

-He won't do anything without me. I can be quite shy and don't always like meeting new people, but he refuses to ever see his own friends or do anything without me, making it really difficult for me.

-We argue at least one a week because he has these things that matter loads to him that NO ONE ELSE bothers about. For example, if I ever shower without him he goes into a massive strop. If I ask him to do something on his own (like go to the shop) he has a massive freak out. If my best friend ever sees me naked (changing rooms etc) he basically accuses me of cheating.

-He calls me insensitive because he'll go into a strop for literally almost no reason and then, because I've dealt with this so much, I just try to ignore it sometimes. Then he starts having a massive go at me.

-Calls me a slut if I'm wearing clothes that don't match 'his standard', like some shorts (which I can promise you aren't slutty.)

-MAIN PROBLEM. This is very much one of my problems as well though- I'm a very unromantic person. Like I do sweet things but really romantic stuff I just find really cringy and don't like it, and he's really cringy all the time. And gets annoyed because I don't appreciate it.

I really do love him though so idk what to do. And I feel like a bad person because most other girls would love him- he's sweet, kind and sensitive. But I just feel like I can't make him happy.
ADVICE PLEASE?! D:

OP - this is crazy, why would you do this to yourself? You can't be in a relationship where you have permission before you wear something. And why do individual tasks need to be done together - e.g showering? Does he think you're going to have a quickie with the damn rubber duck?! Does he watch you taking a dump as well?

This is totally crazy - please please leave, guys like this can only get worse. I know you love him, but please value your life and love yourself more - you don't deserve someone like this.

Also - do you really really think that most other girls would love him? Because I can tell you right now, there's a lot of girls out there who wouldn't take kindly to a guy telling them what to wear or throwing tantrums for not saying ily back, being aggressive and protective etc etc. Don't kid yourself that you're lucky to have him. because you're really not.
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#25
Report 4 years ago
#25
(Original post by Anonymous)
-He wants to be with me. ALL THE TIME. I'm a very independent person, I like my own space now and then. This doesn't mean I don't love him. But he always wants to be with me (no exaggeration) and if I tell him I want some me time he gets upset and makes me feel so guilty and says I don't love him.
Have you spoken to him about this? I mean, I love my girlfriend and want to spend lots of time with her but ALL THE TIME?! Wow... that's erm... a bit odd... doesn't he even want a little bit of space for himself every so often?

-He has an obsession with doing all these 'firsts' together. Like everytime I do something for the first time it has to be with him. For example, he's skint at the moment (no job) and my friends invited me out to wind street for the first time. I really wanted to go so I did- then I came home to complete hell fire, he was shouting, having a proper tantrum, kept on leaving and then coming back to shout more, crying, because my first time out wasn't with him and he had some fantasy about it. If it was just one thing it's fine- but it's with loads of stupid little things!
Ok... that's kind of weird and abusive... did you let him know you were going beforehand or did you just go without telling him? Either way his response is really out of order though I can understand why he'd be annoyed if you didn't tell him.

-I need to text him all the time. If I don't reply to his texts (for whatever reason, in college etc) he has a massive freak out.
To be fair, if my gf doesn't even acknowledge my texts when I know she isn't busy I get kind of annoyed... but I don't make a big thing of it... I mean does he not get that you have your own life?

-Everytime he says I love you I have to say it back or he starts crying and stropping.
Hmmm... I get where he's coming from... but crying and stropping is just a little odd... maybe some sort of massive insecurity?

-If he doesn't get his way he goes into a massive strop and holds grudges.
That is a really unhealthy way of dealing with things and exceedingly immature of him...

-He's extremely over protective and can be aggressive (without meaning to be) towards other guys. Like, he freaks out if I kiss my best friend (she's a girl. I'm straight)
I can understand why he might not be totally comfortable with you being around other guys... I've been cheated on a couple of times in the past and it can make you a little uneasy... but he really needs to learn to control that...

I know a couple of guys that get upset when their gfs kiss their girl friends... My gf is bi and we have a deal which is 'you can either have both of us or neither of us'

-If he isn't in my facebook profile picture he has a massive go at me
.

Kinda needy... He's starting to sounds extremely narcissistic and you not having him in your picture makes him feel less special

-He won't do anything without me. I can be quite shy and don't always like meeting new people, but he refuses to ever see his own friends or do anything without me, making it really difficult for me.
Sounds like some sort of obsession...

-We argue at least one a week because he has these things that matter loads to him that NO ONE ELSE bothers about. For example, if I ever shower without him he goes into a massive strop. If I ask him to do something on his own (like go to the shop) he has a massive freak out. If my best friend ever sees me naked (changing rooms etc) he basically accuses me of cheating.
Ok seriously? What the hell...

-He calls me insensitive because he'll go into a strop for literally almost no reason and then, because I've dealt with this so much, I just try to ignore it sometimes. Then he starts having a massive go at me.
Next time, go give him a massive hug and see what he does.

-Calls me a slut if I'm wearing clothes that don't match 'his standard', like some shorts (which I can promise you aren't slutty.)
Controlling much...

-MAIN PROBLEM. This is very much one of my problems as well though- I'm a very unromantic person. Like I do sweet things but really romantic stuff I just find really cringy and don't like it, and he's really cringy all the time. And gets annoyed because I don't appreciate it.
To be fair, this is basically the only issue I have in my relationship. I'm not *quite* as cringy as him but I like to be made to feel special. If you want this to work out then you'll both need to compromise on this one and I don't think he's willing to do that...
reply
Anonymous #1
#26
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#26
(Original post by Anonymous)
Have you spoken to him about this? I mean, I love my girlfriend and want to spend lots of time with her but ALL THE TIME?! Wow... that's erm... a bit odd... doesn't he even want a little bit of space for himself every so often?

No-never. And he acts like I'm really cold because I do..

Ok... that's kind of weird and abusive... did you let him know you were going beforehand or did you just go without telling him? Either way his response is really out of order though I can understand why he'd be annoyed if you didn't tell him.

He knew a week beforehand and tried to guilt trip me into not going, but I decided not to back down this time..

To be fair, if my gf doesn't even acknowledge my texts when I know she isn't busy I get kind of annoyed... but I don't make a big thing of it... I mean does he not get that you have your own life?

I get that if I wasn't busy, but when I am it's just a pain in the ass.

Hmmm... I get where he's coming from... but crying and stropping is just a little odd... maybe some sort of massive insecurity?



That is a really unhealthy way of dealing with things and exceedingly immature of him...



I can understand why he might not be totally comfortable with you being around other guys... I've been cheated on a couple of times in the past and it can make you a little uneasy... but he really needs to learn to control that...

I know a couple of guys that get upset when their gfs kiss their girl friends... My gf is bi and we have a deal which is 'you can either have both of us or neither of us'

He's never been cheated on and I have never cheated, and never would. Oh that's fair enough haha

Kinda needy... He's starting to sounds extremely narcissistic and you not having him in your picture makes him feel less special



Sounds like some sort of obsession...



Ok seriously? What the hell...



Next time, go give him a massive hug and see what he does.



Controlling much...



To be fair, this is basically the only issue I have in my relationship. I'm not *quite* as cringy as him but I like to be made to feel special. If you want this to work out then you'll both need to compromise on this one and I don't think he's willing to do that...
I've tried so hard to compromise I really have, trying to accommodate to his needs, but he just always wants more. I would have dumped him long ago but I find leaving people really hard, and I know that if I do he's going to make it really difficult for me, like will beg to get back with me and be nagging me all the time and making me feel incredibly guilty. I'm worried it'll just mess me up, but the thing is I don't feel like I can talk to him about any of this because he just throws a tantrum every time I try.
reply
perflous
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#27
Report 4 years ago
#27
Break up with him ASAP for your own good; if when you break up with him he seems like he's about to harm himself (or you), call the police. Seriously. It's not a bogus call if you fear that there's a legitimate danger to either one of you. The police should be able to help.
0
reply
pinkbullets
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#28
Report 4 years ago
#28
You obviously want to break up with him so just do it. You'll both eventually find someone that you're more compatible with. Make sure you're around other people (like there's other people in the house) when you do it though because he founds like the type of person that might completely flip out.
0
reply
BANS2012
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#29
Report 4 years ago
#29
Eurgh he sounds pathetic! Tell him to a get a grip on himself.



Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
BreakingBadx
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#30
Report 4 years ago
#30
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've tried so hard to compromise I really have, trying to accommodate to his needs, but he just always wants more. I would have dumped him long ago but I find leaving people really hard, and I know that if I do he's going to make it really difficult for me, like will beg to get back with me and be nagging me all the time and making me feel incredibly guilty. I'm worried it'll just mess me up, but the thing is I don't feel like I can talk to him about any of this because he just throws a tantrum every time I try.
That's no reason not to leave. You should never stay with someone just b/c you're scared of whatll happen if you leave them

I sympathise w/your situation but you really do need to man up and do the right thing here OP. He seriously sounds abusive

Don't hold yourself back with labels like "I find leaving people really hard." Just do it.
0
reply
WiFi
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#31
Report 4 years ago
#31
(Original post by Jacob Boris)
Get out.
Immediately.
0
reply
Kaiju
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#32
Report 4 years ago
#32
incompatible
0
reply
SnoochToTheBooch
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#33
Report 4 years ago
#33
He sounds like a ****ing baby. Tell him to harden the **** up.
0
reply
Blind Ferret
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#34
Report 4 years ago
#34
... and I'm single. smh.

Do him a favour, get rid. The biggest thing you can do is show him this list, or a version of it. He's probably young, he can learn what NOT to do, address his issues. Stick with it as long as you can, if it's effecting your happiness then it's time to pull the pin.
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#35
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#35
(Original post by Uosaf)
Is he 13?

All jokes aside, he sounds :bird:

I say you end it while you can. This isn't good for your wellbeing, health and state of mind.
(Original post by ilem)
You might care for him but his mental health is not your responsibility, especially when you are subjected to constant abuse and controlling behaviour from him. At this time you should think about taking a step back and prioritising yourself for the time being, as the relationship you are in is very, very far from a healthy one. And staying in it is certain to take its toll on your own mental health and self esteem as well.

He will never sort himself out if he doesn't get to see in practice that his current state is pushing away and harming those he values the most. At present his toxic behaviour is working out for him because you're sticking around and so he sees no reason to go through a long and strenuous change process.
(Original post by pickup)
You can't please him and he certainly can't please you.

He's using emotional blackmail to control you. Every time you don't stand up to him you're giving him encouragement.

Just tell him you can't live like this anymore and go.He'll shout and scream and cry but you won't hear because you'll be half way down the road.

You don't like him ( witness the post), you certainly don't love him. You do however love the idea of loving someone and he's the one around now. You're making the mistake of thinking you love him because you love the person you want him to be but isn't.

Somewhere along the line you'll wake up and wonder what you ever saw in him. Well, you saw what you wanted to see but not what was there.

Start by making a list of his vices and virtues. I'll start you off... he's controlling, aggressive, manipulative, selfish, immature, hypercritical. angry, obsessive, abusive.makes you feel you're in the wrong .....Now make a list of more than 10 things that are good about him.

Oh, you can't think of that many? What a surprise. Go, go now, go. Breathe a sigh of relief, go.
Just thought I'd let you all know, I've done it. I've finally dumped him it's difficult but I'm sure it'll be better in the long run. Atm though it doesn't feel that way :P *le cry* haha
reply
Uosaf
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#36
Report 4 years ago
#36
(Original post by Anonymous)
Just thought I'd let you all know, I've done it. I've finally dumped him it's difficult but I'm sure it'll be better in the long run. Atm though it doesn't feel that way :P *le cry* haha
Well done, good to hear

You definitely will be better off. All the best!
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#37
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#37
(Original post by genomaniac)
Agreed, I dated a guy very similar to yours and he made the break up as needlessly painful and difficult as humanly possible. He kept begging to get back together and when that didn't work he resorted to emotional blackmail. When that also didn't work, he got very aggressive and nasty.

I would also recommend you cut contact as soon as possible. I stupidly kept in contact with him for a while after due to meddling friends and relatives telling me that I "had to be there for him until he moved on" but he never wanted to move on, he just didn't want me to move on either.

Get out now. Make sure you're in a public area so he can't do something stupid (or do it by text if you're that scared, as harsh as it sounds) and immediately stop taking his calls. Destroy your sim and get a new one if you have to, just make sure you're not available when he inevitably freaks out.
(Original post by BreakingBadx)
That's no reason not to leave. You should never stay with someone just b/c you're scared of whatll happen if you leave them

I sympathise w/your situation but you really do need to man up and do the right thing here OP. He seriously sounds abusive

Don't hold yourself back with labels like "I find leaving people really hard." Just do it.
(Original post by perflous)
Break up with him ASAP for your own good; if when you break up with him he seems like he's about to harm himself (or you), call the police. Seriously. It's not a bogus call if you fear that there's a legitimate danger to either one of you. The police should be able to help.
(Original post by stargirl63)
OP - this is crazy, why would you do this to yourself? You can't be in a relationship where you have permission before you wear something. And why do individual tasks need to be done together - e.g showering? Does he think you're going to have a quickie with the damn rubber duck?! Does he watch you taking a dump as well?

This is totally crazy - please please leave, guys like this can only get worse. I know you love him, but please value your life and love yourself more - you don't deserve someone like this.

Also - do you really really think that most other girls would love him? Because I can tell you right now, there's a lot of girls out there who wouldn't take kindly to a guy telling them what to wear or throwing tantrums for not saying ily back, being aggressive and protective etc etc. Don't kid yourself that you're lucky to have him. because you're really not.
Guys I've finally done it just to let you know. Sure I'll feel better in the long run! Thank you all for your help <3
reply
LavenderBlueSky88
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#38
Report 4 years ago
#38
High maintenance? More like borderline abusive, get rid!
0
reply
ilem
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#39
Report 4 years ago
#39
(Original post by Anonymous)
Just thought I'd let you all know, I've done it. I've finally dumped him it's difficult but I'm sure it'll be better in the long run. Atm though it doesn't feel that way :P *le cry* haha
I'm glad to hear that, well done Take each day as it comes and it will get better soon, even though it might be tough right now. You made the right choice in the long run.
0
reply
Zarek
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#40
Report 4 years ago
#40
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,

I really need some advice I don't know what to do D: I've been dating this guy for over 6 months now and I really like him, I even love him. We've had a pretty rocky time though, and I think it's because of the fact that he is so high maintenance!
I need to know if it genuinely is just me being unthoughtful and selfish as he says all the time, or if some of the blame is on his side too?

-He wants to be with me. ALL THE TIME. I'm a very independent person, I like my own space now and then. This doesn't mean I don't love him. But he always wants to be with me (no exaggeration) and if I tell him I want some me time he gets upset and makes me feel so guilty and says I don't love him.

-He has an obsession with doing all these 'firsts' together. Like everytime I do something for the first time it has to be with him. For example, he's skint at the moment (no job) and my friends invited me out to wind street for the first time. I really wanted to go so I did- then I came home to complete hell fire, he was shouting, having a proper tantrum, kept on leaving and then coming back to shout more, crying, because my first time out wasn't with him and he had some fantasy about it. If it was just one thing it's fine- but it's with loads of stupid little things!

-I need to text him all the time. If I don't reply to his texts (for whatever reason, in college etc) he has a massive freak out.

-Everytime he says I love you I have to say it back or he starts crying and stropping.

-If he doesn't get his way he goes into a massive strop and holds grudges.

-He's extremely over protective and can be aggressive (without meaning to be) towards other guys. Like, he freaks out if I kiss my best friend (she's a girl. I'm straight)

-If he isn't in my facebook profile picture he has a massive go at me.

-He won't do anything without me. I can be quite shy and don't always like meeting new people, but he refuses to ever see his own friends or do anything without me, making it really difficult for me.

-We argue at least one a week because he has these things that matter loads to him that NO ONE ELSE bothers about. For example, if I ever shower without him he goes into a massive strop. If I ask him to do something on his own (like go to the shop) he has a massive freak out. If my best friend ever sees me naked (changing rooms etc) he basically accuses me of cheating.

-He calls me insensitive because he'll go into a strop for literally almost no reason and then, because I've dealt with this so much, I just try to ignore it sometimes. Then he starts having a massive go at me.

-Calls me a slut if I'm wearing clothes that don't match 'his standard', like some shorts (which I can promise you aren't slutty.)

-MAIN PROBLEM. This is very much one of my problems as well though- I'm a very unromantic person. Like I do sweet things but really romantic stuff I just find really cringy and don't like it, and he's really cringy all the time. And gets annoyed because I don't appreciate it.

I really do love him though so idk what to do. And I feel like a bad person because most other girls would love him- he's sweet, kind and sensitive. But I just feel like I can't make him happy.
ADVICE PLEASE?! D:
Calls you a slut!! Are you crazy?? There must be one hell of a good side you haven't revealed..
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Have you registered to vote?

Yes! (264)
39.05%
No - but I will (46)
6.8%
No - I don't want to (51)
7.54%
No - I can't vote (<18, not in UK, etc) (315)
46.6%

Watched Threads

View All