My "one night stand" is behaving like a fool. What's his problem? Watch

Musie Suzie
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#21
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#21
Maybe he likes you and thought it was mutual while you were continuing to talk lots, got worried about how to proceed so went quiet, and now that you seem to have made it clear you only want to remain friends he's withdrawn again. He might have attached more to the sex than you did, particularly as he isn't usually one for casual sex.

How do you feel about him? Do you really just want to be friends?

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Anonymous #1
#22
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#22
(Original post by Musie Suzie)
Maybe he likes you and thought it was mutual while you were continuing to talk lots, got worried about how to proceed so went quiet, and now that you seem to have made it clear you only want to remain friends he's withdrawn again. He might have attached more to the sex than you did, particularly as he isn't usually one for casual sex.

How do you feel about him? Do you really just want to be friends?

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Hey Suzie, I thought there was a small possibility that this was the case at the time. But on the other hand, I think the greater likelihood is that he wants to make it clear that he doesn't want to take it further and is making sure I know this in no uncertain terms by leaving me out of group activities completely.

The worst part? He has taken to messaging my close female friend on a semi-regular basis. He knows that we are very close so I think this is very strange and possibly a bit shady. Honestly, I did develop some feelings for him but those diminished more as he ignored me/I have found it rude. I now feel very anxious that he is making a play for my friend/about how that might develop.
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yo radical one
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#23
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#23
He doesn't do it often and has started to like you.


Is it really that hard to see?
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Anonymous #1
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#24
(Original post by yo radical one)
He doesn't do it often and has started to like you.


Is it really that hard to see?
Yes!

He has invited all of my friends out and excluded me. Over the past week he has been messaging my flatmate and inviting her out (albeit with other people), again without asking me. This is definitely making me think he likes her. If so very shady.

yo radical one, what part of this situation actually makes you think he likes me in any way??
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WiFi
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#25
(Original post by Tom78)
Seems a bit beta..
pardon my ignorance.. but what does that mean? I've read it couple of times around here but never figured it out ;/
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WiFi
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#26
(Original post by Anonymous)
what part of this situation actually makes you think he likes me in any way??
Read what everyone said to you! I completely agree with them.
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Anonymous #1
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#27
(Original post by WiFi)
Read what everyone said to you! I completely agree with them.
But you guys are seeing the part/s about him arranging events and leaving me out right? How could anyone possibly think this meant he liked me?
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llys
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#28
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I don't think he likes her. I also considered that, but it does not make sense to me. If he liked her, he might indeed be awkward about it which could lead to misunderstandings, but 1) he would have actively tried to be friends when she offered (in the hope of taking it further). This would have nipped the awkwardness pretty soon, because OP doesn't sound awkward to be around / seems a quite chatty / open person. And more importantly, 2) he would not want to actively hurt her. He must be aware that excluding her is hurting her, yet he does it quite openly.

There are several possibilities (religious hypocrisy is one of them), but I think the simplest explanation may be this: he wants to date her friend, and wants to make it very obvious (for her friend's benefit) that he has absolutely no feelings for OP. OP, maybe he even already liked your friend before and so considers the ONS a huge mistake, for which he partly blames you (as he "normally doesn't do them")?

(Original post by Anonymous)
Over the past week he has been messaging my flatmate and inviting her out (albeit with other people), again without asking me. This is definitely making me think he likes her. If so very shady.
I disagree a little bit here. ONS are supposed to be no strings attached, so should also not limit choice of future partners. Getting hurt over something like this sucks, but that's a risk with one-night-stands.
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unprinted
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(Original post by WiFi)
pardon my ignorance.. but what does that mean? I've read it couple of times around here but never figured it out ;/
It's idiot code for 'not as worthy a man as what I am'.
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yo radical one
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes!

He has invited all of my friends out and excluded me. Over the past week he has been messaging my flatmate and inviting her out (albeit with other people), again without asking me. This is definitely making me think he likes her. If so very shady.

yo radical one, what part of this situation actually makes you think he likes me in any way??

He is singling you out. To be honest, it sounds slightly as if you like him as well.
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Anonymous #1
#31
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#31
(Original post by llys)
I don't think he likes her. I also considered that, but it does not make sense to me. If he liked her, he might indeed be awkward about it which could lead to misunderstandings, but 1) he would have actively tried to be friends when she offered (in the hope of taking it further). This would have nipped the awkwardness pretty soon, because OP doesn't sound awkward to be around / seems a quite chatty / open person. And more importantly, 2) he would not want to actively hurt her. He must be aware that excluding her is hurting her, yet he does it quite openly.

There are several possibilities (religious hypocrisy is one of them), but I think the simplest explanation may be this: he wants to date her friend, and wants to make it very obvious (for her friend's benefit) that he has absolutely no feelings for OP. OP, maybe he even already liked your friend before and so considers the ONS a huge mistake, for which he partly blames you (as he "normally doesn't do them")?



I disagree a little bit here. ONS are supposed to be no strings attached, so should also not limit choice of future partners. Getting hurt over something like this sucks, but that's a risk with one-night-stands.
The friend that he is now contacting a lot...she asked me if I had feelings for him, to which I reluctantly admitted that I did. At this time she was actively pursuing + dating another guy.

Whenever we have been out together he has never really spoken to my friend...they are acquaintances really. So, that night when we slept together, he had offered to buy me a drink and got to know me better. We spent about 3/4 hours just talking and readily separated from the group (of which my friend was part of that night).

Is that the behaviour of a nice, decent human being, if he did like her at that time? If he blames me that's his problem. I didn't pin myself to the bed.
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