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How do you react to your family not knowing much about fitness? Watch

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    I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you stopped mentioning what you were doing/aiming for etc in regards to fitness these conversations would happen less often - in all honesty you come across as having a problematic relationship with food and exercise in your posts, I'm aware this isn't necessarily related to anything eating-disordered but I can see why your parents voice concerns

    it really doesn't matter what they do/don't know about fitness, my dad and his partner spout all sorts of fitness/diet related nonsense, I just laugh at them and tell them it's garbage or roll my eyes and ignore them depending how I feel that day, there's no reason for it to affect you if you're an adult with your own source of income
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you stopped mentioning what you were doing/aiming for etc in regards to fitness these conversations would happen less often - in all honesty you come across as having a problematic relationship with food and exercise in your posts, I'm aware this isn't necessarily related to anything eating-disordered but I can see why your parents voice concerns

    it really doesn't matter what they do/don't know about fitness, my dad and his partner spout all sorts of fitness/diet related nonsense, I just laugh at them and tell them it's garbage or roll my eyes and ignore them depending how I feel that day, there's no reason for it to affect you if you're an adult with your own source of income
    Doodle I value your opinion, you've known me a while; can you please elaborate?

    manchild on ESA for mental health issues
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    (Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
    True! I get told constantly I'm too thin, when in actual fact I still have plenty of flab, and a BMI mid way into the 'healthy' section. I could lose 2 stone and still be a healthy BMI (although I don't plan to). Just because I'm thinner than most doesn't mean I'm too thin. Yet when I was 20 stone nobody said a thing! Now THAT was unhealthy!!
    Amazing isn't it! I'm quite lucky to have a family who are very supportive, but the amount of people I hear of who are still overweight yet get told 'don't go losing any more weight, you'll look anorexic' is unbelievable. Yet no one would ever turn around to a fat person and say 'don't go gaining any more weight'. Double standard I will never ever understand! It's like being fat and unhealthy is just the norm.


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    (Original post by iamu)
    You don't need protein before a workout. They're right.

    but in regards to question, i deadlift and that means i have impressive fighting skills so i just fight them when they sprout their nonsense
    to elaborate: I was suggested to have a banana butty for lunch since we were out of meat. Dad said he had a banana and cranberry sandwich for lunch, 'so that's your protein sorted'. I face palmed but since I have anxiety problem this escalated into a serious argument with yelling
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    (Original post by hermitthefrog)
    Amazing isn't it! I'm quite lucky to have a family who are very supportive, but the amount of people I hear of who are still overweight yet get told 'don't go losing any more weight, you'll look anorexic' is unbelievable. Yet no one would ever turn around to a fat person and say 'don't go gaining any more weight'. Double standard I will never ever understand! It's like being fat and unhealthy is just the norm.


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    because it is these days
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    (Original post by dohdaws)
    Don't worry about it... if fitness is your thing then do it and get on with it! It sounds like you're family is supportive and there's loads of fitness advice around

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    (Original post by Angry cucumber)
    You've just posted a near exact replica of yesterdays thread
    the one which was removed? I don't know why it was removed, these issues are getting in the way of my goals; I literally have no close friends or family members into fitness on this level
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    (Original post by Vixen47)
    I call my eating disorder "my food thing" purely because my siblings can't accept that eating disorders/mental illnesses are real. When they comment on my relationship with nutrition/fitness I just say "I don't want to end up like mum when I'm older and be in and out of hospital every other month" and they go quiet. It's not the real reason to explain why I do what I do, but it's a reason that gets them to shut up.

    If you have any ill family/cousins whose illnesses can be fixed/improved by a better lifestyle then use them to justify what you're doing. Or just openly talk about things like constipation and say that you have it really bad which is why you have to eat well. If they get disgusted by that stuff they'll stop there and not take it further. I've used the constipation thing. It makes food shopping with them so much easier because I pretend I'm looking at the fibre content of foods when I'm actually comparing macros/calories.

    If you don't want to lie to them then don't react when they talk about that kind of stuff. Either ignore it or brush it off somehow. My siblings make ignorant comments about food all the time and I've learnt to ignore it because they're only saying it to sound like they know things - they don't say it because they genuinely think that they're right.
    thanks for your suggestions, but I am trying not to FULLY embrace my ED. I still want to eat well, but exercise too, just have cheat days, and focus on my social anxiety (the underlying core issue of a lifetime fuelling all the others I am almost certain).
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    (Original post by TornadoGR4)
    Fitness buff seems like an overstatement.

    Having seen a few of your threads, it's quite clear you don't have a firm grasp on reality. Be an adult. Show them you're not a kid.
    can you please elaborate on this comment my man
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    (Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
    True! I get told constantly I'm too thin, when in actual fact I still have plenty of flab, and a BMI mid way into the 'healthy' section. I could lose 2 stone and still be a healthy BMI (although I don't plan to). Just because I'm thinner than most doesn't mean I'm too thin. Yet when I was 20 stone nobody said a thing! Now THAT was unhealthy!!
    my mum's side of the family is not massively overweight, just not thin-my dad's side has been obese and is now overweight
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    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    Doodle I value your opinion, you've known me a while; can you please elaborate?

    manchild on ESA for mental health issues
    by problematic relationship I mean you seem to have an awful lot of guilt and anxiety associated with both food and exercise - most of which is totally illogical (e.g. feeling guilty for exercising in case you emasculate your dad (I think you said that once?) but also feeling anxious for not exercising in case your testosterone is affected - when both those things are to be perfectly frank, nonsensical)... you also seem to go back and forth, what you feel you must do on this particular day is what HAS to happen... you seem to also associate a lot of problems and pin them onto food/exercise e.g. your dad's happiness etc

    for someone who has been a bit disordered with eating in the past in my opinion food shouldn't really be something so associated with anxiety and you should be able to make your own choices in respect to eating... the same with exercise

    yeah I thought you were (on ESA not a manchild :P), so in practice you can pay your own gym membership, buy your own protein shakes, pay for buses to get there etc and there is no reason for your family to be involved in the slightest
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    To put my dietary issues in context, this is the current stash of Christmas sweets we have left to go through, between myself and my dad. I estimate this will take us until Easter, when we accumulate MORE chocolate :face palm:

    Entries bolded are my personal chocolates

    2 shortbread tins (1kg)
    1 biscuit tin (1kg)
    1 Quality Street tub (800g apx.)
    1 Haribo tub (800g apx.)

    2 boxes of chocolate truffles
    1 box of Celebrations
    1 box of Lint
    2 boxes of cherry chocolate (edit: 1 box, in 3 days I have gone through this, totalled apx. 500cal each so nothing really but in context)
    1 Christmas pudding
    1 Christmas cake (800g)
    1 Thorntons chocolate Santa (250g so not a big issue)
    Extra thick clotted cream

    On top of this Dad has bought
    Custard
    Squidgee malt loaf
    Mince pies
    Jam/marmalade
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    by problematic relationship I mean you seem to have an awful lot of guilt and anxiety associated with both food and exercise - most of which is totally illogical (e.g. feeling guilty for exercising in case you emasculate your dad (I think you said that once?) but also feeling anxious for not exercising in case your testosterone is affected -

    the idea is basically that low test makes you fat and impotent, which is a deal-breaker in 20s reships according to TRP (women can smell low test). I believe my dad has low test, because of how rejected he was by the family in the divorce I feel some sort of guilt about also rejecting him, so I am somewhat thinking I should be taking the penance of 'becoming like him' for my brother and sister-low test at a young age, balding, getting pudgy etc. However I believe that such things as low test and his lack of masculinity, were one of the reasons for Mum dumping him in favour of my stepdad, a 'manlier', tougher more 'laddish' guy-so to become like Dad is scary, it means risking either destroying my hopes of attracting women (or yes men, I am bi-curious) in my 20s and/or risking being divorced in my 30s. I also have a thing about developing his higher-pitched voice because apparently my lower one is quite sexy to some people including my ex.

    I don't know your opinion, on this entire thought process, but I have been paranoid about it since shortly before my ex dumped me and I would not have been nearly as worried about Superman, if I had felt it was 'OK' to have a sex drive go to the gym/not eat cake etc.


    when both those things are to be perfectly frank, nonsensical)... you also seem to go back and forth, what you feel you must do on this particular day is what HAS to happen.

    Dad has convinced me to pursue late diagnosis for co-morbid ASD with Dyspraxia and anxiety disorder, Mum believes I have Pure O..when I visited the Early Intervention Team the doctor there, seeing me for only one session, told me that he considered my beliefs, around my heart and having heart disease at 18, my 'ED', testosterone and becoming like dad, my obsessions with cheating and abusive relationships, the semi-psychotic belief that I developed on Fluoxetine for a day that I was a God, and the various superstitions I have such as of the Candyman, getting sucked into the TV, few of puppets and mannequins-Odd. Really odd for a 22 year old man. For this reason he believes I have autism, high-functioning Aspergers. My mum is reluctant for me to seek this diagnosis but Dad strongly suspects it. I don't know, what you would say towards that, given you have seen Riku at its worst.

    you seem to also associate a lot of problems and pin them onto food/exercise e.g. your dad's happiness etc


    people pleaser/I realise the main problem is social anxiety, which when a girl called me fat when I was 10, has manifested in this 'I must look like a model I must be an alpha male' mentality. The mentality which attracted my ex, and pushed her away (although as I have said many times, her religion was the main deal breaker).

    for someone who has been a bit disordered with eating in the past in my opinion food shouldn't really be something so associated with anxiety and you should be able to make your own choices in respect to eating... the same with exercise


    I don't quite understand this in reverse you see…this is typically given as ED recovery logic, that is facing 'fear foods'-junk food typically, high sugar cakes/sweets/chocolate/crisps etc., or pizza or burgers or pies or pasties or takeaways etc. The logic therefore is, if I am trying to 'improve my physique' at the expense of most other things in life, well this is the same as obsessing over losing weight mentally although not as bad physically…so in this way how can I know I am not going to the gym to mainly burn calories/build muscles etc. rather than for 'good' reasons according to ED recovery i.e. stress release, health and fitness, endorphins, goal pursuit.

    Being into the fitness industry, is in this sense entirely counterproductive, since you are supposed to feel a little'bad' after cheat day. Especially when, as atm for me with Christmas food, every day is cheat day

    Also, I have been on an online community where women are 'apparently' very judgmental of non-athletic men


    yeah I thought you were (on ESA not a manchild :P), thanks for being so sympathetic, unfortunately most of the forum do now believe Riku is a man child
    s
    o in practice you can pay your own gym membership, buy your own protein shakes, pay for buses to get there etc and there is no reason for your family to be involved in the slightest I've started to aye, main meals/learning to cook is the next issue
    quite a detailed answer above, as I have to explain various thought processes which will seem bizarre to the typical person
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    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    To put my dietary issues in context, this is the current stash of Christmas sweets we have left to go through, between myself and my dad. I estimate this will take us until Easter, when we accumulate MORE chocolate :face palm:

    Entries bolded are my personal chocolates

    2 shortbread tins (1kg)
    1 biscuit tin (1kg)
    1 Quality Street tub (800g apx.)
    1 Haribo tub (800g apx.)

    2 boxes of chocolate truffles
    1 box of Celebrations
    1 box of Lint
    2 boxes of cherry chocolate (edit: 1 box, in 3 days I have gone through this, totalled apx. 500cal each so nothing really but in context)
    1 Christmas pudding
    1 Christmas cake (800g)
    1 Thorntons chocolate Santa (250g so not a big issue)
    Extra thick clotted cream

    On top of this Dad has bought
    Custard
    Squidgee malt loaf
    Mince pies
    Jam/marmalade
    I'm still not entirely sure why this is a problem, I know it's obviously added temptation but that's always going to be a problem in a family home unless your whole family is very very healthy. I could bore you with a list of chocolate in our house after Christmas which would be a similar size, probably bigger. I'm not eating said chocolate because I don't want it, it's not going to help me achieve my goals. It's not any one else's business what I choose to eat, and likewise, it's not my business what anyone else in my family chooses to eat. If I find the chocolate a temptation that's getting in the way of my healthy lifestyle, that's my problem, no one else's.


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    (Original post by hermitthefrog)
    I'm still not entirely sure why this is a problem, I know it's obviously added temptation but that's always going to be a problem in a family home unless your whole family is very very healthy. I could bore you with a list of chocolate in our house after Christmas which would be a similar size, probably bigger. I'm not eating said chocolate because I don't want it, it's not going to help me achieve my goals. It's not any one else's business what I choose to eat, and likewise, it's not my business what anyone else in my family chooses to eat. If I find the chocolate a temptation that's getting in the way of my healthy lifestyle, that's my problem, no one else's.


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    you're saying this is a normal Christmas stash for people outside the BB community? I knew there'd be chocolate but seems a lot
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    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    Changed your name?

    Psychologically it must be apparent by now that I am not an adult
    Yeah, d'ya think it suits me?

    That's because you don't try to be
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    (Original post by CatnipGlows)
    Yeah, d'ya think it suits me?

    That's because you don't try to be
    I do try I just have several self-limiting beliefs which no-one on TSR is going to eradicate in a single thread...
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    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    I do try I just have several self-limiting beliefs which no-one on TSR is going to eradicate in a single thread...

    No one on TSR will eradicate them ever. Only you can help yourself honey
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    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    quite a detailed answer above, as I have to explain various thought processes which will seem bizarre to the typical person
    okay well it doesn't seem totally bizarre to me, I never held the same specific beliefs but I've dealt with fairly severe mental illness myself so I know that something which appears totally random and illogical can take over and how hard it is to challenge those beliefs

    I don't know what to say in terms of the low test fears... you know my opinion that at some point you just have to go and start living your life and keep telling yourself that it will make no difference to anyone else whether you eat protein or carbs, work out or don't etc... your dad, in practice, couldn't care less what your testosterone level is so in reality it doesn't matter, it's just hard to let go of when it's potentially been an obsession to distract you from dealing with other things (e.g. divorce) and put them in your control and now it's been an obsession so long it's going to be hard to break (idk if that's right but just throwing ideas out)


    Dad has convinced me to pursue late diagnosis for co-morbid ASD with Dyspraxia and anxiety disorder, Mum believes I have Pure O..when I visited the Early Intervention Team the doctor there, seeing me for only one session, told me that he considered my beliefs, around my heart and having heart disease at 18, my 'ED', testosterone and becoming like dad, my obsessions with cheating and abusive relationships, the semi-psychotic belief that I developed on Fluoxetine for a day that I was a God, and the various superstitions I have such as of the Candyman, getting sucked into the TV, few of puppets and mannequins-Odd. Really odd for a 22 year old man. For this reason he believes I have autism, high-functioning Aspergers. My mum is reluctant for me to seek this diagnosis but Dad strongly suspects it. I don't know, what you would say towards that, given you have seen Riku at its worst.

    I don't know what I would say in terms of pure O and ASD... I think your symptoms could indicate an autistic spectrum disorder (from my experience of working with those on the spectrum) but they could easily be explained by mental health difficulties (pure O, social anxiety...) so it's probably best to trust your doctor on this, you can always seek a couple of opinions if you wanted

    you know by the way you approach it... for example, yesterday I had planned to do hill sprints, I don't generally 'train' properly in this way as I hate high intensity work but I'm training for something specific so I planned it... however I took one look at the weather and stayed in and watched TV and ate pizza, I believe my attitude to fitness is fairly healthy mentally because I don't need to do anything, I like working out so I do it regularly but I will never force myself if I don't feel like it, I don't feel any worse going into work/having sex etc if I skip a work out, I don't feel working out affects the way I choose to eat.... just in the same way I like drawing, I try and do i regularly but if things get in the way that's okay

    that's just christmas, this time of year sucks with new years diets etc... you'll be back to 'normal' eating soon and there's nothing wrong with splashing out a bit at christmas!
 
 
 
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