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Sleeping with a guy I don't find attractive Watch

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    (Original post by Tom_Ford)
    I am pretty amazing tbh. Started from the bottom, turned out to have totally badass bodybuilding genetics. Good insertions, light frame with classic apollonian structure, ability to keep low bf.
    Wife me up, mewto :sexface:
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    Haha I always find it hilarious when people on this forum and around 6th form/uni age mince their words
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been seeing him for nearly two months, and we've just started sleeping together. But he has a bit of a belly, not muscle definition at all and is also quite self conscious. When we were dating, we'd flirt a LOT and he acted so confident. But now in bed, I can tell he is very self conscious. Will only get intimate in the dark etc.

    I enjoy his company but I don't think I'm attracted to him. I always say I think he's hot etc and it makes him happy. But I feel like I'm lying to him.

    I have said things like "We should work out together" "Let's go jogging" etc because I work out everyday at home or in the gym. I'm not fitness model, but I like to take care of my body. He used to workout too, but he let himself go after some personal problems. Don't know how to tackle this problem.

    What shall I do?
    Just dump him, you clearly are not attracted to him and his insecurities make it worse. It's not a bad thing as such just reduces both of your dating pools (you for high standards, him for being…more insecure than most guys women are attracted to, unfortunately)
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    (Original post by Gambit92)
    Where's your self respect?
    This
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Aw diddums :emo:

    I think I'll give that a go, thank you. I did mention that he's different in bed, but he just says its been a long time etc.

    He does make me happy, just doesn't sexually appeal to me at the moment. The two are mutually exclusive

    Oh please. 'I wont leave a guy just because he's let himself go.' We have talked about weight and I have said I liked toned or defined men rather than bulky steroid popping men with tiny penises.
    Yeah you keep telling yourself that mate :yes:
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    This
    LOlwat? Please explain.
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    If he had a better body would you find him attractive or is it also his face. Also why don't you just blow him instead.
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    If it's just because of his body then tell him straight up he needs to shape up, if it's also his face then just do the whole 'think we're better as friends' thing
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    Either learn to love him the way he is or dump him, imo. No point being in a relationship if you don't find your boyfriend physically attractive.
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    (Original post by Maid Marian)
    Either learn to love him the way he is or dump him, imo. No point being in a relationship if you don't find your boyfriend physically attractive.
    [Minion is sceptical]
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    Fo two people to connect with each other, they both need 3 things. Attraction, Comfort and Interest. If you don't have all 3, it's not going to work. Not telling what to do, just sharing some knowledge
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We don't see or chat to each other often as we both have pretty busy lives. But we make time for one another when we can, like once a week, and have slept together two or three times. He's getting a little better, took his top off last time. So I guess time will tell. I'm even willing to work out on Skype with him to just get the ball rolling. He has natural broad shoulders and quite a large ahem lol so I am pleased with that. It's just his physique. I liked his confidence, he was borderline arrogant but I didn't really mind it at times. He had some major surgery a few months ago which made him lose confidence and gain weight. I don't want to stop seeing him because I enjoy his company and like spending time with him.

    it's good that you make the time for each other and it sounds like there is definitely something there if you do this when you both have busy lives. I think it's just going to take a bit of time to boost his confidence back up but when it's up hopefully things will improve. Hope it all works out
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We don't see or chat to each other often as we both have pretty busy lives. But we make time for one another when we can, like once a week, and have slept together two or three times. He's getting a little better, took his top off last time. So I guess time will tell. I'm even willing to work out on Skype with him to just get the ball rolling. He has natural broad shoulders and quite a large ahem lol so I am pleased with that. It's just his physique. I liked his confidence, he was borderline arrogant but I didn't really mind it at times. He had some major surgery a few months ago which made him lose confidence and gain weight. I don't want to stop seeing him because I enjoy his company and like spending time with him.
    So you enjoy spending time with him and like his company, but you aren't sexually attracted to him. That's almost a perfect definition of the word 'friend'.

    I'd stop sleeping with him.

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    He kept his top on during sex? Wow.

    Even if you think you have an ugly body, being that insecure about it makes it 10x worse.
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    (Original post by Oliver.Bates)
    So you enjoy spending time with him and like his company, but you aren't sexually attracted to him. That's almost a perfect definition of the word 'friend'.

    I'd stop sleeping with him.

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    We do have moments in bed when it's amazing. I've only slept with him 3 times.

    (Original post by robynofficer97)
    it's good that you make the time for each other and it sounds like there is definitely something there if you do this when you both have busy lives. I think it's just going to take a bit of time to boost his confidence back up but when it's up hopefully things will improve. Hope it all works out
    Thanks. I hope it does too.
    (Original post by Maid Marian)
    Either learn to love him the way he is or dump him, imo. No point being in a relationship if you don't find your boyfriend physically attractive.
    He's not my boyfriend yet, we've just been dating for 2 months.

    (Original post by Guy Secretan)
    If he had a better body would you find him attractive or is it also his face. Also why don't you just blow him instead.
    He had facial surgery and has early signs of hair loss. I do feel bad for him, but I am not going out with him out of pity. I even have bought some make up to cover the scarring which helps his confidence loads, he's not insecure about it with me anymore, we even laugh about it, when I am reapplying my lipstick, I sometimes say if he wants to put someone too etc. We have nothing in common but really like each other's company.

    And, oh I have.

    (Original post by MinionMogul)
    Just dump him, you clearly think he needs friendzoning because he doesn't lift and the insecurity dries you up like the Sahara desert. Be honest and in future tell him you want a MAN not a side *****. Stop pandering to his precious feelings he won't benefit from.it, you clearly lost respect for him.the moment he let his **** shield.down in the bedroom.

    This may seem harsh, but no point being sensitive to vulnerable men if you can't deal with his 'personal problems' It's not a bad thing as such just reduces both of your dating pools (you for high standards, him for being a lil *****)
    lol. Beautifully put :rolleyes:

    (Original post by MinionMogul)
    Haha I always find it hilarious when girls on this forum and around 6th form/uni age mince their words big time to.say 'wanna friendzone this bub because he doesn't lift and basically he's a lil insecure ***** who I don't respect anymore'. Like Tom.Ford said, the lengths some.girls.will.go to.to pretend they're not being shallow/want real.men.not skinnyfat sadsacks
    If I was shallow, I wouldn't have said yes when he asked me out. And :fyi: I'm actually doing a Masters in Sciences.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We do have moments in bed when it's amazing. I've only slept with him 3 times.



    Thanks. I hope it does too.


    He's not my boyfriend yet, we've just been dating for 2 months.



    He had facial surgery and has early signs of hair loss. I do feel bad for him, but I am not going out with him out of pity. I even have bought some make up to cover the scarring which helps his confidence loads, he's not insecure about it with me anymore, we even laugh about it, when I am reapplying my lipstick, I sometimes say if he wants to put someone too etc. We have nothing in common but really like each other's company.

    And, oh I have.



    lol. Beautifully put :rolleyes:



    If I was shallow, I wouldn't have said yes when he asked me out. And :fyi: I'm actually doing a Masters in Sciences.
    Does he have a receding hairline. What so you don't think he is good looking either (as well as his body) also good for you regarding the blow. I don't really know what to suggest as I don't understand why you agreed to be with him if you knew you didn't find him attractive.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We do have moments in bed when it's amazing. I've only slept with him 3 times.



    Thanks. I hope it does too.


    He's not my boyfriend yet, we've just been dating for 2 months.



    He had facial surgery and has early signs of hair loss. I do feel bad for him, but I am not going out with him out of pity. I even have bought some make up to cover the scarring which helps his confidence loads, he's not insecure about it with me anymore, we even laugh about it, when I am reapplying my lipstick, I sometimes say if he wants to put someone too etc. We have nothing in common but really like each other's company.

    And, oh I have.



    lol. Beautifully put :rolleyes:



    If I was shallow, I wouldn't have said yes when he asked me out. And :fyi: I'm actually doing a Masters in Sciences.
    That makes it worse. You're older. You're smart.

    You have high standards, you struggle to deal with men having problems too. It doesn't make you a bad person, I'm sick of women beating around the bush about it though and rationalising it's anything less than that. Makes it so much harder to believe you even respect them.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We don't see or chat to each other often as we both have pretty busy lives. But we make time for one another when we can, like once a week, and have slept together two or three times. He's getting a little better, took his top off last time. So I guess time will tell. I'm even willing to work out on Skype with him to just get the ball rolling. He has natural broad shoulders and quite a large ahem lol so I am pleased with that. It's just his physique. I liked his confidence, he was borderline arrogant but I didn't really mind it at times. He had some major surgery a few months ago which made him lose confidence and gain weight. I don't want to stop seeing him because I enjoy his company and like spending time with him.
    How many inches doh?
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    (Original post by Tom_Ford)
    Tbh if i was the guy and knew this i'd dump her ass in a second. Hermit myself for as long as it takes to become a sick shredded slaying machine. Then **** hotter girls and rub it in her face.
    this srs, lol just lol @ any man who ever lets himself get above 12% bf, low bf = shredded and facial aesthetics
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    When you first start having sex with someone - they are nervous at first but the more times you sleep with someone then the more you grow confident and you do trust that person more so are willing to be yourself more. Tbh, I'm exactly the same lol. It's just cause you don't know each other that well...

    I wouldn't say you wasn't attracted to him because I do actually think you are. You said you love his confidence and arrogance so you are attracted to his personality at least. I would keep trying to suggest to hm about gym etc. but perhaps he feels anxious after the surgery so something like that makes him feel out of place? It's a lot different for a man to go to the gym etc. then a woman. More expectations tbh etc. if it is really bothering you that much after a few weeks or so - then I would end it with him. It's not fair to lead him on and think there is something there when you don't think that.



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