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Was I wrong to get angry at my girlfriend? watch

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    My first was horrible, she would twist every single word I say so she can take it as offence then try and guilt trip me.

    It's what very insecure girls use as an approval mechanism. You can't fix these girls and they'll drain all of your masculine/life energy if you give them time of day.

    Be a man and kick her to the curb.

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    (Original post by carlaraptor)
    How long have you been together, out of interest?

    I think it is important to miss each other, because it keeps the excitement in the relationship. When you miss someone, you appreciate them all the more when you do get to see them.

    Most people don't choose to live together until they've been together for a significant amount of time - living together/spending that amount of time together really changes the dynamic of a relationship. It can make or break a relationship. When I was dating my ex for a year, we were really, really in love. We missed each other terribly between seeing each other (even though we saw each other at least a few days a week) and we were really serious about each other. We moved in together, and for a while it was brilliant - we got to see each other all the time. But that brought issues to the fore that we hadn't really noticed as much before, and if they're not dealt with properly, they fester and get worse.

    When you spend that amount of time with each other and have made a commitment like that... you need to be open, honest and respectful to each other.

    From what you've said, your girlfriend isn't being particularly respectful to you. It doesn't sound like you spend all this time together because you can't bear to be apart - it sounds like it's either out of habit, or because she basically pressures you into it (though I apologise if that's not the case/I'm assuming too much).

    I'm not saying you should break up with her or anything, but maybe try and cool down the amount of communication a little and see how it goes. Try and get a conversation going and see what her feelings are - I suspect she might be a bit insecure, and needs some reassurance... but she needs to realise she can't control you/constantly communicate whenever she wants.

    I see my boyfriend a few times a week, but appreciate the time we're apart a) because we're both busy/have things to do and b) I get to miss him!
    We've been together for 9 months, pretty much like the way things have been, in a way it is exhausting as I'm either there or at work and even when finally at home it's Skype, it may sound bad and something she still doesn't know is sometimes I say I'm not home when I am just to get some time to myself for a bit, but can never last long before she gets suspicious.. It makes me feel kinda guilty but I never know who to blame for doing it as I know it's untrustworthy and could hurt her

    Everything you said is accurate and makes sense, she's had a few bad relationships with cheating guys so it sort of makes sense why she's like this (unless she was always like this.) We argue a few times a week mainly because she says I don't listen but it's because my memory is terrible and she can't seem to tell difference.

    As said this is my first physical relationship so I'm not sure how common these things are but I know when explained to people online they say to break up (similar to responses on here I've noticed!)

    Thanks a lot for the post!

    (Probably sound really English thanking so much but I do appreciate receiving opinions)


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    (Original post by BabyChow)
    Tbh im like this.
    You mean you're similar to her or in the same position as me?

    It'd be interesting to get an insight on what it's like as I've been trying to accept that it's who she is but difficult to adjust too after being 'carefree' so long.


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    I would tell her how its making you feel, my boyfriend and I were LD for a year and a half and we skyped everyday but for an hour at most. The only times we done it for most the day was if one of us needed some comfort, we missed one another unbearably or we just wanted to 'spend a day together'.
    It made us appreciate the time we spent together on Skype, and together physically too.

    I say tell her how you feel because right at the start we skyped for hours, but it got very exhausting especially when we had work to do or had just come back from a long day and wanted time to ourselves for a bit. It doesn't mean you love her any less if you don't want to do it all day, completely understandable

    Edit: I've just noticed you see her 4 times a week? And she still wants to Skype everyday? Space is important so you can still be an individual in a relationship. Just because you're together you still need time to do things by yourself

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    Welcome Squad
    (Original post by Lucarious30)
    Thanks for the advice guys, really taking it in

    Also back to the quote above, why is it bad to spend so much time together?

    I'm not complaining cause sometimes I do feel smothered but is it really that important to miss each other? Surely if you lived with someone you'd be spending all your time with them?

    May be stupid questions but I'm just interested about how these things work!



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    To the sentence I bolded - no, not necessarily. My boyfriend and I live together, but we certainly don't spend all our time together, not even when we're both at home. We have our own hobbies and interests, and there are days when we may actually only interact with the other for half an hour or so. We need our own space, time to chill and just be ourselves. The fact that you sometimes feel smothered means that you need your own space as well.

    I recommend having a chat with her about how you feel and reach an agreement that if you're on Skype, you can go to the bathroom or grab some food whenever you need to/want to, without her permission, and that this does not mean the relationship is suffering some serious breakdown. You certainly don't need to be Skyping all the time, either. Relationships need to work for both parties involved.
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    (Original post by Lucarious30)
    You mean you're similar to her or in the same position as me?

    It'd be interesting to get an insight on what it's like as I've been trying to accept that it's who she is but difficult to adjust too after being 'carefree' so long.


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    As in I am similar to her. My boyf has just learnt to accept it and to be honest he is pretty controlling too so we kind of tolerate each other. I think it takes adjusting to!
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    Skyping everyday seems really over the top, without even considering the rest of this
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    It sounds like she has some serious mental health issues.
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    you see her everyday and she still feels the need for you to skype everyday? that's a bit too much imo. and I say that even though I know a guy who's ex-girlfriend had him call her 5 times a day everyday.

    I will never get how someone can be in such relationships, yeah I get it you love them but don't you need some space and alone time? It would've drove me crazy.
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    Wow, she's super clingy. You need to be able to do your own thing sometimes, miss each other and let the heart grow fonder. Being smothered kills the relationship, and a lack of trust and space will end in disaster
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    (Original post by Lucarious30)

    Also back to the quote above, why is it bad to spend so much time together?

    Surely if you lived with someone you'd be spending all your time with them?
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    I think it's important you get some distance between each other because speaking to eachother so often is probably gonna make you take each other for granted. Look at this way, if you were living together you'd be naturally seeing your gf all the time as part of your daily routine. But since your apart it's different because you're constantly having to stop doing the things you need to do for yourself because you're always on Skype to her. I mean it's really good that you have regular contact but if you tone it down a bit it's healthier in the long term, although she may get angry/upset at first. At the end of the day you've got your own life to live aswell and it's unfair that your obliged to Skype her everyday.
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    (Original post by Lucarious30)
    We live quite close and see each other 4 times a week so not really a LDR, but she can be super childish and immature. Honestly I probably would of ran by now if it wasn't that she was my first so it's all the "I gotta make it work" feels.

    Admittedly I can be clingy and jealous too but never restrict someone on if they need to go out or use the bathroom..
    I just don't know how to deal with this!


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    Erm no, if its not working (and it clearly isnt if you need permission to go for a piss) its not working regardless if she is your first or twenty first.

    (Original post by Lucarious30)
    Also back to the quote above, why is it bad to spend so much time together?

    I'm not complaining cause sometimes I do feel smothered but is it really that important to miss each other? Surely if you lived with someone you'd be spending all your time with them?

    May be stupid questions but I'm just interested about how these things work!
    It's not wrong per se, short of abuse (and this is controlling behaviour which can be catagorised as abuse) then there are no set ground rules for a relationship interaction. Myuself and my gf message each other constantly unless im at work or college or asleep or out and about. THats fine as its mutually consentual and both of us are happy to do so. However being told you cant go to the toilet is not right. And when one partner is uncomfortable or unhappy or pressured that is NOT right. Relationships should not be about that.

    Oh and people who live together should also take time away from each other. Do things as a couple yes but also have your own hobbies away from that person and vice versa. Living in each others pockets all the time will drive you mad - well it would me anyway.

    (Original post by BabyChow)
    Tbh im like this.
    childish, controlling and immature? Dont you think you should do something about that?


    (Original post by carlaraptor)

    Most people don't choose to live together until they've been together for a significant amount of time - living together/spending that amount of time together really changes the dynamic of a relationship. It can make or break a relationship. When I was dating my ex for a year, we were really, really in love. We missed each other terribly between seeing each other (even though we saw each other at least a few days a week) and we were really serious about each other. We moved in together, and for a while it was brilliant - we got to see each other all the time. But that brought issues to the fore that we hadn't really noticed as much before, and if they're not dealt with properly, they fester and get worse.
    Same with my ex and I, went out for four years and moved intogether for four. And we didnt confront issues when they arose, just sat and stewed in the emotional filth. Till it bult up up up and then imploded.
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    Ruuuunn


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    (Original post by silverbolt)


    childish, controlling and immature? Dont you think you should do something about that?.
    No.
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    (Original post by Lucarious30)
    Also back to the quote above, why is it bad to spend so much time together?

    I'm not complaining cause sometimes I do feel smothered but is it really that important to miss each other? Surely if you lived with someone you'd be spending all your time with them?

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    Yes! Are you kidding me, I couldn't do that. You're a great boyfriend.

    I would say Skype maximum twice a week and phone calls or texts the other days. Both of you need your space and she needs to stop being so dependable. Even if you lived close, you shouldn't be spending that much time because that would be consuming your life. How do you have time to do other activities and see friends being attached at the hip?
    My ex lived in the flat underneath mine and we only saw each other 3 times a week. Time alone is very important in a relationship.
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    (Original post by BabyChow)
    No.
    Good luck with that :rolleyes:
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    You must be giving her the good d if shes that clingy let me guess she knows all your passwords to your fbook etc?
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    (Original post by Bethrose13)
    Your girlfriend sounds **** crazy :eek:
    Good luck!
    This
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    She needs professional help for her trust and codependency issues.
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    At least the sex must be fantastic to take that much crazy for that long?
 
 
 
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