My boyfriend hates his body, but does nothing about it Watch

WeedCanKill
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#21
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#21
(Original post by Maker)
why should someone change just for you? People are not houses where you can remodel the kitchen or put up an extension.

How about if someone wanted you to change and stop going to the gym and start eating a load of junk food? Would you do it?

If you don't want a flaccid bf, find someone from the gym or put up with it.
Beat me to it. OP sounds narcissistic and shame on you all for swelling her sense of entitlement. Go find yourself a meathead who loves the gym more than he loves you, because that's what you're doing to your boyfriend right now. He deserves someone better.
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Anonymous #1
#22
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#22
(Original post by WeedCanKill)
Beat me to it. OP sounds narcissistic and shame on you all for swelling her sense of entitlement. Go find yourself a meathead who loves the gym more than he loves you, because that's what you're doing to your boyfriend right now. He deserves someone better.
What? Why does it have to be extremes? Why not a boyfriend who is just healthy and takes care of himself... Doesn't have to be some sort of meathead... Tbh I don't even like that big muscles on guys.

The whole point is he is UNHAPPY the way he is. If he had no issue and was perfectly happy then I'd be narcissistic, but he wants to change.. He just doesn't have the motivation to do so.
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WeedCanKill
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What? Why does it have to be extremes? Why not a boyfriend who is just healthy and takes care of himself... Doesn't have to be some sort of meathead... Tbh I don't even like that big muscles on guys.

The whole point is he is UNHAPPY the way he is. If he had no issue and was perfectly happy then I'd be narcissistic, but he wants to change.. He just doesn't have the motivation to do so.
Well why are you making a big deal out of it? It seems like you're unhappy too because you mentioned earlier you didn't like his body like that.

Maybe it's hard to fathom but there's so much more to being human than a body.

You have a body, you are a soul.
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indigobluesss
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I can understand why it'll be so tough for him, but you should encourage him by joining him too, I think.

If the burden is shared then it'll feel lighter

Good luck
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Anonymous #1
#25
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#25
(Original post by WeedCanKill)
Well why are you making a big deal out of it? It seems like you're unhappy too because you mentioned earlier you didn't like his body like that.

Maybe it's hard to fathom but there's so much more to being human than a body.

You have a body, you are a soul.
Because it is a big deal? Yes, I don't find his body attractive, but part of that is due to his complete lack of confidence. Every single day he moans about it, promises me it'll change and comes up with some new idea about how he is going to lose weight. I've never actually directly told him I want him to lose weight, in fact I often reassure him that he's fine but he insists he isn't.

If he is unhappy, then surely that's important? I'd rather see him confident and proud than too embarrassed to take his top off in front of me or go clothes shopping.
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Anonymous #1
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#26
(Original post by R Dragon)
I can understand why it'll be so tough for him, but you should encourage him by joining him too, I think.

If the burden is shared then it'll feel lighter

Good luck
He won't . He refuses to work out in front of me. He's embarrassed. I already train 3 times a week, and know a bit when it comes to weights and lifting but he doesn't want any advice. It's like he's intimidated? Yet then he moans that I'd probably prefer a buff guy... Well it's a vicious cycle.
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indigobluesss
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He won't . He refuses to work out in front of me. He's embarrassed. I already train 3 times a week, and know a bit when it comes to weights and lifting but he doesn't want any advice. It's like he's intimidated? Yet then he moans that I'd probably prefer a buff guy... Well it's a vicious cycle.
Yeah it definitely sounds like intimidation, which is somewhat expect since you're so much better at it than him.

But this is a hurdle that he has to pass, has he considered counselling?
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WeedCanKill
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Because it is a big deal? Yes, I don't find his body attractive, but part of that is due to his complete lack of confidence. Every single day he moans about it, promises me it'll change and comes up with some new idea about how he is going to lose weight. I've never actually directly told him I want him to lose weight, in fact I often reassure him that he's fine but he insists he isn't.

If he is unhappy, then surely that's important? I'd rather see him confident and proud than too embarrassed to take his top off in front of me or go clothes shopping.
Maybe he just complains because he thinks that you feel like he is inadequate? No amount of reassuring will help this, because it cones across in this thread that you do feel like he is inadequate.

Why not just tell him the next time he moans that if he was serious then he'd do something about it. If he isn't serious, then tell him to not bother because it's not worth getting stressed about?

You are the root cause of all this.
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TheElvenQueen
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#29
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I realise this should be in fitness but needed to be anon.

Since we've been together (a year) he's been self conscious about his body (sleeps in a tshirt, doesn't take off top during sex, moans his clothes don't fit etc). He used to be overweight and managed to lose quite a lot (before we met) but he's still got a belly and has almost zero muscle tone.

Every week he says he is going to start making changes. Occasionally he will stick at a diet for a week or two, but there's always some excuse. I just don't get it. If he's unhappy why doesn't he do something? I try and be encouraging but it gets a bit pointless when he's been promising me things will change from the very beginning and if anything they're getting worse.

His diet is atrocious, he lives on ready meals and snacky crap. Or some days he won't eat at all and think that makes up for it. He doesn't exercise, and if he does go to the gym he will only do cardio. He says he wants to lose weight before he builds muscle... But neither ever happen.

I sound like a **** but I don't see how he can see me go to the gym several times a week and not realise this is what he needs to do. I feel like he's all talk and no action.
He needs to change his lifestyle (diets NEVER work in the long term) Your right he is all talk and no action and with the whole tshirt during sex that's a big problem later in the relationship :/
Some insecure guys/girls are like this hiding/avoiding there problems instead of dealing with them directly its so annoying. People need to grow up.:facepalm:
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Eboracum
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The trouble is, it's very very difficult to change ones ways. Although my Mum didn't exercise for years and then took up running in her mid 50s.

I do gym on and off, and a small bit of running on and off, it's hard when you are at uni not to eat junk food and not exercise. Although when he's working he should have no excuse and get into a routine.

If you don't want to offer an ultimatum, i'd consider joint gym sessions. I'd love that.
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holocene
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#31
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#31
(Original post by Anonymous)
Because it is a big deal? Yes, I don't find his body attractive, but part of that is due to his complete lack of confidence. Every single day he moans about it, promises me it'll change and comes up with some new idea about how he is going to lose weight. I've never actually directly told him I want him to lose weight, in fact I often reassure him that he's fine but he insists he isn't.

If he is unhappy, then surely that's important? I'd rather see him confident and proud than too embarrassed to take his top off in front of me or go clothes shopping.
His complete lack of confidence probably has a lot to do with him sensing that you find his body unattractive. People will pick up on these things - if you're constantly trying to get him to do exercise and indirectly telling him to lose weight he probably feels like ****, and saying 'no you're fine' every so often won't do much to counter that.

Honestly, I think you should drop the whole thing. You said that he's not overweight, so it's not urgent - it's more important right now that he's happy and you guys figure out your relationship than him getting toned abs. Stop trying to encourage him to exercise - it's obviously not working and it's making him feel worse, denting his confidence and therefore making you even less attracted to him. If you won't take him as he is, then leave him, because you can't be in a relationship with someone on the premise that they're going to change their body.

Figure out if you can accept him as he is, and if you can, then just drop the whole issue. Next time he brings it up, tell him that you think he should drop it too, because putting the pressure on himself is making him miserable. It might even work as reverse psychology.
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