Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

I won't have sex until I'm in a relationship!Do I stand a chance in the dating world? watch

Announcements
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    Oh not, not on...What's who with sex, I'm not saying would not wait for a few weeks/months for the right person... Not something like 5, 6 months though. And I don't see anything wrong with having several in the relationship. I think that attitude has so e thing to do with prejudice people being judgment and some people end up being self conscious about it.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds like a good idea to me.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How long would you guys realistically wait? And ladies you too?
    It is very hard to give an actual figure. Generally, the earlier the better. Me and my girlfriend had sex the first time we met, and that was coming up to four years ago. I don't buy into the whole "slut shaming" thing, I think if you like each other, there's no reason to be waiting around. So I would generally want to be having sex pretty early on. I get that other people have different views on this, but it would raise questions about our compatability. You want the emotional connection before sex, but I feel sex helps build that emotional connection.

    However, there's an important point to add. I tend to get infactuations with women, I've had a few really big ones in my life. When you're in that position, the girl has a hell of a lot of power over you, and I probably would agree to a long timescale on sex that I wasn't really happy with, to be honest. If you can really get inside a guy's head, I think you can get him to wait.

    In the title you say "until in a relationship", so would you want a few months of dating before entering a relationship? If so, would you mind the guy seeing other girls in that time?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello people!

    I prefer a bit of more traditional approach to dating and I won't have sex without a commitment and a deep connection. I also like a bit of courtship and romance.

    What do you guys think? Do you think I'm being entitled or that I sound dis-empowered? Maybe even needy? I feel like I just know what I want now

    I tried a more modern approach to sex/dating once and it ended up in me getting hurt and feeling used. I realised I'm just not cut out to have sex like that e.g on third date etc. It's not for me but I understand that it works for others

    I'll admit I now have a much harder time finding men who are willing to wait and I some ways think I've got a lot of work to find someone who respects this. I've dated many guys so far who were not willing to wait. I've only had one boyfriend in my life because of this and I'm 24. So if you do the maths I've slept with 2 men in my life.

    How long would you guys realistically wait? And ladies you too?

    Thanks!
    I've always had that opinion although my friends think it's weird (as well as the fact I've never had sex) and am so glad I have stuck to it as it has made me realise that some guys just aren't who i thought they were. My recent ex knew this and told me he was happy to wait until I was ready (but in reality I don't think he was, which is probably the proper reason we broke up rather than the reason he gave)
    I know at almost 20, I probably wont find a lot of guys who would be willing to wait but if a guy really cares about me (or you) they'll wait.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Andy98)
    Pro tip: look at the quiet guy. The quiet guy, the friend that's always been there, odds are that he has a mahoosive crush on you but is scared that telling you will scare you off

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    and what if shes not attracted to that "nice guy" whos doing everything he can in a passive aggressive in order to get in her pants?

    OP you do what your comfortable with - completely understand and respect that. But dont put yourself into the trap of "im gonna make him wait six months just cos" - if your ready and want to then do it.
    • Study Helper
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Study Helper
    Welcome Squad
    (Original post by silverbolt)
    and what if shes not attracted to that "nice guy" whos doing everything he can in a passive aggressive in order to get in her pants?

    OP you do what your comfortable with - completely understand and respect that. But dont put yourself into the trap of "im gonna make him wait six months just cos" - if your ready and want to then do it.
    Then find another guy, but tell the poor guy

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Andy98)
    Then find another guy, but tell the poor guy

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    But you just said this guy is just acting like a friend and not making a move... if you like the girl, tell her. Yes it's scary, it's scary for everyone, but if you aren't willing to do that, don't try to shift the blame, it's your own fault.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Well some religious people save themselves until marriage, and they seem to always reach their goal, so !!
    • #3
    #3

    I've been with my girlfriend for 7 months now and we've not had sex. She's a virgin and feels it's important to her to lose it to the right guy. I don't judge her for it because I feel so strongly about her, I'm willing to wait as long as she needs to to feel ready and comfortable about the whole idea.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Abby_W31)
    I'm with you on this one, though I am a few years younger and have never had a serious relationship. I'd rather be into something serious before sleeping with someone, don't they call it 'making love' for a reason?
    Of course, that's just my thoughts
    That reason is the same as other things (e.g. go to the loo instead of to urinate or to defecate) we are embarrassed about: to refer to it indirectly.
    • Study Helper
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Study Helper
    Welcome Squad
    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    But you just said this guy is just acting like a friend and not making a move... if you like the girl, tell her. Yes it's scary, it's scary for everyone, but if you aren't willing to do that, don't try to shift the blame, it's your own fault.
    Well sometimes people sit back because they like things how they are because the girl's happy

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Andy98)
    Well sometimes people sit back because they like things how they are because the girl's happy

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Then why have you described him as "the poor guy", if he likes things the way they are?
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    Completely agree with you on this one.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Study Helper
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Study Helper
    Welcome Squad
    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Then why have you described him as "the poor guy", if he likes things the way they are?
    Because those are the words I chose. Not exactly gonna call him a selfish prick am I?

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Andy98)
    Because those are the words I chose. Not exactly gonna call him a selfish prick am I?
    Well no, you could just call him a person...

    The point is, you can't say "I'm really happy with our friendship" and also "I'm a poor guy who just wants to be with her". These are contradictory statements. You're happy being friends with her, or you aren't. If you do have a "mahoosive crush" on her, I'd assume you aren't just happy being friends. Then it's not her job to come on to you, unless she has a "mahoosive crush" on you. Take some responsibility.
    • Study Helper
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Study Helper
    Welcome Squad
    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Well no, you could just call him a person...

    The point is, you can't say "I'm really happy with our friendship" and also "I'm a poor guy who just wants to be with her". These are contradictory statements. You're happy being friends with her, or you aren't. If you do have a "mahoosive crush" on her, I'd assume you aren't just happy being friends. Then it's not her job to come on to you, unless she has a "mahoosive crush" on you. Take some responsibility.
    You're acting as though I'm that guy, I'm not - just a colossal ****. But from what I have seen, they don't make a move because they'd rather have a friendship with her than scare her off.
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    I feel the same. It seems hard to find someone who will wait to be in a relationship first now though.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    You'd have to give clear signals you're into him because if not then he would think he's not getting anywhere with you and will move on to other girls.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Spock's Socks)

    I personally waited about 4 months into my relationship before having sex (done sexual stuff though with him beforehand, just not sex) and I am still with the guy 6 yrs on. He was understanding about waiting. He hinted a lot but never pushed me into anything. He said he would have waited longer if I wasn't ready. If we hadn't been best friends before going out I would have maybe of waited longer but I was already comfortable around him.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Aww that's lovely I'm glad you found someone so understanding

    (Original post by Izzyeviel)
    Sex is sex, it's really nothing special. You'd enjoy it more if you weren't so worried about having a deep connection.

    But in the dating world, its best to leave the sex for awhile. Any guy who leaves you because you won't sleep with them after a few dates ain't going to be a keeper anyway. Good way of sorting the wheat from the chaff.
    Honestly, I'd love it if I could feel that way about sex but I really can't uncouple my emotions from it so I'd rather be true to myself that way and wait for that connection. Yes definitely it's almost like my litmus test!


    (Original post by Zarek)
    As you have said, it's not a popular approach nowadays, if indeed it ever was. For me sex is an important part of getting to know someone and it would seem unnatural to excessively delay ie more than a few successful dates. I don't see this as undermining respect. I guess there are like minded people to be found but it sort of narrows your options and I'm not sure where the best hunting grounds are. But you are right I think that people can end up sleeping with too many people and having a lot of angst if they always rush in - you need to get good at judging who is sound relationship material.
    I totally get that too! A kind of try before you buy type thing! I would hate for a guy to wait and think that I suck haha. And I understand using sex as a way to connect initially as well but I think that's my problem it would reel me in too deep before I'm ready for it.

    Yes if I had slept with each guy I had dated by let's say the 4th date I would have slept with over 20 men already (been dating since 16). I'm not saying that's a bad thing but I just feels it's unnecessary for me as I would have ended up in me being heartbroken many times over. That being said maybe I would have had more boyfriends!
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been with my girlfriend for 7 months now and we've not had sex. She's a virgin and feels it's important to her to lose it to the right guy. I don't judge her for it because I feel so strongly about her, I'm willing to wait as long as she needs to to feel ready and comfortable about the whole idea.
    That's nice! - I have been with my BF for nearly 11 months! We have discussed it, but, are happy to wait until we are ready.

    We are not "wait until we get married" or anything, just not ready until the time feels right for us both.

    We both agreed not to mention it again until after our anniversarry.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 2, 2015
Poll
Do you agree with the proposed ban on plastic straws and cotton buds?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.