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My mum may be in an abusive relationship Watch


    Hi Kassy

    I think you are doing everything you can - you are quite right - your mum has to do this, you can't do it for her, all you can do it what you are doing, listen, support her, offer advice, and practical help where you can. It sounds like your mum has come to see that she is in a bad situation that she doesn't deserve and does not need to stay in. As it's her house, I hope you can get him removed, that is I hope she throws him out, rather than leaves him. I'm not sure how she does that, but I think women's aid, and the police, should be able to help. I like to think that if I were her, the first time he is out of the house I would have the locks changed, pack his stuff up and leave it on the step for him.

    Things seem to me moving in the right direction, I hope that carries on. I am glad you also have both support and good advice from your CPN - you must look after yourself as well.


    So sorry you're having to go through this. Lots of great advice given but I thought I could just suggest something.

    As your mum is in denial/won't aknowledge what you say, and in one instance threw it back in your face. Could you, your mum and brother, schdule a session with your CPN or another mediator so you can all discuss it together and she can see it with an outside perspective and how it affects you?

    Might open her eyes a bit and its a safe space for you to talk openly.

    Hope you get this sorted. He sounds like an absolutely vile man.

    (Original post by Kasemah)
    Oh no, he doesn't own horses, he puts money on them when they race.

    I know how illogical it is, because I too am looking at it from a distance, and it makes no sense that she would choose him out of all people. But I cannot go round and get rid of him for her. She has to do it, and she's so scared to that she doesn't even acknowledge it. He's got her under his thumb emotionally. It is incredibly frustrating that she cannot let him go.

    She is not hiding things or fabricating things, we have witnessed him slowly work his way into her life to the point she now feels dependent on him when logically she isn't.

    I am sorry to hear you had to deal with that. I am glad you found the courage.

    And as you mentioned, he's probably quiet an ugly fat guy (nothing appealing in his personality either). So what's wrong with your mum...she gets absolutely nothing out of this.

    you need to do what ever it takes to get her out of this mess. calling the police is not a bad idea. nothing can go wrong, you're playing by the books. you guys own the house, the police come and kick him out. put a restraining order etc. you guys live happily ever after.

    Hi Kassy
    I'm so sorry that you have to go through this and see your mother and brother go through this too. You're doing the right thing by going through your CPN as they will understand the very tricky nature of abuse and the hold it will have over your mother. If your mother hasn't decided to leave him and still feels like she can't do without him then she needs careful handling and expert support. Simply calling the police may make her defend him. Maybe pointing out how it is affecting your brother may open her eyes but to be honest it might need several sessions with your CPN for her to see sense. I do hope it works out.

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    • #1

    Hi Kassy*
    my past situation was so hectic and very unexpected
    at first you dont notice whats happening but then you starting realising and adding things up*
    i have seen and heard a lot of things the mean things he done and said is sick
    wishing me and my sis death etc
    mum.getting strangled beaten up i have seen it all
    So so much things i will always remember it
    We would be told we are lying and we arent
    he would spread lies and ruin our repuation and say we are monsters and evil but we knew deep down who we was
    honest fact the only reason why he hates me and my sis is because we know who he really was and everybody else was blind to it
    when he first moved in i knew he was odd i got a gut instinct looking back that feeling i had was right

    Trust me i have see it and witnessed it and calling the police didnt help you will only get told your lying and know nothing
    What i went through last year caused so much pain and anger that to the point my hair started falling because everyday there was problems and seeing my mum upset hurt me so much*
    It affected me in many ways
    Just tell God about it and talk to him everyday honestly i asked for peace and ever since december 2014 i have got peace no drama everything is going well for me and i realised God put this problem in my life to see how i deal with it so i started to pray for abuser and he has calmed down
    Just trust God and keep a calm attitude*
    And stay silent. And dont respond to drama*
    Going through helped me.learn a lot and thankful for that happening
    Also support your mum you may not be able to change things but you cant always be there to give love and support
    My mum used to cry so much the only thing i could do was hug her.. just keep her happy and pray for her
    I realised the hard way getting involved didnt help and the abuser now hates our guts and lives with us but we manage to ignore each and i just carry on with my life and stay happy .. they have sorted out their problems and are happy and thats all that matter*
    But God bless you i definitely know what it feels like and just keep on telling yourself things willl get better

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Updated: March 7, 2015
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