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please help- 21yo virgin need advice finding a woman that appreciates him watch


    (Original post by averagenerdykid)
    Hi everyone, I know the internet is full of people with similar problems to mine but I was looking for some specific advice for me as a lot of the advice isn't particularly useful (general be yourself stuff).
    Let me introduce myself- I am a 21yo male. I am a highly skilled and qualified guy- I'm working in academia as a researcher pursuing a PhD in engineering. I do have quite good social skills- I have a good range of good friends with a wide range of interests including sports, music (I play an instrument too) and movies/video games. Admittedly most of my friends are male and my interests are very manly (sports, gym etc) but I can hold small talk well enough.
    I am not a physically attractive guy at all- I am physically very fit (I am currently skinny side but I'm very lean and defined and train hard to getting bigger) and well groomed and maintained (my hair is buzzed in pretty short- not particularly stylish but clean and I like it). My main problem is facial aesthetics (I just don't have a great face at all) which disappoints me but I feel I can probably make up for it by being in shape and tidy.

    Anyway sorry for the long introduction, I feel it gives a better perspective of where I'm at.
    I find it very hard to find women that notice me, or have feelings for me and to find women that I feel interested in. I have always chosen not to go for a woman based solely on her looks- however I haven't met many women who interest me with their personality, only a few and these were very random occurrences.
    I feel most girls don't see me as a catch at all- most girls in my social circles do that condescending thing were they're like 'you're not a bad guy' or 'you're quite smart/cute' but then follow it up with 'you're not really my type though' or crap like that. I must stress that this is when these girls are drunk and not flirting with me (and I don't flirt with them).
    I feel like I'm a good catch and a good guy, however girls don't seem to identify me as a good catch.
    A lot of this will be down to being physically unattractive, however many of the girls I know go for guys just (or almost) as unattractive as me who also happen to be dicks. The old 'it's all about confidence' thing doesn't hold either as I am confident in who I am (although can be a little nervous at times, I'm usually pretty good).

    The last thing I should add is that I've never had a gf or had sex before. I never had a problem with being a virgin as I thought it'd come eventually, however I feel if I maintain my virginity much longer I'll be left far too inexperienced to satisfy girls- you don't get many girls at 21 who are virgins (and I don;t care if they are or not anyway), but I feel it's relatively obvious that I'm a virgin and this could prevent potential partners wanting to have sex with me- they wouldn't want to get with a guy that doesn't know what he's doing. I could have sex quite easily- I know a girl that openly would like to have sex with me- however I do not like her very much as she also hits on all of my friends and has a reputation for having lots of bf's. She's basically just desperate for a bf and has a dull and irritating personality (I don't wish to sound mean here but she's not a nice person). I feel deep down having sex with her just for experience is not nice (although I wouldn't say it's using her as she just wants sex too) and I really don't want too. However the experience might help me attract a woman I do want to be with.

    I would like to have a nice relationship with a nice girl who appreciates me for who I am as I'm genuinely a good guy.
    Any advice for me would be great.
    Sorry for the long post!
    The only difference between you and a lot of guys who have lost their virginity at 21 if they took the chance with that not very nice girl for the experience and you didn't.

    At the end of the day lasting meaningful relationships, which seems to be what you are looking for as opposed to sex, are not easy to come by! Just keep your head up and you will find someone soon enough.
    • Thread Starter

    (Original post by Elliebeanie)
    Building up a fake personality is not the way to get women. Especially not a long term girlfriend as that is what you seem to be searching for! You emphasised in your OP that you were not flirting with your female friends, perhaps you are just not flirting obviously enough with women? I think I speak for most women when I say, we like you to be really obvious. We don't like trying to figure out you're interested, it's nice to know when a guy is into you rather than trying to read between the lines of, as you put it, 'small talk'.
    Try being more confident when talking to women, we like it!
    Yeah I suppose that's true- there's no point trying to find a girl that appreciates me by acting like someone that isn't me.
    In terms of not flirting wit friends it's mainly because I'm not attracted to them. The same with small talk with other girls- I use small talk as a way of deciding what they are like. In all honesty any average looking girl is physically attractive to me- the problem is assessing the type of person which requires talking to them- if I flirt with them then they might think I;m into them when I'm not, and if I just use small talk and general stuff it's a boring and pointless conversation. I probably need to work on a way of talking to women in a middle ground that isn't boring or flirting so I can assess the type of person they are before flirting.
    I' probably overthinking this- I should probably just talk to all women and try not to think about it!!!

    Don't get too hung up on your virginity. If I found a guy I really liked I honestly wouldn't mind if he were virgin. I might be a bit surprised but would be totally understanding and patient. Also I think it would be fun learning with someone hehe
    • Thread Starter

    (Original post by jazjaz)
    Don't get too hung up on your virginity. If I found a guy I really liked I honestly wouldn't mind if he were virgin. I might be a bit surprised but would be totally understanding and patient. Also I think it would be fun learning with someone hehe
    Thank you for you're reply- I feel a lot less self-conscious about it now.
    • #2

    Looks are 90% confidence 10% genetics

    Join something at uni that is more gender balanced?
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