Do relationships work if the girl is highly educated compared to the guy? Watch

sbj
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#21
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Your first year of uni and you call yourself highly educated?
Even if you finish your studies, your are not highly educated.

I love to see how many people think that they are highly educated when in reality they have no deep knowledge of anything.
For example I see a lot of dumb girls who finish their studies because they are not lazy and forcing to finish it but they can't hold for 5 minutes a serious discussion.

So, convince me that you are highly educated. In which areas do you have an expert level of knowledge?

Why am I asking this? As highly educated person you should understand what I want to tell you and it will answer your opening question.
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Snugglebunny
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(Original post by Vapor)
He's a waiter and he's happy with his career and all anyone should strive for is happiness. As a mature adult in a relationship you're expected to want nothing for your partner but happiness even if that means leaving them.

If you're bothered by a partner who wouldn't live up to your standards of being "ambitious" then that's absolutely fine, but being ambitious doesn't make you any better than your boyfriend and he absolutely has no reason to change.

You're the one in the wrong here because you're expecting him to change. He's not going to, nor does he need to so if it bothers you that much break up with him and move on.

I've got at least 2 friends I can think of however who went through this exact problem with their ex's and felt they weren't ambitious enough. They both ended up leaving them and then their ex's ended up doing way better than them after a few years. Both went back down the line and were effectively told to do one. Turns out they were of the belief that if you love your partner enough, what they do shouldn't really matter.

That's something I believe in as well but then I'm a male. It's different for a large proportion of females and it's called Hypergamy.

I don't think you understood my concern. The problem was the fact that he can't support me when im struggling with deadlines he doesn't understand this, when im stressing about studying he thinks im overreacting and i don't really have anything to study. Im not complaining about wanting to change him, i am saying he can't understand the simple fact that im busy and can't accord all of my attention to him all the time. He is whining about me not having time for him, when i don't have time for anything. He just refuses to accept that it's challenging at med school. And on top of that accuses me of cheating, he thinks i spend my time cheating on him. This is not true at all!

And i never said i was better than him, i didn't mean to sound arrogant, i just wanted you guys to understand the different experiences we've had. He has never been to uni, maybe that's why he doesn't understand the workload, i don't know what it is but he underestimates the amount of work i get. And at the end of the day i want to become a good dentist, i really enjoy it and it's very time consuming, a professional doesn't study once a week, but all week, i am really trying here, he won't have it that way
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Snugglebunny
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(Original post by sbj)
Your first year of uni and you call yourself highly educated?
Even if you finish your studies, your are not highly educated.

I love to see how many people think that they are highly educated when in reality they have no deep knowledge of anything.
For example I see a lot of dumb girls who finish their studies because they are not lazy and forcing to finish it but they can't hold for 5 minutes a serious discussion.

So, convince me that you are highly educated. In which areas do you have an expert level of knowledge?

Why am I asking this? As highly educated person you should understand what I want to tell you and it will answer your opening question.
Actually, i hate to brag but you asked. I have got a first class honours degree from the UK thank you very much. And compared to someone who has barely gotten through college, yes i consider myself of slightly higher intellect.Not in many aspects of life, but i hope my degree speaks something about my level of ambition. And with this level of ambition i hope to become that highly educated professional one day.
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sbj
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(Original post by Snugglebunny)
Actually, i hate to brag but you asked. I have got a first class honours degree from the UK thank you very much. And compared to someone who has barely gotten through college, yes i consider myself of slightly higher intellect.Not in many aspects of life, but i hope my degree speaks something about my level of ambition. And with this level of ambition i hope to become that highly educated professional one day.
Miss highly educated,

you didn't answer my question. I asked you in which areas you have an expert level of knowledge. Maybe you should think about again what highly educated means.

Having a degree of your studies tells nothing about your intellect because this is what you study. The important part is outside of your studies you have knowledge about and then you can call yourself highly educated.
Your first class honours degree isn't impressive, 15% reach it.

Your intellect is normal, nothing above average.

But yes, you have a higher intellect than your boyfriend and your level of ambitions are different. There I agree with you. But you are putting yourself in a position which makes you look down on people. The problem is, if you loved your boyfriend, you wouldn't do this to him. No matter what kind of intellects you have. The problem is you. You already know that you can't be thoroughly happy with this guy and you search for reasons why it won't work.

Stop thinking that you are highly educated, you are not, and tell the truth about your feelings and thoughts to your boyfriend.
Wish him the best in his life and move on.
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Snugglebunny
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(Original post by TarnyGee)
It depends on the aim of your relationship. Are you just having fun or is it for marriage, long term, kids etc. if it's for the latter, I'd say the MAJORITY don't work. The issues will manifest later. Say with kids, my kid isn't allowed to do an arts degree. They do an undergrad like maths, science, medicine, engineering... Then they can pic You need to understand that mind sets can NEVER really be changed. And you might not be at the same level. But that's my two cents.
I am serious about him and i am thinking about the future, which is why i'm curious about this in the first place. For now i am content with him doing what he is doing but i really hope that he will aim for something more, because i feel like he has a lot of potential.I agree with everything you've said btw.
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Snugglebunny
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#26
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(Original post by sbj)
Miss highly educated,

you didn't answer my question. I asked you in which areas you have an expert level of knowledge. Maybe you should think about again what highly educated means.

Having a degree of your studies tells nothing about your intellect because this is what you study. The important part is outside of your studies you have knowledge about and then you can call yourself highly educated.
Your first class honours degree isn't impressive, 15% reach it.

Your intellect is normal, nothing above average.

But yes, you have a higher intellect than your boyfriend and your level of ambitions are different. There I agree with you. But you are putting yourself in a position which makes you look down on people. The problem is, if you loved your boyfriend, you wouldn't do this to him. No matter what kind of intellects you have. The problem is you. You already know that you can't be thoroughly happy with this guy and you search for reasons why it won't work.

Stop thinking that you are highly educated, you are not, and tell the truth about feelings and thoughts to your boyfriend.
Wish him the best in his life and move on.
I think my mistake here is the way i phrased the title. Have you actually read the post? my concern is in the fact that he is not understanding my demanding schedule, accusing me of cheating constantly when i'm in fact studying. That's the problem. And someone who cant grasp the concept that med school is difficult....well what can i say, they probably haven't done much studying in their life.
I am not a snob and i don't look down on people. A bit of empathy and understanding from his behalf is all i wanted
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effofex
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(Original post by Snugglebunny)
My bf and I have very different goals and aspirations career wise. I am in my first year of uni as a dental student and he is currently a waiter, at formal events e.g weddings etc. He has no plans of changing this, he is happy to do this forever. We're both the same age and recently my uni work load has increased so much i am constantly studying, stressing and trying to finish all the work i have on time. And like any other student i find it very helpful when i study with someone else or in a group and i've done this twice (studied with a girl colleague) . So this evening we got into a big argument about this, he said i'm cheating on him when i go over there to the halls, and that i'm pretending to have so much work. So i said to him 'Don't compare your studies of balancing 3 plates on your hand with my studies in dentistry' ....i know this is harsh but i was so furious, i've had enough of him calling me a liar all the time and thinking that uni is so easy. And im not talking about UK uni, ive already finished a degree in the Uk. Im studying abroad which i have to say is much much harder, we get tons of homework all the time. We get told on Monday that we need to learn ALL the muscles of the body for the following day , literally it's that intense, i don't even have time to pee!
Was i unfair for saying this to him?

I know i should apologize but i just don't feel like it right now, he thinks i'm learning poems at uni.
In 20 years time in the Western world (and possibly in China) women under the age of 45 are likely to on average have higher-salaried jobs than their male counterparts.

So supposing you want to maintain your relationships in a way that your ancestors did, I expect you will have to find a way for this to work.
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sbj
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(Original post by Snugglebunny)
I think my mistake here is the way i phrased the title. Have you actually read the post? my concern is in the fact that he is not understanding my demanding schedule, accusing me of cheating constantly when i'm in fact studying. That's the problem. And someone who cant grasp the concept that med school is difficult....well what can i say, they probably haven't done much studying in their life.
I am not a snob and i don't look down on people. A bit of empathy and understanding from his behalf is all i wanted
Alright.
Why didn't you ask him why you should cheat and stay with him? It makes no sense. If he is a loser (according to you) why would you lie to him and cheat instead of stuyding? You can easily walk away but you stay with him.
And then ask him what he wants you to do so he believes you. Ask him how can you be together when you don't trust each other.

Does he love you really? Do you love him? Maybe he smells that you look down on him and so he searches a way to handle this situation.
How old are you? Aren't you old enough to make things clear?
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ChaoticButterfly
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(Original post by kunoichi)
I think relationships work best if both people are relatively equal in intellect.

I'll also point out many people working in minimum wage jobs are very intelligent and that you don't necessarily have to have the same level of job to be on the same mental level as someone else.
This.
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DLau88
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Yes it would.I prefer dumb girls that just love sex,laugh at all my ****y jokes and support my dreams and aspirations in life.
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Zarek
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Perhaps your paths are divergent and it's time to part ways. Only you can decide.
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Blobar
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It's been a couple months since you started dental school, chill the **** out, either you're over exaggerating massively which I think you are or you simply can't handle it in which case quit.
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inachigeek21
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No, I don't think so.
Sorry.
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Snugglebunny
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#34
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#34
(Original post by Blobar)
It's been a couple months since you started dental school, chill the **** out, either you're over exaggerating massively which I think you are or you simply can't handle it in which case quit.
You clearly didn't pay attention to what i wrote, i explained that it's not a Uk uni, which is easy compared to where im studying at the moment, Uk uni doesn't care if you do your work or not, you don't get tested on a daily basis, in the UK you get few coursework pieces and then exams, i know this because i finished uni in the Uk with a first class. Here you get asked every day to present what you studied the previous class and the grades accumulate. Its 8am till 4pm every day. And This course is very intense. The workload doesn't even compare. And even if i am finding it difficult at the moment doesn't mean i should quit, i have a stronger character than that, i didn't try this hard and wait this long to get the place to quit. If you're the type of person to quit when the going gets tough that's too bad, but stop trying to discourage others just because you're a quitter.
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Viceroy
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His reaction to you studying a lot might be him trying to compensate for feeling insecure about not pursuing higher education. You could try having a calm discussion with him about where his feelings are coming from (provided he can trust you enough to know that you're not cheating on him, but are actually studying). If he can't trust you though, it might be better for you to move on.
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DorianGrayism
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(Original post by Snugglebunny)
My bf and I have very different goals and aspirations career wise. I am in my first year of uni as a dental student and he is currently a waiter, at formal events e.g weddings etc. He has no plans of changing this, he is happy to do this forever. We're both the same age and recently my uni work load has increased so much i am constantly studying, stressing and trying to finish all the work i have on time. And like any other student i find it very helpful when i study with someone else or in a group and i've done this twice (studied with a girl colleague) . So this evening we got into a big argument about this, he said i'm cheating on him when i go over there to the halls, and that i'm pretending to have so much work. So i said to him 'Don't compare your studies of balancing 3 plates on your hand with my studies in dentistry' ....i know this is harsh but i was so furious, i've had enough of him calling me a liar all the time and thinking that uni is so easy. And im not talking about UK uni, ive already finished a degree in the Uk. Im studying abroad which i have to say is much much harder, we get tons of homework all the time. We get told on Monday that we need to learn ALL the muscles of the body for the following day , literally it's that intense, i don't even have time to pee!
Was i unfair for saying this to him?

I know i should apologize but i just don't feel like it right now, he thinks i'm learning poems at uni.
I don't know why you have to apologise. He is a moron.

From personal experience, many guys do not like it if their other half is more intelligent than them.
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Eva.Gregoria
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From personal experience and observation of familial relationships, it seems not. Someone that lacks ambition is quite unattractive and would be a deal breaker in most successful people.

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DorianGrayism
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(Original post by Snugglebunny)
You clearly didn't pay attention to what i wrote, i explained that it's not a Uk uni, which is easy compared to where im studying at the moment, Uk uni doesn't care if you do your work or not, you don't get tested on a daily basis, in the UK you get few coursework pieces and then exams, i know this because i finished uni in the Uk with a first class.
So. Which degree did you do beforehand.
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pickup
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Of course it will be difficult for him to understand what you have to do for your course if it's outside his range of experience. I do think it's possible for relationships which appear to be unequal from outside , to work but only if there is mutual respect for the other's opinions.

It isn't important that one wants to have a well paid job and the other doesn't. Plenty of well paid jobs are not as rewarding or valuable to society as poorly paid jobs, or unpaid jobs, for that matter.

What is worrying about this relationship is his refusal to listen and understand, his jealousy, his disregard for your well being etc.

It is very important that you have a supportive partner in life and it doesn't look as though he is going to be that man for you if at this early stage he is already complaining. What will happen when you have to cope with family emergencies? What will happen when you have to go to a conference ?
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Snugglebunny
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#40
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(Original post by DorianGrayism)
So. Which degree did you do beforehand.
It was a Biomedical science degree with honours
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