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What are the new dating rules? Watch

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    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    Have you had the ' what are you looking for? ' chat to make sure you're on the same page??
    Yes, after the first date. He isn't sure what's happening with his job so doesn't know if he'll be staying in the city or going away for a few months. I told him I wasn't looking for something for just a night and that I'd be keen to get to know him even if he is going away, and he said he also wasn't just after something for a night & wanted to get to know me. The question of his going away hasn't come up again since, so I don't whether it's on the cards or not.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in my mid-20s, and going on my fourth date tonight with a boy I met on Tinder. Each time, we've been for drinks, chatted non-stop, and then kissed on leaving, at which point he's always said how much he enjoyed the date and then tried to convince me to come home with him. I don't want to, because I don't yet feel entirely comfortable with him (three sets of drinks doesn't really mean you know someone!) and because I feel he may just be after one thing.

    However, the dating rules seem to have changed and it seems now that boys (or at least boys in the country where I'm living) expect sex after the second or so date, and only after you've slept together do they begin considering taking the relationship to the next level of commitment.

    So, my question is what should I do tonight? I like this boy and would like things to develop but don't want to leap into bed with him only for him to then disappear. Should I explain to him that I don't want to sleep with him yet or will this freak him out and maybe I'm think I want to marry him first or something?

    rule no 1. don't meet people on tinder.
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    You make the rules. I think after 4 dates you should have broken the ice enough to have a good discussion about what you want and what his intentions are.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, after the first date. He isn't sure what's happening with his job so doesn't know if he'll be staying in the city or going away for a few months. I told him I wasn't looking for something for just a night and that I'd be keen to get to know him even if he is going away, and he said he also wasn't just after something for a night & wanted to get to know me. The question of his going away hasn't come up again since, so I don't whether it's on the cards or not.
    Oh OK. I think you just have to stress not wanting anything physical with him and see how he reacts.
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    First of all, a guy shouldn't even expect to have sex with you. Fullstop. Regardless of how many dates you go on. If you're questioning if a guy would properly consider you/want you if you have sex with him then run. for. the. hills.

    If it only takes sex to keep his attention on you then that is a red flag. Honestly, for me if after 3 dates a guy is already trying to take me back to his place I would never contact him again.

    Its not a new dating rule, you've just meet the wrong kind of guy.

    Tinder = Looking for Sex/ Pretending you want to date just to have sex.
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    (Original post by SophiaLDN)
    First of all, a guy shouldn't even expect to have sex with you. Fullstop. Regardless of how many dates you go on.
    Really?

    Its not reasonable to expect to after 376 meetings that you wouldn't be having sex?

    What about if you get married - can a man expect sex then?

    If not, what is the point in dating someone of the opposite sex?
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    (Original post by Quady)
    Really?

    Its not reasonable to expect to after 376 meetings that you wouldn't be having sex?

    What about if you get married - can a man expect sex then?

    If not, what is the point in dating someone of the opposite sex?
    Slight exaggeration to make a point. I'm not talking about marriage etc but the fact that he shouldn't expect you to have sex. Does a relationship only count if sex is included? These days guys think a few dates = sex. Why must you expect sex to be on the cards because you paid for a meal?
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    Balls to the rules, Get out of your head,stop thinking and start feeling, Do what you know is right. This generation, the rules..
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    (Original post by SophiaLDN)
    Slight exaggeration to make a point. I'm not talking about marriage etc but the fact that he shouldn't expect you to have sex. Does a relationship only count if sex is included? These days guys think a few dates = sex. Why must you expect sex to be on the cards because you paid for a meal?
    Why are you expecting for the guy to have paid for a meal...?

    These days girls think a few dates = sex too, you're being quite sexist to suggest this is a male thing rather than a people thing.

    No, clearly it counts if you don't. But for for people who are attracted to one another, its common and has been for several decades (since decent, readily available contraception) to see if you work sexually after a few dates, as if you don't, its probably not going to work out too well.
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    (Original post by Quady)
    Why are you expecting for the guy to have paid for a meal...?

    These days girls think a few dates = sex too, you're being quite sexist to suggest this is a male thing rather than a people thing.

    No, clearly it counts if you don't. But for for people who are attracted to one another, its common and has been for several decades (since decent, readily available contraception) to see if you work sexually after a few dates, as if you don't, its probably not going to work out too well.
    Do you really want me to say "not all men.." after every point? Use your brain please. I'm talking guys who feel like if they pay for a meal, they deserve something at the end. (Not all men, can be women too) :rolleyes:

    I think you just want to argue for no reason. OP doesn't want to have sex with the guy after 3 dates. She is going on a date with a guy, not a girl. How old are you for me to have to clarify that its (not all men) or (not all women)? Yes, women can want to have sex too, but does OP? No.

    I don't care if you're both attracted to each other, that isn't the point. OP is asking if its something new that you should have sex after a few dates. Clearly she is not comfortable with this, hence her making a topic about it. You shouldn't expect to have sex on the cards with someone just because you went on a date with them. If you do, good for you just don't cry/get angry when you're rejected if the other person doesn't feel the same way. Don't be entitled.
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    (Original post by SophiaLDN)
    Do you really want me to say "not all men.." after every point? Use your brain please. I'm talking guys who feel like if they pay for a meal, they deserve something at the end. (Not all men, can be women too) :rolleyes:

    I think you just want to argue for no reason. OP doesn't want to have sex with the guy after 3 dates. She is going on a date with a guy, not a girl. How old are you for me to have to clarify that its (not all men) or (not all women)? Yes, women can want to have sex too, but does OP? No.

    I don't care if you're both attracted to each other, that isn't the point. OP is asking if its something new that you should have sex after a few dates. Clearly she is not comfortable with this, hence her making a topic about it. You shouldn't expect to have sex on the cards with someone just because you went on a date with them. If you do, good for you just don't cry/get angry when you're rejected if the other person doesn't feel the same way. Don't be entitled.
    There wasn't a need to mention gender, full stop.

    No, but if you went on a date with someone from Tinder, its not an unreasonable expectation. Likewise if you went on a date with someone from Guardian Singles, you would reasonably expect they weren't a Telegraph reader.
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    (Original post by Quady)
    There wasn't a need to mention gender, full stop.

    No, but if you went on a date with someone from Tinder, its not an unreasonable expectation. Likewise if you went on a date with someone from Guardian Singles, you would reasonably expect they weren't a Telegraph reader.
    Well I did, as relating it to OP's dilemma. I think we are all old enough to know that personality isn't gender specific.

    If you read my first post clearly instead of rushing to jump down my throat you would see I did mention that.

    (Original post by SophiaLDN)
    Tinder = Looking for Sex/ Pretending you want to date just to have sex.
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    Girls like yourself probably shouldn't be Tinder dating OP :dontknow: Maybe try a more serious platform, or stick to guys you meet socially
 
 
 
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