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Need advice – girlfriend has too untoned body... watch

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    going to go further to my earlier posts..

    The tricky bit for the OP now, is deciding what to do. and that is made difficult by the fact that it is a new relationship, and most new relationships cant survive critisism/ real honesty etc.

    But as an ovearching point about relationships as a whole, one thing I would stress is how important honest communication is to a lasting relationship.

    I am posting this, probably as a person a bit older then the average user, and also married. and I cant stress enough how essential honest comunication is in a relationship.

    You really really need to foster a comfortable and safe enviroment within a relationship where you know that your partner loves you, even if they may mention negative things about you.

    There are far to many relationships, especially young ones, that end because a resentment grows within one or both sides, due to a lack of communication.. People like the op, who have something on their mind about their partner.. who dont vocalise it, but instead ignore it, or tell themselves it does not matter. That negative impression then grows, and a while down the line that person is really resenting their partner, due to a trait or characteristic or action which they were never honest enough to deal with them about.. that resentment can lead to the passive agressive, attacking and 'silent hate' that you see grow in relationships, and eventually could lead to the relationship deteriorating, and ending.

    So I would encorage everyone to be less judgemental when a boy (in this case) or a girl, says a negative opinion about their partner.. and instead encorage them to deal with it as a couple in an open, honest, and trusting manner.

    (Ofcourse in the OPs case, its probably to early on in the relationship to do this)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Obviously if you've took to talking about her on here instead of speaking to her properly she obviously deserves someone better than you. If she ever wants to tone up, she should do it for herself not for you.
    PRSOM. Couldn't agree more.
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    You're an adonis, an incarnation of masculine beauty, totally ripped then, are you? I think not.

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    (Original post by Apolllo)
    I have bran new girlfriend. She has great personality, priceless sense of humor and everything else like that I can dream of. I love to be with her and do things together. Her face is to die for and she seems to have good body also when she is dressed. But yesterday we were first time together in bed. I was disappointed how untoned her body is. I knew that she is not a fitness queen and wasn’t expecting for six-pack. But I didn’t expect that complete softness on her belly and everywhere else on her body and these dimples on her thighs also. She literally don’t have any tone anywhere on her body! Her body is like skinny-fat with same extra 15 pounds of softness. It’s kinda turn-off for me. I want to feel and see at least same definition on girl. This girl is wonderful in every else meaning. So I don’t want to break up with her for this one reason only. But I want her to have more toned body. What can I do for it? What is the best way how to goad her to tone up at least a bit?
    I hope she dumps you
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    No one needs someone else in their life unhappy or judging their body, we're all very adept at doing that ourselves! If you're unhappy then maybe think about why you care so much, do you have your own insecurities? If she's a great girl like you say, and is happy and healthy I don't see an issue. It is absolutely unacceptable to try and change her, but you can still help yourself.
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    You are being completely reasonable. Just ask. I would and do make changes for my partner
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    (Original post by anaasks)
    wow okay. So I'm gonna disregard the negative concept of this question and continue to the advice part of my answer; suggest working out together? That way you don't have to lower her self esteem by telling her directly how untoned she is, it will be fun and you get to tone up too (in case she secretly is thinking the exact same thing about you) - best constructive answer I can think of..
    I agree with this advice because it's actually constructive. You can both work out together and get amazing bodies - but at the same time, beauty isn't skin deep. You already know that as you said she had a great personality!
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    why get into a relationship and then immediately want to change the person?
    surely you were interested in her for something other than looks
    how would you feel if you went online and saw a thread made by her, asking strangers for advice on how to get you to change your physical appearance because she doesn't like it?
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    Go to the gym yourself and ask her if she wants to come, but if not then don't be a **** and mention it. If she doesn't want to tone up, then you've got no right to tell her to unless she's unhealthily overweight which I'm guessing she isn't.
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    I dont particularly like toned and hard, soft and bit of meat sounds good.
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    If you really did like her you wouldn't care, you sound like a ********.


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    "hey lets go to the gym together !"
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    mate, ok, hear me out

    either you like her & you will enjoy sex with her regardless, because you like her
    or you're only with her for her body (which is fine lol but be honest w yourself about it), and if it's not doing it for you, then go off and find someone else to bang

    i.e. i've slept with dudes who weren't calvin klein standard but daaaamn i loved it, because i liked them, and so the sex was 10/10

    but equally i've been with people who i only ever was interested in bc of their looks, and then if i later turned out to be disappointed - then tough luck, on to the next one

    if you were really into this chick then 'softness' wouldn't be an issue?
    also fyi pretty much all women have this? every woman i've been with has? idg the issue
    it's not as if all the dudes out there ever are six pack stunners :rolleyes:
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    and what are you, Brad Pitt?
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    (Original post by Apolllo)
    She has great personality, priceless sense of humor and everything else like that I can dream of. I love to be with her and do things together. Her face is to die for and she seems to have good body also when she is dressed.
    Its fairly apparent you have very little experience with relationships. I suspect you're quite young also.

    If you like spending time with her, enjoy her sense of humor and you fancy her as you have said you do then whats the problem?

    Honestly I think the best thing you can do is break up with her so she can find someone whom deserves her.
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    And are you gods gift with an impeccable body I wonder
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    Sing the 'jelly on a plate' song at her, preferably while wibbling her jiggly bits. Either she will see the funny side and you can have a frank conversation about what you do and don't like about each other's bodies, or she won't and you'll be on the market for a new girlfriend. Either way, problem solved! :wizard:
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    I know a fair few people who are a little wobbly but do a tonne of exercise and eat well, those perfect bods you see in advertising etc are very difficult to cultivate unless you want to spend your life consumed by trying to improve your body.

    I think this speaks to a wider issue - just because someone wobbles a bit doesn't mean they aren't taking care of themselves or aren't already living a healthy lifestyle. You can google to see videos for yourself of wobbly ladies lifting their own bodyweight to see that fit doesn't necessarily equal thin and toned.

    If you're mega attracted to somebody's personality, they're worth their weight (ahem) in gold.

    (NB Those dimples on her thighs and bum are cellulite and no amount of exercise will change it)
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    (Original post by qwertyking)
    I think you should break up with her - for her sake.
    Why? Is it a sin to want to change something about someone?
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    If you care about someone and love them unconditionally, you love every part of them and don't seek to change them. Also...maybe your girlfriend doesn't like your body!
 
 
 
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